It's All Your Fault
by Trance-Faith
Summary: Post 7x07. Callie tries and fails to get Arizona back or to move on, what will she do next? Sequel to "It's Enough Now"
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – adult themes.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Pink's "It's All Your Fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2: **I did tell people I didn't want to write this fanfic – but they said (they know who they are) to write it anyway. So I'm sorry!

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I conjure up the thought of being gone, but I'd probably even do that wrong. I try to think about which way. Would I be able to? And would I be afraid?" _

**Callie's POV****)**

It had been almost two months since that day. The day Callie's life had walked away, leaving her to wander this existence, without purpose, completely alone. Arizona had just left. She'd just…left. Callie had called her everyday since "that day", she never picked up. Every day she had left the blonde one voicemail message, begging her to return. As the days had gone by, the tall surgeon came to realise she wasn't going to come back. But still she called, even if it was just to hear the other woman's voicemail message, to listen to the only voice recording she had access to.

Here she was lying in the bath, the water almost scolding hot. The steam was dancing around the surface of the water. She had got a cab from the airport to the first address she had thought of. The Archfield Hotel. This building held a lot of memories for her. The irony wasn't lost on her. She'd run here when she was with George, tried to make their marriage work here. He'd broken her heart in this very building, and yet here she was again. Only this time, she was running away from the woman who had not only broken her heart, but had broken her as well. She'd done a lot of running in Seattle. She'd considered calling Mark; to ask if she could stay with him. That thought was soon abandoned; she couldn't be across the hall from their apartment. She had to stop calling it that! It wasn't theirs anymore. She couldn't be that close to that apartment, to their memories, the good, the bad, the amazing ones, the ones she shouldn't be thinking about. So why were they the only ones which plagued her in her waking hours, and seeped into her dreams?

Weber had no problem with giving the Orthopedic Surgeon back her job, seemingly delighted when she had turned up at the hospital requesting her job back. She would never forget the look in his eyes when she had told him that Arizona wouldn't be coming back to the hospital…to her. It was one of pity. A part of her knew she should be pleased the chief hadn't had the time to replace her, but she wasn't. There was nothing left for her here anymore. No that wasn't true; she had her job, her colleagues and her friends. None were worth losing Arizona.

She realised that, as she watched the blonde walk out of her life for good. She had dreamt that day turning out in so many different ways, usually ending in either Callie going with her, or Arizona staying here. Her reality however was so much different. She was an eighteen hour flight away from the woman she loved, who was living in a time zone ten hours ahead of her. In the first two weeks she told herself the reason Arizona wasn't answering her calls was because she'd phoned her when she got in from work, meaning the small blonde would be in bed. She couldn't fool herself anymore. The message she left her yesterday, hadn't been a good one. She'd had cried down the phone, begging the other woman to come back, to answer her phone if nothing else, tell her to stop calling. Anything! She'd made the stupid mistake of saying she wouldn't call her again, if she didn't hear from her the next day, and she'd give up trying. Arizona hadn't called her back. Callie hadn't phoned her today, and wasn't planning to; it was too late to do it now.

Callie turned on her front, allowing her front to be warmed by the water. There had been plenty of times when she had slept at Arizona's, the raven haired woman had found Arizona lying in the bath in the position she was in at the moment, fast asleep. Arizona had said it was relaxing. The younger surgeon laid her head at an odd angle at the top of the bath, her chin inches away from the water. Callie surmised it was because the other woman was shorted than her, she found it comfortable, as Callie had to be, slightly twisted, and bend her knees a little to fit. Arizona used to just wedge herself into place, and she was set. Despite being a bit uncomfortable Callie had fell asleep most night in this position, only waking when the water had gone cold, or like on several occasions, she'd move in her sleep and woke coughing and spluttering as she had inhaled water. Then she'd drag herself from the cold water, grabbing a towel to dry herself off, and slip into some pyjamas, before climbing into the oversized, cold bed, alone.

Mark had dragged her out several times, in spite of Callie's wishes to stay in. She'd enjoyed herself on her trips out, but every time someone would mention something which reminded her of Arizona or a song would play, and she'd be left thinking of the blonde. What upset her more had been coming back to the hotel, by herself. She loved her friends, and enjoyed their company, but she preferred Arizona's. Ironically, she was spending less and less time with her friends, the friends she had claimed she would miss if she moved to Malawi. She didn't even need to miss them, the women had agreed they'd visit; the first visit was going to be in the next few days, for Christmas. Thinking about it, she could have managed two months without seeing them all; instead she had to try and managed to spend the rest of her life without the woman who had stolen her heart.

The Latina could feel the warm water taking effect, her head was lightening, and she could feel herself falling asleep. Her body it seemed had other ideas, and kept causing her eyes to spring open every time they slid shut. Her hair was tickling her upper back. She still wasn't used to the new length. At the time she had been shocked when Cristina had cut her hair, but believed it was okay. A way of moving on, and getting over the woman she loved. Alas no, it wasn't, and now she had to live with short hair. The hair Arizona had loved long. The hair Arizona always drove her fingers into when they kissed, or made love. She missed her long hair. She missed Arizona. She missed being happy.

Callie could feel the tell tale signs. Her body was feeling heavy, her eyes kept drooping closed, and her breathing was evening out softly. She'd be sleeping soon. She didn't have it in her to cry, all she felt was numb, and even that was more than what she felt. She felt…nothing. She wished she could feel hurt, upset, angry at the blonde who'd walked away from her, but she knew she had given her no other choice. Everyone else in Callie's life had walked away from her, why would Arizona be any different? Was it because she had believed she was different? Because she had thought Arizona had loved her more than them? Because she had trusted her not to hurt her like them?

There had been times she had questioned her religion. She had never had a problem gay people, even had a few gay friends at med school, but her faith had told her it was wrong. She had questioned her faith when she fell for Erica. Questioned god, why had he made her like this, when it was against what she had been brought up to believe. She didn't however have enough time to dwell as Erica had left before they could have gone anywhere with their relationship, but Callie had gotten her answers. God made her the way she was, there was nothing she could do about it, she didn't want to. God had made her just as he had intended, and she was happy with the woman she had become. She had questioned her faith when her father, her family had disowned her for being with Arizona. Questioned how a "loving" family could disown their daughter, because she was dating someone of the same sex? How her family could condemn her to hell, because of it? Her father soon came around, and realised Arizona regardless of her sex, made Callie happy. This time she questioned, how God could have allowed her a few months of happiness after they had been reunited, only to rip it away from her.

Callie heard movement coming from the main room. She had given Mark the spare key to the room, mainly because he had demanded it. She had doubted he would ever use it, though it seemed she had been wrong. She had turned the main room's light off before entering the bathroom, and hoped that Mark believed she wasn't there, because her body was too heavy, too unyielding to move to unlock the bathroom door. Her eyes were becoming unfocused, as her body was giving in, to the idea of unconsciousness.

A hard, loud knock shook the door and the room in general. She didn't say anything, hoping he would assume she wasn't there, and would leave. That idea went out the window when she heard the door being pushed, and it didn't move. The door was locked from the inside, meaning she was in the bathroom. The knock resounded again repeated, louder this time. The noises seemed to pentrate into the Latina's head, and vibrate off every inch inside of her skull, before she moaned out loud. "Go away", she groaned at the door she was facing away from. The offending assault on the door didn't stop; Callie felt the tears burn her eyes, as they fell. "Leave me alone!" she tried to shout, yet again her body only allowed a desperate groan. The banging stop momentarily before the door swung open with such force, it cracked off the wall, and the footsteps on the titled floor told Callie it had been ran into to force it open. She could feel eyes burning into her back, before a voice sounded, "What have you done Calliope?"

The raven haired woman, managed to lift her heavy head dragging it on the bath surface, unable to move her body. Through the wet hair that clung to face, she could see the piecing blue eyes and the blonde hair of the woman she loved, as she rushed to her side grabbing her shoulder, trying to lift her out of the water. Maybe she already fallen asleep and she was dreaming. She no longer needed her questions answering, heaven or hell, she didn't care. Lowering her eyes to the water level as she felt her body give up the fight, all she saw was crimson.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – adult themes.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07. However I started writing this before seeing the promo for 7x09 – and refuse to even acknowledgeable it.

**Author's Note 2: **I did tell people I didn't want to write this fanfic – but they said (they know who they are) to write it anyway. So I'm sorry!

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I think we have an emergency, I think we have an emergency…"_

**Arizona's POV**

How could they have come so far, through so much, to now be so far apart? The last two months she had been dragging herself through life. Malawi hadn't been all she had hoped. Or maybe it had, she was saving lives, helping train others to save lives, she was doing what she had been working so hard for, for as long she could remember. She was living the dream she had created for herself two years ago, but she wasn't happy. She had made these plans, these dreams long before she had even known Callie, before she had fell in love. There were times she wished she could forget the woman who'd stolen her heart, others she was thankful for their time together. No that was a lie, she always thankful for their time together, thankful to have a goddess like Callie in her life, thankful she had been allowed to love her, thankful she'd been loved in return. Then her reality hit her, she no longer had the right to be thankful. She had left her. Yes she had her reasons, but she still had left her. Left the woman she had told she would never hurt, and devoted her life to. She wished she could just tell herself, that Callie had been a bitch from the moment she found out she had won the grant, but she had seen it, had seen what it was doing to her, and did nothing. She had believed she could get Callie to love Africa, to want to go, but instead as the day grew closer, Callie's opinion had become clearer, and still she did nothing. She had gotten annoyed at her girlfriend for ruining her great achievement, and in part she was still annoyed at her, but it was because she hadn't wanted to go, and forced her to be selfless, and let her go, out of her life, forever. She wished she could just blame Callie, but she knew it took two to tango. She was to blame too.

She hated flying. She REALLY hated flying, and yet here she was, sixteen hours into an eighteen hour flight. This same flight had been harder the first time around. She had cradled herself as she had sobbed, curled into a sitting fetal position. A part of her was thankful no one was sitting next to her, no one could see the small blonde break, but she was sure they could all hear her heart breaking as each sob racked through her body. She couldn't even look at the empty seat beside her, the physical reminder of what she had just done. It was just as empty as she felt, because she had just walked away from the person who should have filled it, the one who filled her soul. Despite her hatred for flying, she had looked out of the window as she had left American soil, sobbing, grasping at the small window beside her as the plane began to move, taking her away from the woman she loved.

Fifty-two voicemail messages. That was how many Callie had left her. On the first day she had left her five, Arizona refused to answer the cell, as she could see it ringing in her hand, could see "Calliope" showing on the screen. Her hand, her head wouldn't listen to her heart, and wouldn't allow her to answer it. It came without fail, as Arizona had lain in bed every night, her cell would light up, her name would flash, and the blonde surgeon would watch it, as it rang, debating with herself whether she should answer it. She never did. If she actually talked to the other woman she knew, she would break down, and would want to go back. That point was void, as every day she woke, she wanted to go back. Callie's messages hadn't helped her with this internal argument. She almost wished the taller surgeon would keep her to her words in the airport, that if she walked away they were through. If she had meant it, she wouldn't have to hear the Latina's voice sob down the phone every night as she lay alone in bed. Because even though she wasn't answering Callie's calls, she listened to the messages she left, as soon as her cell alerted her to their presence, and had saved each of them. Each had been listened to so many times, she could even recite them, and yet she still listened to them. The first ones had been almost inaudible, through Callie's sobs, and heavy breathing, she had to admit, these had been the hardest to listen to, mainly because she could hear, and feel the pain she was going through, it mirrored her own, and she had caused it. The next ones were still filled with Callie's tears, but these are more tangible, which was almost more painful, as they were full of apologies, and pleading the blonde to return home. Did Callie not know she wanted nothing more to return home, return to her? She was her home.

This would have been the forty-eighth day she hadn't seen her, if she wasn't going back. They had planned to go back to Seattle in time for Christmas, and she had debated long and hard about returning. The voicemail she had gotten last night had both worried her and had made the decision for her. Callie had cried, something she had stopped doing when calling. Arizona guessed she had had a bad day at work, or maybe just a bad day. The words she had spoken had made perfect sense. She had begged for forgiveness, for the blonde to talk to her, begged for her. Calliope Torres had actually BEGGED. It broke the PEDs' surgeon heart; the Callie she had known would never have begged her for anything, not in self-pitying manner. She had said she took full responsibility for what had happened, and would do anything the blonde asked of her to get her back. She had stated clearly, that she wanted to be called back, and that she wouldn't shout, or but in, but she wanted her to call her back the next day. Even if it was to tell her not to call again, to scream at her, she would take it. Callie had then gone on to say if she didn't hear from the blonde, she would stop trying, she'd stop trying to win her back. Finishing, she had said she loved her, and always would, no matter what.

Arizona had left to allow Callie to be happy, and in doing so she had made them both miserable. She had tried to believe that by ignoring the raven's calls, she would get the message, and stop calling, and at some point move on. Almost two months later like clock work, she still called late at night. This was something else which caused the blonde's heart to break. Callie was ten hours behind her, so most of the time, when one was up, the other was meant to be sleeping. There was large chunk of the day, every day, when she was meant to be in the arms of the woman she loved, fast asleep, and instead they were miles, and oceans apart, both completely alone. It was during the times when she was laid in bed, late into the night, she would listen to the words her love had left her, and each made her cry even harder than the one before.

After hearing the last message, she made her mind up. She had packed, and went as early as she could to see the men in charge. As Callie and she had already informed them that Arizona would be leaving for Christmas, it wasn't hard to get them to agree to let her go a few days early. She hadn't told them, that she was planning to leave Africa, if everything went as she wanted. Despite Callie's continuous requests in her return, she still feared the Latina would reject her, and if she was honest, she wouldn't blame her. She knew she deserved nothing less.

Landing in Seattle went as planned, she was still amazed it was so dark, and also the time. Going off the time she had set off, she had only been on the plane for eight hours, rather than the actual eighteen she had actually be in the air for. Everything went smoothly, her luggage was one of the first to go ground, and for once, she didn't need to struggle to get it off the belt. As she stepped out of the terminal, her breath caught in her throat. She was stood looking at it from a different angle, as she had boarded and landed from a different terminal, but it looked the same. The spot where she'd walked away, leaving Callie in a sea of people. She had denied herself a last glance over her shoulder at the taller woman, knowing if she did it would have broke her resolve. That she would turn, and see her crying, and succumb to her pleading, and stay, or even worse allow Callie to go against, what she wanted, and come with her. She couldn't do that. She couldn't look back and risk breaking or destroying Callie chance to be happy. Taking a deep breath she walked with purpose towards the main door, hoping she would be given the chance to make her the happiest she could.

The air was cruel and cold, and bite at her flesh as she stepped out of the airport. Wrapping her coat tighter around her body, she cursed herself for not wearing something warmer, for forgetting how cold Seattle was. Pulling roughly on her case, she dragged it over to one of the cabs in the rank outside of the port. She managed to pull it into the back of one with her, glaring angrily at the back of the driver's head, as he made no attempt to help her. "Where to?" came the man voice from the front seat. Arizona sat in shock, after travelling all this way, she realised she didn't actually know where Callie was staying. She had mentioned in one of her messages that Weber had given her back her job, but she couldn't move back into the apartment; as the landlord had rent it back out. However the blonde couldn't remember her ever mentioning in her messages since, where she was staying, and if she couldn't remember her saying, considering the amount of times she had listen to each message, Callie mustn't have said. So Arizona told the driver the first address which came to mind, their old apartment building.

The familiar building came into view, and Arizona could feel her heart beat quickening. She was surprised the driver couldn't hear it, as it was all she could hear, as her blood pounded in her ears. The driver turn to tell her the price of the fair and all she could see was his mouth moving, no noise reached her ears, so she looked at the small screen which displayed the amount she owed him. Quickly paying the man, she climbed out, this time he was nice enough to help her with her case, which is discarded on the sidewalk, before driving off. Taking a deep breath the blonde walked straight in and pushed hard on the floor number she wanted, and almost sensing her nerves, the doors slid open, giving her no time to ready herself. Her breathing was quick; noise of her breathing seemed to echo around the small area, as well the disembodied voice, which announced her arrival on her desired floor.

Immediately the door of their old apartment could be seen, causing her heart to ache. Someone else was making their own memories in that apartment, in their apartment. Arizona fought the urge to go over and knock on that door, but instead, turned and knocked on the door opposite. She could hear someone moving around inside, and for amount her heart stopped beating, what if Callie was in there. What would she say? Would she slam the door in her face? Would she cry with happiness, and kiss her like her life depended on it? Her wondering was cut short, by the door opening, and she came face to face with her ex's best friend. Mark to his credit looked both happy and surprised to see her stood at his doorway, before he allowed his slip to disappear and anger took its place. "Robbins?" he asked, the question dipping with anger and curiosity. Arizona gulped slightly. She was a military brat, knew how to defend herself if she needed, but the man before her, for the first time in the whole time she had known him, scared her. "Where is she Mark?" she answered, she wasn't going to explain things to Callie's best friend, when she needed to explain them to her first. Mark gave her a skeptical look before he went to close the door. The smaller woman managed to get her foot in the way before the door made its way into its frame. "Go away Robbins", Mark snarled at her. Oh great protective best friend. "Not until you tell me where she is!" she almost shouted back, as Mark rammed the door into her foot again. The door flew open, as Mark stood over her, "Why so you can hurt her again?" The blonde's eyes lowered, he had every right to be angry with her, she was even angry with herself. She had hurt Callie; she had hurt the one person she would give her life for. She had broken her. "I wouldn't be standing here if I wanted to do that. Please just tell me." She pleaded, any other moment in time she would have been disgusted and ashamed with herself, for pleading with someone, and that someone being Mark Sloan. Her eyes rose to meet his gaze, his teeth were clenching, and unclenching, obviously trying to deciding what to do. She saw the resolve in his eyes, before he moved backwards into his apartment. If it wasn't for him leaving the door open, she would have thought he was ignoring her again. Arizona could hear him moving around inside, before he re-appeared holding up what looked like a hotel room key. The PEDs' surgeon went to take it, and he pulled it back from her, receiving a scowl in return. "You dare hurt her again…" Mark warned, not needing to even finish, she understood. Arizona nodded in understanding, "I promise to do everything in my power not to". She wasn't used to this, being this submissive towards anyone, it made her feel weak, but she needed Mark to know she meant it, she meant every word. The key was lowered again, and with caution she took it from the larger hand, waiting for him to rip it back. He didn't. "She finished her shift at eight, she'll have gone straight home", he stated. Looking down she saw the small key had a name on, "The Archfield Hotel", and under this it had a small number 220. Home? Was this where she considered home, now? Grasping on the small key tightly, she gave Mark one last look before turning and walked to the elevator.

Pulling her case along behind her was hard work. It kept getting caught on the odd bit of pavement which was out of alignment to the rest, or spinning out of control when she went to cross the road. Every time it clipped the back of her legs, causing her to nearly trip. She wished she had left it at Mark's. Turning onto the street which was home to The Archfield Hotel, she took a deep breath, and simply kept waking forward. If she allowed herself to over analyse things, she knew she would panic. She strolled straight passed the reception desk, towards the elevator, her case dragging along behind her, being a hindrance. Pushing the number of the floor she hoped she wanted, she door closed, with a metallic noise, and some song Arizona didn't recognise hit her ears. She really hated "elevator music". All too soon the doors opened again on to a floor, which given the sign in front of the elevator doors, told the blonde she was on the right floor. According to the sign room 201-229 were left, while rooms 230-260 were in the right direction. Pulling the offending case out of the elevator she turned to left and almost jogged down the bending corridors, following the door numbers, using them as a guide to the room which held the woman she most wanted to see.

The door which held a large golden "220" soon came into view, causing Arizona to stop instantly, and be jarred by the case. Her heartbeat quickened again, what if Callie just told her where go, refused to listen to her, what if she hated her now? She took a deep steadying breath, which did nothing to raging nerves, and knocked several times. No response. Maybe she was asleep. Arizona stood for a few moments debating what to do. Mark had said she would be in, he seemed adamant; she would be in this room. Chewing gently on her bottom lip, she wondered about calling Callie to see where she was, but then she had wanted to surprise her, which was why she hadn't rang already. Also she was secretly worried that if the dark haired woman saw her name on her cell's screen she wouldn't answer. It was a lot harder to ignore someone if they were stood in front of you, rather than being at the other side of the globe. That was when it had hit her. She had literally travelled the global, to see the love of her life, only to be standing on the other side of an oak door, too afraid to enter.

She plunged the key into the lock, and turned it. She was greeted by darkness. Rubbing her hand along the wall near the door, she felt a light switch, flicking it on; it only lightened the small corridor to the main room. Closing the door behind her, she discarded her case, next to the one she had helped Callie pack only two months before. It had felt so much longer than two months. Continuing on through the small hotel room, she entered the darkened main room, and saw a light coming from underneath the bathroom door. Arizona's breath hitched in her throat. She was on the other side of that door, maybe showering, or simply using the bathroom. For a brief moment, she considered just barging in, and joining her. This fleeting thought soon left her head, that wasn't the way she wanted to deal with this. She also doubted that Callie would let that happen anyway. Next she wondered if she should just sit and wait for the Latina to finish whatever she was doing, and exit the bathroom. This thought like the first was abandoned as she knew that if Callie came out and found someone sitting in her room, regardless of the light being on or not, she would get a shock, and may even scream. This left her with only one option. Knock. Walking the small distance towards the door, she raised one hand, resting it on the cold wood, taking a deep breath, she knocked twice. No noise created her ears, not even the noise of running water, or movement of water. Arizona's brow creased, as she went to open the door. It didn't move, it was locked, from the inside, meaning she was in fact inside. So why didn't she answer her? She knocked again this time louder than the first; maybe she had her head under the water, and couldn't hear her knocking. She heard a noise from inside, which she could only describe as groan, before small voice travelled to her ears, "Go away". So she was inside! Arizona debated informing Callie it was her, but decided against it, as she suspected the other woman would never open the door, knowing it was her who stood on the other side. So she knocked again, hoping that the knocking would annoy the woman inside, making her come to stop the person doing it. "Leave me alone!" sounded Callie's voice again, this time it sounded upset, she could practically hear the tears in her voice. Had Mark told her she was coming over? Surely if she hadn't wanted her in the room she would have put the deadlock on the door. There was something in the voice, coming from the bathroom which worried her, it sounded weak. Arizona's heartbeat quickened, this time it was in fear. She stopped her attack on the door, if Callie wouldn't let her in, she would just have to let herself in. So she took several steps away from the door, and ran at it pushing all her weight through her shoulder as it came into contact with the offending door, causing shooting pains to fly up the small woman's arm, knocking her momentarily sick. The door swung open, banging loudly off the wall behind it, the blonde's momentum kept her travelling into the bathroom. There she was. A few things hit Arizona's senses in quick concession. Callie was laid in the exact position she had teased Arizona for falling asleep in the bath for the last two years, and her hair was considerably shorter than when she had last seen her. Neither of these facts however had time to register with the blonde, as the final and most significant detail of the scene before her, hit her square in the stomach. The water Callie was laid in was blood red. She felt as if she was going to faint. She couldn't. She had to do something. "What have you done Calliope?" she questioned, her voice sounding so infantile. Her feet were heavy, as she rushed towards the bathtub. The woman in the bath turned her head, her soaked hair clung to her face, her eyes unfocused. Arizona grabbed her under the arm, pulling her upwards. It was then; she felt the body of the woman she loved, more than life itself, go limb.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – adult themes.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07. I stated in chapter 2 that I had seen the promo for 7x09, and wasn't acknowledging what happened in it – after having time to digest the events, I've decided I will have them in this story.

**Author's Note 2: **I did tell people I didn't want to write this fanfic – but they said (they know who they are) to write it anyway. So I'm sorry!

Incase you haven't read the other chapters –

.com/callie_

.com/callie_

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_Cause oh I'm bleeding out, inside oh I don't even mind…"_

"_If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong, cause I won't stop holding on"_

**Arizona's POV**

Dead weight. It's the phrase used to describe the sensation someone feels when they lift someone or something up, and don't feel it resist. Feel no struggle, no assistance, feel no life. That was the only thing Arizona could feel, as she linked her arms underneath Callie's armpits, and dragged her from the tub. The blonde tensed just before the moment she saw coming, the brunette's heels banging on the floor, and her head lolled backwards, her wet and matted hair hanging limply. The smaller woman whispered her apologies to the unresponsive woman.

Gently placing Callie's head on the bath mat, Arizona took a deep breath reminding herself to be subjective, be the doctor she was trained to be, the doctor Callie needed her to be. The girlfriend in her tenderly moved the hair that had stuck itself to the tanned face, while the doctor in her moved so her ear was hovering over Callie's mouth. The Latina's breath was laboured, and faint, but it was still there, dancing its way across the blonde doctor's cheek. Sighing slightly in relief, she moved her hand across Callie's cheek, to the pulse point on her neck, again feeling a rush of relief flood through her, as she felt the small pulse, beat beneath her fingertips.

Half standing, she reached over to grab the towel hanging on a rail on the other side of the bathroom. She spun it around her hand, into a tight sausage shape, and gently lifted Callie's arm. What she saw surprised her. There was no blemish, no bloody cut, it was perfect. Her heart skipped a beat, and took it's resting place in her throat, as she let the arm down, knowing what she'd see when she lifted the brunette's other arm. There is was. A vertical crimson, jagged cut stretched from the perfect wrist, and was about four or five inches long, and was visibly deep. A sob racked through the small woman's body, as she wrapped the white towel around the injured wrist, fastening it into a knot she knew would apply the pressure that was needed to steady the flow of blood, which had already started to seep through the cotton fibres.

Arizona staggered into the other room, grabbing the cell which was on the side table. Punching in 911, she reentered the bathroom, kneeling beside the unconscious form, once again checking her pulse. The woman's voice which answered the call was polite and calming. She didn't want to be calm she wanted to panic; she wanted someone to be able to panic like she couldn't allow herself the luxury to feel. "I need an ambulance. I'm at The Archfield Hotel. It's my girlfriend. She's hurt, and lost a lot of blood. She's breathing, and her pulse is irregular, but still there." Her voice sounded so foreign to even her own ears, she could hear the fear that lingered on every syllable. The calm voice replied in the same annoying polite manner, "Okay ma'am, which room are you in?" The blonde's mind went momentarily blank, what room was Callie's staying? Why could she not remember! Closing her eyes, she pictured the oak door she had used to enter the room, and saw the large number. "220", came her hoarse voice. "Please hurry! I'm a doctor. I just need help", the blonde finished. "The ambulance will be with you in about ten minutes, okay?" the disembodied voice sounded again from the receiver in her hand. "Okay" came the small infantile voice from the blonde's mouth. Before the operator could speak again, Arizona dropped the cell, rushing over to the back of the door, pulling down the white bathrobe that hung there. Pushing her way through into the main room, she took the few steps towards the set of draws, ripping open the top draw. As expected she was greeted by a selection of Callie's underwear, and bras. Picking a pair and a bra at random she rushed back into the small room.

As a doctor she had been taught not to move a body, in fear of causing more injuries. She had broke this rule when she had pulled the Latina from the tub, and was about to do it again, but she'd be damned if the paramedics were going to see more than they had to, or that Callie was going to go outside where more people could see her. It was for her dignity, Arizona was going to cover the taller woman up. Kneeling beside the longer woman, she took a hold of one leg, fishing it through the leg hole of the underwear she had collected. Doing the same with the other leg, she slowly brought the garment up her thighs, over her hips, to their rightful place. She was sadly reminded of a happier time.

After a night out with the hospital gang, Callie and Arizona had returned back at the apartment both rather drunk. Callie was worse. She had announced very loudly she was going to take a shower before bed. Arizona had watched as the brunette had staggered through to the bathroom, narrowly missing obstacles, such as the couch, or the kitchen bench. After about twenty minutes, the blonde had gone investigating to find Callie sitting on the floor of the shower, completely naked, and passed out. Knocking the shower off, Arizona had half pulled, half lifted Callie out of the small shower, at which thankfully she woman in question had been aroused from her drunken state, enough to help maneuver their way to the bedroom. Arizona had dried Callie as well as she could in her own drunken fogged frame of mind. She had tugged a tank top over the woman's head, and pulled on an old pair of sweat pants, over her long legs, with a small amount of help from the woman who then attempted to grab a hold of the waist band of her sweat pants, and kept missing.

Months later, the blonde was fighting back a sob, as she felt nothing in response to the administrations she was currently carrying out. Callie simply lay completely still, seemingly unaware of her presence. The blonde shuffled along the floor, nearing herself to the dark haired head resting on the cold floor. Arizona draped the chosen bra across Callie's chest, lifting one arm in turn threading it through the strap, feeling both limbs were heavy, and unyielding to manipulation. Threading her fingers into the newly cut dark hair, she lifted Callie's head, and as result her upper body, allowing the brunette's head to rest on her shoulder, as she fastened her bra.

The blonde turned her head to place a gentle kiss on the dark haired head. She could faintly smell the scent that was unique to Callie, but the smell which struck her senses even more was the unmistakable metallic smell of blood. "Why Callie?" she whispered, not excepting an answer. Taking a deep breath, then stretched as far she could without letting go of Callie, who she had pressed to her body as tightly as she could, she grabbed the edge of the dressing gown. Leaning backwards slightly, she enabled herself to be able pull the arm closest to her through the arm hole, altered her position, and did the same with the other.

The white of the robe which was now covering most of the tanned skin, now made the colour of Callie's skin stand out even more. Something Arizona hadn't noticed was that her usual tanned skin had a red tint to it, and she could feel the heat radiating through the cotton of robe. As doctors they had been taught how to fix broken bodies, and with that knowledge they had learnt subconsciously how to break them too. The blonde freely allowed her tears fall as she clung to the body in her arms. Callie had known that the almost scolding temperature of the water in the tub would stop her blood from clotting, and in turn would enable to her to bleed to death, even from a cut as short as the one that was now etched into her slender wrist.

An annoying noise sounded from somewhere near the bathroom door. Arizona turned her head, to see Callie's cell was vibrating where she had discarded it after talking to the operator. Pulling herself free from Callie's body, and she half crawled towards the offending object, to see Mark's name on the display screen. Grabbing the small object, she lifted it to her ear, and was created by Mark's voice. "Mark?" the blonde's voice, yet again seemed so child like. "Blondie?", Mark's voice sounded, full of amusement, and delight. "Mark…you need to get to the hospital. It's Callie. She….", the older doctor couldn't fetch herself to finish the sentence. "She's hurt. I've called for an ambulance. It's on it's way, should be here any minute." She heard an odd noise from the other end, but didn't have a chance to question it, as there was a loud knock at the main door. "Mark I've got to go its here, I'll talk to you later", and with that she hung up.

Rushing towards the door, which seemed to put up a fight as she opened it, or maybe her body was losing its fight to keep it together? There stood a young man in the black uniform she knew was the hotel's uniform, and two paramedics. "She's in the bathroom", Arizona whispered, pleading with them to understand. Both paramedics walked straight passed her into the instructed room, while the young hotel employee looked terrified. Not caring if she was being rude, she walked back into the other room, to see the taller paramedic placing a gas mask over Callie's mouth. It seemed he had sensed her presence as he spoke to her over his shoulder, "As she conscious when you found her?" "Yes, she spoke to me, but only briefly before she passed out", Arizona replied, trying hard to sound professional. The paramedic nodded at no-one in particular. The other paramedic, who Arizona only just noticed was a woman, slipped passed her, and out of sight.

A very small noise reverberated around Arizona's head, and if she hadn't seen the source of noise move, she would suspect it was her own imagination. Callie had moved of her own accord, and had groaned slightly. "Callie?" Arizona had almost shouted in delight, rushing to her side. "Calliope, talk to me", she pleaded. "Ari…", came the groggy reply. "Yes baby it's me", Arizona answered through a sob. She needed Callie to open her eyes. To see those chocolate brown eyes, she could so easily drown in. Callie made another inaudible noise, causing the blonde to lower her head to the Latina's face. "What Callie?" she asked gently. "Leave me alone…" croaked the tired voice of her love. What? Did she actually think she could just walk away from this? "No!" came Arizona's half cry, "Never". She would never leave the brunette's side again, not ever. She pleaded with any god, or being listening to make sure Callie was okay, that she saw this through.

Callie didn't responded, or even acknowledge her words. Arizona realised she had slipped back into unconsciousness. Lifting her eyes to the paramedic on Callie's other side; she saw sadness, and understanding looking back at her. He knew what Callie had tried to do, what she had just asked her to do. He understood. The woman paramedic came back into the room with a portable bed, lowered it to floor. Arizona scrambled out of the way, giving them room to move Callie. It was a simply maneuver she had seen in the pit a million times, yet seemed so odd to see it from this point of view. From the point of view of the family. The Latina was pushed through the small doorway, through the hotel room, down the corridor and into the elevator. Arizona simply followed like a lost child. The hotel employee it seemed had disappeared, though the lobby was full of people who were interested in seeing the woman from room 220 who had tried to kill herself. The blonde could hear them all talking in hushed voices, trying to look as if they didn't care, while staring at them as they passed. Callie was loaded into the ambulance with ease, just like she was any other patient to them. Which she was. It was only Arizona's whole life that was hanging in the balance. The tall paramedic extended his hand to Arizona, who took it gratefully, and took a seat at the side.

The woman drove with ease, while the male paramedic kept an eye on Callie. The siren seemed to deafen Arizona, though she could barely register what it meant. She could see out of the back window, everything that passed was streaked with red and blue. All of a sudden the machines went crazy; the whole air seemed to stop moving. The woman shouted if they should stop, and got told to keep going, it wasn't far. Arizona jumped up, to help. The paramedic told her to stay put, and let him work. Did he not know she was a surgeon she could help! His hands dash round Callie's frame, giving her injections Arizona should remember their names, their purpose, but her mind is blank.

The vehicle comes to a stop. The doors open, and Callie is lowered quickly. The taller paramedic rushes to tell the doctors that have come to meet them, Callie's condition. Arizona's eyes rise to see her best friend, Teddy looking back at her. As is Bailey and Owen, their friends. They start to move the brunette towards the entrance of the hospital, taking her away from the blonde. Arizona dashes after them, only to be stopped by the small woman she has come to respect. "You know you can't come any further. We'll do what we can, I promise", Bailey states, before turning and walking through the doors which are acting as a physical barrier between her and Callie.

The blonde walked towards the door, resting a single hand, and forehead on the glass window. Closing her eyes, she silently prays to anyone who's listening, to allow Callie to live.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07. I stated in chapter 2 that I had seen the promo for 7x09, and wasn't acknowledging what happened in it – after having time to digest the events, I've decided I will have them in this story, haven't decided about tiny Torres yet.

**Author's Note 2: **I did tell people I didn't want to write this fanfic – but they said (they know who they are) to write it anyway. So I'm sorry!

**Author's Note 3: **I'm sick, but I haven't written anything for this fanfic since 29th of December! So you're going to have to deal with the crappiness which is this chapter!

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_So are you listening? So are you watching me?"_

**Arizona's POV**

She hated waiting rooms. They are called waiting rooms as they are places in which you wait. They are places in which you wait to find out if your loved ones will make it. For Arizona, she was waiting to find out if her life was ending. A life without Callie would be broken. A life without Callie would be devastating. A life without Callie would be no life at all. Callie was her life.

Sitting with her head bowed, she was pushing the heels of her hands into her eyes, watching the pretty patterns dance behind her eyelids. She could hear at least two clocks, both ticking out of time with each other, making her feel as if she had been sitting on this spot for too long to count. She wished she could drown out the noises of the hospital, the people passing, the children laughing, and the clock from ticking. She wished she could make the world just…stop. She'd know wouldn't she? If Callie died. The world would stop. It would stop spinning…wouldn't it? How could the world keep spinning if she was no longer in it? How could those nurses by the nursing station keep gossiping, and that mother shout at her son for running in the halls? How could life continue if Callie was dead? No! She scolded herself, she wasn't died…yet. How had she been so stupid? She'd left. She'd left her job, her life, her home, her Calliope. She'd left. Was this her punishment? She wished she could hate Callie for what she was putting her through. Hate Mark for not being a better friend when Callie had clearly needed one. She couldn't. The only one she could bring herself to hate was Arizona herself.

A strong hand touched her shoulder making her jump. Looking up the light burnt her eyes, the pretty patterns still etched into her vision. There was Mark, looking…broken. He knew. Something passed between them. Understanding? Eye contact wasn't broken as Mark took the seat next to her. She could see like her, he was fighting tears. It was odd to think of Mark crying. Callie had always said he had a soft spot, he wasn't just a "man-whore"…maybe, and just maybe she was right.

Arizona broke eye contact first, sighing as deep as she could. The back of her head came to rest on the wall behind her, her eyes sliding closed. "Any news?" her voice sounded hoarse, as if she had a bad head cold. "Surgery is going well...well as well as you know… they should be finished within the next hour", came Mark's simple reply. An hour? How long had she been sitting on this damn plastic chair? The clocks ticking came to her attention yet again. Ticking away her time…Callie's time. She sighed again. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Sighing. Tilting her head to the side, she saw Mark was watching her. He looked apprehensive, worried…scared. Every emotion she was feeling, though she couldn't name everything she was feeling she was having. It was all her fault. Mark started to blur slightly. She realised she was starting to cry. She didn't cry, not in front of people. Not in front of Mark. But her stupid eyes wouldn't stop.

Rubbing her eyes hard, she quickly apologised for the tears falling down her face. "No need", Mark gave her weak smile. "No there is. I'm sorry we're here. I caused this," the blonde sounded near hysteria. The man sitting next to her took a deep but steadying breath, "No you didn't." How could he just sit there, next to her, basically telling her everything was going to be okay? That she wasn't to blame. She, Arizona had caused this. If she hadn't left, she wouldn't be here. Callie wouldn't be ultimately fighting for her life. "Yes I did", she growled under her breathe. "If I hadn't left. If I'd stayed. She wouldn't be here!" she continued on. Mark made a movement with his mouth, which suggested he was about to speak again, but Arizona cut him off, "Do you have any idea what it feels like? Knowing you didn't tell the woman you love, how much better the world is with her in it. I didn't…I didn't do my job right as a girlfriend! She was supposed to be happy. She was meant to keep living…not give up. Callie Torres doesn't give up! Why? Why doesn't she know she is meant to be here? Alive! I love her Mark! Why didn't I work harder to tell her? Why…?" And the damn broke. Arizona Robbins didn't cry in public. She didn't rant emotionally and incoherently to people she didn't particularly like, and she most certainly didn't allow them to hold her as cried. And yet…the arms which wrapped themselves around her were not those she had come to know. They were stronger, larger and more defined. They weren't Callie's, but Mark's, and that made her cry even harder. "Why didn't she fight? Why didn't she love me enough to want to stay alive?" Arizona whispered into the damping material of Mark's jumper.

"She loves you enough" Mark's voice broke slightly as he spoke. "I don't know why…but you don't get to blame yourself. You weren't here…" he said, but before he continued Arizona pulled away, anger now flooding though her veins. "You don't think I don't know that Mark? Think I need reminding? I know I wasn't here!" She couldn't keep sitting. Not next to this man. She stood, realising she had nowhere to go, she began to pace.

"Will you just shut up and let me finish!" Mark practically barked at her. Arizona shot him a filthy look, but didn't interrupt. "You weren't here. I was. I saw how broken she was – and I'm not saying that to upset you" he added quickly obviously sensing Arizona was about to interrupt again. "But she was" he continued on. "Yes I know what it's like. I love her too. Not the same way, but I love her. I was here. I saw what she was like. What she was doing to herself. I saw and didn't do anything to help. If anyone is to blame it's me", Mark finished sadly. Yet again, the blonde found herself sighing. Who have thought Mark Sloan has a heart.

"You're meant to blame me. As the best friend, you're meant to blame me," Arizona part joked, part begged. How could Mark not see? This. Was her. Fault. Mark gave her a weak smile, "When we know, one way or the other, I'll blame you then". His eyes looked to hollow, and he looked so small, for a moment she wondered why she had ever hated this man before her. She could almost believe he was a good guy, and for now he was. The female surgeon just gave him a nod. She could wait. She could wait for Mark's abuse, the abuse she knew she deserved. "When she comes round, if you hurt her I swear…" Mark didn't need to finish the threat, she knew what it meant. Mark had said "when", that she had to hold on to. Callie had to pull through, she couldn't give up.

The doors to her right opened, and Bailey walked through them. This was the bit she had dreaded. She had lost count of the times she had, had to tell families their child's fate. She had told countless numbers of parents their child wouldn't be growing up…she wished she could say those lives she had saved over the years made up for those lost but they didn't. She couldn't tell from the look on Bailey's face whether she was about to get a second chance or lose everything she'd ever known…


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault". Though this chapter will only use Emergency.

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07. I stated in chapter 2 that I had seen the promo for 7x09, and wasn't acknowledging what happened in it – after having time to digest the events, I've decided I will have them in this story, haven't decided about tiny Torres yet.

**Author's Note 2: **I did tell people I didn't want to write this fanfic – but they said (they know who they are) to write it anyway. So I'm sorry!

**Author's Note 3: **I'm sick! but regardless of the reason i cried writin this chapter

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong cause I won't stop holding on. This is an emergency so are you listening?"_

**C****allie's POV**

Darkness. It was surrounding her, pushing itself against her. She couldn't move, she couldn't breathe. Darkness was holding her back, keeping her in place. She didn't feel hot or cold. Either pain or sadness. Pleasure or joy. She felt nothing. She was unsure if she could even feel herself, she could see nothing, though was aware of her own presence. She was simply here. Wherever here was. She could hear something far away, and every time she tried to grasp it, the noise got even fainter. It sounded so familiar. It calmed her. She wished she could run to the source of the noise and she'd be free of this place, wherever this was place was. It seemed however she had no feet, or her own feet had stopped working, as every time she made to move, she remained completely still. Was she dead? Had she died? Was this limbo? It couldn't be heaven, and it didn't feel like hell. She'd seen Arizona, so maybe it was heaven. Did that mean Arizona was dead too? No it didn't! She refused to even acknowledge that thought. How had she seen Arizona? Was it her mind playing tricks on her as she'd passed out? Arizona…There was that noise again. A voice she thought. A voice she knew. Arizona's voice? She was sure it was. The words weren't tangible, they made no sense. Callie wished she could just give her head a sharp shake, and then she could figure out how to get to the voice, to her Arizona.

**Arizona's POV **

The smaller woman didn't smile as she drew closer; she gave no gesture of warmth or comfort. The blonde saw Mark move out of the corner of her eye, and felt his presence come to rest beside her standing form. Bailey gave no words of comfort, or reassurance, and was simply the doctor she knew her to be. Arizona could see the smaller surgeon's mouth move, even heard the noises coming out of it. And yet…she made no sense of their meaning. She was used to being a doctor and all the terms and knowledge that came with it. Some procedures she would be so bold to state she could perform in her sleep. This on the other hand was new. She was the waiting family, not the doctor who had trained for years, or the surgeon who had performed countless surgeries. She was the woman who had stood up to Callie's father defending their love, which had not yet been proclaimed. She was the woman who had declared her love for Callie in the ridiculous hat. She was the woman who had brushed vomit from Callie's hair when the nerves of giving a speech had taken her over and had held her as she cried at the loss of her father's love. She was her family. She could see Bailey was treating this as if she was any other person's family and that she hadn't just had to save a friend's life. She felt Mark lean into her shoulder slightly as Bailey continued. None of this made sense, none of it. All she could comprehend were the small woman's last few sentences, "We're waiting for the anesthetic to wear off completely. Let her sleep tonight and she'll be taken to psych to be assessed tomorrow." She felt indescribable. Her arms and legs felt heavy, but her head light as if she was going to faint. "Can I see her?" her voice had lost all strength, all anger, all of anything, all that remained was relieve and hope. The older surgeon nodded, and gave a smile. A satisfied smile crept along her face, the first hint that this case wasn't just a person, but was a friend. A friend she was glad to have saved. The smaller woman turned on her heel, and Arizona felt herself been half dragged in her wake by the tall man who walked beside her.

She had worked in this hospital for over two years and yet the path Bailey was taking them on seemed unfamiliar and yet she could also feel her body click into autopilot as if she had travelled it hundreds of times before. Yet again she was hit with the alien sensation of this situation; she was not the doctor but the family. She'd never been the worried family member, walking this path; she'd always been the doctor.

Bailey turned to the left, walking into a room which had their blinds closed. Arizona's breath caught in her throat. There she was. The only light which penetrated the darkened room was the small lamp on the side table, which cast Callie in golden relieve, making her darkened skin glow. She looked so small. Callie Torres a strong orthopedic surgeon, who stood at five foot and nine inches, looked small. She looked fragile, and broken, and all Arizona wanted was to wrap her arms around her and never let her go. There was a machine, which was mapping out Callie's heartbeat, and an IV which travelled from her arm to the bag filled with crimson fluid, which was hanging on the stand next to the bed. It felt odd to know that, that fluid was soon to be Callie's blood. As a doctor she knew how it worked, and knew at sight how the nurses had inserted the intravenous cannula, and yet here she stood rooted to the spot, staring down at something that felt so foreign it must be a nightmare.

She felt herself being pushed by a strong hand on her back, and realised Mark was pushing her closer to the bed. The floor which existed between her feet to Callie's side seemed to span for miles, and as she lifted each of her feet to take the next step, the floor seemingly turning to quicksand, trying to stop her from getting to her destination. Pulling the stand alone chair closer to the bed, she sat down, taking Callie's uninjured hand, not caring that Mark would have to deal with hand which IV in, and the physical reminder of why they were here. Bailey made some comment Arizona didn't catch but left the room, closing the door behind her. Altering her hold on Callie's hand, she lifted it to her lips placing a gentle kiss on the back of it. She felt the tear travel its way down her face, and didn't care Mark was here to see it. She saw Mark move to lean against the opposite wall, and could see the emotions flicker across his face as he took in his broken friend. He had promised once they knew what would happen to Callie he'd shout at her, he'd blame her for this, he'd make her pay for the damage she caused. Instead he simply looked straight into her eyes, and she saw his eyes starting to fill with tears. Regardless of their past, of Mark and Callie's history, she knew he cared. The man stood across from her was not the man who she had known had slept with the woman she loved, but the man Callie considered her best friend. Right now she couldn't hate him, because she could see every emotion she felt, etched into his face.

A pager went off, and the noise echoed around the room like an annoying bee. On instinct Arizona reached with her free hand to her waist band, before remembering, she didn't actually work here anymore. It was Mark's. Surely someone would have told whoever it was who was paging him about Callie. Mark glared angrily at the offending machine he just torn away from his own waistband. "911" he stated looking conflicted from Arizona to Callie's sleeping form. "Go. I'll get them to page you if anything changes," Arizona said surprising even her at the calm and polite tone her voice had adopted. Mark still looked hesitant until Arizona said, "I promise. There's nothing anyone can do for her, until she wakes up, which could be hours." At the last few words Mark's face showed relieve, as if he was being given permission, while it made Arizona's heart sink. She still had to wait hours, before she could look into those chocolate brown eyes. Before she could feel at home.

Mark walked the small distance between his resting place, and Callie's, and bent down slightly to place a small kiss on the Latina's head, before walking out of the room without a backwards glance. Arizona realised this was because if he, like her two months ago, had looked back he would never have left. When Callie woke, Arizona made a pledge to herself, she would make Callie see how much she loved, how much she had missed her, and how much she wanted nothing more but to stay at her side, where she belonged.

Still holding on to Callie's hand as if her life depended on it, she turned it so Callie's palm was resting on the blonde's cheek, being kept in place by her own hand. The tears no longer fell, but they threatened her ability to breathe, the constant lump which had formed in her throat was refusing to move, regardless of the number times she swallowed. Callie was going to be okay, Bailey had said that. Physically she was going to be okay…what about mentally? Emotionally? How had things gone so wrong? The warmth of Callie's hand on her cheek soothed her, closing her eyes she could almost believe it was the brunette who was closing her face, just as she did when she was about to kiss her. Just as she when the blonde cried, and she was the only one allowed to wipe away the falling tears. So why wasn't she doing that now, to the hot tears which spilled from the crystal blue eyes. Opening her eyes again, she saw why. Callie lying unmoving, unaware of her presence, and seemingly alive against her own will. Arizona sobbed. Grasping Callie's hand in both of her own, she pleaded with the sleeping woman, "Please wake up! Please Calliope, I need you to wake up. I. Love. You. Please".

The room was eerily quiet and no response came from the dark haired woman. The only noises which filled the room were the heart monitor and Callie's rhythmic breathing. Arizona was tired. Her body felt heavy, her heart even heavier. Looking at Callie now she looked peaceful, almost childlike, as an innocent sleep child façade graced her features. Making Arizona desire nothing else but to curl up along side the sleeping woman, and join her in the land of dreams. But she fought it. She needed to stay awake, what if Callie woke? What if Callie needed her? There was so many what ifs that bombarded the surgeon's mind, she struggled to see why her brain was so tired.

Looking down at her wrist of the hand holding so tightly to Callie's she saw her watch, she realised she was still on African time, as it was one in the afternoon in Malawi. Meaning it was three o'clock in the morning here, in Seattle. When did that happen? No she knew that question. An eighteen hour flight, going to Mark's, finding Callie and waiting…that is when it had happened. The question which forced its way to the front as her eyes gave up the fight to stay awake was what happened to the last forty-eight days?

**Callie's POV**

Heaven was the place which God, who you believed that to be, and God's angels lived. It was often depict with clouds and harp playing angels. Everything is bright and clean. This place wasn't heaven. There were no big golden gates or a man with angelic wings welcoming her into paradise. There was no bright light which was comically referred to as an oncoming train. There was nothing, but that voice. The voice she was so sure was her love's voice. She still couldn't get any closer to it. She pleaded with…God? Could he hear her? If this was limbo, could he hear her? She pleaded she could be closer to Arizona. Oh! There was that light. She started to panic; maybe she didn't want to meet it. She hadn't even said goodbye to Mark, or Arizona. She promised she wouldn't call, maybe she should have, just to say goodbye. The light was fast approaching, she couldn't turn and run, she was rooted to the spot, and it was too late for regrets.

The brunette's eyes opened, though she had no memory for closing them. There was a golden glow in the room. This was glow she had been expecting, though it wasn't all that impressive. However she could feel. Her right wrist throbbed, she thought when you died you weren't meant to feel moral pains any longer. She felt heavy, her left side more so. Looking down she knew she was in heaven. Golden hair was spread across her hip and the few inches of bed she wasn't occurring, and the face of a sleeping angel was tilted towards her. The Latina's hand was clutched in the angelic one, as if it was Arizona's lifeline. What if this was reality? She could feel. In heaven you didn't feel did you? What if Arizona had found her? Had seen what she'd done? Why would she still be here? No, she couldn't be here. Arizona's breath tickled the back of Callie's, and was soothing her. No this wasn't reality, or hell, as Callie had come to realise these were both the same thing. As sleep took over her heavy body, she decided this must be heaven, because Arizona was never coming back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault". Though this chapter will only use Emergency.

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07. I stated in chapter 2 that I had seen the promo for 7x09, and wasn't acknowledging what happened in it – after having time to digest the events, I've decided I will have them in this story.

**Author's Note 2: **I did tell people I didn't want to write this fanfic – but they said (they know who they are) to write it anyway. So I'm sorry!

**Author's Note 3: **Sorry it's taken me so long to update – stupid university gave me a huge experiment assignment – ended up with over 5,000 words.

**Author's Note 4:** What do you think of Sara's EP – I LOVE IT! And I can't wait for the musical episode!

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_It's all your fault, you called me beautiful, you turned me out and now I can't turn back" – It's All Your Fault by Pink_

"_I can't pretend that I don't see this, it's really not your fault" – Emergency by Paramore_

**C****allie's POV**

Insanity. To be insane you must be in a state of mind which prevents normal perception, behaviour, or social interaction; seriously mentally ill. Callie Torres was sure of one thing. She was insane. Being a doctor she knew there was no such thing, medically or psychological as being "insane". That was only a term used in the law. But she knew she was clearly mentally unwell. Though she had determined that she must be alive, she was hurting too much not to be alive.

Every two hours like clock work, a nurse would come in a replace the bag of blood on the IV stand. One thing she hated about being a doctor, whose patient needed a blood transfusion, was the two hour rule. It took about two hours for each unit of blood to get into the body, as too much could kill you. Without fail two hours later, or what she assumed was two hours later, a nurse would come back in to change the bag, and in the process wake her up. Callie could still see Arizona. Could still feel her, and yet the nurse never acknowledged her presence. So she surmised that she was the only one who could see her, so she was in fact insane.

The first time the nurse came in, it was still dark, maybe she had only been a sleep a few minutes, she wasn't sure. There the angel still slept, her face bathed in the golden light, shining from the small lamp beside her. Callie's body felt heavy, like it was no longer hers. Still the heaviest part was her left arm, the one the Arizona hallucination clung to. The blonde's rhythmic breathing soon sent her back into the dark realms of dreams, only to be woken again by the nurse. Who yet again seemed to ignore or not see the small woman who was part draped across her left side. Yet again it still seemed dark, how long was this night going to be. It seemed to stretch for eternity. Was she to be plagued by Arizona's ghost forever? She supposed there were worse things to hallucinate. Again darkness spread from the outside of her vision, closing in, until she could see no more. Whispering. She could hear hushed voices. She no longer felt weighed down. Her body still felt heavy, almost unmovable, but her left side felt free. Cold. Unbearably light. Empty.

**Arizona's POV**

She'd fallen asleep. She had promised herself she wouldn't. What if Callie had needed her? If she'd woken up, Arizona would have missed it. Stretching as much as the small hard chair would allow, she heard several of her bones crack quite loudly, as her muscles strained in protest to being moved. Looking up she saw Callie was still asleep; the monitor next to her was playing a regular rhyme. She looked much pinker, much more…alive. A shiver ran down the blonde's spine, what would she have done if Callie hadn't made it. Running her thumb across the back of the hand she was holding she saw her watched said seven in the evening, meaning that here in Seattle it was… nine in the morning, which explained the slight glow which was coming through the small gaps in the blinds.

A small creak behind her made her jump slightly. Turning her head fast, and slightly hurting her neck she saw a woman in a Seattle Grace Mercy West nurses' uniform. The redhead smiled slightly at Arizona, before going over to the stand, and began to change the bag. "This should be the last one", the young nurse said, glancing over at her. Arizona gave a small nod. The other woman made a small noise which sounded similar to a "hmmm". "What? What's wrong?" Arizona rushed, once again realising why doctors weren't allowed to work on their loved ones. "Oh sorry, nothing. I'm just surprised she hasn't woke up yet" the redhead replied. Sensing Arizona's confusion it seemed she continued, "For both her five and seven o'clock change she woke up. She didn't say anything, she just watched me, and you". "She woke up, and you didn't think to wake _me_ up?" Arizona practically hissed. The nurse's eyes widened considerably, "You were asleep. She wasn't conscious long. I told Dr Sloan, he said to let you sleep until she was properly awake. I'm sorry Dr Robbins", the girl stuttered slightly. She instantly felt guilty. The young girl before her was just doing what she thought was best, she was just disappointed she hadn't been awake to see Callie wake.

"Ari…zona?" Callie's voice croaked sleepily. Yet again, Arizona's head span fast in the voice's direction, causing a momentarily pain to shoot down one side of her neck; sure she was going to end up with whiplash. Sleeping, confused, beautiful chocolate brown eyes shined back at her. A smile, one of those slept with a coat hanger in our mouth smile, threatened to take over her whole of the blonde's face. "Yeh Calliope it's me", Arizona breathed back in disbelief. Arizona barely registered the nurse running from the room, as she moved closer to the head of Callie's bed. Callie's eyes soon lost all sense of sleepiness, and in its place, shock took over. "I'm here", Arizona continued to whisper, as if being any louder would break the spell. She placed a gentle kiss on Callie's forehead, relishing in the warmth of the flesh beneath her lips.

Michael back in Africa had said he would talk to the leaders for her if she needed. She had declined, knowing that it would need to be something she had to do. Mike however had been the one who suggested they could replace her. Looking into Callie's eyes she knew, this was where she was meant to be, and first chance she got she would ring the important people and tell them, she was leaving.

"I'm in Africa, and everything's great, and the people are so nice, and the clinic is amazing, and I'm doing work that actually feels important. Like, I can— I can actually see that I'm making a difference, but I'm crying, like, constantly. And then this guy that I work with at the clinic finally asks me what's wrong, and I say that I miss my girlfriend. Like, I— I really miss her. So then he asks me if I wanna go back, if they could replace me. And— and then I open my mouth to say "no" but what comes out weirdly instead is "yes", and then I came back…" Her voice sounded so child like, emotions cracking every few words. She once would have cared. Emotions meant weakness, meant vulnerability, meant failure. Callie had proven so many times that she would still be standing there when the dam broke. Would still be holding her up when her legs gave way, and her world crumbled down around her. Callie had proven herself, and how did she repay her? By walking away.

The redheaded nurse came back into the room with a quite burley looking male doctor who Arizona didn't recognise. Forty-eight days she'd been gone, and yet she seemed to recognise no-one. It seemed so much had changed since she'd left. She moved out of the way so the doctors could work, wishing she had taken the brunette's hand. Callie hadn't said anything to her speech. She had delivered so many speeches in the time they'd been together. She had meant each one, but none she had meant, had wanted to pour so much emotion and truth into, wanted Callie to believe as much as the one she had just delivered. Yet Callie hadn't said anything. That said however the dark eyes simply bore into her own, surprise, love, sadness, disbelief were only some of the emotions she could identity in them. The doctor turned to her stating, "someone should come down in a few hours from psych". Callie's eyes widened slightly, though she wasn't sure if it was in shock or surprise. Arizona on the other hand was simply annoyed, the man had acted as if Callie wasn't there, and that she wasn't a doctor, she would clearly know what was going to happen next, so should have been told. The blonde however ignored his rudeness and gave him a slight nod. Both of the intruders quietly left, while Arizona shot dirty looks at the back of their heads. Turning back to the raven haired woman, she saw Callie was still staring at her. It was slightly unnerving. Callie still hadn't said anything to her, and was looking at her as if she were a ghost.

"Calliope", Arizona hushed, moving back towards Callie's head. Callie seemed to blink multiple times before looking around and then back at the blonde. The Latina opened and closed her mouth a few times, but no sound came out. "Go on Callie, say something", Arizona encouraged, both wanted to ensure Callie understood what was going on, and for her own selfish reasons. She wanted to hear her voice, the voice which had filled her dreams for the last forty nine nights. Arizona reached down and took hold of Callie's closest hand, taking it she noticed it was Callie's right hand. The bandage, sparkling white against Callie's skin, a painful reminder of last night, and what was beneath the fabric, mocked her. Running her thumb against the back of hand in hers, she looked up to see Callie had lowered her eyes to look at what she had been looking at moments before. The larger hand was whipped out of her own. Her heart clenched, and head lightened. The look in Callie's eyes did not change, but she saw her mouth open. "Get out" the younger woman's voice croaked. Arizona heard it, she even understood it, but her brain couldn't coherent the meaning behind the words. Too quickly Callie's eyes were stone cold, no emotions, nothing, just ice. "What?" the blonde's voice broke, needing the younger woman to repeat it, to make it make sense, pleading with her own sapphire blue eyes she wouldn't.

The door behind her creaked open, but neither woman looked at whoever had entered. Both seemed to be daring the other to look away. The mystery guest came around to Callie's other side and she saw it was Lexie. "Get out", Callie said, sounding much stronger and more determined. Lexie looked momentarily surprised, but then looked across at the blonde. Both dark haired women seemed to be looking at her, expecting her to do...something. "No, Callie. I'm not going anyway", Arizona tried to sound as sure as Callie. "Get out", Callie half growled, showing her teeth. The monitor beside her indicated her heartbeat was increasing. Lexie looked both scared and hesitate, "Erm…maybe its best you leave". Turning around slightly she glared in disbelief at the much younger woman, who to her credit seemed to shrink back. However Lexie moved from her side of the bed, to stand in between Callie and herself. Giving her an apologetic look, she put her hand on Arizona's arm, "Don't make me call security". Arizona knew her eyebrows had shot up in surprise. Who would have known Lexie had…er…balls? "Come on", Lexie continued, applying enough pressure to her arm, that she had no choice but follow her. Just as they left the room Arizona turned to look at Callie just one more time. The Latina was staring at her again; however she noticed the small shake of the head. She felt her heart drop, her body go limp, letting herself be led out of the room.

Once they cleared the room, Lexie let go, but turned to face her. "I know you're mad at me". Yeah mad was one emotion she was feeling towards the woman in front her. "You saw her heat rate; I think its best you do leave. I promise if there's any change I'll call or text you. Is you're number still the same?" Lexie was trying to look like a caring doctor, but she could see the friend beneath the mask. She was trying to please both Callie and herself, and was trying to make Callie well. Arizona nodded slightly, realising she had started to cry in front of the younger women. Lexie didn't show she had seen the tears, "I'll keep you updated, I promise". "Thanks", was all she could reply, more would result in more tears, tears she wouldn't cry outside of the room in which lay a woman who clearly no longer cared for her. Lexie turned and walked back into Callie's room, giving her a sad smile through the glass as the door clicked closed. Walking down the hallways she saw people's sad expression, sad smiles, and people's pity. Some of the people she didn't even know felt sorry for her. Arizona Robbins didn't do pity. Walking through the main doors, she was hit by the bright December sunlight, causing her eye's to water slightly. Once her eyes had gotten used to the light, she looked around. Tears threatened to assault her then and there. She had nothing. No one. Looking around, she realised, she had nowhere to go, and the one place on the whole planet she wanted to be, was the one place she was no longer wanted.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault". Though this chapter will only use Emergency.

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07. There is mention to the events in my fanfic "**It's Enough Now**" – I would advise you read it!

**Author's Note ****2: **Sorry it's taken me so long to update – assignments and then exams kept me away, but I am now finished till October … so watch this space

**Author's Note ****3:** I love that so many people have favourite me as an author and this story – keep it up! But I'd like comments too, just telling me what you like, what you don't, and if there is something you'd want to see!

**Author's Note 4: **There are parts in this story which are based on a real life experience, though the person did not make it... I won't say which part in the story I played, but I would like to say thank you to the people who have offered great words of wisdom.

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I hold my breath because you were perfect" – It's All Your Fault by Pink._

"_When no one cares to talk about it. Cause I've seen love die way too many times" – Emergency by Paramore._

**Callie's POV**

Anguish. To feel anguish, is to feel severe mental or physical pain or suffering. Physically her head was pounding, her arm felt like it was on fire, her other hand felt itchy but on the inside and her heart felt like it was dying cell by cell with the pain of what she had gained and lost in the last few minutes. Her brain was going a million to a dozen; Arizona had been standing right there. Her warm lips had graced Callie's forehead with a gentle kiss, her small hand had held her own as if it was made of china. Her angel had been inches away from her and she'd sent her away. No Arizona had walked away of her own accord months a go. Had left her, abandoned in the airport! Her blood boiled, her teeth clenched. That woman had the nerve to look at her with those puppy ocean coloured eyes, begging for forgiveness. Forgiveness was something she could not, and would not give her. She could hear Arizona and Lexie's voices from outside her room, not the conversation, only their voices. Callie's heart clenched. That voice, the voice she had pleaded with a higher power she would hear for the last two months. Every time she rang the blonde's number she had pleaded to hear that voice, and every time she had gotten her voicemail message. Why was it now, that voice was the last thing she wanted to hear, and yet was the only thing that was keeping her going? The raven haired woman could feel her eyes fill, as the door opened and in walked Lexie. The younger woman's eyes rose to meet her own, to her surprise she did not see pity, sadness yes even understanding, but not pity. Lexie walked across to Callie's bedside picked up a tissue and handed it to Callie. It was then she realised she was crying.

**Arizona's POV**

She had nowhere to go. No big plan, no future, no hope. Her dream was lying in the building behind her, and now never wanted to see her again. Callie was angry. She was angry Arizona had left, and seemingly more angry at her return. Or was it that she'd saved her. The blonde didn't care if that was the reason. The Latina could hate her for all it mattered, if the reason was because she had saved her life. She would always save her. Arizona protected the things she loves. So why had she not protected Callie, from herself?

A cab pulled up beside her. She supposed she should go back to The Archfield to collect her things from Callie's room. She felt her chest contract at that thought. To be back in that room. The room in which she had nearly lost Callie forever. What she would have done if she hadn't been able to save her she didn't know. What if she'd stayed and talked to Mark a little longer or if bad weather had cause the pilot to land a little later? What if … what if… what if…? Telling the driver her desired destination, she climbed into the back, closing the door with a tug. Looking back through the window at the hospital, she felt a warm tear make a single track down her face, and disappear into her mess of hair. How things had gone so wrong, so fast…

**Lexie's POV**

She was happy and felt guilty about it. She and Mark had gotten back together. Things weren't perfect, but when in her life had things been perfect. However she had mainly been avoiding him since 7am that morning. She had woken up in his bed, alone. She knew he had a shift that started at some stupid o'clock in the morning, but she had hoped he would have woken her, even if it was just to say goodbye, with a goodbye kiss. So she woke in a foul temper. She knew she shouldn't have, Mark was properly trying to be nice and not wake her, as neither of them had had an early night… It was only when she got to the hospital for her shift which started at 7, she heard about Callie. She say she was shocked was an understatement, sure she knew the older surgeon was upset, that was sadly rather obvious by her everyday demeanour, but she never thought Callie would harm herself, never mind try and commit suicide. Part of her was saddened, that the Latina had felt that the pain was so bad that doing that was her only option, while another part of her was angry for not thinking about the pain the act would cause on the people around her, further still another piece understood. She had lost people in her life, okay her mother's death was not the same as Arizona leaving Callie but, to the older surgeon it must have felt just as soul destroying, just as final. So she had been avoiding Mark, Callie's best friend. Actually even that she had been unable to do. Knowing where he'd been at certain times, she left him cups of coffee, candy bars and other confectionary in places he would find. She only did this because she knew if it was her, she would want to comfort eat, but be left alone to process…everything. She had stayed with Callie most of time after Arizona's departure at about 9am, neither woman speaking much, in fact it was mainly Lexie who talked, and even then it was more of a ramble than talking. What did you say to someone, no, your friend who had tried to take her own life, a matter of hours before? Callie however did not seem to listen to most of the things the younger Grey sister was saying, and when she was she seemed to only half hear it, and simply stared out of the now opened window, lost in a world of her own. Lexie left Callie when one of the nurses from the psych ward came to collect her just after 11am, and decided it was time to find Mark, and talk.

It hadn't taken long to find him. He had been sat in one of the on-call rooms on the second floor, similarly to Callie, staring into space, trapped in his own head. Mark didn't seem to notice Lexie's presence as she sat down beside him, and jumped slightly when she placed her hand on his knee. Mark moved slightly and rested his head on Lexie's shoulder, with a deep sigh. The position didn't look too comfortable, but it seemed to suit its purpose, as Lexie wrapped one arm around his broad shoulders. "I'm her best friend, and I didn't even see how much pain she was in", his voice shook slightly, causing the younger Grey to hold her boyfriend a little more tighter, resting her chin on the top of his head. "I should have noticed. I should have done something about it. Why didn't she come to me before she…" his voice trailed off, though the sentence did not need to be finished. Placing a kiss on the hair inches away from her mouth, she replied in the softest voice she knew to use, almost as if speaking to a young child, "You were there for her Mark. You couldn't watch her every minute of everyday. If she wanted to do … that, she would have done it anyway, maybe not yesterday, today or next week, but you can't blame yourself for it. Sometimes you can't save everyone; it's even harder if they don't want to be saved". It was then she realised Mark was shaking slightly, and then she registered wetness on the crook of her neck. Mark was crying. Standing slightly before turning, and sitting back on the bed, she pulled him to her, feeling his arms wrap themselves around her waist, and he sobbed.

**Arizona's POV**

The journey back to the hotel seemed longer, than the trip there. Or maybe it felt quicker…Arizona hadn't had any concept of time in the back of that ambulance, she had simply felt as if time was running out. Now as she pulled up next to the large building, she wondered what on earth she could do next. Paying the driver, with the small amount of change left in her purse, she walked straight into the hotel and to the elevator without looking at anyone. She wondered if anyone in the lobby would recognise her from the early hours of that morning. She wasn't approached by anyone, and thankfully the elevator was empty. Pressing the button to Callie's floor, she was created by the disembodied female voice and elevator music she hated so much. The doors opened revealing the sign which said rooms 201-229 were left, while rooms 230-260 were in the right direction. Taking a deep breath she turned left, and walked towards the door she knew. Balling her fists, her shortened fingernails dug into the flesh on her palm, reassuring her that this was in fact, real. All too soon, the large oak door with the golden numbers "220" came into view. There was a "Do not disturb" sign hanging from the door handle. Had that been there last night? Or had the hotel staff put it on? Arizona couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if it had been there the night before, and she had done as it asked… A shiver ran the whole length of Arizona's spine, leaving a sickly feeling in the pit of her stomach. Plunging her hand into her pocket she pulled out the key, taking yet another deep breath, she placed the small key in the lock and turned it. The hall light was still on, as was the bathroom light, while the main room was still in darkness, which suggested no-one had been in this room since she had left it. Closing the door behind her, she found the main room's light switch causing it to flood with artificial light. A few things hit her senses at first. The first was the extremely messy bed to her left, which Callie had quite literally just crawled out of yesterday morning, and just left it as it was. She very rarely made her own bed, something she had said Arizona could do better than her, so why should she make it, when her "awesome" girlfriend would simply remake it. A ghost of bittersweet smile graced the blonde's lips, it was so true. It wasn't that Callie made the bed wrong; she just didn't make it to Arizona's standard. Callie frequently laughed at her for her OCD tendencies, saying she had obviously gone into the wrong profession if mess bothered her, and it was something she needed to control before they had their own children. Arizona's breath caught in her throat. She had made promises to Callie, yes she had made promises when she had applied for the grant, two years ago, before she even knew Callie existed, but the promises to Callie she had made so much more readily, knowing that it was a certain thing. She never knew she could win the grant, but she had known…or she had thought she had known she would have children with Callie. The next thing she realised was that the bathroom door was still open, and if no on had been in, the bathroom would still be in the same state she had left it in. Sure enough, as her heels came in contact with the tiled bathroom floor, she saw the now cold crimson water, which looked completely calm in the bright white tub. Arizona felt her legs go weak. A piece of her felt angry that the hospital staff hadn't done anything about Callie's room, then again who would do it? Was it in someone's job description "Clean up suicidal people's mess"? No, she wouldn't wish that on anyone; however it meant she had to. Walking over to the bathtub, she knelt on the floor, rolling up her right sleeve, she closed her eyes and plunged her hand into the now ice cold water. Feeling for the plug she tugged it slightly, causing it to pop up, and felt the force of the plughole pull the water into the drain beneath it. Pulling her hand out, causing a trail of water to splash everywhere, she turned opening her eyes spotting the toilet behind her. Flipping the lid up, her felt her stomach turn over and dry heaved for the next five minutes as the bathroom was filled with the noises of her love's attempt of giving up drain away. Once it stopped, her body simply ached, almost as much as her heart. Getting shakily to her feet, she half stumbled back to bath and saw streaks of red in the bottom of the bath, and quickly turned the tap and saw the last of Callie's despair disappear down the drain.

Knocking off the bathroom light, she walked half dead back into the main room she heard her phone going off in her bag, rushing over she pulled out multiple things she most likely didn't need, before coming across her cell. "Lexie's Cell" flashed at her from the small screen. Hands shaking she pressed the button to connect, raising the small machine to her ear. Lexie's high slightly annoying voice replied, saying various things which kind of made sense, something about Mark being cut up, Callie not really talking and something about peanut butter cups. "Callie just came back from being evaluated. I'm not sure what has been said, I'm not on her case at the moment, Bailey put me in the clinic. But from what Mark told me, they believe this was a one time thing, and she shouldn't do it again. They want to keep her in for while though, they've got her on meds to make sure she remain…calm, and make sure she's okay", Lexie trailed off. Arizona didn't know what to say to that, she had never worked in a crisis stabilization unit, but she hoped they knew what they were talking about. They hadn't seen her when Arizona had found her. She thanked Lexie, and was reassured she would be informed of any changes. Looking up once she had disconnected the call she saw she hadn't closed Callie's underwear drawer. Even though it seemed no one else had been in the room since she had keep in there she still felt she should close the drawer, to save Callie's dignity. Just as she went to close the drawer she saw a small stack of cards wrapped in a letter, with Callie's handwriting on.

Pulling the pile out, she removed the band holding them together, amazed she had found the cards and letter she had spent the first week in Africa trying to find, by ripping her small room apart. Walking up, she sat down when she felt her calves come in contact with the bed. She ran her fingertips across the small delicate letters Callie had written a few days short of year ago. Her eyes stinging with tears, as her fingers caressed the words "_My Arizona_". Re-reading Callie's heartbroken, but heart felt words from after their last break up, she simply sobbed, thankful the pen Callie had used, seemed to be waterproof. Reading on "_I've cried myself to sleep almost nights for the last 85 nights", _she couldn't help but remember Callie words in her last voicemail message, saying she had cried herself to sleep for the 47 night they'd been apart. How was it that forty-seven nights had felt so much longer than eighty-five days? She knew the answer to that. Both Arizona and Callie had admitted they had tried when possible to sneak peeks at the other as much as possible during their break up last year. This time, they were thousands ands thousands of miles apart. Arizona could not steal a glance at the ortho surgeon when she wasn't looking, or stare unabashed when she was around, because Arizona had left. Arizona shuffled up to the head of the bed, clicking on the lamp on the bedside, and clicked off the light in the main room and small corridor, filling the room with a dim light. Reading that Callie had been laid in their sheets because they smelt of her, made her smile a bittersweet smile, as she was laid in Callie's bed, inhaling the smell that was uniquely the Latina. Arizona's eyes came to rest on the words, "_I'll be waiting…" _Callie had proven that, she would always been waiting, but now Arizona had come back and Callie was nowhere to be seen. Arizona wished she could blame Callie, she really did, and yet she couldn't. The tears fell shamelessly, as she flicked through the cards, reading words like, "_courage_", "_protection_", "_joy_" and "_love"_. How could she leave the woman who claimed "_you are the one, the only one, I want to spend the rest of forever with_". How did could she just leave? How could she get her life back? How did she get Callie back? How could she make it up to the woman she loved more than life itself? Grasping the pieces of card and paper tight to her chest, burrowing her face into Callie's pillow inhaling her scent and she cried, she wished for the first time that it hadn't been her Calliope in the bathtub, but Arizona herself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault". Though this chapter will only use Emergency.

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07. There is mention to the events in my fanfic "**It's Enough Now**" and also forfils certain people's wishes for that story– I would advise you read it!

**Author's Note ****2:** I love that so many people have favourite me as an author and this story – keep it up! But I'd like comments too, just telling me what you like, what you don't, and if there is something you'd want to see!

**Author's Note ****3: **I just want to say a huge thank you to those who do comment, offer support and suggestions to my stories. If it wasn't for those people who make the effect to comment I wouldn't be writing this story, in fact "It's Enough Now" would have been a one shot if it wasn't for them. The main people I want to shout out to are, Shamelmuts, gangrenes, funkyshaz57 and last but not least in any shape of form, my own fangirl y0ungalaska.

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I've seen you cry way too many times, when you deserved to be alive" – Emergency by Paramore._

**Arizona's POV**

_Why she had ever agreed to __leave the confines of Callie's warm, snug apartment she didn't know. Actually she did. Their journey into the Narnia like weather was worth it, watching the Latina half dance in around her as she collected what she had called "the best snow" for their snowman. Callie was smiling a smile which if she wasn't careful would melt the cold white stuff that they were both standing on. Arizona was stood basically watching the woman work, she had offered a few times to help, but was politely declined. Though occasionally Callie would ask for help in collecting the snow – as long as Callie had deemed it fit for their "perfect" snowman. If she was honest she missed this kind of thing, and hadn't done it since her brother was alive. Despite being in their twenties when Timothy was alive, every Christmas they could, both the Robbins children would visit their parents and end up making snowmen (and women), having snowball fights, and making snow angels. When they were younger Tim had take it upon himself to pour snow down Arizona's jumper, and run off leaving her screaming and trying her best to "run" away from the coldness that had melted on her skin and then trickled its way down her back. The chase and snowball fight that had followed was the best, longest and most tiring one they ever had. _

_The blonde jumped slightly as strong arms wrapped themselves around her waist from behind, and Callie's head came to rest on her shoulder. "Penny for your thoughts?" the raven said in a soothing voice. Arizona leant back slightly into Callie's embraced before responding, "Just thinking about Timothy". She felt the younger woman nod slightly. Callie knew it was difficult for Arizona to talk about her brother, so when he did come up in conversation, she wanted for Arizona to push the conversation forward, something the blonde was thankful for. "We used to play in the snow when we were kids, and when we weren't", she chuckled slightly. Sobering suddenly she simply said, "Our children will never know their Uncle Timothy", her voice caught slightly, and Callie's arms tightened further still around her. "We'll tell them about him, they'll know him, all about him", Callie soothed; turn her head slightly placing a gentle kiss on Arizona's cheek. The blonde couldn't help but pull a face as she turn her own head to look at the taller woman, "your nose is cold". Callie rolled her eyes "Ruin a heartfelt moment then" she said with an exaggerated sigh, but was followed by a soft smile. Arizona smiled slightly, "thank you". "Not a problem", Callie whispered, turning her head into the crook of Arizona's neck, causing the blonde to shiver slightly. "Just he won't be able to teach them how to make the best snowman", the PEDs surgeon stated. The Latina make a disgruntled noise, her head rose again, "What about him?" she pointed at the mostly fully formed, three balled snowman. The blonde couldn't help but smile slightly, "He's okay I guess". Callie's mouth fell open wide and a disembodied gasp fell from it, "Hey! He's perfect", she state in disbelief. Arizona couldn't help but chuckle at Callie's competitiveness, "Not as perfect as you", she said in her sweetest voice, flashing the younger woman her dimples. Callie moved her face closer to hers, seemingly to place a kiss on her lip, "hmmm nice try", she said just before their lips meet. Arizona let out a high pitch squeal, as she felt what felt like ice had just been place on her back. She realised Callie had snaked her hands under her thermal jacket. "Callie!" she shouted, pulling away from the other woman, "that's just mean!" Callie was literally crying with laughter, bent slightly at the waist, holding her hand to her stomach. Arizona shot her a glare, which only made Callie laugh harder. _

_The blonde ran the seven paces between them, and pushed into Callie, causing her to lose her balance and both women ended up on the floor. The look of shock that took over the raven's __face caused Arizona to chuckle slightly, before she remembered she was annoyed at the woman beneath her, and the glare returned. "Don't laugh at me Calliope", Arizona warned. A slightly bemused look fell over Callie's face, however she couldn't help herself and she rolled the smaller woman over. Arizona for the third time that day let out a small shriek, "Callie its cold", she continued on in a high pitched voice. "That's what you get for picking on my snowman!" Callie shot back. "Callie get off me, its cold", it felt like tiny knives were stabbing her in her back, as the snow melted and soaked through her jacket. "Hmmm I like it when you're demanding", the Latina's eye brow shot up in her signature move, which usually would have caused the blonde to go weak at the knees. "Callie…" she growled, half warningly. Callie sighed but stood up, not looking Arizona in the eye "fine" came her short reply. The younger woman walked over to her snowman, adding the details like stick arms, and his face, without another word, leaving Arizona to stand up by herself. To say Arizona was confused was an understatement. Shivering slightly, she stood and watched as Callie took off her own scarf and wrapped it around the snowman's neck. Standing back she took out Arizona's phone, which she had stolen from the blonde earlier, from the depths of her jacket, and took a picture of her masterpiece. Had Callie actually taken offence at her words? She had only been joking, and yet she still hadn't even looked her direction, and now she was walking back towards the apartment building. "Callie?" the blonde asked, hoping Callie would turn back around, but all she got was a kinder grunt noise. Arizona jogged the distance between them, grabbing the other woman's arm. "Hey, I was only joking. He is pretty awesome, definitely the best snowman I've seen. I could never make them very well, when Tim and I used to make them, so yeah, it's pretty awesome", she said at a rush. Callie's eyebrow shot up again, and it was only then Arizona realised that Callie was grinning at her. "I know you were. You coming? Get us out of these … wet clothes", Callie's voice dropped octave. Arizona couldn't help but let out a disbelieving sigh, but said, "Well you did promise to warm me up". Callie's eyes sparked slightly as her tongue trailed across her bottom lip, "I did". Arizona heard the other woman chuckle slightly. She realised she had been staring at Callie's lips, and couldn't help but mirror her action. Blushing furiously at being caught, she gave a nervous chuckle. Callie grinned back at her with a mischievous glint in her eye. "Whaaat?" Arizona dragged out in what could only be said as a whine. "Nothing", Callie grinned even wider, "You'll just have to catch me first". With that the taller woman was off, running back into the building before Arizona could register what she had said. When she had, she ran after the raven haired woman, cursing as the elevator doors closed with Callie inside. Arizona then took the stairs, running as fast as she could, slipping every so often as the water of on shoes slipped on the floor. Her momentum and motivation waned with each floor, and by the time she reached the fifth floor, she had stand holding the stitch which had taken residence in her side. She hadn't beaten Callie to the apartment, and now she was in pain. After taking a few minutes to catch her breath she walked the small distance to Callie's apartment._

_Opening the door she saw there was a trail of clothes "Hansel and Gretel" style from the front door to the bathroom. Grinning, she turned locking the door, and half ran towards the bathroom, when she heard the shower running and Callie humming some song she only knew from when Callie showered. Walking over to the bathroom door she opened the door quietly and saw Callie had her back to her. Arizona quickly but quietly stripped her clothes, shivering slightly. Sliding the door close she climbed inside, pressing herself into the back of her girlfriend, causing Callie to let out a small gasp in surprise and at the coldness of Arizona's flesh. Callie turned to face the blonde, and slid the door behind the smaller woman shut. "You're so cold" Callie stated it seemingly quite shocked. "It's all your fault", Arizona replied her teeth chattered together. Callie looked momentarily guilty, before smiling, "Hmmm true but it means I can warm you up now". The Latina wiggled her eyebrows, causing the blonde to shake her head slightly. Callie's arms wrapped themselves around the smaller woman, causing both of them to shiver slightly at the change of temperature. Arizona felt herself being spun slightly and her back came in contact with the tiled wall, which didn't feel as cold as it usually did, though the blonde still let out a small gasp. Callie instantly latched herself on Arizona's collarbone pushing her entire body into the smaller frame, saying "Don't want you going anywhere". Arizona's hand rose, tilting Callie's chin upwards so they were eye to eye, "I said earlier, I am not going anywhere". The look on Callie's face wasn't of happiness or, it was sadness, hurt, betrayal, anger. "You promised", came Callie's broken timid voice. It was then Arizona realised they were stood in the airport, fully dressed, yards away from each other. The unabashed tears fell down Callie's face, unashamed of who could see. "You promised, you wouldn't leave again!" this time Callie's voice sounded harsher, full of contempt. "You promised!" her love's voice resounded in her own head, causing her to jump._

Waking with a jerk, her heart pounding in her chest, as she struggled to breath, Arizona looked around searching for Callie before she remembered. She was here in Callie's hotel room, completely alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault". Though this chapter will only use Emergency.

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note ****2:** I love that so many people have favourite me as an author and this story – keep it up! But I'd like comments too, just telling me what you like, what you don't, and if there is something you'd want to see!

**Author's Note ****3: **For those of you who don't know, I am British. I try and make my stories as American as possible…but sometimes I fail hehe.

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"So you give up every chance you get, just to feel new again" – Emergency by Paramore.

"I'm running out of air, and it's not fair" – It's all your fault by P!nk.

**Callie's POV**

Life is full of surprises. When she was growing up she had wanted to help people, when she was older that idea took the form of a surgeon. She had wanted to get married in a grand church, in a big white dress and veil with her mother, father and sister crying in the front row. That idea had taken the form of George, in a chapel being married by Elvis in a dress she had picked at random, with only two witnesses, some strangers they had grabbed from the street outside. She had dreamt of finding true love and watching them play with their children and maybe a dog or two. She had thought that dream had taken the form of Arizona Robbins…Life was full of surprises.

Callie was aware of a few people coming in and out of her room. Some she knew, most she didn't. Mark had come in at one point demanding to know what had been said at her psych evaluation. Why he demanded she didn't know, because even when she told him, he went ahead and looked in her file anyway. It felt…peculiar to be told her suicide attempt was a "one off". How did they know how she felt? She wasn't going to lie, at the moment she didn't feel suicidal. She felt…nothing. Or at least nothing she could describe. A part of her wished Mark had stayed, or Lexie maybe. She hadn't really spoken to them, what was there to say? But their presence, their mindless conversation, their words were comforting. She had let Lexie waffling wash over her, soothing her into a calmness she couldn't understand, but it had stopped the thoughts. The thoughts of Arizona. She could hear the rain outside, and was thankful she was inside. She could hear each drop rebounding from any surface it fell upon. The drum of the water matched the drum of her heart within her chest. It did not matter how calm or how numb she felt, the beat within her chest would not lessen, because her thoughts of the blonde surgeon would not lessen. She had wished for so many things as she grew up, but today, right then, she wished for only two things. Only one could happen, or at least only one could happen at a time, and she knew if either happened she would not allow the other to follow. The first was that Arizona would simply leave. Leave Seattle. Leave her, for good. The second was for the blonde to take her in her arms, and never let her go. What made Callie's heart break even further was she didn't know which wish was stronger, and which she wanted to come true.

**Arizona's POV**

Time flies when you're having fun, but a washed pot never boils. Time is an interesting concept. Time is something that will pass no matter who or what tries to stand in its way. Time is something that as you are living it you do not notice it slipping away from you. Merely the effects of those minutes, hours, day or even years are ever noticed. A little over three months ago Callie and Arizona were happy. They were planning their future, their future together, forever. That is what they had said, forever. Promises were made; declarations of love were being made…both emotionally and physically. Three months later Arizona was laid staring at the brunette's alarm clock. The bright red numbers burnt their way into her eyes as she lay there. Simply staring, fidgeting with the edge of the pillow that her head was resting on. The scent of Callie surrounding her, to the point where she could almost convince herself, if she rolled over there the Latina would be laid there, fast asleep. Except she wasn't. Callie was laid in a hospital bed with a self inflicted 5 inch gash in her arm, and seemingly hated the blonde with ever fibre of her being.

The clock on bedside table indicated it was 4 o'clock in the afternoon. She had been alone in this room for nearly six hours. She wondered what Callie would say or do if she knew she was here. She could deal with Callie shouting at her, hating her even. Hate was an emotion, and a strong one at that. It was something, she dreaded to think what would happen if Callie didn't shout or scream. If Callie didn't care.

No, she wouldn't stay here and wallow in self pity and hatred. She had to do something; she was no good to Callie or anyone else for that matter in the state she was in. Dragging her body upwards, she shot her finger in the general direction of the light switch, actually finding it on the third jab. The light flooded the room, momentarily blinding the blonde, causing her squint. Adjusting to the light she placed the small pile of cards on the bed beside her, picking up her phone she scrolled though her address book until Mark's name appeared on her display, before pressing the call button. It only took two rings before the man answered, suggesting he wasn't at the hospital. "Hey Mark, I'm at Callie's hotel room. I was thinking about taking some stuff over to the hospital for her. You know personal effects, shampoo that kind of thing, but I was wondering if you wanted me to bring the rest over to yours later?" Arizona finished, slightly biting her bottom lip. She pretty much wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, without Mark shouting at her like had promised he would. "Are you sure you going back over there is a good idea? Lexie told me how Callie..." Mark said in a quizzical tone, before Arizona cut him off. "I will ask someone if she is a sleep, if she is I'll leave the stuff in the room. If she's not I'll leave it at reception for someone to give to her", Arizona rushed, rather annoyed that once again her relationship with Callie, whatever form it was currently in, was once again being dictated by Mark Sloan. That been said, it was her who rang him in the first place. "Okay Robbins, I just didn't want" Mark said apologetically before he was cut off by Arizona again. "I know Mark! You don't Callie to be upset. I think I've managed to do enough of that to last us until the end of time" Arizona shot back, more annoyed at herself than the former man whore of the other end. "Actually..." Mark stretched out, "I was going to say, I didn't want either of you to be upset. Hard to believe Blondie I'm sure, but I don't want you to be anymore upset, because I know you've properly been beating yourself up over all this since last night". Arizona gulped slightly trying to stop the rush of emotions threatening to over take her. She'd been so emotional these last two months; she was surprised she wasn't waterlogged. "Yeah" she breathed into the mouth piece, biting down on her lower lip to stop any noise which might betray her. "Me too", came the honest reply. The pair sat for a few moments in a complete silence, and for once they completely understood each other.

It was Mark who broke the moment, "If you want to bring her stuff over you can. But if you want to leave it there until her time runs out that okay too". Arizona scrunched her face up, which seeing it in the mirror opposite her, she could see it was not an attractive face. "Surely if she isn't using the room, they'll just kick her out?" she asked as if it was the most obviously thing in the world. Mark sighed and gave a slight chuckle before making a noise which sounded like he was trying to think of what to say, "Hmmm. The Archfield properly don't care Callie isn't staying the room, as long as they are getting paid. They also don't seem the type to…give refunds. Considering the stature of their guests. You could stay there, it's already paid for". Mark was right, most of The Archfield's guests were…well off, considerably well off. If they had leave a day earlier than expected the amount they would lose to them would feel like Arizona losing fifty dollars. It wouldn't feel good to lose fifty dollars, but she would live. The blonde sighed down the phone, "Callie wouldn't be happy with me staying here". There was a short pause before Mark spoke again, "That is properly true. However, Callie would never need to know. Also Callie wouldn't want you out on the streets, have you heard that rain!" The PEDs surgeon let out a hollow un-humoured laugh, "You didn't see her Mark, the look of actual hatred on her face, the anger when she saw me, when she screamed at me. Callie does want me around; I don't even think she wants me on the planet never mind in her hotel room." Again there was pause on the other end before Mark's voice sounded again, "As a mutual friend I am saying this. You ever tell her and I will hunt you down myself. Okay?" The blonde once again could in the mirror before her, her eyebrow shoot upwards in slight surprise, but made a murmur of agreement. "She misses you", the male voice said simply. "She cares, she loves you even. She did things, and I don't just mean last night. But she did things she will properly regret for the rest of her life, like letting you go. She still cares Arizona, don't give on her just yet", Mark finished, with almost a pleading tone to his voice. Once again Arizona could feel the tears bubbling inside of her, this time however she was not going to succumb to them again, not in front of Mark. "I don't plan to, I can be just as stubborn as her, if not more so" Arizona stated, almost defiantly. She could almost hear the smile in Mark's voice as he replied, "Good! Now go and give Callie her stuff". Just as Arizona lowered her cell, she heard Mark speak again. Raising the phone back to her ear she only heard the end of what he said, "I mean it Robbins, do NOT hurt again". "I'll try" was her only response before hanging up.

The young woman jumped up from the bed as if she'd be burnt, rushing over to the wardrobe, pulling out a bag which her and Callie used when they had picnics on their mutual days off. The bag they used to do that with, Arizona scolded her, before pushing the thought away. Going back to the bed, she dropped the bag down, as she then carefully folded the letter in the same she'd found it, before wrapping it and the band around the cards, placing it back into the top drawer. The blonde then pulled out several pairs of underwear, socks and bras, folding and balling them neatly (Callie had just crammed them in anywhere), and put them into the bag. Turning her head she saw directly into the bathroom and could see Callie's shampoo and conditioner sitting next to the taps as if daring her to enter the room to collect them. Taking a deep breath and bracing herself, she took determined steps, making sure to put one foot in front of the other, only looking at the two bottles which she needed. Even as her heels clicked her steps on the tiled floor she didn't look down into the bath, only on the small bottles. Noticing Callie had some shower gel too, she picked that up as well, turning the opposite way to the bathtub, she spotted the brunette's toothpaste and toothbrush; grabbing them she spun the rest of the way and walked head held high back into the other room, closing the bathroom door behind her.

She dropped the items haphazardly into the bag, before turning and sitting on the edge of the bed. Taking a deep breath and fighting the urge to throw up again, she glared at the bathroom door as if it had personally caused her offence. If she was going to stay in this room, for however long, she had to figure out a way to deal with that…room. Recapturing her composure she stood, realising that for the first time that a lot of Callie's stuff wasn't here. Taking a disbelieving shaking breath she remembered how much of their stuff they had put into storage. It was still there. "Callie", Arizona whispered in disbelief to the room in general. Grabbing Callie's hairbrush from the sideboard it too joined the assortments of items in the too big bag, before zipping it up. Picking up her own purse, she dropped her cell and the room key into its depths, and threw Callie's hospital bag's strap over one arm and walked from the room.

The journey back to the hospital wasn't very eventful. Something the blonde was perfectly okay with; she wished she never had to deal with drama ever again. That was impossible, but sitting in the back the cab, clutching her two bags, in her current mind set, she could believe things were going to be okay. Or at least pretend she believed it. The rain drilled into the roof of the car, the whole way there, and the driver skidded a few times on the road as the breaks didn't quite grip the road, but apart from that Arizona left the car unscathed. Despite running the small distance from the car, she was still wet by the time she reached the doors. Walking through the familiar corridors she came face to face with April Kepner, and braced herself for that annoying Ohio lilt to her voice, that Callie may have imitated a few times. "Dr Robbins? Are you here to see Dr Torres? Just she's asleep at the moment…" the resident said, indeed in "that" voice. Though Arizona had to fight back a smile as she realised that despite the fact she no longer worked here, she still had authority it seemed, at least in April's eyes. "Yes I did actually. Just dropping some things off for her", she indicated the bag. "I'll just drop it off in her room, if that's okay?" the blonde said, though didn't really wait for a response before she moved passed the other woman. "Erm…okay then" was the last thing Arizona heard the slightly annoying resident say as she turned the corner.

The distance between the main area, and Callie's room seemed shorter in the light of day. Maybe it was because she now knew Callie was going to be okay, and so her mind wasn't playing tricks on her anymore, she didn't know. But all too soon, Callie's door came into sight and with that the brunette in question with it. The younger woman was in fact asleep, her breaths were even, calm and soothing. Leaning back on the door frame behind her, she stood in awe of the Latina beauty before her. She knew she no longer had the right to look, but she couldn't help it. Her eyes traced each feature, burning them to memory, struggling against the internal battle to rush over and just have a single touch of Callie's smooth skin. She had lost the right to do that when she left. She lost the right to do a lot of things that day. Another wave of sadness hit her square in the chest. What if Callie never did forgive her? She could never hold her close, smell her hair, and breathe her in, making her laugh that special that was reserved only for her. Staring at Callie, she realised she had the feeling of being watched. Taking a deep breath, she raised her eyes; making eye contact with the deepest chocolate eyes she'd ever known. Callie was awake.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2:** so ... yeah computer got a virus (some malaware thing) after I'd written about 2/3s of this chapter – wiped the file clean. Sorry it's taken me so long to update! In reality this chapter is filler and ended up longer than it was meant to, but since it's mainly fluff filler, so I suspect most won't complain.

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I'm trying to figure out what else to say, to make you turn around and come back this way" - It's all your fault by P!nk._

**Callie's POV**

_Arizona's eyes widened i__n shock. "Don't go!" the raven shouted, her voice sounding foreign even to her own ears. The older woman gave her an apologetic look before grabbing the blanket from the bottom of the bed, turning on her heel and left the room, her heels drumming her walk on the wooden floor. _

_Their plans had been ruined. Okay not ruined…altered. They were meant to spend a few hours at Alex's and Izzie's reception, enough time to speak to everyone who was left (as the bride and groom went back to the hospital very shortly after the wedding). Then go back to Callie's apartment, order a pizza, watch a DVD and see where the night led. Upon entering the apartment they had ordered their pizza. Then Callie had been in the middle of going through her DVD collection so Arizona could pick, when the blonde had knelt behind where Callie was sat on the floor, and wrapped her arms around the Latina's waist, gently kissing her neck. Callie instantly became putty in her hands…literally. Moving her head to the side, she allowed Arizona more room to continue her assault on the tan skin, and Callie to groan in pleasure. Both women's hair, which had been left down for the grand occasion of the day, cascaded down the other woman's shoulder. _

_There was a slight thud as the few DVDs Callie had picked out fell from her hands, as the taller woman raised her arms to weave her fingers through the blonde hair pulling her into a frenzied kiss. __While she was at an extremely awkward and slightly painful angle the reward was worth it. That said Callie couldn't help but move. Turning slowly, never breaking contact with the soft lips attached to her own, Callie managed to turn completely, so both women were kneeling on the floor. The younger surgeon could feel this kiss going places they'd never been before. The inferno was getting hotter and hotter by the second, both women gripping the other, forcefully pulling them impossibly closer. Out of nowhere she heard her voice mumble something about a DVD, and received a chuckle in return from the blonde. Arizona pulled away, Callie realising both women were panting slightly. Looking straight into the usual sky blue eyes, she saw they were several shades darker. "Do you really want to stop and watch a DVD?" Arizona asked her voice a good few octaves lower than normal. Unable to reply, Callie simply shook her head in response. The blonde smiled back at her. It wasn't the dimple smile she was used to. It was slightly mischievous and the sparkle in the darken blue eyes, made Callie realise she was in trouble…of the best kind. _

_Arizona stood slowly, ensuring that her cleavage danced tantalising close to the brunette's eye level. __The blond lowered her hand gesturing that Callie was to take it. Without breaking eye contact Callie took the offered hand, which helped her to her feet. Once standing the taller woman pressed into the smaller frame, kissing the lips which she was being presented with. One of them, Callie wasn't sure which let go of the other's hand, as both women wove their fingers deep into the hair of their soon to be lover. This night was going to be their night. The kisses were fast, hot, messy and uncoordinated, as they tried to take as much as the other was offering, while ensuring they got the minimum amount of oxygen they needed to remain conscious. Callie could feel Arizona starting to walk backwards uncertainly towards her bedroom. The raven couldn't help but smile into the kiss, and helped navigate her in the right direction, without breaking away. _

_Once clear of the living room, Arizona managed to step away long enough to shed the off the shoulder blue dress, by tugging on a small zip on the side of the dress. As the dress slipped off the blonde's body, __Callie's breath caught in her throat as she was greeted with the sight of light creamy flesh. Arizona was now stood before her, in a strap-less light blue bra and underwear to match. Callie's eye rose to the blonde's face to see a smug smile gracing her lips. She had been caught staring, and couldn't help but blush in response. The PEDs surgeon moved forward, capturing the Latina's lips again, chuckling slightly, "You are adorable when you blush, Calliope Torres" she purred. Never had someone simply saying her name done such things to her insides, before it fell from Arizona Robbins' lips. One of Callie's hands intertwined deeply into her straightened golden locks, while the other came to rest on the now naked waist. Both women moaned at the contact, even further still when Arizona's bra clad breasts were pulled into Callie's frame. Arizona's hands made their way beneath Callie's top and the brunette couldn't suppress a moan as the blonde's fingertip ghosted their way across her abdomen and then her breast. Even with the softest she was being touched with, through the fabric of her bra, Callie could feel every movement Arizona made, causing a feeling of pure arousal to pool in the pit of her stomach. _

_Hastily Callie tried to rip her black top from her __own top half, only to have it catch on her earring. Searing pain shot through her right ear, "Ow ow ow ow" she cried out. Her hands kept trying to get her head out of the top, as the threads of the top kept tight a hold of the hanging earring. She felt a firm hand on one of her arms, stilling her movements, before an equally firm voice spoke "Callie, hold still". She could feel Arizona moving, and touching her in various places, before the pressure on her ear was released, and top was removed completely, allowing the blonde's face to come into view. The blue eyes looked worried, but upon seeing Callie was okay, Arizona broke out in a huge smile. "You okay?" she said in a low voice as if a louder one would injury her ear further. Callie raised her hand to gently rub her sore ear lobe "Yeah, just sore, and embarrassed". Arizona gave her a slight smile before moving forward and placing a small kiss on the small lobe. The tall woman gave a short chuckle turned groan as the blonde's tongue circled her earlobe, soothing the pain. It was then Arizona pushed herself into Callie, breast on breast, Callie let out a silent gasp, thankful for the first time all night that she'd chosen to wear flats, while Arizona had worn high heels. Arizona used these shoes to her advantage as she leaned back slightly she turned causing Callie to move with her. Keeping up with momentum the blonde's body pushed into Callie's pushing her backwards towards the bed. Both ungracefully fell backwards onto the bed, both laughed slightly as Arizona landed on top of the taller woman, not that Callie minded. She could get used to this. Looking up into the bluest eyes she ever seen, she could see forever. She knew it was way too soon to think it, never mind say it, but she was in love. _

_It seemed by the look on Arizona's face, she took her momentarily lapse as hesitation, this impression was confirmed when the blonde leaned forward, brushing the fly away pieces of hair from the Latina's face, before saying in a soft and understanding manner, "We can wait". __She was under no illusion, she was nervous about this, she wanted it to be perfect…to be perfect. She knew Arizona felt bad about her comment out Callie being a "newborn", but a part of her still wanted to prove her wrong. "No" sounded the raven's voice. Arizona's face dropped slightly in disappointment, before Callie could continue, "I don't want to wait. I want you now". Before Callie could respond the blonde had recaptured her lips, drinking them in deeper and deeper. It was an odd but invigorating difference in sensations between the roughnesses of their bra clad breasts, and the silky softness of Arizona's bare flesh against hers. Her skirt was becoming a hindrance as her hips move slightly of their own accord. It seemed the item had offended the other woman too as she pulled away, tugging on the small zip which ran from her waist to mid thigh. Once the zip was down, Arizona lifted herself off Callie a few inches, effectively pushing her cleavage into Callie's face once again. Arizona yanked rather hard on the black skirt before Callie realised she was trying to remove it. The Latina wiggled slightly enabling the offending item to be pulled down and shed from her legs. She also toed her shoes off, causing them to clunk as they hit the floor. The blonde moved forward and lowered herself back down, so she was sitting on Callie's stomach with her high heel shoed feet rest on the mattress beside the Latina, making her groan rather loudly as she felt the heat radiating through the small baby blue underwear. Arizona gave her a devilish smile, as she hands slipped around her own back, and undid the small clasp on the matching bra, causing the object to fall slightly, before it was removed completely. _

_Callie's eyes traced every detail, every curve, every freckle from the blue high heeled feet, the long legs, the taut abdomen, the soft shoulders and arms, the sooth neck, and beautiful face. When brown eyes met blue there was no embarrassment or blushing, no shame, only lust, passion and desire. The blonde bent down, crushing her own lips into Callie's. This enabled Callie to muffle Arizona groan as her core had slid against Callie's stomach, as she squirmed her lower half downwards, so straddled one of Callie legs, one leg resting in between Callie's thighs. Their kisses were rushed, soppy and passionate as both fought for dominance and oxygen, both seemingly trying to stop the other from breathing. Heavy breathing, groans and moans filled the air as Arizona's hands and lips began to wander, causing the blonde's breasts to also trail along the tanned flesh. As the smaller woman's knee rose to meet Callie's centre, the younger surgeon's hips lifted to seek more contact. It felt as if Arizona was everywhere. Callie could feel her heart racing, beating out an irregular beat on her ribcage, and her whole body was turning to goo beneath Arizona ministration. Arizona was rolling her own hips, causing the knee between her legs to rock into her core. Callie's eyes rolled shut, just as a knock from the front door resounded throughout the whole apartment. _

_Callie's eyes opened in a flash, to see Arizona had rose gently and was looking at her in shock and confusion. It came to Arizona a lot quicker than Callie who was interrupting them, "pizza" she said with a small smile. Climbing off the longer woman, Callie made to grab her arm but missed. "Arizona", Callie begged. "I'll be right back, I promise", Arizona placed a small kiss on the swollen lips of her…lover. Despite Callie begging her not to leave, she had, wrapping herself in the blanket Callie had had since she was teenager. _

_A few minutes later, after Callie had managed to recover enough to sit up, she wiggled underneath the duvet, as Arizona had walked back balancing the large pizza box in one hand, while the other cling to the fold of the blanket wrapped around her. Dropping down on the bed, she let Callie's blanket fall from her shoulders as slipped underneath the bottom of the duvet, causing the orange blanket to pool at her waist. The pizza box was dumped on the bed in between them. Callie felt the blonde's long legs entwine themselves against hers, and couldn't help but smile. "Took your time. Was worried you'd ran off with the pizza delivery boy" Callie grinned, and then grinned even further at the look of disgust on Arizona's face. "Hmmmm spotty teenage boy…. luscious Latina lover", Arizona said moving her hands in a weighing fashion. "I wonder" Arizona smiled back, and Callie knew she blushed again. She didn't understand it. She was used to compliments about her body. There were times when they were the only ones she got. She used to be confident in herself, self described "bad-ass". Where was that woman now? A slight movement from Arizona's side of the bed shook her from her wonderings. She saw the blonde examining the multicoloured but mainly orange blanket she had used to wrap herself up in. "Can we use this if we ever have a picnic or something?" she asked. Yep, Callie's bad-ass days were over, especially if she was going to be having picnics. "Erm… it's quite old", had been her reply, and she instantly regretted it however she had seen the disappointed look on Arizona's face. "I was going to say I would look after it, and wash it afterwards. But I get what you mean if it's important", Arizona gave a smile back which didn't exactly reach her eyes. "No, we can use it. I just meant we have to be careful with it. I've had it since my late teens", the brunette explained, as the other woman played with edge which had landed in front of her. "Of course I'll take care of it Callie", Arizona shot a beautiful and breathe taking smile right at her, only for her._

_Several months had passed since their first night together. George had died while Izzie had survived. Callie had not been given a promotion, left Seattle Grace, only to return shortly after. Carlos Torres had come with a priest, to perform some sort of a gay __exorcism. Though something she had said it seemed must have sunken in, because hours later her father had accepted her and Arizona's relationship. Callie had promised her father a big wedding and children with the blonde woman who had stolen her heart, and yet they hadn't even said they loved each other yet. Callie had come to terms with the fact she was in love with the perky surgeon, and believed maybe the other woman would feel the same for her one day. _

_Callie had left Arizona sleeping that morning. The raven haired woman couldn't describe how amazing it felt, walking up a long side the woman she loved. Knowing she was going to be last and first thing she saw everyday. The younger woman had left her key on the side, so Arizona could come and go as she pleased on her day off. The text she had received about thirty minutes before her shift ended told her to meet Arizona by the park bench they had adopted as their own when Callie no longer worked in the hospital, which then had become the place they had had several picnics since the day Arizona had suggested it. When Callie had left the hospital it was dark, but thankfully blissfully warm and in the time it took for her to walk the distance to their bench revealed glistening stars in the night's sky. It was rare to have such a lovely night in the usually rainy Seattle. _

_Upon reaching their clearing the Latina couldn't help but smile as her lover came into view. She was half laid, half sitting facing away from her looking across Seattle and the needle. Her golden hair was cascade down her back, but in slight curls. She was beautiful. Callie took her place on her own blanket next to the small blonde. As soon she was sat down, Arizona rested her head on her shoulder. "I've missed you", sounded the small voice. A smile threatened to take over the taller surgeon's face, as she turned her head and kissed the blonde head, "missed you too". Arizona entwined her fingers with Callie's. "I didn't get any food, thought it might spoil", Arizona spoke in a slightly apologetic tone. The raven couldn't help but give a faint laugh "its fine". The blonde started to play absent-mindedly with the back of Callie's hand. "Timmy and I used to star-gaze in our garden, well gardens. It was one of the things we did at every new home, make wishes" breathed the small blonde. One thing Callie had come to realise that Arizona didn't talk about her brother, part of her wanted to know more, but she wouldn't push her too far. "What did you wish for?" Callie urged. Arizona burst out laughing, "That changed over the years. A pony, birthday parties, girls, whatever we wanted at the time. Once we reached fifteen I wanted a stable home, to stop moving around, Tim wanted to walk our father's footsteps. The last time we did it was about a week before he left on his last tour…" Callie hadn't realised how much she had been hanging on very word, until no more came. _

_There __were several moments of silence, which were oddly comfortable, both women lost in their own thoughts. Then Arizona moved from Callie's embrace, wiggling her way down so she was laid flat. The blue eyes looked directly at her, expectantly. She then realised she was meant to lie down too. Making a fake sigh of annoyance Callie flopped backwards, and like Arizona wiggled her way downwards so her head came to rest on the blanket beneath them. It smelt of the blonde. Callie recognised the smell of Arizona's washing powder, it smelt so similar to her. The brunette allows a grin capture her lips, turning her head she saw Arizona smiling back at her. "What would you wish for Calliope?" the blonde asked. Instantly the Latina thought, "Nothing. I have you". Instead what came out was a half strangled sigh, before she turned so she could look into the night's sky, "I don't know". _

_Africa. She had said she would go. It was a decision she had made quickly, however it wasn't one she had made lightly. __Standing in the middle of the airport, Arizona had never looked more beautiful. Her hair long, down and curled, her eyes slightly red and puffy. She had never looked as beautiful as when she was walking away. "Please. Please, I can…we can do this. We figure this out" every few words that Callie spoke were punctuated by emotion, as she begged Arizona not to go or to go but with Callie at her side. With a small shake of her head, Arizona simply replied, "__You stay here and be happy and I'll go there and be happy". While tears danced in the sapphire __coloured__ eyes, her voice remained steady. _

_She'd be damned if she would let Arizona leav__e thinking she would be happy without her. "If you get on that plane, if you go without me, we are done, do you hear me? We are over," Callie warned, mentally pleading, hoping Arizona would stay. If Arizona needed it, she, Calliope Torres, would go down on her hands and knees in the middle of the airport and beg her love to stay. She would do, or say anything to keep the woman she loved. She didn't know how to survive without the woman in front of her. Arizona gave her a sad smile, before speaking, her voice finally thick with emotion, ""We are standing in the middle of an airport screaming at each other. We're already over". Callie had no eyes for anyone else. Until that point she had quite forgotten that there were other people, nameless faces blurring passed them, and all she could see was the blonde woman in grey turning and walking away from her. _

"_ARI. ARIZONA!" the Latina shouted after her, the tears spilling uncontrollably down her face. She had to do something, had to anything. Rushing forward, she continued to shout for her girlfriend, hoping, expecting a blur of grey to come back around the corner at any moment. "ARIZONA" she shouted __pleading with the woman she could not see, and may never see again._

Opening her eyes she couldn't help but smile faintly as there stood Arizona. She had come back. She was stood leaning slightly on the white wall behind her, her eyes were racking over Callie, but without even trying to gain eye contact. The older woman looked so broken. Confusion hit the brunette where was she? Then it hit her. Arizona hadn't come back. Not when she cried and screamed her name. Not when the security guard had come to see if Callie was okay. Not when she had cried herself into a migraine in the back of a taxi to the Archfield. Not when she had … The sapphire eyes rose slightly to meet her own, and even with the room's length between them she heard the blonde gasp slightly in surprise. Out of nowhere, without even thinking the thought, Callie's vulnerable voice breathed, "Don't go".


	11. Chapter 11 part 1

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2:** Sorry AGAIN! Had a holiday and then a birthday, THEN I've been babysitting my cousin and dogsitting their 7 week old puppy pug for the last two weeks (so if this is rubbish and disjointed, that is why!) This will be the last chapter for at least a week as I am going to London for a week this weekend … hope the riots etc have calmed down more!

**Author's Note 3:** Due to the fact I am going away and sadly I haven't been able to write, this chapter is in two parts (I've already got over 1,300 words of the second part done).

. - past parts

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I feel like we could be really awesome together, so make up your mind cause it's now or never" - It's all your fault by P!nk._

**Callie's POV**

Arizona seemed frozen in time, as she shock and uncertainty was etched into every feature of her face. There she stood in what looked to be the same clothes she had been earlier in the day, but this time she was holding her usual purse, and their picnic bag, briefly wondered what was in the padded yellow bag. "I just brought you some stuff you might need, shampoo, conditioner, underwear that kinder thing…" Arizona's voice pulled her attention back up to her face. The blonde moved towards her in small steps as if she was expecting Callie to pounce on her like a lion, at any moment. Callie's unconnected brain made her raise her right bandaged arm, in which Arizona placed the bag's strap into. Shifting slightly, Callie unzipped the bag and peered inside, and true to her word, Arizona had packed her some underwear, socks, bras, a hairbrush, toothbrush and paste and some bath supplies. However the object Callie was looking for as only noticeable by its absence. Her blanket. The dark head shot up, looking into Arizona face, with what she realised must have been a panicked expression because the blonde's face soon mirrored the emotion. "What?" the other woman said in a rush, as Callie fought the fog that was still lingering in her brain trying to locate the blankets' location within her hotel room. Where was her blanket?

After their first picnic, Arizona had returned the blanket after cleaning it. It had seemed she had washed it using her own fabric softener because it smelt just like the blonde. After this Callie had gone out and bought the same type and brand stating that it was for when Arizona stayed over she could wash her clothes with it, which was true but it was also so she could wash the blanket in it, and be reminded of their first night together.

But where was it now? She'd been held it almost every night as she fell asleep, since Arizona left, because if she closed her eyes she could still smell the blonde's fabric softener, which must have meant she was sleeping next to her. Upon opening her eyes she always saw the space beside her was unoccupied, which was why most nights she hoped she wouldn't wake up in the morning.

**Arizona's POV**

Callie's eyes were wide; they had been for most of the time since she had woken up. Initially it was with the notion of her body and brain waking, then with shock at the blonde's presence and now after looking into the packed bag. Arizona moved even closer to the dark haired woman's side, something was wrong it seemed. "Callie?" the smaller woman asked in a hushed voice. A muffled voice, followed by a stifled sob told her the younger woman was crying. On instinct she moved forward towards the brunette and was swiftly pulled by the taller woman pulling on her blouse the rest of the way. Arizona's body collided with Callie's upper and bed, as she pulled in closer by the crying woman. Again by no power of her own, Arizona's arms wrapped themselves around the shaking woman as she sobbed; occasionally making noises which sounded like she was trying to talk and take in deep breathes at the same time, but the blonde couldn't comprehend the sounds. The blonde stood at an awkward angle, holding Callie as her emotions got the better of her, periodically shushing and trying to calm the raging storm. Even after Callie's tears had stopped falling she was still panicking about something, and making no sense, and every time Arizona moved to pull out of the Latina's embrace to try and calm her down, face to face, the younger surgeon simply held on tighter, as if life depending on her holding on.

"Callie…Callie…what's wrong?" Arizona whispered in a manner she hoped was kind enough but firm enough that the frantic woman would hear her and respond. A slight hitched breath both Arizona that Callie was willing herself not to cry again, so blonde held on just as tight as the emotional woman. She wanted, no she needed Callie to realise she wasn't going anywhere. "I. Need. My. Blanket", sounded Callie voice as if it was obvious for her distress. Her blanket. She was getting this emotional over her blanket, not the fact that Arizona was back. She knew it was harsh, but she was upset, and a little annoyed that she was getting this emotional over a blanket. Again the smaller woman went to move from Callie's embrace, only to be pulled back in. "Please don't go", breathed the Latina's voice again seemingly trying to breathe in the smaller woman. Arizona sighed slightly, so it wasn't just about that blanket. The blonde placed a gentle kiss on the mess of dark hair next to her face, soothing back, "I'm not going anywhere Calliope".

The impact of these words was instant. The Latina's grip on Arizona slacked, and then she felt the taller woman actually pushing her away from her. Arizona moved away enough to respect Callie's wishes, but stayed close enough that she could move closer if it was needed. Callie's voice was harsh, both with anger and a scratchy throat from crying as she said, "Just go"

**Callie's POV**

The blonde just stood opened mouthed looking at her dumbfounded. She didn't totally understand the change that had just happened, herself, but she knew Arizona should not make promise she couldn't and wouldn't keep. She couldn't explain it herself, but of the emotions she could decipher she knew she felt angry and embarrassed for being left and found by the small blonde before her. She felt relief that she was stood in front of her, but wanted to scream and scream because she hadn't come back sooner, or for leaving at all. She wanted to wrap her arms around the small framed woman and never let her go, losing herself in her love, smell and touch. She wanted to never let this woman go again, but she had no claim on Arizona, and she wasn't sure she wanted one, or even had the right to ask for it.

Arizona stood merely inches away from her, both women staring at the other. What made Callie madder was Arizona didn't seem to understand. She would admit to herself that Callie didn't understand why she felt the way she did, but the blonde didn't. Arizona should know, should be able to figure it out. This thought was irrational, she could give herself that.

A look of defiance took over the blonde's features, before she spoke firmly but considerably more emotionally than the facial expression should have allowed, "I'm not going anywhere Callie. I am so deeply, deeply, deeply sorry for hurting you so much. I am so sorry, because I am so in love with you and I will spend the rest of my life telling you that. I'll apologize to you every day if that's what you need." Callie couldn't lie to herself, the thick emotion that was settling in her chest and throat was threatening to take over, if it did her resolve would be lost. Arizona still loved her. She had hoped she still did, but how could you destroy someone you love the way she claimed to? How could you walk away, without looking back?

Arizona continued on, her voice uneven, uncontrolled and begging, "But, please, please, doesn't push me away again. I came across the world to be with you. I love you. Please". Callie had begged, pleaded, and screamed for the blonde not to leave, to come back for her and not leave her behind. She phoned every day since that day doing the same thing, and the day she gave up that fight, the blonde returned. Both Callie's hands were clenched tight by her sides, resting on the bed, and she could feel the bandage fighting against her resistance, unyielding to her new manipulation and stress relief. She was still so mad… scared and ashamed. In an indifferent tone which both surprised and sickened her Callie responded, "You had to fly across the world to get to me, Arizona, because you flew a whole world away without ever looking back. You just left. And this might be news to you, but you weren't the only one in this relationship. There were two of us. And you've come back, but I haven't. Whatever else happened that- that- that hasn't changed".

She wanted to kick herself, both her letting her emotion, her hurt and pain seep into the last of her speech, but also for causing the broken look on Arizona's face. Her face had fallen, lost all traces of the look of defiance, confidence and strength it had held minutes before. Callie had done that. Did Arizona deserve it? Maybe. But Callie was meant to be the one who protected Arizona, loved her and look care of her no matter what. But the blonde had done everything but those things, had broken her, and crushed the heart she had once healed. The heart she still claimed, and had taken with her. "Really, please, just go. Go back to Malawi", she spat at the Peds surgeon. That word…Malawi made her skin crawl. She knew what the blonde had gone to do was honourable, noble and courageous, and she had been and still was so proud of her, but she also hated that grant and those kids, and the guilt set in.

The guilt got worse as the words left her mouth, and Arizona literally looked winded, as if someone had just kicked her in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her. With a slight head tilt as if to gage the seriousness of her comment, Arizona's eyes filled with tears. A ragged breath fell from the blonde's lips, as Miranda Bailey walked in wearing her street clothes, through the door Arizona had forgotten to close. Willing her to be strong and not succumb to the rare tears that she had created, Callie moved her head maybe a quarter of an inch, in a small nod. Arizona lowered her head slightly, unable to look at either woman, and uncharacteristically shuffled from the room.


	12. Chapter 11 part 2

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2:** So a week in London went well. House sitting for my aunt, so hoping to get more to you this week. Not sure if I like Bailey's piece in this chapter … I'm ill and on drugs that's my excuse.

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I feel like we could be really awesome together, so make up your mind cause it's now or never" - It's all your fault by P!nk._

**Arizona's POV**

It took all her will power to walk the small distance from Callie's bedside to the door, and her legs refused to walk any further than the small waiting room just passed the labyrinth of corridors before giving up. Her legs seemed to just fail her, making her fall to the ground, clutch her face and sob. She knew how naive she had been. She had known Callie would be angry with her, if the situation was reversed, she would be less than pleased, but she'd like to think if Callie had come back for _her, _she'd be willing to listen. Willing to just hear her out, to hear what she had to say. She had been so damn naive! She could hear people near by, but they felt so far away. Callie had told her to come back, that she wanted her back countless of times over the last two months. Now she had returned, Callie wanted nothing to do with her. The Latina wanted her to go back to Africa! Fresh sobs ripped themselves from the blonde's mouth, as another wave of boiling tears fell from her eyes collecting in her cupped hands. It was the strong hand that came to rest on her shoulder that brought her to her senses. Looking up she saw Alex Karev half kneeling in front of her. "Come on", he soothed as he took her hand. Her body seemed disconnected to her brain, as she pulled upwards and led by the hand like a small child to a near by on-call room.

**Callie's POV**

Pity. Anger. Sadness. Pain. Disappointment. Understanding. All and none could Callie detect on the older woman's voice. Miranda Bailey was not a readable woman. That said one emotion that was visible was concern. It was almost the same look her mother used to give her if she had hurt herself doing something she wasn't meant to be doing as a child, trying to remain looking angry, while checking she had been okay. As the short woman moved beside the bed, Callie began to speak, "Miranda…" Before she could continue she was stopped by a defiant voice, "No. At this moment I am your doctor. Doctor Bailey. Give me a few minutes, and then I can be Miranda, okay?" The dark eyes looking back at her were sad, and Callie understood, Bailey was trying to detach herself from the situation. Give a small nod, the small woman moved forward, pulling on a pair of gloves, she took Callie's injured arm and laid it palm up, on the small table. Gently she cut away the old bandage with a small pair of scissors. Pulling away the old gauze from the wound, both women took a loud intake of breath, as the incision came into view. Both sets of brown eyes met, and Callie saw sadness reflecting back at her. Bailey cleared her throat and went back to the task at hand. Seeing where the blade had bit at her skin as she had dragged it across her wrist, suddenly made the last 24 hours real. It had all felt like a drunken dream, as if she was out of touch with reality. The about dozen sutures holding her skin together, was a shocking revelation to her. She had tried to commit suicide, and had been found by the one person she thought she would never see again. After forty-eight days, after god knows how many unanswered phone calls and pleas, Arizona had returned claiming she had come back for her.

No one ever came back for her. Not George, not Erica, no one. "You're an idiot", was what drew Callie from her pensive state. Focusing on Bailey she saw that her new dressing had been applied, while the other woman was collecting the soiled bandages and put them in the clinical waste bin, snapping her gloves off, these too went in the bin. She assumed this was now "Miranda", because Doctor Bailey would never call a patient an idiot, especially one, which was earlier that day, was nearly admitted into the psych ward. "What were you thinking?" came the woman's slightly shrill voice. Callie never thought she would describe Bailey's voice as shrill, and most certainly wouldn't say it out loud, ever! Both of Bailey's hands came to rest on the bed with such force the small purse she had picked up and placed on her shoulder fell off onto the mattress. Bailey's head turned forcefully in her direction, her eyes were boring into her, in true Bailey stare down fashion. "Do you not remember the day George O'Malley died, the days, weeks, _months_, that followed?" Bailey asked, half warningly. What did George's death have to do with this?

The confusion it seemed had appeared on her face, because Bailey let out a deep sigh, lowering her head, and gripped the bed sheets beneath her fingertips. "Do you remember that pain, hurt, that devastation that we all felt? Do you remember that?" Bailey's voice probed further. Of course she did. George had been her husband, yes they had gotten divorced, but she still had loved him, and cared for him. Her heart had broken and found it so difficult to breathe, never mind lift her feet to run to his room, when Meredith Grey had come running out shouting that that the John Doe who had been hit by a bus, the one which they had been working on for hours, was George. "Of course I do", Callie's voice broke slightly. She tried her best not to think of George's death, when she remembered him now; she only ever tried to think of happy things, not his affair or death.

"George O'Malley got hit by a bus saving the life of a complete stranger. He was courageous and brave. He died a hero. I know that. Except it still makes me so mad that he did it. But you…" Bailey genuinely looked confused. Callie felt her heart clench. She was an idiot. It was rare to see this woman openly emotional. She knew Bailey cared greatly for George, and even named her son after him, after he had helped her while she was in labour.

Bailey continued, "You had a choice. He died being a hero, and we all felt the pain of losing him. You did this to yourself; do you have _any_ idea how that would have made us feel? Mark? Arizona? Me? Your family, your friends?" The short woman blurred slightly as the tears in Callie's eyes stopped her from being able to focus on her. Slowly the tears slipped passed their barrier and fell. She noticed the other woman was slightly crying too. "I'm sorry", whispered the Latina. Callie saw Miranda screw her eyes shut, trying to take a deep breath. When the bronze coloured eyes opened again, she saw sadness, and saw the acceptance before the word "okay" fell from the woman's lips.

Sitting on the alone chair the room possessed, the older woman took a deep breath, steadying her emotions. Sitting back in the chair she spoke again, this time her voice was much steadier and even than before, "I had to bring Little Tuck to work with me today as his daycare sent everyone home because of a gas leak". Callie was slightly confused but listened as Bailey began again, "Karev has been looking after him. Tuck heard Dr Sloan and I talking about your injury, and started asking questions. We told him you had hurt your arm, so he drew you this". Miranda pulled her discarded purse towards her, and pulled out a small, roughly folded piece of paper, which had clearly been folded by the four year old himself. Once the paper had been passed to her, Callie saw that there was what looked like a pink version of Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc, except it had two eyes and a few strands of black hair. One of arms which stuck out of the side of its head (as it had no body) was red. It was then Callie realised it was a picture of her, and above the picture someone, she assumed Alex and written in pencil "Get Well Soon Dr Callie", and Tuck had gone over it in green marker gen. Opening it up she saw the same penciled handwriting and covering green marker, which had made several mistakes tracing the lettering, read

"To Dr Callie

Please get your arm well soon.

From William George Bailey Jones".

Underneath this were big green crosses of Tuck's own creation, she assumed were meant to be kisses. Callie eyes began to swim again with tears, as Bailey spoke again, "Tuck told Alex exactly what to write". Callie gave a small nod, only just trusting her voice to say, "What have I done Bailey?"

**Arizona's POV**

After ten minutes of Arizona crying in Alex's arms, and another ten minutes of Alex filling Arizona on the happenings of Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital, he had been paged by the new acting head of the Peds ward. It was odd because Arizona felt a little hurt about her replacement, which in Alex's words was a "total ass". The blonde had always praised herself on her bedside manner and her abilities with her patients, which had gained her the nickname "baby whisper" by Callie. However it seemed that she had been replaced by someone who was the complete opposite to her. It was because of this; on leaving the on-call room she had taken haven in, when she saw Richard Webber she did a fast jog to his side. "Dr Robbins", the Chief said in way of greeting. "Chief Webber", she gave back. "I was wondering if we could have a word…privately", she added at noticing the attention she was drawing to herself by simply existing in the hospital's corridor. "Sure, follow me", he said was he guided her towards he direction of his office.

The door clicked behind them, and in silence both took their respective seat, Richard, the one behind the desk, Arizona the one in front. There was a slight awkward silence between them before, Richard said encouragingly, "Dr Robbins". Taking a deep breath Arizona spoke in a rush, hoping beyond hope her authority issues would not hinder this, "I've come for my job back, or a job I don't mind, as long as it's in Peds. I've still got to travel to and from Malawi. I'll travel to Malawi every two months for the next three years to oversee everything, and I've got a leading pediatric surgeon to oversee the day to day operations."

The Chief shuffled slightly in his chair, before responding, "Dr Robbins, I signed a contract with a new Peds attending, it's a six months contract." The crushing sensation that hit Arizona in the chest was like a bull slamming into her. "I know Doctor Stark, Karev told me. If you can't give me my job back, I understand, but you must have something for me? Even if at the moment it was just to help the Peds' nurses and staff with the Christmas preparations. Alex said Stark hadn't done anything, and was all about the medication. Not that, that's a bad thing, but you know how I feel about…" Webber put his hand up to stop her continuing, "I never said you couldn't work here Robbins. I can hire you back, but you will have to work under Stark". Oh boy! From what Alex had said that would not be a good thing. "That said I don't want you doing anything until the day after Christmas Day, but be in charge of the holiday festivities. Am I understood?" Arizona knew the smile that grew on her face was big, and framed by dimples, and was the first real smile she had done in over two months. "Yes sir! I'll get on it right away", she rushed. Then it hit her, "Oh no, tomorrow is Christmas Eve!" Webber sat looking slightly entertained by the woman who was now pacing back and forth muttering to herself about Santa costumes and crackers in front of his desk. "You better get busy then Dr Robbins", said in an amused tone. Her head shot from her thoughts before responding "Yes sir. Erm…Can I use the showers? Just I haven't washed yet, with the flight and then Callie…". No more words came out, but they were needed as the Chief seemly ignored the unspoken words, "Of course Dr Robbins, they are there to be used by hospital staff". Before turning to leave the blonde said, "Thank you. For everything, thank you". The look on the man's face told her, he knew she wasn't just thanking him for the job, and just as she made to leave the room he spoke again, "Arizona?" "Yes, sir?" she voice cracked slightly with uncertainly, because the chief very rarely called her by her first name. "Welcome back to Seattle, and I'm sorry about Dr Torres", was his response. Giving him a sad smile, she replied with a simple, "thank you", before leaving the room.

Upon entering the locker room it took a lot will power not to go straight to where "her" locker was. It was no longer her locker. She technically had no locker, so had no things to put in her non-existing locker. In turn this meant no toiletries for to have a shower with. Then it hit her, all surgeons know the risks of working in the environment they do, and know that at any given moment something may happen which requires them to have a shower. Which now she thought about it meant Callie hadn't needed the toiletries she had brought in. Sure enough when Arizona opened the brunette's locker there right in the front were mini versions of the same body wash and shampoo she had left in their owner's room little over an hour ago. After a small debate with herself, she decided she would use a small amount of both, hoping Callie wouldn't mind (and hoping she wouldn't realise and then if there was a problem she would replace it. Pulling out her cell she sent Lexie a text telling her to meet her in the locker room in about thirty minutes, as she had a favour to ask of her.

Grabbing a full set of scrubs, she walked into the shower room peeling off each of her garments before standing naked under the shower head. The second the water started to fall she felt her muscles relax beneath the faucet's spray. After standing for a few minutes, just letting the water fall over her, she uncapped the small bottle of body wash, squirting a moderate amount onto her hand before she began washing herself. It took about ten seconds for the smell of the body wash to hit her, the smell of Callie. The effect was instant; it made her stomach leap with joy and despair. It was her once claimed favourite smell; it still was, maybe mixed with the smell shower sex too. Arizona missed her. There was no other way to put it, she missed her. She missed her laugh, her smile, her small dimples she got when she really smiled, the sound of her voice, her touch, her kindness, her humour. Everything. She missed Calliope Torres. It was then the tears fell, and for the first time since got back she was not embarrassed or ashamed of the tears that fell, because maybe, just maybe there was hope.

**Callie's POV**

It had been several hours since Bailey had left, they hadn't spoken much, but it was enough for her to realise she needed to talk to Arizona. She was just so frustrated, angry, annoyed…ashamed. She had done some seriously questionable things in the last two months, the worst however it had to be said were her actions last night. Despite what she had done, Arizona had said she had come back for her right? So she would listen to what she had to say, right? Apart of her wanted to phone or text the blonde and tell her to come back so they could talk, but she had done that so much recently and it still angered that it had taken so long for Arizona to do as she asked.

Callie was pulled out of her wonderings by a small knock on the door, it took several attempts for the small "come in" to come from her mouth. The door opened slowly to reveal Lexie in her normal clothes, clutching her blanket. Confusion hit, and it hit hard. In response to the confused look on her face Lexie said, "Er… Arizona asked me to get this for you." To say she was shocked was an understatement. Despite how she had treated her, Arizona had done this for her. Callie would only admit to herself she was a little disappointed and upset by the fact the blonde hadn't brought it herself. That said she had told Arizona to go back to Africa. An overwhelming sensation took over her heart and stomach, Arizona wouldn't, she couldn't go back to Africa. She needed to see her. Lexie dropped the blanket onto Callie's bed, pulling her out of her thoughts once again. Rubbing her temples a little embarrassedly Callie apologised. The other woman shot her an understanding smile, saying "It's fine. I've got to go, meeting Mark later, but if you need anything let us know okay?" She needed Arizona, but she wouldn't have her summoned. "Thank you, and for this", the orthopedic surgeon said as she reached for the orange blanket draped across her legs. Lexie gave a small smile and nod before leaving the room. Sighing heavily, Callie laid backwards onto her pillows, pulling the old blanket upwards, and inhaled deeply. Arizona. She had to speak to her, had to tell her everything. They would shout, and cry, but they needed to make a go of this. If nothing else they had to say they had at least tried.

**Arizona's****POV**

It looked as if she could do this Christmas preparation stuff, a few more things were needed to be sorted first before she could claim success, but she was getting there. She just needed sleep. A real, undisturbed night of sleep, one she knew she wouldn't get without a certain Latina hold her in their arms. That however was not going to happened, so she would have to just settle with seeing her one more time before she left for the night, a part of her wished she would be asleep, so they wouldn't argue again. Once again Callie's room was cast into golden light from the small lamp beside her bed, while the woman in question was sat propped up against her pillows staring out of the rain fletched windows, her fingers running over the requested blanket, it seemed Lexie had managed to find it, as she had asked her to. She couldn't help the shiver take ran down her spine when she noted how rosy the tanned woman's skin was, and how pale and clammy it had been about 24 hours before.

"Callie", the blonde said in a low voice as not to shock the pensive woman. Despite the precaution Callie's head span around to look at her so fast Arizona was slightly surprised when it didn't do a full 360 spin. The Latina rolled her eyes in acknowledgement of the older woman's presence, however she didn't look away. The words "Good night Calliope" were on the tip of her tongue; they really were, except those were not the ones which came out. "I left", were the ones that did. Callie's eye brows shot up a fraction in surprise and it seemed expectancy. She was expecting Arizona to say more words…words that Arizona didn't even have in her head yet. "I left, and I was miserable. I had this dream of helping children. Forgetting everything about us, I can't even begin to tell you how bad things were over there. The amount of children I treated who died of sickness, diarrhea and diseases that if we went a drug store for they'd be look at us as if we were stupid and told to take an Aspirin", her voice rose more than she had planned it, anger and annoyance at the simplistic solutions that could be put in place, if money was available. Callie was listening, she looked too shocked to remember to look angry or upset with the blonde, something which didn't last long as Arizona took a deep breath before continuing, "But it wasn't my dream. I was helping these kids, and it was amazing it really was, but it was like being a band aid over a bullet wound. The money…it just wasn't enough for what was needed." Anger took over the Brunette's face, "So you came back, well I'm sorry it wasn't the fairy tale you imagined" she snapped.

"Yes it wasn't what I thought it would be like. Except you are wrong, I came back for you!" Arizona shot back, now equally annoyed as the woman in the bed. The reading on the heart monitor beside Callie's bed spiked, not dangerously so, but it was a heartbreaking and a very real warning to her not to get the Latina too upset. "I could have dealt with how crappy the medical care of there was, how the local gp was also the anaesthesiologist, who had to guess how much the patients needed meaning that on a good day the kid either woke up half way through or everything went smoothly, or as smoothly as they could go considering. On the bad days the kid didn't…" she couldn't finish the sentence. Though looking up, for a moment she knew Callie had understood the unsaid words. Clearing her throat and biting back the tears she went on, "I could have dealt with it, but you weren't there. You were here, and that made me so beyond miserable".

The look in the brown eyes told her exactly what the remark was going to be before it even graced Callie's lips, "I wasn't there because you left me behind. Homeless and jobless. You left me, standing in the middle of the airport. You have no idea what it's been like for me, being HERE, by myself." Despite the angry tone that had laced Callie's words, her voice simply broke with sadness as the warm chocolate eyes swam with tears. As if ashamed of them, Callie looked down unblinking at the hospital blanket covering her lower half. Arizona walked with deliberate slowness towards the young surgeon's bed, feeling the thick emotion rest in her throat, it ignoring her several attempts to swallow it away. When Callie didn't look up or make an indication she should stop, Arizona sat on the edge of Callie's bed, which again Callie didn't hinder her from doing.

"I have an idea what it was like", Arizona spoke in a soft, hushed voice. Despite her emotional outburst, when Callie's head lifted to give her a questioning look, the blonde could not see any tear tracks down the Latina's cheeks, though sadness was etched in every feature. Taking a deep breath she took the hand nearest her, flipping it gently with her own, leaving her thumb resting on Callie's palm. The bright white bandage stared back at them both, a visible reminder of what laid beneath it, and within Callie's soul. "I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner", the blonde breathed, struggling with the emotions which struggled and fought to get out. Without looking up, she took the plunge, "But I'm here now. And I'm staying because I'm going fight to make sure that you know that I'm committed to this thing". Chancing a look up, she saw Callie was looking straight at her. She didn't look angry or upset. If anything she looked scared and vulnerable. It broke her heart to see her look so … broken. The tears were just there on the tip of falling from the brown eyes, daring her to blink so they could break free. Staring straight into those haunting, soulful eyes the blonde continued, taking hold of hand resting on her own, " At some point you're gonna have to forgive me. And it may as well be now, because I'm in love with you, Calliope, and you're in love with me. And all I'm asking for is one more chance."

Callie just looked at her… just looked at her. But Arizona could see the thoughts racing around in her head, could almost hear the cogs going around in her brain. The spell had been broken, she had blinked and now two tears were racing with each other down Callie's skin. All that could be heard was the low beep of the machine, which in reality Callie no longer needed, the rain hitting the glass windows and both women's breathing both hindered by their emotions.

Time seemed to slow, as Callie moved slightly so her body was more facing the short blond, and the hand Arizona had been holding on to, gripped hers in return. Arizona's breath held in her chest, as Callie spoke, "You want another chance?" Arizona resisted the urge to do anything which could jeopardise this moment, but sighed deeply with relief, "Yes more than anything, I want another chance!" The brunette opened her mouth slightly before closing it, again as if trying think of how to word whatever it was she was about to say, but she held tighter onto the blonde's hand. Arizona couldn't help the slight smile that danced across her lips. Callie looked, nervous, anxious, which was hardly surprising, the blonde knew she had a lot to do to make it up to her, and she would do whatever it took. To help her even start trusting her, she knew this wasn't an easy fix, but it was a start. Callie was forgiving her. Arizona's heart flew; it flew to the heavens, and danced amongst the stars. However her heart, body and soul came crashing down to earth with the words, "I Slept with Mark…How about now?"

She was sure her heart stopped beating in that moment, as her body went slack, void of all feeling but the warm hand which was now in her own. Those dark, scared, unsure eyes looking straight at her, silently begging for an answer, for reassurance, for something she had no idea how to give. As those words fell from the Latina's lips, images that were unwelcome, unwanted and sickening flooded her mind. As those words destroyed the blonde's resolve, the hospital door opened with a click.


	13. Chapter 12

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2:** Still house sitting. Reviews are so helpful, so please if you take the time to read, please tell what I've done right or wrong.

**Author's Note 3:** As you may have noticed the timeline is not the same in this story as it is in the show. At this point it has been about three years since the kiss at Joe's.

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_So are you listening? So are you watching me?" __– Emergency by Paramore_

"_It's all your fault, you called me beautiful. You turned me out and now I can't turn back." __- It's all your fault by P!nk._

**Arizona's POV**

Shock, heart shattering adrenaline, anger and considerable fear had flown through Arizona's system as those words that had come from the Latina's mouth. She felt as if she was falling, and the only thing that kept her place was the strong hand in her own, and dark pleading stare from the eyes she could get so lost in. She couldn't have spoken even if she had wanted to, but she could move. She slipped her hand from the raven's grasp, and saw pain reflecting back at her, subconsciously causing the same pained look she had induced a year ago by carrying out the same motion, when Callie had expressed her want for a child. Was Callie pregnant? Maybe it was too early to tell. She couldn't believe that Callie was pregnant. She wouldn't have done what she did, if she was. Would she? The plummeting sensation that had followed the revelation and realisation to what it meant was nothing to the on slaughter of anger and hatred she felt as the door creaked open, and a man cleared his throat.

She had turned to see the man himself, and heard what sounded like a slight whimper from behind her; she assumed it came from the injured woman. It had taken every ounce of her willpower to not, when she had stood slowly, to pick up the chair she had been sitting on and bludgeon the man into a bloody heap. Hit him so hard so many times, that even with his surgical expertise he would never look the same way again. There had been two things which had propelled her forward and had enabled her to leave the room. The first was regardless, the loathsome man who had been stood before her was still the love of her life's best friend. The second was, she was unsure if her conscious would have allowed her to ignore her Hippocratic Oath, and leave him in a blood mess. So she had walked, straight out of the door, without looking back.

That had been three weeks ago. Twenty one day ago Arizona Robbins had walked out of Callie's room, leaving the confused Latina and probably equally confused Mark Sloan in her wake. She was pretty sure that Callie would have told Mark within minutes of the blonde leaving the room why she had just walked out. It had been a week after the night of the exposure, the day before New Years Eve that Callie had been released, and a further week before Callie had returned to work.

In the first week Arizona had thrown herself into her work, staying away from the room she felt herself being drawn to every time she stepped foot in the building. There was no real escape from the other woman, the hospital halls were filled of memories and the place Arizona slept in was filled with her belongings, and Latina's presence always lingered. It seemed Callie had been staying at the hotel since the night she left, this she only knew because of the invoice and receipt she had been informed was waiting at reception for her. It still amazed her that Callie could afford the twenty five hundred dollars a week bill, and that was without room service or tipping housekeeping. Callie had never flaunted her money; in fact she barely used it normally being dependant on her wage.

Upon returning back to the hotel, as she had no where else to go she had been offered by the staff a relocated room. She had thought it was a little much, Callie had been the one who had tried to commit suicide in one of their bathtubs after all, and they probably weren't liable for anything. At first she had declined saying she was more than happy with the room she had, and as she stripped and changed for bed she was. Despite everything she was happy she was surrounded by everything that was Calliope Torres. Her smell hung in the air, clung to her every being. She had even opened the wardrobe which was housing some of the brunette's clothes, pulling on one of her tops and a pair of jog pants. Instantly she was close to Callie, sitting on the chair that was facing the large vanity mirror she put her head in her hands and cried.

She had tried to sleep. That night she had pealed back the sheets and had climbed into the big, cold bed alone. The pillows had smelt of the raven's hair, or maybe it was Arizona's own hair, she didn't know. She had closed her eyes so tightly, willing herself to sleep, but the images that forced themselves on her imagination made it impossible to sleep. It had taken about three hours of her self torture, before she had leapt from the bed as if she'd been burnt. The realisation had hit her like a ton of bricks; it might have been in that bed. It might have been in that bed that Callie had betrayed her, betrayed their love. She knew they hadn't been together, that Callie owed nothing, but the images, the thoughts that had kept creeping into her brain, made it so damned hard to think straight. She had resisted the verge to throw up, to run head first into the bathroom and empty her stomach of all the pain, misery and hurt she felt. She couldn't sleep in that room; neither could she just go and asked to be moved at that time. Looking over at Callie's alarm clock, the red numbers had told her it was little after half one in the morning. She had taken the only seat in the room once again, and stared across at the double bed in the middle of the room. Taking breathes as deep as she could; she had tried to not succumb to the tears or the nausea. She only managed to stop herself from throwing up, it look all her resolve to do that, the tears did not listen to her internal pleas or threats as they had rolled down her face, dying on the collar of her borrowed night wear.

There she had sat on that lone, cold wooden chair, with a semi comfortable cushion perched on it, her forearms resting on the draws, until the red number flared 6 am. She had sat alone with her thoughts for almost four hours. By three she had become immune to the coldness of the room, refusing to wrap the duvet around her frame for warmth. She knew on some level she was being ridiculous, even if they had…in this room, on that bed, the bedding would have been washed, and it probably wasn't even the bedding. None the less, she didn't wrap herself up in it. She had cried and cried, the warm tears that poured down her face seemed not to care for her futile attempts to make them stop, so she had stopped fighting them.

She had pulled clothes out of her own suitcase at random; pulling off the ones she had adopted for the night and stuffed these ones and the dirty ones from the day before into her case. Once she was dressed she went around the room collecting Callie's things from every surface and storage space could think of, and folded everything as neatly as she could into the Latina's case. When she came to the letter and flower cards which were stored in Callie's underwear draw she had to refrain from letting her emotions get the better of her yet again. The small cards and letter were then placed in her case; after all they were hers, not Callie's.

Having one last check, she found Callie's cell that she discarded after she had told Mark about Callie needing to go to hospital and Callie's small army knife down by the sink in the bathroom. Once again she resisted the urge to throw up, to throw the weapon across the room, as far away as possible from her. This had been what Callie had used to try and end her life. Taking a deep breath she had put the blade in the suitcase, and cell in her own purse. She would ensure, somehow it got back to the brunette. It was just after seven when the blonde left the hotel room, and struggled down the corridor with her and Callie's various belongings being hit in various places by one or both of the cases and both bags. Once she reached the reception she told them out front that she was leaving, the staff had briefly tried to reassure her that they could relocate her to a different room. She had declined point blank and made to leave and a man who worked for the hotel, dressed in a tails and top hat helped her with the cases. Only in a place like the Archfield, would a young man in his late twenties be able to help you carry your cases and flag down a taxi in a top hat and tails at 7am, and no one batter an eye lid. Tipping the man, as she had been told by Callie was only polite, she climbed into the back of the car with the cases the young gentleman had placed inside, and told the driver once again the first address that came to mind. Their old apartment block.

It had been easy to convince the landlord to let Arizona out buy the sub letters. He had said he was going to kick them out after the Christmas period anyway, because apparently there had been several complaints made by the people neighbouring apartments about noise disturbances, both argumentative shouting and more … pleasurable shouting once the new occupancies made up. The landlord had said Arizona could leave her cases in his office until the night time give the new people enough time … i.e. the day to find a new place to live. She hadn't really thought about it when she had asked for their old apartment back, but the people would have to be evicted on Christmas Eve. The small, balding man reassured the blonde by saying he was going to do it either way; she might as well get her home back in the process.

Home. Was this now her home? She was now sitting on the couch three weeks later in the apartment after one of the longest days she had ever remembered having. The couch which had been previously owned by Callie Torres. She had been released from hospital a fortnight ago, and it seemed by the information she had been getting from Lexie Grey was staying with Mark. The Latina was living across the hall from her, in _his_ apartment. From what Lexie had said, she didn't think Callie even knew Arizona was living in 502. She wondered if Callie knew, would she make her leave.

It wasn't that she was trying to avoid Callie. Or at least it hadn't started out that way. At first she just needed time to digest everything, to think and process the last few days, months even. Then as time progressed it had become harder and harder to know what to say, what to do. At first she could just throw herself into Christmas on the PEDs Wards, and enjoy the look on the patients' faces as "Santa" came into their room and delivered their presents. She had managed to bribe the same guy who had done it last year to do it again. She saw the joy on the tiny humans' faces and the relief on so many parents' faces too, as the realisation that their child had survived to see another Christmas. It had become harder once Christmas was over. Karev had been right, Stark was an ass. A big royal pain the ass!

Stark had to know, had to have heard the gossip about her and Callie, and yet whenever the floor Callie was on paged someone from PEDs, he always sent her. At times she had seen Mark and Lexie coming from Callie's corridor, knowing they had been to see her. It was on one of these times she had given Lexie, Callie's phone and told her that she would need her help to get Callie's stuff back to her. She had told Lexie where she was now living, and instantly panicked when Lexie had told her that Mark and she were now back together. She had however promised not to tell Mark or Callie where she was staying, under the condition that Arizona would at some point tell Callie herself. Arizona knew at some point she would have to talk to the brunette, but as time passed, as it slipped further away, she couldn't help but wonder if their time had passed. Callie had slept with someone else, forgetting for moment who that someone was; she had, even if it was just for one night, moved on. At times Arizona wished she could do the same, even if it was just for one night, forgot about Callie. But the Latina was just too hard to quit, to forget, stop loving…to get over.

Lexie had her own key to Mark's place, so dumping Callie's belonging she had collected from the hotel room, and those she had come across while unpacking the boxes from storage hadn't been hard. It was weird and a little daunting, because Lexie and Arizona had become quite good friends over the last three weeks. It wasn't that they hadn't been friends before Africa, just before at work she had been Lexie's boss, outside of work she was just Lexie's boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend. They hadn't had much in common. At first Arizona hadn't told the young brunette about Mark and Callie, she believed she deserved to hear it from the man himself. It seemed that on the third day of Arizona moving in he had told her, because there was a small knock on the apartment door while she had been eating, her famous Chinese take away. On opening the door to the other woman, Lexie had of her own accord wrapped her arms about the blonde, and knew she understood.

They rarely spoke about Mark. Or at least mention him by name. "Mark" was two people in their conversations. Lexie made it clear she wouldn't belittle Mark, not that Arizona had ever wanted her to, however she would and did criticize "the man" who Callie had slept with in a "you deserve better" friendship kind of way. She also praised and went goo-ey over her "boyfriend", which Arizona in turn listened to and encouraged where possible. They had become closer in a way, Lexie had even seen Arizona break down in tears more than once, and had given her encouragement that things would sort them selves out. The one time Arizona and Lexie had talk about Mark as the same person had been while the blonde had asked her why she wasn't mad or annoyed that Mark had slept with his ex sex buddy. Arizona could go as far as connecting Mark to the event, but not both Mark and Callie at the same time that was too hard.

Lexie had been honest. She had always known what Mark was like when she had fallen in love with him. Had known his reputation, what his was capable of, and as long as he remained faithful while they were together she would just have to live with the fact he had slept with someone else while they were apart. She had been surprised by the brunette's honesty. What surprised her more was the similarities between what Lexie had said, and her relationship with Callie. She had known that the two friends had slept together more than once over their friendship, and knew that Callie and her broken up, so she hadn't actually cheated on her. However she knew where the similarities ended. Mark had never told Lexie that he would never sleep with Callie again, that she was jealous for nothing that he had eyes, body and heart only for her, but Callie had. Arizona had made it extremely clear of her dislike for the nature of Callie and Mark's relationship for almost three years and had been told each time that nothing would ever happened between them again, and yet it had. Lexie had also Arizona that Callie was not pregnant. It wasn't something that Arizona had asked her to find out, but it seemed that this was one concerned both women had shared. It seemed that Lexie had asked Mark to found out, how he had done this she didn't know. He may have just asked Callie, taken blood work, she didn't know. But she did know that Callie was not pregnant with Mark's baby. That was something right?

The week before Callie had gone back to work, Lexie had been her spy. She had given Arizona Mark's timetable so she knew when he would be leaving the apartment so she could avoid him. Now Mark she had been avoiding, and on purpose! She had now reached the stage where she could say, with confidence that if left in a room alone with Mark Sloan she would kill him. Knowing that her new best friend would not approve of Arizona killing her boyfriend she refrained from putting herself in that position, only talking to him in a professional manner, when it was needed at work. Mark to his credit did not set out to annoy or upset her, he actually looked guilty whenever, whether it had been by chance or not, they would run into each other or catch each other's eye.

Avoiding Callie had been harder, at least for the week she had been off work, because in reality she could come and go from Mark's apartment at anytime she pleased. As she went through the boxes the two woman had, had stored she assigned boxes to hold Callie's things and left them by the door. So when, as she had so frequently over the last three week, Lexie texted her telling her the coast was clear, they could move the belonging across the hall. Arizona never went into the apartment, but did pass the younger woman boxes through the door. There had been once when Callie had it seemed forgotten something, returned within five minutes of leaving, almost catching them in the act. Arizona had heard the elevator's bell announcing someone on the floor, and had rushed back to the apartment closing the door behind her. She had watched through the peephole as "Little Grey" had come face to face with Callie, nearly dropping one of the boxes in surprised as Arizona hadn't had time to warn her. She had then watched as Lexie had explained something to the other dark haired woman, who then helped Lexie carry small pile of boxes Arizona had managed to drag out of own apartment into the hall, into the apartment opposite. It had been about twenty minutes later when Arizona heard a small knock on her door, and had once again found Lexie stood on the other side. She had simply told Callie that Arizona was going through their things and had asked her to fetch them across, which she had done with the help of the taxi driver to get them into the building, and then the landlord to get them to 501. It seemed that Callie had brought this story, but they had to be more careful in the future.

Leaning forward the small blonde banged her head repeated not so gently on the coffee table in front of her in frustration. She was going to have to talk to the brunette at some point. Now she was back at work, it seemed that, that time was fast approaching. She couldn't keep avoiding her, and apart of her didn't want to. However it seemed she couldn't help but do it. Callie had come back to work exactly one week today, and it seemed that the tiny humans of Seattle were determined to get them in the same room. The amount of ortho consults she had had to request this week had to be a record, and it seemed that Callie was only orthopaedic surgeon in the whole hospital, because every time Callie would appear. Arizona had almost managed to avoid working with Callie all week, managing by "chance" to stay in another patient's room just longer than was needed so Karev got to scrub in. Or by needing to see to a patient who had started to vomit blood all over himself and his mother, though this was actually by chance. She managed almost seven days to only see the brunette across corridors or the cafeteria or only needing to say "Doctor Torres" in front of parents. She almost managed until this morning, when ten year old Penny Gavin had decided climb onto her roof to see if Santa and his reindeer had left any footprints in the snow up there, and had fallen. She had broken her pelvis, right radius, left wrist and several fingers. As Alex had the day off, Stalk had assigned her to Penny case, and after a page to ortho, in had walked the woman she had been too scared to talk to. To make matters worse, she was soon followed in by the man himself, Mark Sloan. It seemed the universe hated her that much; because Penny had also managed to get some nasty facial laceration.

Two and half hours she had had to stand trying her hardest to only pay attention to Penny's slight body open on the table. She had to ignore the impulses to charge at Mark and throttle him where he stood, and to remind herself that Penny needed him to focus her face. That if she had done, what she really wanted to do she could lose her job, maybe even her license to practice. Hardest of any of the things she wanted to do, she had had to ignore the ortho surgeon who it seemed innocently would brush passed her, touch her or god even breath on her as she worked. She had to try her best to ignore it, because if she didn't, she would give in. She didn't know if she wanted to yet, no she knew she did. She just didn't know if she did, would Callie do something like this again. Did she trust the Latina enough to give her the power back to break her? Would Callie ever trust _her_ enough to believe if, and it was a big if, they got back together, she wouldn't leave again.

How had things become so mixed up? How had she let things get so out of control? A year ago, a year ago they had made promises to each other. Kids, a family, and future. An unspoken promise of a wedding and marriage, though neither had asked, just enjoying the bubble they had created for themselves, just a little bit longer. But now…They were the closest and farthest away from each other than they had been in months, and Arizona had no idea what to do. She'd slept with Mark. Arizona now realised that it was because of this Mark had been so nice to her when she had returned. She wished she could believe it was because he felt guilty for sleeping with her when she was so vulnerable, that he knew how much both women loved each other, so wanted to help repair what was damaged. However that small bit in her, that small insecurity, the one that had had her convinced for almost three years, that Callie would go back to Mark, told her it was because he wanted to set her up. Set her so high, just to watch her fall. Apart of her knew this wasn't true, but shouldn't help but believe it, because of that insecurity, the one that Callie had denied so many times, had come true. Callie may not have left her for Mark, but she had gone straight back to him the moment the blonde had left.


	14. Chapter 13

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2:** For the purpose of this fanfic the events of 6x10 happened before 6x08.

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I hold my breath" - _It's all your fault by P!nk.

"_Well I can't pretend that I don't see this" – _Emergency by Paramore

**Callie POV**

A whole week. She had been lying in that bed for a week. Officially the line she had been spun was mandatory counselling. She had to see a counsellor every day for that week, which was dropped to three days the first week of release, then twice a week once she had returned to work. This was to continue until the counsellor thought she was ready and no longer needed the addition support. The first week it had been done so she could be released, the second so she could return to work, after that was so she could carry out operations. That was the official explanation, the unofficial reason she believed had been she was on suicide watch.

She wouldn't do it again. She knew that, and had tried to tell anyone who would listen. Rebecca Jones, the woman she had been referred to for counselling was nice enough. Oddly Rebecca looked like an older version of Addison, she had similar mannerism, and same curve of the mouth when she spoke. Callie had been quite surprised at how easy it was for her to talk to the woman. In the beginning she had talk to her because she had to; telling her things she knew the other woman would want to hear. Just going through the motions of a 50 minute hour session. However somewhere between the first session and maybe her sixth, something clicked and Callie actually opened up. Not just about her suicide attempt, not even just about Arizona, but things like her parents and older sister, her relationship with Mark and George. Even once she had spoken about Erica. Rebecca listened, nodded, smiled encouragingly and asked questions in all the right places, but not in a patronising manner.

She was talking, and yet the one person she wanted to talk to more than anyone else, wouldn't stay near enough for more than a few, few minute bursts. When she had been in hospital as a patient Mark and Lexie had come to see her, both as her doctors and as her friends. According to Mark, Lexie had taken the news of them sleeping together considerably well, though it wasn't something she had brought up with the older brunette. The day after Mark had told Lexie, the woman in question had appeared in her room as she had done the four previous mornings, but this time she had had the Latina's cell. Lexie had informed her that Arizona had moved her stuff out the hotel room, and Mark was now storing it at his apartment if there was anything she needed, Mark or herself could fetch it in.

From the small pieces of information she managed to get from Mark and Lexie, Arizona had been rehired by the Chief only this time under Stark. She felt sorry for the blonde she had heard from Alex what an ass he was, however the small piece of hope she clung to was no one knew if Stark would remain at the hospital once his current contract ran out. If he did he would have to work under Arizona, and hopefully this fact kept him for being too bad. Neither Mark or Lexie seemed to know where Arizona was staying, all three had made the assumption she was staying with Teddy. This assumption was made more possible by the warning to "stay away until both are you are ready to talk" she had received from the cardio surgeon on her one of the days she'd visited the hospital in her week off. She hadn't meant to end up on the PEDs floor the first time, somehow her feet had simply carried her, and she had been caught staring at the blonde by Teddy. Then whenever Arizona's floor paged ortho for consult, she made sure it was her who took it. She knew it was unfair, and wished she could actually accuse the blonde of avoiding her, but she was always with another patient.

There had been a few times where they had been at the nursing station at the same time, but Arizona only ever called her "Doctor Torres". It seemed that was all she was to her these days, a work colleague. However on one occasion she had come face to face with Arizona as she had been wiping the front of her white coat, which was covered in what looked like blood. They had quite literally been inches away from banging into each other. "Oh sorry … Calliope" the blonde had apologised before looking up, and it seem was then surprised to see who she had just nearly banged into. She had spoken to her, and the thing which made her heart dance was the fact it seemed the blonde hadn't noticed her slip in calling her by name. Not only her name, but her full name.

She couldn't deny that she was still upset and angry at the older woman for leaving her, something she quite frequently ended up crying and shouting about to an unfazed Rebecca Jones. However she genuinely believed if they talked, even if they screamed and shout at each other, saying all the horrible things they had been thinking, that they could work. She believed they could and would work out, if only she could get the blonde to stand still along enough and get her to talk.

She knew Arizona knew where Callie was staying, and who she was staying with. There was nothing kept secret in this place, everyone knew everything about everyone else. About half way through her week off, she had decided to go out. Just go for walk. She had to just get out of the apartment, stop looking at the same four walls. However as she had reached the street, she'd remembered she'd left her money on the side after she had bought pizza in the night before. On returning to her floor she saw the familiar blonde head dart into the apartment they had once owned. There stood Lexie surrounded by boxes. Lexie had then spun her some story about bringing the boxes over for the older blonde. Considered Callie had just the blonde in question sprint into the apartment opposite she knew this wasn't the case, but went along with it anyway. It seemed Arizona was now staying in their old apartment.

Every day this week she had walked out of 501, and had stood and looked at the blue door she had once called her own, and debated whether she should knock. Since neither Lexie nor Arizona had mentioned the other woman's present accommodation, she guessed she wasn't to know. But everyday it got a little bit harder to resist and to give Arizona the space she needed. It was even harder walking back passed the door on a night, knowing there was a woman on the other side who she would give anything to sleep with in her arms.

Then there was yesterday. She wished she hadn't been so happy about it, because poor little Penny had been in so pain, and had had to suffer. But it had meant that Callie had gotten to look at and be in the same room as Arizona for several hours. The only downside to this had been that Mark had been there too. Every so often she managed to catch Arizona's eye, there would be moment, which was then ruined by Mark talking to one of them. He wasn't doing it on purpose, everything Mark had "interrupted" with was medically related, but she had wished he wasn't there. They had been working in such a confined space, that more than once the women's hands would touch or they'd sweep past each other as they worked. At one point she was so close to her that she could smell the blonde's shampoo. It had been at this moment she realised who had been taking her shampoo and body wash. She had noticed it was going down every time she went back to her locker. She had at first been annoyed that someone had been taking it and had even tried hiding it underneath other objects in the locker. Only to find that when she went back there the bottles were at the front, with a little bit less in. This idea, the idea that Arizona was using Callie's shampoo and wash gave her hope, because perhaps it meant something to her, like the Latina's blanket did.

For the last half an hour Callie had been trying to find Arizona. There had been some abnormalities on Penny's blood work, but she couldn't for the life of her find the small blonde. Originally she had paged her, though because it had been her who paged, Arizona was ignoring it. Or that's what she had thought, because when she had gotten the PEDs reception to page her, the blonde still did not show. She knew the other surgeon was still meant to be working for at least another two hours, so she still had to be in the building. She had even looked in their usual on-call room and still hadn't found her. She considered finding Lexie and trying to get her in on the search and rescue, however she had been told by one of the interns that Arizona was in the locker room. Weirdly, and she wasn't sure why she hadn't thought of looking there in the first place.

Upon entering the small sized room, she hadn't seen the blonde; however she did hear a noise she recognised. Arizona was crying. Walking past the lockers that stood in the center of room enabled the blonde to come into sight. She kept forgetting that Arizona no longer owned the locker she had done for the last three years that she had been moved to around the corner. The blonde was sat on the short bench, head in her hands as she sobbed. She looked so defeated, small and lost. Callie didn't even hesitate, or question what she had to do, she just did it. She walked the small distance before crouching down in front of the bowed head, placing a hand on Arizona left knee causing her jump slightly and put pause in her crying for a moment. "Hey" the brunette reassured slightly rubbing the leg beneath her fingers. Arizona's head didn't rise, but the voice what spoke was raised and swamped with emotion, "Please Callie, I just can't do this right now…okay!" Arizona fingers dug their way into her face so tightly Callie could see them turning white.

Callie raised her own hands, pulling the smaller ones away from Arizona's scalp, though had to fight the blonde's strong grip. "I'm not doing anything. I just want to know if you're okay. Hey look at me", she encouraged again. It took several seconds for the blonde to comply with the request, and when she did, all Callie saw were Arizona's bloodshot crystal eyes shining with tears looking back at her. Still holding on to the delicate wrists of Arizona Robbins, Callie probed again, "Are you okay?" The blonde head shook and the Latina saw her bottom lip tremble, and she whimpered, "No". With that the blonde began to cry again, and Callie felt Arizona trying to move her arms so she could sit back into her original position. On instinct the Latina moved to sit on the bench beside the shorter woman. Rather than objecting to the move the blonde rested her head in the crook of Callie's neck and sobbed. Heart wrenching, soul destroying, primal sobs. All Callie could do was hold her. The small frame shook as she cried, and Callie could feel her shoulder getting wetter as time progressed.

They sat locked in this embrace for about ten minutes. Even after Arizona's tears had subsided, and her breathing was back to a rate that didn't have Callie worried she might need to run and get oxygen, Arizona hadn't moved. Occasionally a small shaky breath would tickle her neck, telling her that Arizona was still fighting her emotions. Arizona made to move, and not wanting to overcrowd her too much Callie let her. "You okay now?" the brunette asked. "No, not really. But I will be", came the response. "Do you want to talk about it?" Callie soothed optimistically. "Yeah, but not…" Arizona managed to answer, before Callie cut her off as realisation hit her. "I can get someone else if you want. Lexie or Teddy", she suggested. The blonde head shook, but didn't look in her direction, choosing to stare at the floor. "I'm just … I'm not ready. Not ready to talk yet", Arizona managed to say, though Callie could hear once again the tears slowly creeping into her voice. "Okay. Okay", she said rubbing the closer of Arizona's knees. Arizona didn't flinch or pull away. "You can talk to me though. When you're ready, if you need someone to talk to…" the Latina said with a lot confidence in her voice, than she felt.

Arizona stood causing Callie's arm to drop the few inches on the bench. She felt the familiar twinge in her wrist and managed to repress a hiss of pain. The blonde walked over to her locker, effective putting several feet between them. "Yeah. Thanks", came the mumbled response as Arizona started to rearrange the objects in her locker. Callie was sure it was more of a distraction, something to do, rather than looking or talking to her, because she had just moved the same bottle of water four times. It was a start, Arizona had said, when she was ready she'd talk to her. Callie made to open her mouth to speak again when the locker room door opened. Both women looked at each other, silently telling the other not to speak. This was soon pointless when they both heard Mark's voice say, "Robbins?" The eye roll and slight huff of annoyance in any other situation would have been cute, and rather sexy. Except Arizona at this moment in time looked as if she could kill, though her voice remained fairly level as she replied, "Yes?"

Mark's head poked its way around the end locker, and looked momentarily shocked as to who was sitting with the blonde. "Erm… you have some visitors" came Mark's slightly timid response, as if he didn't want to do anything that might anger Arizona. It was at this moment that two women, who looked to be in their mid thirties, came into view. There was a look of complete surprise and shock took over the blonde's features, which was then followed by a breath taking smile. The long haired brunette out of the two new women let out a small squeal and rushed at the PEDs surgeon who immediately flung her arms around the taller woman. Callie just sat opened mouthed at the change in demeanour these women had brought on. The other woman who was about the same height as Arizona, but whose shaggy blonde hair was cut quite short, stood leaned up against the locker nearest her. The new blonde grinned at Mark and gave him an over the top wink, which cause Mark to grin back. Callie shot him a glare; Mark looked momentarily worried, before making a vague gesture, turning and leaving. When the two hugging women had stopped embracing, Arizona's eyes drifted over to the casual blonde grinning. "You remembered me now", the new blonde said with a grin. "Oh shut up" Arizona shot back, before embracing this woman much as had done the first.

It was now the brunette's turn to lean against the locker behind her, though Callie did notice her shooting a look in her direction. "Before you make something up, you are coming out with us tonight", the spiky haired woman said. As predicted Arizona went to make some comment, properly about being busy. "We won't take no for answer, so don't even try. Now give me your key", the tall dark hair woman said, literally oozing "swagger" as she moved forward, hand out stretched. Arizona looked momentarily annoyed before, plunging her hand into her white coat, and pulled out the small silver key. "I live..." Arizona said before she was interrupted. "Yeah, yeah we know where you live. I expect you home no late than two hours from now", the new raven said with warning in her voice. The surgeon glared at her two visitors before giving in, "fine". "Yey" came the response from the woman now clutching Arizona's apartment key, instantly losing all swagger creditability. "Just go", the PEDs surgeon said with fake annoyance in her voice. Both women grinned at her, before walking passed her and out of sight. Just before the door closed signalling the intruders' exit, a voice called, "We'll pick your outfit. You'll look drop dead gorgeous!"

Arizona sighed deeply rubbing her eyes with one hand, while Callie was still sitting the same position she had been for the last twenty minutes or so, open mouthed. "Erm…" Callie said confusingly, effectively breaking Arizona's train of thought. "Oh god, sorry. That was Nikki and Joanne" Arizona gave in response. Joanne? As in first ever girlfriend of Arizona Robbins, Joanne? Her heart skipped a beat. Not sure which of the two women was Joanne made the feelings she was having much harder to deal with. Both women had been beautiful. Beautifully hot! And who was this Nikki person? She couldn't help but instantly picturing Arizona kissing both of them, and then felt sick. "Sorry, you came in here for some reason?" Arizona said. Looking into the blonde's face she saw the wall. The wall Arizona put up every time something was affecting her that she didn't want to deal with. She saw she had pulled away, and it made her heart sink, and stomach churn. With a tone full of determination, Callie said "Err… yes it was about Penny Gavin".


	15. Chapter 14

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2:** For the purpose of this fanfic the events of 6x10 happened before 6x08.

**Author's Note 3:** Not that happy with this chapter, but it will do.

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_Because you were perfect, but I'm running out of air and it's not fair" - It's all your fault by P!nk._

**Callie's POV**

Being alone was one of the worst feelings in the world, and it was something that Callie Torres could relate to oh so well. Sitting on the outskirts of Joe's, sucking on a straw drawing in some dark liquid that made her mouth tingle, Callie realised there was one more thing that felt worst than being alone. Knowing that one person you want to be with, is alone and hurting, and won't let you do anything about it.

Her shift had ended an hour ago, meaning that Arizona had left the hour before that. Penny's lab work suggested she'd need to stay in a few more days before she could be released. Meaning that for at least some time across the next few days Arizona would have to be in the same room as Callie and she couldn't run. Callie understood why she was being avoided. She'd slept with Mark, but it hadn't been to hurt the blonde or to get back at her for leaving. Callie honestly believed she wouldn't see the blonde again, or if she did it would have been at least three years down the line. Her night with Mark had been about trying to forget the PEDs surgeon, to try and just get her out of her head just for a little while. Her drunken state had made her believe that sleeping with him was the only way to do that, however she hadn't been drunk enough. She couldn't block out that the hands that had roamed over her were stronger, rougher, and firmer than the delicate ones she had gotten used to. She couldn't forget that the chest that had been pushing itself against her own was flat and hard, and not the soft flesh she craved. The worst of it came just at the moment, the moment that she should have been able to let the world fall away, and she looked up and it wasn't her dazzling blue eyes looking back at her. She'd faked it. She owed Mark that much, it hadn't been his fault, he had been suffering from this own problems. Instead of getting the Arizona patch she had hoped for, the quick fumble just made her sad. Made her miss the blonde even more.

As if on cue the short haired blonde who'd interrupted their time in the locker room came strutting in, quickly followed by the brunette who was linking arms with Arizona herself. The women had been right, Arizona would be drop dead gorgeous. Not that she didn't usually, but tonight as the trio walked the small distance to bar, Arizona seemed to glow. All three women were wearing different shades of blue tops; Arizona's and brunette's were perhaps slightly lower cut. While the brunette was wearing tight dark jeans, the blonde a short black skirt, and Arizona had gone for black trousers. All three women seemed to walk with a slight sway of their hips, that went tantalisingly well with the music beat that was being played from the other side of the room.

Arizona's hair was in slight curls, which moved and bounced as she talked to her friends, all the time the tall brunette stayed just a little too close for comfort. Callie knew she was being ridiculous and the jealous feeling that was churning her stomach, was unfair and unjust to both of them. Callie didn't even know if brunette was in fact Joanne, she could be this Nikki woman whoever that was. All they were doing was talking and laughing while buying their drinks, only to settle on a table directly opposite the Latina but on the other side of the room. Occasionally Joanne and Nikki would while holding their bottles of whatever they were drinking like a microphone, sing along to whichever track was playing at the time. Both women had giggled their way through the original version of "It's raining men", and even Callie couldn't repress a chuckle when the PEDs surgeon had given in to her friends' endless encouragement and had sung the final verse.

"Stop staring", drew Callie out of her staring competition with the opposite table, despite the fact that the three women occupying it hadn't realised they were being watched. "No" came Callie's reply, but she did anyway and saw Mark standing there, about to sit down. "Where's Lexie?" Callie asked, considering he was alone and they had said they'd come together. "She was…" Mark started to answer as he looked around for his lost girlfriend. Both Callie and Mark it seemed to see her at the same time, in the moments it had taken her to look away, Lexie had appeared at Arizona's side. "When did this happen?" Mark said sounding quite annoyed. Callie couldn't help but shoot him a raised eyebrow. She was glad the blonde had someone to talk to, even if it wasn't her.

"So who are the chicks?" Mark threw at her. Sighing a lot more deeply than she had meant to Callie answered, "Joanne and Nikki". Mark gave her a vague confused look as if expecting more an explanation. "No idea who Nikki is. But Joanne…Joanne is Arizona ex", Callie explained deciding to ignore the straw in her drink and took a big gulp. Mark pulled an interested face, before turning complete around in his chair, deciding it seemed to neglect the stealth approach to stalking the four women. "Do we know which one?" Mark asked. Knocking back the rest of her drink before answering she said, "Given my luck, she's the brunette. Considering Arizona's taste in women, she's the brunette". "She is…pleasant on the eyes", Mark drawled causing Callie to kick him hard under the table. "Owww! What? She is, you can't deny it Torres. She's hot", Mark defended. "Okay, one, you are in a relationship", and it seemed the woman who Mark was in a relationship with was now shaking hands with the hot brunette. "Two, you are meant to be my friend, and tell me how ugly she is, and how I'm way better than she is", Callie rambled. Mark shot her an amused look. Choosing to ignore the comment Mark said, "No one has types". The brown eyes were rolled before continuing, "Yes they do. Even a man whore like you, who would screw anything that moves, has a type". He looked slightly offended at this, "Reformed man whore thank you, And I don't have a type". "You so do. Lexie, Derek's sister, Reed, me", Callie's voice went several notches higher than usual. "None of you are remotely similar", Mark shot back still staring at the four women, now Lexie was sitting after being introduced to the group. "Oh yeh dark hair, brown eyes, we are not "remotely" similar", Callie mocked slightly. This time Mark did turn to glare, "Fine. What about Teddy and Addison?" Callie shook her head slightly, "Fine. But I am right, we all have types, and busty brunette over there is Arizona's".

She felt sick she actually felt sick. The idea of someone touching Arizona that wasn't her was repulsive. The duo watched as the short hair blonde came back from the bar balancing a tray of more drinks than was needed for the four women drinking them. The new brunette picked up a short glass that had either blue or green liquid in from where she sat she couldn't see. After inspecting the small glass in the light the woman brought the drink to her lips and drank. Maybe a mouthful, if that disappeared before the dark haired woman grimaced putting the glass down and pushing it has far away of possible from her. The other three women laughed at her reaction, each taking it in turns to drink the beverage, each having the same reaction. It seemed Lexie being the last to try didn't dislike it as much as the rest so they gave it to her because when Lexie stood to make her away cross to their table she was still nursing it.

"Hot women buying you drinks should I be jealous?" Mark said in greeting. "Hmmm I have just effectively kissed all three of them", Lexie said gesturing to the tumbler clutched in her hand. Mark made some incoherent noise, causing the younger woman to grin. Shaking his head slightly, Mark almost barked, "Right spill". The newcomer to their table look taken aback, as she took the remaining seat the small table. "Erm…" came the only response. "Robbins' friends. We know about her ex girlfriend, tell us more", Mark demanded. Lexie look a sip of the liquid Callie now saw was green, slightly neon green, before answering, "I don't know much. They're sisters, Joanne and Nikki that is. Obviously Joanne was Arizona girlfriend." Lexie made a confused face. There was something, something small that flickered across the young brunette's face. There something she knew, and wasn't saying, and that bothered her than she'd like to admit. "Do we know which is which?" Mark probed again. Lexie's eyes widened slightly, before looking over at the other table which now was only occupied by Arizona, as the other two were now dancing on the make shift dance floor. "I want to say Nikki is the blonde, Joanne is other one. I think. They look so alike up close" Lexie said slightly apologetically. Callie shot Mark a knowing look, one that clearly said "I told you so".

"Oh!" Lexie half spluttered on her radioactive looking drink. "Arizona said your dad rang her earlier", she continued wiping the spilt drink from her chin. Dread flooded every inch of her body. She hadn't told him about her suicide attempt, and hadn't even told him about Arizona leaving. She had told him that they were leaving for Africa, and when he rang to check how the flight had gone she had been honest enough to say she hadn't gotten on. The few phone calls after the first it became apparent that Carlos had misunderstood, and assumed Arizona hadn't gone either. The Latina didn't have it in her to correct him. She had spoken to him once since that night in the hotel room and much to her credit she hadn't been lying when she said she couldn't speak because she'd been paged in for an emergency. She however had been thankful for the excuse. "Why? Why did he ring her?" Callie asked trying her hardest to remain calm. Knocking back the last inch of her drink, Lexie said, "Just to check you were okay. She said, that he said, you'd been distant recently, and knew you wouldn't tell him what was wrong if he asked. So she said she'd get you to ring him". Lexie's words had come out at bit of a panicked rush, as if saying it quicker would make it easier to hear. So Arizona now knew that her father didn't know they'd broken up. "Oh god", Callie groaned. "She didn't tell him", Lexie offered causing Callie's heart to jump. "About Africa and you…." Lexie trailed off. Callie nodded slightly, trying her hardest to not let herself be upset. She was thankful to the blonde for not telling her dad about her stupid attempt to end her own life. She believed at some point she might have to tell him, but didn't know how to. Even under normal circumstances telling your father you had trying to kill yourself was hard, considering their faith, it would be even harder.

Glancing over at the isolated blonde she saw she was on her phone, her face lit up from the cell's screen. Even in that harsh light Arizona looked beautiful. Lexie shuffled in her seat, and smiled at Callie. Slightly confused, she looked over at Mark who looked quite awkward. Glancing back at Lexie she saw the other woman slowly slipping her cell from her pocket, and realised that Arizona had just texted her from across the room. Sighing slightly, she went to take another drink, only to notice she'd already finished it. "How are we at the end of the second week of the year already?" Lexie drawled putting her cell on the table, where it took several moments for the backlight to go out. Callie was unsure if either Mark or herself were meant to answer this small talk question, so she just let it slide. "I mean how can it be the fourteen of January already?" Lexie continued. The realisation hit so hard it nearly winded her, and she saw Lexie's light up and her reaction. That was what Lexie knew. "Oh shit", the Latina swore. Mark just looked even more confused, "What?"

Today was Arizona's birthday. Her third birthday since moving to Seattle, that was why Joanne and Nikki were here. "Damn it! How could I forgotten?" she asked Lexie, who simply smiled half heartily back. Mark made a weird hand gesture before saying, "What did I miss?" It was Lexie who answered the question, "Today is Arizona's birthday". He gave a small nod of understanding. Lexie's phone lit up again, to which the owner looked slightly embarrassed before picking it. Looking over at Arizona she saw the blonde was watching her friends making total fools of themselves, with a grin plastered on her face. "Be back in second", Lexie said going to move, but was halted by Callie. "Wait. Can you buy her a drink from me? Don't tell her it's from me, she wouldn't accept it", the raven said, pulling out money from her purse before placing it in the other woman's hand.

Lexie walked up to Arizona, assumedly to tell her she was buying a drink and walked passed her. Occasionally throughout the night Callie would catch the blonde's eye, and there'd be this spark that would fly between them, and more then once it had been the other women at Arizona's table that would drag her attention away. Lexie returned the table with what looked like a glass of white wine and a coke, which she guessed had some spirit in too.

The two women were talking animatedly, heads bowed, seemingly oblivious to her watching eye. A few times Mark tried to engage her in conversation, but after getting very little in return he had stopped trying. Eventually Lexie stood up when the two dancing women returned to the table, the brunette now named "Joanne" took a swig from Arizona wine before both women said something to Lexie. Lexie walked the small distances between the tables barely making it to the table to pick up her discarded coat. "Sorry I've got to go", the woman apologised before placing a kiss on Mark's lips and leaving only looking back at Callie, with a sad smile. "She isn't on call is she?" Mark asked. "No she isn't", Callie gave back, just as confused as ever.

Getting tired of the amount of times she had tried to drink from her empty glass, each time forgetting she had already drained it, she went to get another. Somehow as she had weaved amongst the small number of people who had been attracted to the small patch of the floor was now being used as a dance floor, she ended up stood beside a tall man, who was next to Arizona and her blonde friend. The Tall man was rounding off drinks, but she heard the two blonde's talking, "Oh come on it's the oldest remedy in the book. You get scorned, you feel crappy, and you climb in bed with someone else", rushed the slight Californian accent of the unfamiliar blonde. "It works. Best way to get over someone is to under someone else, seriously you should try it", the blonde continued. It took all her willpower to remain standing up right, and not either go crashing to the floor or rush at the new blonde. She was encouraging Arizona to sleep with someone else. She knew she had slept with Mark, and how bad that was, but she couldn't cope with that image. She was starting to realise why Arizona had been avoiding her all week. "Usual?" Joe shot at her, and all she could do was nod.

On receiving her drink, Callie was walked blindly back to the table where Mark sat, looking rather bored. She felt faint, she literally felt like she was going to pass out. "You okay? You look terrible", Mark asked, looking genuinely concerned. She gave a small nod, because she was sure if she opened her mouth to answer, she would end up seeing her lunch again. Clutching her new drink as if her life depended on it she looked back over to the blonde's table to see the spiky haired woman, "Nikki" now occupying the table alone. Scanning the room she saw Arizona and tall woman dancing fairly close to one other. The beat wasn't slow enough that it would be slow danced to, but like wise wasn't fast enough you could just freak out to either.

"I'm losing her Mark", Callie whispered just loud enough to the man next to her could hear. The sad eyes that fell on her made her feel even worse, worse even still than the hand that reached for her own, which she pulled away. "I'm fighting so hard, just to keep going. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I need her. I need her to be able to breathe, to function. I need her to survive, and she's not… she not "ready" yet. I know we both did things wrong, before and after Africa, but I love her Mark. So much and I want to keep fighting…" the finished realising as she spoke that a lone tear fell.

"Then keep fighting. Make sure she knows she came back for a reason", Mark soothed. Never would she have though Mark could "sooth" anything, and yet the guy not many people saw was sitting next to her, her best friend. "I'm still so mad at her leaving. She just left, she made the decision, and she left. I miss her. When you came in earlier, she'd been crying. I don't know why she wouldn't tell me, but she let me hold her. I held her in arms, something I never thought I would get to do again. I held her. She said she wasn't ready to talk", Callie continued as she saw over Mark's shoulder Arizona and the brunette dancing together and laughing. Some slow song made its appearance, and rather than clearing the dance floor the two women in question embraced each other and started to sway to the music. It wasn't the traditional slow dance position, and looked much more relaxed than one, but it still made Callie's blood boil and flesh creep. Worse was to come as the taller woman, despite the fact the duo couldn't hear her over the music started to sing the words of the song. Arizona's head got thrown back in a laugh drowned by the music, followed by a slight shake of the head.

By the hand Arizona dragged the brunette off the dance floor, weaving in and out of the people surrounding them. The blonde who had been watching from the table made some remark which earned her a swat on the arm from Arizona. Callie had lost count of the amount of drinks Arizona had consumed in the two maybe three hours they had been there, but whatever number it was, was soon drained and joined the graveyard of empty glasses that accumulated on the table top. She watched as Arizona and blonde stumbled slightly around the table, while the brunette stood with grace that did not match with the amount of alcohol she had seen her drink. The spiky haired blonde linked arms with Arizona, while the brunette took a hold of the other hand, and was guided drunkenly towards the exit.

Turning her head slightly she noticed Mark had just witnessed the same scene, and saw the look of pity he offered her. "Tomorrow, when you are both sober, sit down and talk. Try and get her to talk. Let her see, regardless she is the one you want", Marked gave. Almost as if being reminded of the alcohol in her system, she felt it's effects, she had only had three, which by the look of things Arizona had had quite a bit more. "She's living in our apartment. Our old apartment, she's living there", Callie said wondering if she actually made any sense at all. "Yeah, I know", sounded his reply as he drained the last of his beer. To say she was shocked was understatement. "What? What do you mean you know", she warned, her voice slightly more shrill than usual. "Mr Mitchison told me last week", he said looking slightly worried she might explode. Mr Mitchison, the landlord had told Mark, but not her. "You didn't think to tell me because?" she asked, actually quite hurt that he hadn't told her. Lexie she could understand, and was even thankful Arizona had someone that could in fact keep secrets for her. "With Lexie bringing your stuff over not saying anything and making things up I didn't think you were meant to know", he said sheepishly. She stared in disbelief. "I'm sorry okay, I was trying to be helpful. Plus I would like to stay a man for along as possible. Which is only possible if I don't piss off that perky woman of yours", he defended. She wished more than anything, that Arizona Robbins was hers to claim.

It seemed the lack of food and any alcohol in her system was having an effect on her because Callie Torres nearly walked into the elevator door when they returned to their apartment building. Slightly annoyed that the doors hadn't opened, she slapped on with the palm of her hand, which made it open. Grinning at her success she turned to Mark who was stood pointing at the elevator button he had clearly just pressed. Glaring at him she entered the lift and they rose to the fifth floor. There was the door she was so desperate to walk through, and wondered for a moment if the door in question would be locked if she tried to open it. She made a move towards the door, but was body blocked by Mark. "In the morning when sober. She starts late, as do you. You'll say or do something you regret if you do it now. Wait. You know what she's like when she's drunk", Mark said with a slight wince. Callie knew he was referring to the several times Arizona had seemingly forgotten her promise of remaining nice towards the man, and had shouted at him, telling him a lot of the negative thoughts she had towards him. However what came into Callie's mind was the extremely hot jealousy and possessiveness that had followed. A shiver ran the length of Callie's spine, causing Mark to roll his eyes, and push her backwards into his own apartment. "Just wait and she'll come around. And stop thinking dirty thoughts Torres", he smirked.

Leaving her alone with her thoughts, Mark had gone to bed soon after their return. It seemed Lexie was already asleep, and Callie was stuck on the couch again. It was the nerves that kept Callie awake for several hours after her interaction with Mark, to make matters worse she felt as the alcohol in her system died down, and lost any power it had had over her. What she was going to say or do in the morning she didn't know. She expected yelling and crying and maybe things been thrown, but nothing she was expecting happened these days. When she did finally managed to make it sleep, she had a dream of Arizona being kissed by the tall brunette, while the blonde encouraged her to forget all about "that suicidal chick". Just as the kissing couple were going to take anything to the next level Callie had woken with a start. She realised she managed to fall face first of the couch, and land on the carpet. "Ouch", was the only thing she could say, even this was muffled by the aforementioned carpet.

It was just after eight o'clock, and she realised because their coats and Lexie's purse which had been sitting on the coffee table was gone, that they had already left for work. Dragging herself into the bathroom she made herself presentable with new clothes that didn't smell of Joe's (she had just slept in her clothes from the night before). Running the expected brushes over her hair and teeth, she decided she looked good enough to try and get the love of her life back. Leaving her adopted apartment she took a deep breath and decided to bite the bullet, raising a hand and knocked three times. She heard movements from inside, and also heard a "crap" muffled by the door. As the door opened, Callie saw the brunette from the day before. Only this time she had soaking wet hair, and was wearing the black silk bathrobe Callie had gotten Arizona for her last birthday. She was wearing nothing else, but the black silk bathrobe.


	16. Chapter 15

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2:** For the purpose of this fanfic the events of 6x10 happened before 6x08.

**Author's Note 3:** This was a hard chapter to write.

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_But it's really not your fault when no one cares to talk about it" – _Emergency by Paramore

**Arizona POV**

She hadn't meant to break down, and certainly not in front of Callie. It was odd to think, and to realise the reason she had broken down, and so openly at the hospital was because Callie wasn't there to hold her together. It had been almost on cue of that thought that the raven beauty had landed right in front of her. She knew she just had to get through this day, tomorrow, this week and she'd be okay. She could believe if she closed her eyes tight, breathing in the woman who had held her that everything was okay, that everything was going to be okay. Then it had hit her, nothing was okay, though it didn't mean everything wouldn't be okay, right?

The intrusion of Joanne and Nikki certainly had been a surprise to say the least, she hadn't expected them to come and see her, considering they hadn't these last three years in Seattle. The last two hours of shift had been ordinary, except she could feel Callie watching her, as if she expected her to break down again. Arizona would have given anything to just through caution to the wind and take the plunge. Only everything was holding her back. She had been thankful that Mark only made one small appearance, checking on Penny's face, claiming she was making excellent progress. She had been concerned about Callie's schedule, as Lexie had only managed to relay Mark's. So she had known Mark wouldn't finish until two hours after her, but she had hoped she wouldn't have to go back to the apartment with Callie in tow. Rushing back to her apartment building she was greeted at the door by Joanne and Nikki both it seemed dressed for the evening, but fighting havoc with their own hair styles. Despite her telling them they were only going to the Emerald City Bar, the women said they wanted to look nice, and have a good night. The women it seemed had raided her wardrobe because laid on the sofa was her blue top, black dress pants and moderate black heels stood on the floor, waiting to be donned.

She felt her eyes on her the moment she had stepped into the slightly crowded bar. The brunette who was stood so close must have sensed her tension, because she linked arms with her tightly, and half frog marched her to the bar. As they waited for their drinks her blonde friend was busy updating her on her recent marriage, while she could feel the brunette standing inches away from her. She was thankful if nothing else for a shield between her and Callie, mainly because she was fight the urge to either scream at her for Mark, for her attempt to end her life, and taking her in her arms and holding her, just to remind herself, she was still alive. "We just fell apart. It had been happening for a while, and then I caught him in bed with his secretary", her spiky haired friend continued. "Ouch", was the only thing she could think to say. What did you say to that? That was one thing she was thankful for; there had been no "catching" with Callie and Mark, though since they hadn't been together at the time she doubted no one else would see it being the same thing.

"So I left him. Now happily divorced", she wiggled her naked left ring finger in her direction. "You're better off without him", breathed the woman from behind her. "I have to ask though, what's with the hair?" Arizona asked. She had only ever known this woman to have long blonde, almost golden hair, and now it was extremely short and rather edgy. She liked it, just in her opinion it didn't suit her, but she was prepared to believe it was because she had known her with long hair for so long. Receiving their drinks the trio weaved their way to an empty table as Nikki said, "to cut a man out of your life you have to cut your hair". Nikki's response didn't come with a smirk or even a flicker of amusement, which made the PEDs surgeon wonder if she was being serious. The blonde then shot her a grin, causing her to roll her eyes. "It looks nice. Not something I would go for personally, and I'm going to have to get used to it. Very Pink-ish", came Arizona response, causing both women to laugh. "Everyone seems to think I'm gay anyway, it's fine", the woman shot back, knocking back half of her drink in one.

Apart of her wished she hadn't succumbed to the pleas of her two friends to have a few drinks before they left the apartment. It seemed that Joanne and Nikki had gone to the near by liqueur store before going to the apartment, meaning that Arizona had had several shots of different spirits before she left. The few shots were already affecting her. For a large portion of the night, she could feel the Latina's eyes burning into her, and tried her best not to meet the glaze, and occasionally failed. She had been caught several times staring at Callie by both women at her table, and while they didn't comment on it, they did try and distract her when they could. She really wished she had looked around before Joanne had led them to this table, the table that was almost in perfect alignment with Callie's.

It seemed the alcohol in their systems was affecting both Joanne and Nikki too, as they both kept singing into their beer bottles like microphones. At various times both women tried to encourage the blonde to do the same by offering her their "microphone". She wasn't that drunk quite yet. The alcohol if anything was making her pensive and there were only two people who were swimming in and out of her brain and one of them just wouldn't stop staring. It was so hard to believe it had been three years since that birthday party, and the night that Arizona had bitten the bullet and declared her love for the woman she knew had stolen her heart months before. The woman she was sure, she would spend the rest of her life with. They'd only been together months, and yet everything they had endured, together and alone in that short space of time had only strengthened what she had already felt.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Nikki howling along to the original version of "It's raining men". Seriously the woman couldn't sing for her life. As if sensing the blonde had come out of her pensive state, Joanne thrust the bottle she was holding right in Arizona face, and shouting, "Just sing damn it!". And she had; thankfully only the two other women sitting on her table could have heard her respectively okay voice sing, "It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen! It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men!" Nikki was actually crying with laughter, "There is still hope you for yet". She said with a wink, receiving a glare in return.

Seemingly out of nowhere Lexie appeared at their table. "Hey", the younger brunette greeted. Lexie when moved and placed something small on the table, looking down Arizona saw it was an envelope which had, "Arizona" written in small letters. "I know you don't like your birthday, and everything, but I do, so I got you a little card", Lexie rushed. She smiled, and wanted to cry at the same time. Considering how little they had had in common before, they were so similar now, and it slightly scared her how much she had opened up to her new friend. "Thank you", Arizona said in a small voice, putting the unopened card in her bag. Joanne let out a small cough, alerting the blonde surgeon to their presence. "Oh sorry. Joanne, Nikki this is Lexie Grey. Lexie this is Joanne and Nikki Parker", Arizona said trying to sound as formal as possible, pointing vaguely as she introduced each woman in turn. Only the older brunette stood slightly to shake hands with Lexie while the other woman gave a small wave followed by a "hey".

The Spiky haired woman stood walking back over to the bar to order more drinks. "How she doesn't die from liver failure is beyond me", the dark Californian sitting next to her said with a chuckle, causing both Arizona and Lexie to laugh along with her. "So Lexie spill. Got any deep and dark secrets?" the raven shot at her. Lexie's eyes widened in shock. "Leave her alone", Arizona warned amused. "Though I can tell you, she's seeing Mark Sloan", the blonde gave, finishing the last of her current drink as her friend returned with a tray of seven different sized glasses. "As in, Mark, Mark?" Nikki asked. "One in the same", Lexie responded looking a little uncomfortable. "This guy must be hot. Can I meet him?" said the woman she was unloaded the tray she had just had filled. Arizona could help the slight annoyance at the other blonde's remark but listened as brunette was inspecting one of the drink burst out laughing saying, "You've already met him. The guy we were talking to earlier. It even said on his badge". Lexie shifted slightly uncomfortable when she blonde smirked, "You're kidding! He was hot. Damn it". The woman who was now holding the odd looking green drink up to the light took a drink of it, before making a weird disgusted noise and pushing the glass to other side of the table, causing them all to laugh. "You can't have the hots for Mark Sloan. If you do we can't be friends anymore", Arizona trying to sound as serious as she could, as the blonde retrieved the small green filled glass, sniffing it before having a sip.

"What about me?" asked Lexie, actually looking slightly afraid of the answer. "You got in too deep before we became friends, so I just have to live with it", again she tried to look as serious as she could, until she saw Lexie's eye widen slightly in shock. She couldn't help the smile that broke out on her face, to which the other two women who it seemed had realised she was joking, burst out laughing. Nikki passed the short glass along to Arizona, expecting it seemed that she would be next to taste the foul drink, and being the idiot she was she did, and it felt like someone had set her tongue on fire. "Urgh!" Arizona managed to groan out pushing it along to Lexie, before stealing one of the unassigned drinks and downing half in one go. Lexie in turn just like the rest had stared into the depths of the almost glowing liquid, sniffed it, and took a sip. The drink didn't seem to have to same effect it had on the other three women because, Lexie took another sip. "That is disgusting!" Joanne said pointing at the offending object in Lexie's hand.

Lexie made a small satisfying hum that made both of Arizona's friends shiver slightly in disgust. "What about you two?" asked Lexie. "Obviously I know about you Nikki. Joanne how do you know Arizona?" she continued, sounding slightly nicer than the barked command she had received earlier over her own life story. Joanne grinned a little too evilly for her liking. "We used to go out, back in our hay day", she chuckled, receiving a glare from the blonde. "Wait…You two went out. Aren't you two sisters?" Lexie asked pointing from Joanne and Nikki. "Yeah, don't worry about it that happened years after me and Ari", Joanne continued with a slight smile on her face. Lexie nodded seeming to accept this information. "When you said you used to date, when was that?" Lexie said slightly timidly. Arizona then realised that Lexie, most probably would relate all this information back to Callie whose stare she could still feel vaguely. "Hmmm we went out for about year when we were about fifteen, and the hooked up again for a bit four years ago", came her ex's easy reply. "Our dad's served together so we've been friends all our lives, that didn't really change. Well for a bit after we broke up the first time", Joanne said giving Arizona an apologetic look. "Yeah it's because of her", Nikki pointed at Joanne. "I'm stuck with her for the rest of my life", she continued grinning as pointed at Arizona. "You know you love me", Arizona teased back. Joanne chuckled before saying, "You do know them two are still staring at us right". The blonde surgeon sighed slightly, yes she knew it, she knew because she could feel Callie's presence, and a part of her hated she couldn't block it out.

Lexie rose, still holding onto the neon green drink. "Better get back over to Mark", Lexie said giving Arizona a sad smile, before she made her way across the room Arizona stopped her. "Can you tell Callie her father rang me earlier? He's been trying to contact her, but he thinks she's been avoiding him", Arizona explained. It had been a difficult conversation to say the least, as it seemed Carlos didn't know they had broken up or that Callie had spent a week in the hospital after the night of her return. "Er…sure", Lexie said, again turning to leave. "Tell her I didn't tell him anything. I just said that I'd let her know he'd rang and she would call him back. I didn't think he should have heard it from me", the blonde's heart clenched. She had promised Carlos Torres that she would protect his daughter, and she hadn't. She had broken that promise, and had managed to lie to the man, convincing him that all was well. "Of course", Lexie said, giving her a look of complete understanding, before giving the blonde a small smile and walked the distance across the bar.

Arizona watched just over the blonde's shoulder who was sitting opposite her, Lexie's walk across the floor, seeing that both Callie's and Mark's attention was on the brunette alone. Almost at once the brunette was bombarded with what she assumed was questions about what had just taken place on the table she'd just left. Nikki tapped Arizona on the shoulder, before gesturing to the small patch of floor in which people had decided to dance. "We're just going to dance, you coming?", she said. The blonde surgeon shook her head before saying, "Maybe later when I've had more to drink". This caused both women to roll their eyes, before leaving her alone.

Her eyes drifting back over to the one table her gaze kept being drawn to she saw that Lexie and Callie were talking. However she surmised the conversation was not a good one, when Callie knocked back her drink, draining the contents in one. She then saw the act followed by the raven rubbing her temple with one hand, knowing despite the fact she fact she wouldn't hear it, Callie had just groaned. Grabbing her phone, she hoped that Lexie could be discreet, she sent the text, "I'm guessing you just told her about Mr Torres. She okay?" She had been surprised to see an unknown number flash up on her screen, and momentarily wondered if she should answer it. This though had been dashed when she remembered what had happened after she had ignored someone calling her for two months. She hadn't recognised the older man's voice, until he had said who he was. Dread had flooded her. However the man's nice tone had surprised her as he had explained he had spoken to her briefly a few times over the last few months, and he was concerned she was working too hard. He had said he knew there was something bothering Callie, but that he didn't think she would tell him, and then asked if the blonde could ask Callie to get her to see sense, and ring him as soon as she had time. Arizona had promise she would ensure his daughter knew he's rang, and she was sure Callie would return his call.

Lexie's reply had come back within minutes of hers being sent, Arizona was sure Callie would know what they were up to. "She seems okay. Shocked and surprised he rang. Looked relieved to know you hadn't told", read the small text. Of course she wouldn't have told him, she knew it wasn;t the same, but she had to tell parents on a regular basis that she'd been unable to save their child. How could tell Carlos she had been the reason his daughter had almost died? The familiar rush of guilt hit her square in the chest, causing her to have swallow the bile that had tinted her sense of taste. Pressing reply she sent the text she knew she might regret, but needed to send none the less, "At some point can you please come back over?" Watching two of her oldest friends dancing on the dance floor she saw a flicker of pain dance across one of their faces and resisted the verge to cry, making sure the smile that was plastered on her face, hiding her breaking point.

Lexie didn't even reply to her last text, but reppeared no questions asked a few minutes later, saying she was getting them drinks. Arizona couldn't but think how weird this was, because there was four drinks on their table, two were untouched. Though that said god only knows that was in them, and after the failed attempt at of the bright green one, she wasn't going to try the remaining ones. Glancing over to the table her friend has just left, she saw the soulful eyes staring back at her, and felt the usual rush of adrenaline flood her body. Lexie appeared next to her, clearing a small space amongst the discarded glasses and bottles placing down a glass of wine in front of her. Taking a drink she realised it was her favourite type of white wine, and hummed contently. "Don't tell her I said this", Lexie said taking a sip of her own drink. "That's from Callie…for your birthday", Lexie finished. She was pleasantly surprised, "Callie remembered" the blonde whispered. Lexie gave a small nod, shifting forward slightly.

Arizona took another sip from her glass, which seemed to taste even better knowing it from Callie, but a flood of sadness washed over her as she realised she hadn't bought it herself. "I miss her", said the blonde to no one in particular. Lexie nodded slightly, listening without interrupting. "Why did things have to change? I wish I hadn't gotten the grant. Things were going so well. I was going to propose", Arizona admitted to a wide eyed brunette. "Asked Carlos permission and everything. Then Africa happened. I couldn't make her go. I had decide between her happiness or hating me", continued, it seemed the alcohol was opening her up, and her captivated audience nodded empathically in all the right places. "I thought I was making the right decision, that she'd be happier here, but she wasn't. The pain I had tried to avoid, happened anyway", the blonde admitted sadly, knowing that she was crying softly. She didn't care, thankfully Lexie was blocking Callie from her view, and in turn blocking her from Callie. "I broke down earlier. Just today, this week has been so hard to deal with, and I broke down," she said softly, taking another sip before continuing. "She found me. Rather than shouting at me for leaving or ignoring her, rather than getting mad, she held me", Arizona's voice was getting softer and softer with each sentence as her fingers mindlessly played with the stem of her glass.

"She said we could talk when I was ready. The first week…I avoided her, I didn't know what to say or do. I thought I would make it worse because I was so annoyed at her, at myself for allowing _any_ of this to happen. And furicous with Mark!" she spat, before giving Lexie an apologetic look which Lexie shook her head showing she understood. "I'm not even mad at him because they slept together", she let out a mirthless laugh. "Well no, I am. But I'm mad because he slept with her. Callie clearly wasn't in a good place, and rather than being a good friend and taking out for a drink, he took advantage", she gestured around the bar, trying to explain Mark should have done what her friends were doing tonight. "I know it takes two. Believe me I KNOW, it takes two", Arizona made a disgusted face as yet again an image of that night came into her head. The blonde also realised for the first time in the last three weeks, that her and Lexie were actually talking, well Arizona was drunkenly rambling, about Mark and Callie, in the same sentences.

"I should have been here, I should never have left." Arizona continued, fully aware of the alcohol that was pulsing through her system. "I forgot. I forgot to be worried about Mark. For so long I was worried about his…place in Callie's life, and then we got back together after we fought about kids, and he was amazing. It was the best friend, and I saw what Callie saw. I forgot to be worried," Arizona breathed. "I knew she was going to move on. I guessed I would come back three years down the line and she'd be married to this perfect person, with the 2.5 kids and white picket fence she always wanted. I didn't expect any of these. I didn't except after two months she'd moved on, and certainly not with him", Arizona's resolve broke, and she felt Lexie's hand grasp her own. "Sorry", the blonde laughed a humourless laugh, before wiping her face trying hardest not to smutch the remaining make up from her eyes. "Its okay, sounds like you need it", was Lexie's soothing reply. "I miss them", Arizona sobbed, causing the other woman to move closer around the table towards her.

"I know you do", Lexie soothed again, holding on tighter to her hand. As she allowed her tears to come and go, neither of the women said anything, occasionally looking across at the two women on the dance. Once the blonde had stopped crying completely she wiped her face again, before looking up and asking, "Presentable?" receiving a shift nod, she couldn't help but smile. Her cell lit up again, slightly surprised because the only person she'd been texting was sat in front of her. Seeing who it was she took a deep breath and read, "Just been called in. Any chance one of you can come back for Josh? X" Groaning so hard, it seemed to vibrate in her head, Arizona turned her phone round for Lexie to read, as the two formerly dancing duo returned to the table. The older of the two sisters took picked up Arizona's wine and drained it, grinning at the glare she received. Lexie gave her phone back saying, "I could go. I've only had that drink from earlier, this is just a Pepsi". Her glass was raised. "What?" came Nikki's reply. Arizona passed the two women her phone, Nikki read it over Joanne's shoulder. "Lexie you don't have to", Arizona reasoned with her new friend. "I know, but I want to", Lexie said with an air of "do not mess with me". Arizona couldn't help the smirk that crossed over her lips, "fine here". Arizona drove her hand into her pocket fishing out the key Lexie would need.

Without a glance back Lexie made a beeline for the table that sat Mark and Callie. "Thanks, Lex!" Nikki shouted after her, despite feeling slightly bad, Arizona knew like the other, she was glad their night didn't have to end yet. Sensing that once again she was being watched, and in consideration of her previous out burst Arizona choose to ignore the dark eyes boring into her. Her younger blonde friend, tugged on her arm, causing Arizona to jump. "Come on you're coming with me to get drinks", the blonde said in a no nonsense tone. Arizona gestured at the remaining glasses on the table, "What about these?" "I'll drink them later, when you and the BFG go and dance", she said with a grin at her sister. "Hey!" the brunette said, only amused rather than annoyed. It wasn't that she was that tall, she was no taller than Callie, it was just the younger sister was four inches smaller. Rolling her eyes she gave in, not wanting to stand in the middle of the siblings fighting.

They managed to get to the bar after weaving in and out of the people who had somehow multiplied in the time they had got there. They ended up standing next to a guy who must have been at least 6 foot 5 if he was an inch. Both women looked slightly wide eyed at the other, now he was a giant. She felt sorry for Joe as she rushed along trying to serve everyone, and eventually he got to the tall man beside them, who it seemed, was ordering for a table of about ten people. "How did you get over David", Arizona asked before she realised the words were out of her mouth. Her friend looked momentarily surprised, before pointing at the newly cut hair. "That and I was given the age old advice," she said with a smirk. Arizona knew she must have looked confused because, the smirk turned into a look of mock surprise, "Oh come on it's the oldest remedy in the book. You get scorned, you feel crappy, and you climb in bed with someone else. It works. Best way to get over someone is to under someone else, seriously you should try it". Her younger friend laughed at the face she pulled, "What you asked". The younger sister then turned rounding off the three women's drinks, which Joe got for them. "I'm not there yet. I don't think I'll be "there". She was it", Arizona said honestly.

As the blonde picked up two of the three drinks, gesturing that Arizona should pick up the third she said, "So this is an encouragement, everything will work itself out moment, not you can do better and should on one?" The PEDs surgeon smiled slightly, before nodding. "Okay" was the other woman's only response. On reaching the table, the woman they had left behind, grabbed Arizona's hand with a warning of, "You are dancing. You are dancing with me now". The blonde gave her friend a smile, before sighing and allowed herself to led to the small dancing space.

She knew some of the songs, and was thankful for beat she could move to. To start with she was a little awkward, which was something her dance partner mocked her for openly. As the songs changed she got more relaxed, this was mainly because the woman she was dancing with kept making weird dance moves up and making her laugh. The moves were so familiar to the ones her brother used to do when he was trying to cheer her up. She missed him, so much. On today, the day of her birthday she would give anything to be dancing with her big brother. She felt a hand take her own, looking up saw the same sadness reflect back at her, so gave a small smile back. "Missing people you love, sucks", Arizona said loud enough that the woman dancing so close to her could hear. The sad smile that came back at her, was one full of knowing and understanding. "No more sad thoughts!" Arizona shouted above the noise, just as an upbeat song started. The nod she received was determined, and the hand in her lifted and made a movement meaning the blonde woman had to whirl to keep hold. Arizona shot her a grin, which was returned and duo turned to the task at hand, dancing the night away.

Before she knew what was happening she heard the familiar notes of a song she knew so well. Looking up at the brunette who was inches away from her, she saw the look of dawning on her face too. "Rascal Flatts…My Wish", she saw rather than heard the other woman mouth. A grin took over Arizona's face as she nodded. The other woman linked her arms around the blonde waist, causing her to laugh, and place her own hands on the tall woman's shoulders. After a few lines of the song, which were being sung to her by the woman she was dancing with, the brunette leant forward and whispered, "I think I need to sit down before I fall down". Arizona laughed out loud, a genuine laugh, gently shaking head; she pulled the woman with her.

Returning to her table the blonde they had left to keep their table said, "Seriously, you could make money if you had taped that". Gently swatting and glaring at her, she drained her drink. She'd lost count of the number she'd had, and knew come morning she would probably regret, but was thankful she didn't start until the afternoon. The offending friend stumbled her away around the table, linking arms with her quite sloppily. "Argh. My body is going to hate me tomorrow", the raven woman said as she took Arizona's other hand. All three chuckled rather drunkenly and some how though if any of them were asked about it later they couldn't explain how, the brunette holding on to Arizona's hand in a death grip managed to lead the way out.

The walk back to her apartment had been both boring and eventful. All three women at various points in the short journey almost fell over. Joanne had decided about two minutes in, that she was going to carry on barefoot, and releasing the hold she had on Arizona and had stripped her feet of the offending items. Once in the apartment block, Nikki had decided she wanted to sing her own version of "It's raining men", to much amusement of Joanne, who was singing the harmonies. Thankfully both women stopped when Lexie emerged from 502, slightly scowling in their direction, it seemed they were being too loud. Lexie didn't speak as the three women passed her, moving out of the way before her newly divorced friend could crash into her.

As the door closed behind them, Arizona who thankfully was still sober enough to remember the notion of drinking water when drinking rule, though suspected it was a little too late for them all, went into the kitchen area. Both of her friends leaned again the breakfast bar, and chuckled as Arizona attempted to fill three glasses in her drunken state. On the fourth attempt with the last glass, they were filled, so passed two of the three keeping one for herself. Both Joanne and Nikki took huge gulps of the cold water, Nikki managed to spill some on her top, which reserved a burst of laughter from her younger sister.

The youngest of the women cleared her throat slightly, her voice was matter of fact if not slightly gravelly from drinking, "I'm going to give my two cent, then I'm going to shut up". "You're an idiot. We can see how much pain you're in, and rather than stepping up and doing something about it, you're running away. I never thought of you as a runner Ari", the look was of slight disappointment. "We know what it's like to lose the people we love. So please listen when we say don't let this one get away. God it won't be easy, but do it. Do it quick like ripping off a band aid, I can't guarantee it will be quick and painless. In fact I can say it will be _painful_! But not as painful as giving up", her friend soothed. Managing to look both women in the eye, she realised all three of them were tearing up. Drawing a jagged breath Arizona gave her usual sarcastic friend a smile, and received a "Don't, just don't". However the blonde flashed a smile that told her, she was joking.

After each them had managed to down two glasses, her young blonde friend exclaimed she was off to bed. Thankfully they had already arranged who was sleeping where, so the woman walked to her assigned room, closing the door behind her. Both the remaining women moved to sit on the couch without speaking; Arizona placed her own tumbler of water on the coffee table before she spilt it. "You okay?" her friend asked. Arizona sighed; she was getting annoyed at people asking her that these days. No she wasn't, but seeing the look on the raven's face she knew not to express this annoyance. "Not really, but I will be", she replied. A hand came to rest on top of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I know it's not what you want to hear, but she was right, it's the hardest feeling in the world. You're an idiot", soothed the Californian woman. "I know", Arizona whispered, as the damn broke and the tears fell. The brunette wrapped her arms around the short woman as they cried for the ones they'd lost.


	17. Chapter 16

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note ****2: **Back home, so safe to say updates won't be as frequent! I love the mixed reviews I have gotten for the last two chapters, which was EXACTLY what I wanted – including the confusion, and some of the things I put in went unnoticed, which is BRILLIANT! I know some of you think this story is slow or slower than you want it to be – I'm sorry but real life isn't that quick. Callie tried to kill herself less than a month ago, how can you expect rainbows and puppies?

**Author's Note ****3: **Don't hate me, and don't assume.

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_Cause I've seen love die, way too many times, when it deserved to be alive." – Emergency by Paramore_

**Arizona's POV**

Buzzing and cotton were the two words that came to Arizona's mind before she could even open her eyes. Her head was buzzing from the two women's conversation she could just make out, through the din of her hangover. Her mouth felt as if it was full of cotton, it seemed she had had a lot to drink the night before. Opening her eyes felt like she was being stabbed, as the too bright light hit them. Lifting her head from where it lay on the couch was a difficult task, as the back of her head throbbed and her neck seemed to be protesting at the movement. A low groan fell from her lips, as her one of friends came into view just over the back of the couch she was occupying.

"Morning sleeping beauty", the oldest woman called a little too loudly from the kitchen area, before planting a cup of coffee on the table a little too loudly. Laughing slightly at Arizona hypersensitivity she popped an aspirin into her hand, before collecting all the clothes from the floor that the women had discarded the day before. When she bent down Arizona realised she had wet hair, and was dressed in her own black robe, and was pretty sure it was all she wearing. A little annoyed that her friend had just took it without asking, had she been asked she would have offered her the baby blue robe. She had taken to wearing the black robe whenever she could. It was the robe that Callie had gotten her exactly a year ago, though while she enjoyed wearing it, she had more good memories taking it off.

The spiky haired blonde came half bounding out of the room she'd slept in, fully dressed, and grabbed a cup Arizona hoped she had left there when she'd last been in the kitchen. Whatever was in the cup was soon knocked back and drained, before the blonde sprinted towards the apartment door, and shouted "bye" to the apartment at large, and disappeared out of sight before either woman could reply.

After taking the aspirin and gulping down several mouthfuls of lukewarm coffee, she was glad to say she was feeling considerably better than she had when she first woke up. The scantily-clad woman came striding into the room once again, pulling on Arizona arm. "Come on, shower now", she ordered. Somehow she had ended up into front of the older woman; her feet currently felt like weights, as both women entered the bedroom.

The blonde surgeon's muscles ached. It felt as if everything down to her core hurt this morning. She wasn't surprised, but was still shocked and angry at herself and the world that today, she felt this much pain. As she stepped under the running faucet she groaned with satisfaction, from somewhere deep within her chest as the jet ran itself over her taut muscles. As the water washed itself over her, she felt her tension flow away, and the distinct smell that was "bar" was washed away. Today. Today she going to do it was going to talk to Callie. Just maybe something could come out today that was positive, and worth while.

As the blonde lathered up her darkened hair, she couldn't help but hear the words her friends had said the night before. How could she have let this go on for so long? The usual tinge of guilt hit her square in the gut, as she remembered once again that had she not gone to Africa so many things would be different. She could have turned the grant down; the resulting way things had ended up with was the same. How could she have been so stupid? She'd nearly killed the love of her life by staying away, and yet here she was three weeks later, doing it again. She would try, today, she would try. Arizona knew Callie started slightly before her this afternoon, so would try if she could, to talk to the Latina. She expected shouting, swearing, Spanish rants and maybe objects been threw about the room.

Once rinsed she dried herself off and brushed the disgusting taste from her mouth that only follows a night of drinking. Next was deodorant, combing her hair and putting on the bra and underwear she'd grabbed on her way to the bathroom. A shout of her own name from the other room made her groan, and pulling an annoyed face the other woman couldn't see as she grabbed a towel around her. Once exiting the bathroom her friend came into view in the bedroom door, dressed in the exact attire she had been when she'd last seen her. "Got a visitor, they need your help", came the usual Canadian drawl. Gesturing to her own attire, Arizona made an incredulous face at the woman. "I don't think she'll mind", the brunette laughed.

**Callie's POV**

Jealousy. Anger. Despair. Grief. She was beautiful. There was no way Callie Torres could deny this woman was beautiful. Despite her anger and distress at the woman stood in front of her, she couldn't help but notice that the silk robe clung to the woman's frame like a glove, and instantly hated this woman. Arizona couldn't have…Surely she wouldn't have. She knew she should have come and talk to the blonde sooner, but she thought they both needed time, that they had time. She'd been worried Arizona wouldn't have listened. That she wouldn't listen to Arizona. Callie hadn't wanted to come across needy, that said coming home to find your ex girlfriend lying in a bathtub after a suicide attempt, probably comes across as needy. Arizona had said she would wait. She'd said she would tell Callie everyday that she loved her and how sorry she was if she let her. But she hadn't let her. She could have come that day she'd seen Arizona flee into the apartment, and told her out straight, that they needed to both grow up and take responsibilities for their own actions before the grant, before Africa and after. She should have told the blonde how sorry she was for the way she had acted, tell her she was and still was so proud of her achievements. She should have told her how sorry she was for what she'd come home to, how glad she was that it had failed and how sorry she was for Mark. But she hadn't. She knew the blonde had too much pride, and an overactive mind, and allowed the blonde to run too far in the opposite direction, just out of site. Because she hadn't done so many things, she may have just lost Arizona forever.

"You need Arizona, right?" the brunette asked calling Callie out of her inner ramblings. Callie had a feeling by the look on the other's face she didn't realise the innuendo she'd just made, and didn't know the effect it would have on the Latina. After knocking and staring like an idiot there was no way she could say no, however her voice seemed to betray her too because said the first thing that came into her head, "Yeah, I need an article I think is in one of the boxes here". The robed woman opened the door further, stepping aside; it seemed she expected Callie to walk into her old apartment. Taking a deep breath she made an awkward step forward into a place she knew so well, though she wasn't used to it being furnished with so many piles of many boxes. Callie made her way over to her old couch, before sitting down, wishing more than anything she hadn't knocked on the blue door. "She's just out of the shower, I'll get her", the other woman said. Shower. It was clear this near naked brunette had just left the depths of the shower, if Arizona had just finished in the shower too, did that mean…uninvited images of both women writhing and grinding against the tiled walls invaded her brain as she resisted the urge to vomit again. Once again realising how Arizona had been feeling for the last three weeks.

Before she could protest the other woman called Arizona's name, before leaning on the doorframe of their old bedroom. She heard the bathroom door click open; the robed woman smirked before saying, "Got a visitor, they need your help". Nothing from the bedroom followed this announcement, however the only woman Callie could see looked back over to her with an amused smile on her face and laugh to her voice, "I don't think she'll mind". Arizona's water darkened blonde head shot around the corner, and Callie could see she at least had a bra on beneath the white towel wrapped around her. Seeing her visitor was Callie, Arizona retreated back into the bedroom, only to appear within the minute, now donned in her baby blue robe.

"What's up?" Arizona said in a much steadier voice than the one she'd used yesterday. Callie heard the question, but her brain refused to decode the meaning of it for her to answer. There Arizona stood in her older, slightly bigger blue robe, with as far as she could tell just her bra on, next to the much taller brunette who, from what she could see through the robe, was most definitely not wearing a bra! Arizona looked more relaxed than she did yesterday, though her eyes looked slightly blood shot, this however was due to the amount of alcohol she had consumed the previous night. Her darkened hair hung loosely, while other pieces clung to her face, neck and upper chest which she was display a small amount of cleavage, her baby blue eyes looking at her expectantly.

A muffled cough made her jump slightly, as the other brunette was fighting back a smirk, "She said something about an article". "Oh..." she faux a cough. "Yes I have a surgery today, but I want to look something up", she said trying her hardest to sound convincing and unfazed by the scene before her. Arizona looked momentarily surprised but soon recovered herself, "Erm… I haven't unpacked all the boxes, as you can see", she laughed slightly nervously. "But I haven't come across articles, which means", the blonde continued surveying the room. "They are in those boxes", she said with deliberate slowness as she tried to remember which of the unpacked boxes she hadn't looked in, before pointing to the pile by Cristina's old room.

"Crap! It's nearly nine" exclaimed the older brunette before running into the room which had belonged to Callie and then Callie and Arizona. The blonde openly chuckled at the other's woman's distress at being late for whatever she was late for, as she made her way over to the pile of boxes she had indicated should hold Callie's make believe article. "Can you get me the scissors?" Arizona asked, lifting her head to meet Callie's gaze only to give her a full viewing of the blonde's previously semi-covered cleavage. Without speaking Callie leapt up as if she had been burned, walking on auto pilot to the draw that had previously held the scissors and there they were. The dark haired Canadian came rushing out of the bedroom in a blouse and a pair of dark blue underwear, and looked on kitchen floor for something. Callie saw the item before its owner did. A black skirt was in a pile near the fridge, was grabbed and pulled up the legs that seemed to go on forever and fastened around the woman's slim waist. Once again she resisted the urge to throw up in the sink next to her, as uninvited images of both women having sex against the fridge came to the foreground of her brain, as the new brunette rushed back into the bedroom.

Her legs carried her back over to the blonde who had managed to drag the boxes to where she was now sitting on the floor by the couch. Callie couldn't help but take in every inch of her, this was the closest they'd been without Arizona being aware of her eyes on her, and moved and acted completely normal. The fact she was acting completely normal only made her skin crawl. Yesterday she would have given anything for Arizona to be acting normal around her, but today, after walking in on what she could only assume was a morning shower sex session between the two women, she wished the blonde wasn't acting so blasé. The blonde in question stabbed the brown tape they had used just under three months ago, the blade splitting it. Callie couldn't help the instant image of her own skin doing the same; only the tape didn't bleed as the blade was dragged across it. This procedure was carried out on three of the boxes, was a resounding and heavy sigh from the blonde, who lifted each disappointing box from the pile and placing it behind her, in a semi circle. The last and biggest box was the jackpot.

"Hope I didn't embarrass myself too much last night", the blonde flashed the Latina a smile. Callie sat pondering her response, "There was some singing and dancing". She couldn't help but smile at the blush that took over the woman's face. The brunette that Callie could now so easily hate rushed back through the living room now fully dressed, with her long hair pinned up with a clip she was quite sure she had leant to Arizona months beforehand. "What was I singing?" the blonde asked slightly timidly, causing the now dressed woman to laugh. "It's raining men", the brunette laughed, Arizona groaned. "You also slow danced to some country song", Callie supplied. The brunette who was now stood near the door stopped laughing before saying, "We'd dance to that sober". Arizona gave her a confused look before she answered the unasked question, "Rascal Flatts, My Wish". Arizona's small smile fell slightly, "oh, right" was her only response.

Slipping on her shoes which were next the door, she turned towards both women in by the couch but spoke directly to Arizona, "Anyway, I've got to go. I'll see you later; call me if you need _anything_" Arizona gave a vague and slightly nonchalant wave of her hand before saying, "I'll be fine. See you at one". With that the rushing woman left the apartment, closing the door with a resounding click. The air in the room seemed to thicken as if was trying to suffocate the Latina. She had wanted to speak to Arizona; she hadn't expected to find her and her ex pretty much naked. She wished she could get her brain to come up with circumstances in which the situation she had walked in on was completely innocent and that the skirt near the fridge was completely explainable but she couldn't. Her body and brain were warring against each other. Her brain was telling her to run, to run and never look back. Her heart on the other hand was telling her to scream at the other woman, beg her to tell her why she'd done it after all the amazing things she'd said, plead with her to take her back and forgot about the other brunette. But neither would listen, neither would give up their dominance, and so Callie grabbed the top half of the articles and began to flick. "What's the article's name?" asked the blonde. All possible names for the fake article vanished out of her head, so she answered semi honestly, "I can't remember, but I'll know when I see it". The blonde nodded before grabbing the remaining half and began looking too.

She hadn't realised how intertwined they had become as a couple, even their articles had become mixed up with each others. Occasionally Arizona would say things like, "this one?" or "is this it?" or "I think I've found it", before showing Callie a small stack of papers which had stabled together at some point her life. All were declined. She barely read the titles of the articles she was shown, and read even less of the titles she was flicking through. She was enjoying the closeness she was sharing with the blonde, being inches away from Arizona without her trying to run and hide. Callie wish she could believe it was because she was done with running and was prepared to talk, but she couldn't get the images of her and brunette out of her head long enough to consider it.

A loud bang resounded around the apartment followed by a child's crying. The blonde next to her leapt to her feet, confirming that Arizona was in fact wearing underwear, as she was flashed a pair of red panties, as she rushed into Cristina's former bedroom. "Shhhhhh. Shhhhhh. Shhhhhh", she heard the blonde woman say, as she exited the bedroom with a small blonde boy resting on her hip. The small boy stopped crying within a few minutes of being rescued, however took longer stop whimpering slightly, the whole time Arizona held in the boy close, gently bouncing him on her hip. Callie couldn't help herself. All she could see was Arizona holding their baby. She'd dreamt it so many times within the last year and half, and was extremely surprised to see the child that was holding on so tight with one hand and now sucking his thumb on the other, looked like the child she'd dreamt. His hair was the same colour, his eyes were the same dazzling blue, and his mouth was framed by the same dimples. He was the perfect little Arizona replica, expect this eyes and mouth were a different shape to her dream little boy, but as he wrapped himself around Arizona's small frame, she could believe it was him.

The whole time Arizona had been trying to soothe the little boy; her eyes had not lifted from the boy's blonde face. When the small child had calmed down, Arizona placed a small kiss on his forehead, her eyes looking passed the small boy and straight into Callie's eyes. She felt the familiar spark, and her heart flew. "Hey you want to meet someone?" she asked the small boy in her arms. The sleepy boy nodded into Arizona neck, where his head now lay. Arizona walked over to where she had been sat previously, carefully she sat down, so the blonde child could face Callie, however causing both women's legs to touch. Instantly she felt the familiar sensation of their legs touch each other. Looking at his face she realised, that perhaps the boy did have the same shaped mouth as her dream son, though at this moment she shouldn't remember.

The boy sat up, his arm still linked around Arizona's neck, but now used his previously thumb sucking hand to rub his eyes. "Josh, this is my friend Callie", Arizona soothed to the newly awake little boy. Callie wouldn't help the flood of positive and negative emotions this one sentence brought on. She was happy that Arizona had said they were friends, on the other hand she was annoyed by it, not that she expected Arizona to explain their relationship to this little boy. Just that sentence sounded too definite, as if all they were and could be, was friends. With most of his hand still rubbing his eye, he gave a small wave with in the rest. Callie couldn't help her heart from melting right then, and gave a small wave back, as whispered "Hey". The smile that took over Arizona's face as she looked at Josh was blinding, "You and me going to the park later, yeah?" The little boy looked up at the woman holding him and nodded, and smiled small almost perfect replica of Arizona's smile.

What sounded like Bruno Mars' Grenade drifted into the living room from the direction of their old bedroom, causing the small boy on Arizona's lap to squeal before shouting, "Mommy!" Arizona managed to dislodge herself from beneath the young boy, and reach the cell before it stopped ringing. "Hello? Yes it's me. Yeah you left it here…and your purse", Arizona spoke to the person on the phone as walked back into the living, now clutching a phone and purse Callie didn't recognise, though guessed they were Joanne's. Which by extension considering the little boy's shout, she realised meant that Joanne was Josh's mother. "Yeah I guessed that when I saw her name flash up on your cell. Do you need it now or…okay, I'll give it to you when you come and get Josh", she continued, smiling slightly when the boy's head darted up at the mention if his name. Josh jumped up, and walked over to the blonde, pulled on the blue robe that was around her frame, "Tell her we go to the park!" Arizona who managed to pull on her neckline, before the little boy pulled it down, completely exposing her, laughed before repeating the message. "Josh says I have to tell you, we're going to the park later….oh and I have no money so I'm stealing it from your purse…I'll pay you back", she whined. "Yey! Thank you", Arizona said just short of squealing. Glancing over to where Callie on the floor, she offered her a small smile, which made her heart melt, and couldn't help but return it. "Not yet. Look I've got to go, neither Josh nor I are dressed. Yes. Ahuh, yeah. Okay see you at one. Bye", Arizona finished, pushing the end call button.

Josh made a small whining noise; Callie saw the crocodile tears as Arizona swept him up as he said, "Mommy!" Arizona flopped down on the sofa next to Callie's head, "We'll see her after we go to the park. We might even get an ice cream". Josh's blue eyes widened like a child in a toy shop. "Really?" the little boy asked as if he couldn't believe it. Arizona gave a nod, causing the boy to smile from ear to ear, flashing his dimples. "Wif choclet sauce?", Josh asked, causing both women she chuckle. "Yes with chocolate sauce, and maybe even sprinkles", the blonde woman teased. Josh's eyes widened even further still. The little boy shifted his position, and started pushing Arizona's arm, causing the top half of her body to move. "Get dressed, Airzonaaaa" Josh moaned. Callie fought the chuckle that threatened to rumble deep in her chest at the small boy's attempted to make Arizona move, and at his inability to pronounce her name properly.

The older blue eyes rolled and mockingly sighed standing up, "Fine. Can you…" It took her a moment to realise Arizona was talking to her, and pointing at Josh. "Oh yeah of course", Callie croaked as she realised Arizona was asking her to look after Josh while she got dressed. Arizona bent down and grabbed clothes from out of sight, Callie assumed from beside the couch. Josh moved to get down from the couch, his little legs just stuck out at odd angles as his wiggled his way down. Seeing the small boy struggling, Arizona lifted him the rest of the way, "Why don't you show Callie Danny?" the blonde asked. Josh grinned in Callie's direction before running as fast as his little legs could carry him back into Cristina's old room. "I'll be like ten minutes if that", Arizona said with a smile. Once again, Callie felt her heart skip a beat.

Callie heard the bathroom door click behind Arizona as Josh came running out holding a small toy giraffe. "Danny!", he said, pushing the animal in the Latina's hand. Callie was momentarily dazzled by the boy's blue eyes and charming smile, before she said, "He's cute. How old is he?" Josh looked pensive for a moment before saying, "Four. My daddy gotted him before I was born". "Four, wow. He's old", Callie said causing the young boy to giggle. "He's not old. He's only ickle. I'm free", the boy said sounding as if Callie had just said the most stupid he'd ever heard. "You're three! You don't look three. You look about…twenty-one", Callie joked, and burst out laughing at Josh's giggles. "Callieeee! I'm freeee!" he chuckled. Callie could help it, his little giggles, deep blue eyes and fair hair, he was gorgeous. "Josh?" she started but he stopped her. "My name is Joshua Daniel, he stated. "Daniel, like him?" Callie asked wiggling the small giraffe at him. Josh wrapped his fingers around the animal's neck, and planted himself on Callie's knee. "Yeah", the boy said, wiggling down to get comfortable. "What's your full name?" she heard the little boy asked.

Callie couldn't help the laugh that fell from her lips, looking down she saw a pair of confused blue eyes looking back at her. "I don't tell people my full name", she said. Josh looked confused and curious, "Why?" Callie couldn't help the shiver and eye roll at the question. "I don't like it very much", Callie offered. Josh moved so he was looking into the Latina's eyes, "Awww please". His bottom lip stuck out in a pout, and again her heart melted. She sighed deeply, "Fine. My full name is Calliope Iphegenia Torres". She expected the boy to laugh, but he only looked confused, "Callipee" he tested. Callie once again fought the laugh which was creeping up on her. "It's okay. My fwend's name is Rosie Bush. People laugh at her", he explained. Slight confusion teased her… Rosie Bush? Then it hit her … oh Rose Bush. Callie couldn't help the chuckle, and got a glare from the small boy. "Sorry", she apologised.

"Mommy told Mrs Varey people make fun of Rose and me" the boy said sadly. The Latina felt her heart sink at the thought of this little boy being picked on, but was thankful it seemed Joanne had gone to the teacher about it. "Why would they make fun of you?" Callie asked. Josh sighed, "They say my name is too long". To say she was confused didn't explain the feeling that hit her, "What? How can your name be too long?" The blonde boy, cuddled Danny the Giraffe in closer before answering, "Cause I have two last names". "Really?" Callie said slightly surprised. Josh nodded, before saying in a voice that was full of pride, "My name is Joshua Daniel Parker-Robbins".

Robbins. The Latina felt her stomach lurch, and she was thankful she hadn't had anything to eat yet. The little Robbins boy must have sensed her distress because he turned around to give her a worried look; the eyes looking back at her were Arizona's twin. Josh stood slightly, putting his small hand on the Latina's cheek, "You okay Callipee?" he asked. Callie was fighting the panic that was threatening to take her over. It couldn't be.

**Arizona POV**

She could hear both Callie and Josh talking and laughing, though what was being said she couldn't make out through the closed door. She tried to get dressed as soon she could, once she dried her hair. The blonde couldn't help but imagine what Callie would have been like with their children; Callie would be an amazing mother. No anyone could be a mother; Callie on the other hand would make an amazing Mom.

When she was finally ready, she took a deep breath and opened the door to the living room to find Josh half sitting on Callie's knee, with Daniel clutched in his hand. The wind was knocked out of her at the sight, before remembering it wasn't her and Callie's son. "Right my little man you ready to get dressed?" Arizona asked. The blonde boy's head span round, before shouting "Yeah". As he jumped up, Arizona saw a flicker of pain fall across Callie's face, and assumed Josh must have elbowed her or something in his rush to get up. Callie just sat and stared at Arizona, no emotion on her face once the pain subsided. "Callipee? You coming to the park?" Josh asked, and Arizona resisted the urge to burst out laughing at his attempt to call Callie by her full name. Callie seemed to be pulled out of her thoughts, and she turned to the small boy, "Sorry Josh, I've got to do something before I go to work". The little boy's face fell, "Okay". Callie picked up one of the papers on the table before standing, laughing she said "Thanks for this. I found it about thirty seconds after you went". There was something about the laugh, it didn't really reach her eyes and didn't sound heart felt. Arizona guessed she just felt nervous. "I'll see you later when I check on Penny", Callie supplied before walking to the door but didn't look back. Arizona's stomach churned slightly. She hadn't expected Callie to be waiting for her when she'd gotten out of the shower, and couldn't help but wonder how the Latina even knew she was now living here. She hadn't been prepared for it, but her time alone in their former room had psyched her up, and she had hoped they could have an actually conversation. She like Josh was going to ask if she wanted to go to the park with them. At least they had spoken, most of it had been about Josh or to Josh, but they had to start somewhere.

**Callie's POV**

It had taken every inch of her will power not to flee from the room. She had promised she would look after this little boy, the one who had been so concerned about her emotional state. Seeing Arizona standing in a cream top and tight jeans, with her hair hanging so perfectly, while holding that little boy, had tested her. She resisted the urge to break down, to push the small child away and run. She had kept a straight face, grabbing a paper at random after that little angelic boy had asked her to go to the park with them. She kept her head held high was she walked from the apartment, refusing to look back at the deep sea blue eyes she could get lost in. As Mark's blue door closed behind her, she felt her legs give up as she slid down the painted wood, and a heart wrenching; soul destroying sob fell from her lips.


	18. Author's Note

**Author's Note 1: **Wow! That is pretty much all I can say. The last chapter managed to get me the most reviews and personal messages than any other chapter of any of my fanfics. Pretty much each of them trying to figure out what was happening, what would happen or just to ask me these two things. I want to say thank for your support, and I hope that a lot of your questions and wonderings will be answered in this next chapter! You have no idea how many of you have gotten some things right, or just slightly wrong…that said I have had some guesses which were just WRONG! One or two questions will remain unanswered, but not for long.

**Author's Note 2:** Not going to lie or sugar coat this, as some of you know already I have considered stopping this fanfic when certain people were being less than nice about my writing. If you don't like what I do, don't read it, if you feel the need to read it; don't belittle HOURS of my work.

**Author's Note 3:** I am catholic. I understand that in the Catholic and Christian faith suicide is a sin, and people who try to end their lives or do not carry out action to save their own lives is against and is a grave injustice towards God. I am a catholic, and have my own views and attitudes towards this topic, however it saddens me the messages I have received saying that I too will be going to tell for writing this subject matter.


	19. Chapter 17 part 1

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2: **Thank you – I dedicate this whole story to: y0ungalaska, janice2010, funkyshaz57, neolithicdream, Shamelmuts, hollywoods_back, majincammy, Rashelle, xenaville, Gabs2010, CalzonaLovin, Chrispy22, shortiepurk and mrsdalloway7189 - your support and kind words have kept me writing!

**Author's Note 3:** I wonder if any of you have re-read "It's enough now" in light of this story?

**Author's Note ****4:** I am posting this chapter in at least two parts. Not sure when part 2 will be posted as we have house guests, and we are waiting for the UK (where I live) to be hit by Hurricane Katia.

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I would never pull the trigger, but I've cried wolf a thousand times" _- It's all your fault by P!nk.

**Callie's POV**

She had managed to half walk and crawl over to the couch that had become her bed over the last fortnight, and had lain for at least half an hour. Her brain had caused her thoughts to tenfold, repeating flashes of information and things she'd seen over the last two days, just trying to make sense of it all. She couldn't blame Arizona for sleeping with Joanne, and yet that was all she could do, and white hot anger and disappointment burned its way through her veins. She knew they weren't together; that Arizona was a free agent, and yet she still wanted to use her bone breaking hands and break something of Joanne's that was vital. Callie knew that even considering the notion that Josh was Arizona's was ludicrous, however her brain had yet to supply an alternative solution.

It was about half ten before Callie had made her way out of Mark's, glancing over at what she assumed by now would be her old empty apartment, before she powered herself to work. She was only two hours early by the time she got there, though no one questioned her earliness due to the busyness of the hospital. It seemed that a boy of seventeen had lost his temper at failing his SAT, and had tried to "convince" his teachers to pass him, as if they had anything to do with it. In his rage several children and three teachers had been shot, and a few more of the children had been hurt trying to flee. When the pit was full they had had to send the remaining few up to the PEDs ward, which one of the young men was not happy about, as he kept shouting that he was sixteen and didn't want to be treated with babies.

It was a surprise to Callie that Arizona hadn't been paged. It wasn't that she was needed, and certainly not now that Stark was head of department, it just surprised her. The Latina had been rushed off her feet from the moment she had walked through the door, she felt horrible for thinking it, but it was a welcome distraction. She had already fixed several dislocated bones, and informed a few more that more exploration maybe needed, once the swelling went down. Thankfully no one it seemed had been badly injured, except for the original target, the teacher James Miller, who had come out of surgery about thirty minutes before Callie's first glimpse of Arizona.

When she saw the blonde woman and the little boy walking hand in hand, she'd been signing off a chart of a thirteen year old boy who had managed to break his fingers, trying to get his cell phone out of his locker before leaving the school. It had been a simple splint and bind, and once again Callie felt dreadful for wishing worse injuries on the boy, just so she could operate. Josh was once again clutching his small fingers could Danny's neck, though had seemingly levitated onto Arizona's knee when she'd sat down. Arizona's foot was going mile a minute as she tapped it on the floor beneath her feet in a way that told Callie even at this distance she was bored. Despite Arizona's movements and apparent boredom, Josh's eyes were wide and taking in his surroundings, every so often his point saying something, which Arizona gave a response to. After several minutes of Callie's unabashed staring, the blonde must have felt eyes on her, because she lifted her head and looked straight at her.

That spark, their spark seemed to shoot invisible through the air hitting Callie square in the chest. The Latina felt the wind being knocked out of her, and felt giddy. Despite the last three months, these last three weeks even, the beautiful blonde still had this effect on her. She still had the power to knock the logic out of the raven, make her heart skip and her soul sing, with only a look. Noticing he did not have Arizona full attention, Josh hit the blonde in the face with the plush giraffe. In her shock she glared down at the small boy, who did look momentarily guilty before squealing and pointing. Before Callie had chance to laugh at the disgruntled look on the blonde's face as she was hit, she saw what the little boy had squealed about, which was making Arizona stand. Joanne and Nikki were walking towards the Robbins duo, regardless of anything else; she couldn't look, so sprinted in the opposite direction. She couldn't stop the onslaught of the same images flashing across her mind. What saddened her most however was the easy relationship Arizona seemed to have with that little boy. The Latina knew Josh wasn't hers, deep down she knew, but even then, she had this instant connection with him. They had broken up for several months a year ago, without hope of reuniting, because Arizona didn't want kids, and yet here she had one very much in her life. A child of her ex-girlfriend, and Arizona was amazing with him, just like Callie knew she would be. Arizona would make the best mom in the world, and Callie couldn't then, and still couldn't now, see why the blonde had ever doubted her ability in being a parent.

As bad as it made her feel, she wished she could see that the blonde was as broken without her, as she was without the blonde. Even just a glinting eye, as she tried to stop herself from crying, or a lingering look, something to tell Callie, that she was missed. It took every part of Callie's willpower sometimes not to just launch herself at the smaller woman and wrap herself around her, never let her go again. However apart from the hiccup that was the locker room the day before, Callie hadn't seen the blonde display any negative emotion or need to have the raven back. No heartache at what they'd lost or what they could have. Despite everything, seeing Arizona hold Josh, had made her heart soar, as she imagined her hold their child. That dream, their dream, of being a family, and their happily ever after had never looked further away.

**Arizona's POV**

The time with Josh in the park had been just what she needed. The nippy cold January air had danced across their faces, making both of them red nosed and rosy cheeked, but she'd loved it. She had taken the crusts plus a few extra slices of bread from her loaf to feed the ducks. The little boy's face had lit up at the prospect of feeding the ducks, though it seemed he was more interested in eating the bread than allowing the ducks to have it. Though his face had shone and smile had dazzled, flashing his little dimples as the boy giggled at the ducks. Josh's laugh was like music to her ears, as she had pushed him higher and higher on the swing, and couldn't help but chuckle with him as he got more and more excited. The ice cream was a nice way to wind down, both Robbins and had lain by the side of the river with their little pots of ice cream. As promised Josh had gotten lots of chocolate sauce and sprinkles, which his face seemed to like more then his mouth, while Arizona had gotten a few scoops of coffee ice cream. Before going to the hospital to meet Nikki and Joanne, Arizona had been finally persuaded by the small boy to go into the toy store they'd walked passed on the way to the park, under the condition they were to look, not buy.

Josh skipped along beside her, his tiny hand grasped in her own, unaware of Arizona's inner turmoil. As her legs carried them blindly forward to where she knew held Callie, and she couldn't keep running. Looking down at her watch she saw it was one in the afternoon, signalling they were late. Pulling the little boy along with her, both blondes walked into the waiting room, to see that the two women weren't waiting for them. Sitting down on a chair that enabled her to see the doors in which the duo would emerge, but could also keep an eye out for the Latina, just in case she was in the pit. The curious little boy climbed upon her knee, still clinging on to his toy's neck, looking around the small waiting room. Every so often he'd ask questions, some of the questions put to Arizona were "Why do some doctors wear blue clothes, and some wear different ones?" and "Do poorly people come here?" The blonde tried to remain pleasant in her responses and gives ones the little boy would understand. Her leg wouldn't stop bouncing; she was getting aggregated because the two sisters were late.

The fine hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as shiver ran the length of her spine. She knew the sensation. Looking around all she saw were the small number of people, which if she thought about it, were more than the usual amount. When the small crowd parted, she saw her. Callie. Her breath hitched in her chest, and her heart skipped a beat in the cheesiest of fashions. The Latina was breath taking, her raven black hair resting just above her shoulders, while her chocolate eyes glittered in her direction. Arizona knew she was fighting Callie's natural gravitational pull, that trying to draw the smaller woman in. She also knew it was a fruitless battle. There was no fighting when all she wanted to do, was walk straight into her arms, apologise for all her mistakes, and kiss away the memories of these last months. She was ready, as soon as Nikki and Joanne came to get Josh, they would talk.

She was pulled out of her staring completion with Callie, when something collided with her face. When she regained her senses she realised the something was Josh's giraffe toy. She looked down, ready to tell the little boy off when he shouted out, calling for his mommy. Turning she saw Josh's mother and aunt coming towards them, looking considerable worse then herself, it seemed the fresh air had cleared her head. The youngest Robbins wrapped his arms around his mother's shoulders, and got lifted off Arizona's knee. "Was he good?" raven haired woman asked. With a swift nod she replied, "He was brilliant. He hasn't had any lunch, but ate most of the duck's bread and an ice cream. Not together". Arizona pulled a disgusted face, which Josh mirrored with a "gross!" All three women laughed. The blonde fished her key out of her pocket, "Here. Just so you can go and leave as you wish". She placed the small key in the younger woman's hand, "I'm only on till six today".

Both women turned to leave, so Arizona gave Josh a little wave, an in return he waved back a little too vigorously, nearly hitting his mother on the head. The bit back the chuckle, then remembered what she had been doing before the two sisters had interrupted her. Callie was no longer there. The PEDs surgeon's heart sunk, as she felt the floor vanish from beneath her. She had to talk to her. Arizona had no idea what she was going to say. What do you say to someone who you'd left in an airport with no job or home, only to return months later and save their life when they had so clearly not wanted to live? What do you say to someone who after you saved their life, told you they'd slept with their best friend? What do you say to someone after you've been avoiding them for so long? She had to stop thinking of what she was going to say, and just say it. Not communicating was their curse. Today however, Arizona was going to bite the bullet, and break that silence.


	20. Chapter 17 part 2

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2: **Just wanted to say thank you to bose96 for reading this fanfic.

Author's Note 3: Again this only part 2 of this chapter, I know I am dragging it on, but anyone who lives in the north of England, Scotland and Ireland know how bad the weather is due to this hurricane. The electricity went out for about an hour earlier, my mum's plants are slowly being killed, the pug I am looking after was nearly blown away and house and car alarms won't stop going off. So enjoy!

.

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I would never pull the trigger, but I've cried wolf a thousand times" _- It's all your fault by P!nk.

**Arizona's POV**

She had been told off. To add insult to injury, it was by Stark. As he was rushed passed her, with a patient, which he claimed should have been on the operating table an hour ago, but couldn't because she hadn't answered her pages. Nine of them. Shit. She had taken her pager out of her purse the night before, forgetting to put it back in this morning. Letting out a deep sigh she accepting the fact she was going to be get reprimanded once Stark's surgery was over, she went to find out what was going on from the nurses.

It seemed a high school student on finding out he'd failed his SATs, rather than re-sitting had decided to get angry and shoot his teacher, and some students had got caught in the firing. Why some people were so stupid was beyond her, and her annoyance was already higher than usual at finding out she had to stay on the PEDs floor to keep an eye on things. Managing in ten seconds flat to destroy any hopes she had in corning Callie into talking to her, directly, face to face. Or she thought. About a half an hour into her rounds, checking on all the patients, both the high schoolers and the previously occupants, she came across Samantha. Samantha, or Sam as she insisted on being called, had been in the English class when the angry teenager had come in shouting the odds. While most of the students had managed to escape Sam had unsuccessful, resulting in her being shot in the upper chest and upper thigh. According to her notes, on arrival to the hospital she had been deemed a semi-urgent case, which needed to be reviewed. It seemed in the chaos that had preceded and followed her admission no one had been to see her yet. Her notes suggested she needed a cardio and ortho consult to decide the next cause of action.

Slightly skipping to the nurses' station she requested that Ortho be paged and much to her delight within ten minutes, Callie had walked though the white double doors. The blonde fought a losing battle as the urge to smile at the dishevelled look that had taken over Callie's whole demeanour since she had seen her last, took over her. The Latina didn't return the smile. Arizona briefly explained Sam's situation, while leading Callie to the girl's room. "Sam this is Dr Torres, she's just going to take a keep look at your injuries, okay?" the blonde asked, trying to sound as reassuring as she could. The young mousy blonde haired girl gave a small nod, with a pained look on her face. Callie moved closer to the bed, before saying to Samantha, "I'm sorry if this hurts at all, I'll be as quick as I can". The young girl let out several hisses of pain, and cry out a few times, her good arm gripped the sheet beneath her, as Callie carried out her arm and leg. "Sorry", Callie sympathised when Sam let out the louder indicators of pain.

Once the exam was complete, Callie spoke to both women, though mainly to Sam, "Things seem okay, there is still some chance of fractures in your upper arm and thigh". The girl's face seemed to light up slightly, clearly confusing both Callie and Arizona. Pointing with her good arm she pointed to the top of her injured arm saying, "This is my Humerus, right?" The girl seemed uncertain, but beamed even further when Callie confirmed that she was correct. Arizona couldn't help but say, "Do you know this bone's name?" pointing at the wound on her leg. The mousy blonde haired girl looked deep in the thought before saying, with deliberate slowness, "Femur, I think". Again the Ortho surgeon confirmed her guess before adding, "I'm impressed, you learnt that at school, already?" The girl laughed, wincing slightly when one of the bullet wounds shot a dosage of pain at her, "No. before Christmas I was helping my brother revise for Bio." "Well then I'm impressed", Callie replied, and the surgeon did look impressed. "In my opinion, Dr Altman, can do her procedures first. She will probably take out the bullets and then I can assess your condition afterwards, alright?" Callie finished explaining with a smile. Sam came a small nod and a sigh but said, "Sounds like a plan. Have you heard anything about my brother?" Arizona was slightly surprised that she didn't know that Sam even had a brother, never mind the fact he must have been in the shooting. "Sorry, no. What is his name? Was he in the shooting?" the blonde tried to ask sounding sympathetic but still get as much information as she could before Sam got taken into surgery. "Yeah he was, and he's called Robert Wright, but he goes by Rob", the girl said in a slight rush. "Okay, I'll go check, and if I find anything out I'll let you know okay", Arizona promised with a click of Sam's chart and placing it at the bottom of the bed.

The tension between the women as they left Sam's room was static. The tension Arizona tried to break by saying, "Who thinks that gunning down their teacher will get them a better grade?" The only response the blonde got from the other woman was "Hmmm. I'm going to check on Penny, so I don't need to come back up", and off she walked in the other direction. Arizona let out a sigh of annoyance. Why was she doing this? Things, all be it small and slow, had seemed to be okay this morning. Arizona had realised when Josh went running to brush his teeth declaring "I'm a big boy. I do it self", that Callie had left half of her article behind. Well that was only if Callie was trying to determine the pharmacokinetics of pentobarbital in a newborn, baby, or a young child with congenital heart disease after open-heart surgery…which she suspected was unlikely. It took her about thirty seconds to realise that Callie had been fluffing her way through their meeting that morning, but was still unsure why, and was even more curious now the Latina was effectively ignoring her.

As soon as she'd gotten to the nurse's station she had asked Teddy to be paged, only to be told she was currently in surgery but would be with her as soon as she could. Great. Next was finding about Robert Wright. Who it seemed hadn't come in with the rest of the kids, being the optimist she was, Arizona chose to believe it meant he was unharmed. Callie appeared out of nowhere, requesting Penny's file in a slightly abrupt manner. The phone on the Callie's side of station rang; the nurse that Callie had spoken to answered it. It seemed Callie was trying to keep as much distance been the two of them as she could. The redheaded nurse placed the phone back on its perch before passing on the message, "We're on lockdown". Instantly adrenaline shot through Arizona veins, while Callie rolled her eyes and look mortified. "What? Why?" were the only questions Arizona could think of to say. The nurse shrugged, while Callie showed her dislike to the situation, "Oh, come on". This could not be happening, not today surely something was happening. Nurses and staff members started to gather, looking instantly worried and curious. Maybe it was a false alarm. Not that she wasn't thrilled that it would mean Callie would have to stay on the PEDs floor, she was. She just didn't want _this_ Callie, staying on the PEDs floor.

"Well, it's a joke right? It's a drill or something", the blonde offered giving the only explanation she could. Callie's pager went off, reminding Arizona that once again hers was at home, on the kitchen counter. Callie flicked across her white coat to look at the bleeping item, before letting out a low annoyed sighing growl, "Yeah". Great just great. Arizona felt the familiar rush of authority, and while she wasn't head of department she was the only one qualified in this situation to command the floor. Taking a depth breath and adopted a tone she hoped sounded like one of authority said, "Okay. It's no joke. Everyone". The staff was starting to panic that much was obvious. "Everyone! We're sealing the floor. I don't know why and it doesn't matter why, but nobody goes in or out past the double doors", she continued pointlessly gesturing at the door behind Callie. "You check on your own patients, and then you come back and see if there's any others in NICU. We don't have a lot of hands on deck", the commanded noting for the first time that the selection of people in front of her, was it. This was the floor's current staff. A feeling of instant dread flooded her as she tried to swallow it back she said with a slightly warning, "And people. Do not alarm the makers of the tiny humans. They will eat you alive."

The second she finished speaking, the staff before her moved to put her plan into action. She'd missed being head of department. Turning to Callie who was still standing with a look of complete boredom and annoyance on her face she said, "I really thought that was a joke". A mirthless laugh fell from the Latina's lips, "Sick joke". Sure her ears were deceiving her Arizona responded, "Excuse me?" Looking just as annoyed as ever, Callie shot back, "Uhh, nothing" She was seriously fed up of Callie doing this. This was the kinder thing she did before Africa. If only she'd told the blond her feelings towards the move, they wouldn't be in this situation. So she decided she wasn't going to stand for this crap again, and Callie was going to say whatever it was that was on her mind. Sighing in disbelieve the blonde said, "What? What, you can't be stuck on the same floor as me? That's a hardship for you?" Pushing off the station bench she sent a glower at Arizona, and just before she turned to leave, the angry Latina shot back, "Uh, yeah. Frankly, it is". Okay, that hurt. Hurt didn't even describe the stabbing sensation that seemed to go straight her heart, and the fog of confusion clouding her mind. She didn't know completely what she was going to do, but she did know she wasn't going to let Callie Torres' hard-headedness stop her from talking. Today was going to be a day that was worthwhile.


	21. Chapter 17 part 3

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2: **So the song lyrics … anyone been noticing what I've been doing?

**Author's Note 3:** I'm SORRY! I know this posting in bits is annoying some people, and believe me if I could do more in the small amount of time I could, I would. Please stick with this story!

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I would never pull the trigger, but I've cried wolf a thousand times" _- It's all your fault by P!nk.

**Arizona's POV**

Chaos. Panic. Hell. The tiny human were going to be the death of her, she was sure of that. Interns and nurses were flying passed her in every direction, patients were wanting things, crying for parents, and wanting to know what was going on. There was only so much that the adults on the child's ward could do. Only a select number of the patients had their parents with them, which only made it slightly easier, because while they could calm their own child down, Arizona still had deal with frantic mothers and fathers. The staff were running left, right and centre just trying to keep up. Despite the clear communication avoidance on Callie's part, they kept ending up in the same patients' rooms and it genuinely was an accident. Much to her relieve Callie remain professional, until they were out of the room and off she would go.

Arizona was getting beyond annoyed and frustrated at the Latina, and slowly getting stressed and starting to freak out about the lock down. They hadn't heard anything yet, and she didn't like it. Silence, in this type of situation was not good. Everyone was depending on her to be in charge and responsible, and the one person who she could usual lean on for support was being a total and utter ass! One of the original Mercy Westers came rushing out of a patient's room rushing through a list of what patients needed medicating and what the tiny humans wanted, before he sat with his head in hands. This was getting way too much. Pretty much sure she was minutes away from a panic attack, decided to vent her frustrations at the situation, like under staffing, over crowding and that they hadn't heard anything!

Callie seamlessly appeared out of nowhere, looking like she was talking to thin air as she was unable to look Arizona in the eye, "Why don't you just put all the kids in the playroom? I mean, we don't have enough staff for a whole floor, so at least they'll all be in one place, one big room. We can keep an eye on all the kids at once." That wasn't a bad idea. In fact it was an excellent idea. The Mercy Wester spoke first, "You can't put a bunch of sick kids in a playroom with their beds and everything." Arizona couldn't help the glare she shot at the young man, as if he dared belittle a perfectly good suggestion made by Callie. "Sure we can. Stable ones can walk and we have wheelchairs. Those like Sam Wright are near enough to the playroom that we can keep an eye on them, and not move them. So let's do it. Move." Bless the new-ish guy, who literally ran off to do as he was told. Turning to Callie flashing her a big smile, dimples and all she said, "Thanks, it was a great idea". Taking hold of the charts she was holding more efficiently, she shrugged her shoulders before once again stalking off with a "whatever" under her breath. The file Arizona had been holding went crashing into the pots of pen on the station table, as she let out a noise, that could only be described as pure frustration, mixed with a large amount of pissed off.

Collecting patients from their rooms wasn't an easy experience, some wanted answers she couldn't give them about what was going on, one child didn't want to leave his room because he'd miss his TV show, while a little girl of four was worried if she moved her mummy wouldn't know where she was and get scared. While trying to console the little girl she continued pushing her to the playroom in a wheelchair, someone came out of nowhere in front of them. "Watch it", both the adults said the stress of the day clearly evident in both tones. Looking up she saw it was Callie at the same time it seemed the Latina realised it was the blonde she nearly crashed into, before rushing Christopher further ahead of the kid she was pushing. "What?" Arizona asked a little more shrilling that she'd intended. Callie purposefully ignored the woman talking to her, and sped up. "What you can't even talk to me now, is that it?" Arizona accused. She was seriously getting fed up of these childish games. She needed Callie to start acting like the grown up she was and actually help this crazy situation. The dark haired surgeon glanced over her shoulder quickly, though slow enough to glare at the blonde, and let out a drawn out tut, before returning clearly to pretending that Arizona was brick wall. If she herself wasn't trying to be a grown up, and wasn't in fear of hurting the little girl she was pushing she could have quite happily rammed the wheelchair into the back of Callie's legs. Taking a deep breath, she settled for simply glaring at the back of her head instead.

Once the children that could be moved, were moved, Arizona went to make notes on which child was where and what room they had been in. Standing at the nurses station, she glanced across at the hall and realised in all the panic she hadn't been back to see Sam. Callie at this point had decided she was going to be the nice doctor and play with the kids, the only reason she knew this was the fact she could ever so often hear Callie's familiar laugh. Striding down the hall, she took a deep breath and adopted what she hoped was a good enough smile and entered Samantha's room. She couldn't lie to herself, but hoped she could lie well enough to the young girl. She didn't look good. She wished Teddy could have come up as soon as she'd paged. Sure it would have been risky, but Teddy would have the experience and the guts to do whatever was needed, if it was needed. Arizona didn't. "Hey", the blonde offered the injured girl. A weak smile was given back. "How you feeling?" Arizona asked fruitlessly, because at the moment it didn't matter how she felt, because there was very little they could do. "Not too bad. Just tired and bit cold", the girl croaked slightly, slightly pulling up the blanket on the bed as if she'd reminded herself that she was in fact cold. Arizona hoped the internal sigh and slightly gulp hasn't shown on her face. Being cold wasn't good. She really hoped whatever was going on would be over quick, this kid needed help, and she needed it quick.

"So no pain then?" she said with a smile. Sam shook her head in response. Arizona wished she knew what the lack of pain was a result of, but hoped it was the painkillers she'd been given earlier. "Have you heard anything about Rob?" Sam asked, her voice cracking even further. God it felt like this girl was breaking before her very eyes. "No, as he hasn't been admitted. Which I'm sure is a good thing. Means he wasn't hurt", Arizona reasoned, receiving a smile. She dreaded to think of the other possibility, which was he hadn't been admitted but had gone straight to the morgue. "I promise the second I hear anything, I'll let you know. Okay?" the blonde offered and got small weak nod back.

As she back out of the room, once again she collided into someone. Turning around she saw yet again it was Callie. It seemed someone up there, if you believed in such things, really did want them to talk. The Ortho surgeon looked momentarily relieved when she saw who she'd bumped into, before the stony mask returned. "I'm worried about Sam. She's getting weaker by the minute. I could do some of the procedure, but its not like I could just crack her chest open in her room, even if we had the equipment to do it!" Arizona whispered in a rush, running a shaky hand through her hair. To her relief she saw Callie's jaw slacken, and eyes softened, "She just needs to hang on a little longer. Lockdown has to stop soon, right". Arizona felt her heart tighten, at Callie's comforting words. They weren't much but, they were something. Taking a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves, the blonde gave a small smile before thanking the Latina. Callie in returned seemed to have realised she'd let her mask slip, and made to stalk off once again. The blonde grabbed Callie's left arm, and pulled her bodily into the on-call room a little further down the hall.

**Callie's POV**

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Callie half hissed at the blonde as the momentum of being caught off guard, carried her further into the room. What am _I_ doing? What the hell are _you_ doing?" Arizona shot back hardly the greatest come back of all time, but Callie could see she was angry. "What the hell happened?" she exclaimed. Callie managed to shoot a confused but contemptuous look in her direction accompanied by a vague hand gesture, as she sat on the bed, giving up hope the smaller woman was going to let her out anytime soon. The blonde was literally body blocking the door. "You!" Arizona pointed straight at her. "You were ready. This morning you ready to talk to me, and then you pulled some crap about an article, and then this. What the hell!" Arizona finished considerably higher and louder than when she'd begun. Callie felt a rush of panic flood her, she'd thought she'd been believable about the article, it seemed she hadn't been, but she wasn't about to admit. "What are you talking about? I got my article…" she shouted back, glad that the children from the surrounding rooms had been moved down the hall. "No. No you didn't, or have you got a young patient on pentobarbital with congenital heart disease that's recently had open-heart surgery?" the blonde asked with a glare as if daring Callie to follow through with the lie. Callie hadn't even looked at the article she'd grabbed; neither had she looked at it afterwards, to even know if Arizona was telling the truth. The look of panic and guilt must have shown on her face because Arizona's next words were, "If you going to lie, next time make sure you take your own article, and if you can't, don't leave half of it behind". Crap. That's how she knew.

She wasn't going to be out won. Glaring back at the blonde who was now leaning on the door what held her only escape she said, "Come on then. You want to talk, talk". Rather than speaking, Arizona's head tilted to the side, almost like a curious puppy. Callie let out a harsh humourless laugh, "Yeah thought as much. Three weeks, Arizona. THREE weeks, I've been ready to talk to you…and what…now it's clear I'm fed up waiting, you want to talk to me?" The blonde's tongue slipped out, and ran the length of her bottom lip in concentration, though it only served as fuel on the Latina anger. "I lay in that damn hospital bed, day after day, waiting. Waiting for you to come back! You said you weren't going anywhere, and yet it took over a week for me to even get a glimpse of you", Callie spat before letting out another faux laugh. "Even then it was as you ran away… into MY old apartment!" the furry practical dripped off every syllable. The blonde shuffled slightly, immediately looking awkward. "Yeah, _that's_ how long I've known. I was just giving you time. God I'm so stupid for thinking you'd come and talk to me", Callie finished on a whisper.

Arizona made to say something, but Callie was on a roll and she wasn't going to be interrupted, "Three weeks. Two of which you were across the hall from me. You didn't even come over and see if I was okay, you just sent over your little spy". Callie felt sick to her stomach. She'd promised herself that morning, despite what was going to happen, what was going to be said, she wouldn't get this emotional, and yet here she was, inches away from a total emotional breakdown. "Did you just not care? I mean you flew eighteen hours, to tell me you love me and never want to be apart from me. You hear I slept with Mark, and you want nothing to do with me! Really? Was I not _worth_ the time it would take to ask how I was? To have a conversation?" Callie said, as she felt her throat tightening. She knew the answer to that. No, she wasn't.

Arizona pushed herself forward from the floor, coming to stand in the middle of the room, "What _actually_ did you want to talk about Callie? What did you want me to talk about first? How you had NO regard for my feelings and how I felt that I'd won the _Carter Madison Grant_…Or perhaps the pain I had to go through, as I tried to figure out how this was going to work. Or how excited and happy I was, when YOU, not me, suggested you come to Africa with me, that I could actually help these kids, _and_ have my girlfriend there too!", Arizona was getting more and more frantic and louder by the second. The more she shouted, the closer she got to the Latina. "Or perhaps how you never said you were proud of me, not once, you just moaned and bitched about the move. I knew, of course I knew you weren't happy about going, but you'd suggested it. So god forbid my foolishness for thinking one day you'd like it. Or perhaps you want to talk about how you complained you hadn't had a good enough send off, when we both know everyone who could, even those on call gave us a fanatic send off the night before! Or perhaps we should talk about the thirty second if that window you gave me to make a decision, and yes considering the fact I'm standing here in front of you, I know I made the wrong one!", the blond took a breath. Arizona was standing about a foot away from her now, considerably redder than before, gleaming slightly with sweat and a crazed look in her eye. She was annoyed, thankful that the blonde was talking to her, well shouting at her, but she wasn't going to be blamed for everything. Opening her mouth to speak to defend herself, but was cut off by the furious PEDs surgeon.

"OR maybe we should talk about after weeks of fighting with myself, I make the decision. I came home, and to what!" for the first time her rant, Arizona's voice shook slightly. "Do you have any idea, any at all what that felt like?" the blonde offered with look of mixed anger and sadness. It was then Callie realised, the blonde was fighting back tears. The Latina felt the lump form in her throat and her attempts to swallow it away were useless. "And then there's Mark. So Callie tell me, what did you want me to talk about first?" the other woman finished, with considerably less gusto but no less passion than when she'd started.


	22. Chapter 17 part 4

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2: **So the song lyrics … anyone been noticing what I've been doing?

**Author's Note 4: **As of me writing this AN, on this fanfiction in the last 14 days has had 15,205 Hits and 4,820 Visitors – and over all has had 47,967 hits. I just want to say thank you.

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_I would never pull the trigger, but I've cried wolf a thousand times" _- It's all your fault by P!nk.

**Arizona's POV**

"You just left me there", screamed Callie. Silence seemed to hang on the air, if there was any air left in the room; it had become thick and cold at the screamed words. Callie's eyes were wide and pained. She should have known the first thing her ex wanted to talk about, was one of the things she blamed herself for the most. Arizona wished for a moment she hadn't moved away from the door, because she no longer had anything to rest on, to keep her up as the heartbroken brown eyes stared into hers, knocking her backwards. "You just left me there", the Latina repeated, this time in a whispered breath. The blonde's heart became instantly heavy as if it was trying to just drop out of her chest, as Callie's eyes fogged with tears.

Once again Arizona fought the overpowering pull Callie had on her, wanted to envelope the tall woman in her arms, and try and take the pain away. She'd lost the right to do that, and even if Callie would let her try, it would only be a short term cure. They needed to talk. Taking a deep breath Arizona took the plunge, "Do you think I wanted to? Do you have any idea how hard it was to go…without you". Callie's jaw tightened, though she was unsure if it was in anger or to stop the tears that were threatening to make their appearance. "You didn't need to. I begged…god I begged you to take me with you! And you just left. You didn't even kiss me goodbye or…argh…you didn't even look back!" the raven haired woman's voice was raising again, though Arizona could tell at parts it was to get on top of the emotion, trying to creep in. "Yes I left", the blonde stated simply, as Callie's eyes widened in shock. Before she could be interrupted Arizona continued, "You didn't want to go. How could I have made you go? If…" Arizona couldn't help but look down at the lips she'd love to be kissing, seeing the bottom one quiver as the women fought her own emotions, "If I'd kissed you, if I'd even looked back, I wouldn't have been able to go".

"Would that have been so bad?" Callie said, never breaking eye contact. Arizona could feel her heart pouncing within in chest, convinced it was now attempting to escape from her chest. Why did Callie's eyes have to be so soulful and deep, so deep she could drown in them if she'd let herself. "Yeah", breathed the blonde in response. She saw the Ortho surgeon swallow, and noticed a lone tear fall straight down her cheek. "You didn't want to go Callie. I couldn't make you go when you didn't want to. I shouldn't have expected you to go. I couldn't have you hating me, resenting me for making you go. You have friends, a career, a life here. I couldn't… I shouldn't let you give it up, for me", Arizona had managed to say sounding so sincerely and unbroken, until the last two words.

"I would have given it all for you, I did. It meant nothing. Everything. All of that, it meant nothing because you weren't here. My job, our friends, my life. It all meant nothing because you weren't here", the Latina said almost shouting, mainly because of the heartbreaking sob that followed. Arizona's chest tightened and her head felt as if she was spinning as the realisation of that sentence hit her. Callie believed her life was nothing, because Arizona had walked away. "I knew, god even as the words slipped out I regretted them. I shouldn't' have told you I didn't want to go. These last three months would never have happened, if I'd just kept my mouth shut", Callie's voice was remorseful, even regretful. "I'm glad you did tell me", the blonde replied, making the Latina look momentarily scared. "I wish you'd told me sooner", she continued. "So what you could have decided sooner to leave me behind?" the franticness was returning to Callie's voice. "As I said earlier I had been trying to think of a way to make it work. I could have even given it up", Arizona finished trying to keep Callie's hysterical levels down. "I couldn't let you do that", Callie said, in one of the most sincere tones, the blonde had ever heard, and despite of herself couldn't help but think, "I still did it anyway".

"I waited; I waited for nearly two months for you to come back. I didn't care anymore if it was to stay or take me with you, because that's all I needed. YOU!" Callie screamed throwing the pillow she was half sitting on across the room at the blonde. On instinct Arizona moved out of the way of flying object, which landed about foot to her right. The Latina's long legs came up, and rested on bed, planting her feet as her arms folded around them, hugging them to her ever so tightly. Despite of the situation, she was still thankful Callie allowed her to see this side of her, even if it was her who'd caused it.

"I could never hate you", Callie's whisper just managed to travel the short distance between them. "Believe me I've tried, wished I could. I just couldn't", her whisper broke. "I called you everyday. I begged you to call me back or answer when I next rang, but you never did", the dark haired woman said, slightly accusingly. "Did you listen to them? My messages", Callie asked, returning her gaze to Arizona. "Of course I did", the blonde managed to breathe back. Callie's legs fell into a cross position, Arizona saw by the look in her eye and instant redness to her cheeks she'd said the wrong thing.

"You listened to them! How…How could you have listened to them, listen to me beg and cry, pleading with you to come back, and it still took you nearly two months to come back? How could you listen to me, _everyday_ wanting you to come back for me? God how could I been so stupid! I actually believed you when you said you loved me!" Callie's angry voice had returned, and it was ready to rip her to pieces. "I do!" Arizona frantically screamed back. How could she doubt otherwise? Callie let out a frustrated drawn out tut like sound. "There is no way, I could listen to you crying like that for thirty seconds, never mind forty eight days, and not want to do everything in my power to make it stop. I begged you Arizona! I actually begged you to call me, and you didn't, not even once! You didn't even tell me you'd landed safely. Nothing!" the Latina continued her frantic rant as if Arizona had never spoken.

"I wanted you to be happy. I thought you would be. Okay I thought you'd miss me, but you'd get over it", Arizona tried to reason with the frantic woman who looked moments away from a Spanish rant. Callie shot her a stunned looked, which was accompanied by an open mouth. "I wanted to call you back, every day. I wanted to so badly", the blonde pleaded with the Latina, begging her to understand. "I just wanted you to be happy; I knew if I rang…" Arizona was cut off this time an empty laugh from the woman sat on the small bed. "Happy? You wanted me to be happy! No what you wanted was to save your precious "tiny humans", screw what I was feeling!" Callie shot, with venom lacing every word. "Callie!" Arizona warned. "No! You have no idea what it was like here. Arizona it literally felt like you'd died. No one else understood what it felt like. I could feel you everywhere, all the time. You were always here", Callie half shouted, pointing at her head. "It was the worst feeling in the world. Actually no. There is something worse. Being on the other side of the planet unable to see you, talk to you, touch you was hard, it didn't even compare to living across the hall from you. I could touch you, if I reached out, I could actually touch you and yet you seemed even further way", Callie finished softly, her voice still laced with sadness and anger.

"I came back", Arizona said rather meekly. Taking a deep breath, Callie leant back, so her spine was touching the wall behind her. "Yes you did, and to what prevail did that get either of us? You were ready to jump in feet first and ran at the first sign of trouble", the raven's voice was thick with mocking but still had hints of desperation. "Trouble? You slept with Mark Sloan! You say you missed me, but you clearly didn't miss me that much! I have to say it's something you failed to mention in your voice messages, "I miss you more and more each day, oh by the way I've been fucking Mark Sloan"!" Arizona shouted back, her tone was equal to Callie's now. The Latina's eyes widened in shock, clearly not expecting Arizona to resort to swearing, which she very seldom did. Despite her anger, Arizona really hoped there were no children in the surrounding area. "I mean did you wait awhile, allow for the grieving process and then jump in bed with him or could you not wait until my plane had landed?" she continued, practically spitting in anger with each word.

Callie just sat staring at her open mouthed, but looked considerably calmer, but broken than when she'd last been speaking. Arizona could feel the anger pulsing through her veins, it was only equal to the anger she'd felt as Mark had interrupted them talking in Callie's hospital room. Moments after Callie had told her what she'd done. The Latina's mouth opened and closed several times as if to say something, but nothing came out. The blonde allowed a flicker of guilt to grace her thoughts, but that was all she'd allow. Anymore and she'd be a goner.

"I didn't mean to hurt you", said the broken voice. That flicker was threatening to get bigger; she had to fight it for now. "It was a mistake", Callie pleaded again. "A mistake? Where exactly was he trying to put it?" Arizona spat, and watched as Callie recoiled. "I'm sorry, it was only once", Callie whispered, putting her head down as if a disgraced child. There it was, full fledge guilt. What was worse was, Callie wasn't even trying to make her feel guilty, she genuinely was sorry. Trying to even own her breathing before she spoke, "As Cristina keeps saying it's not like we were together, I'm angrier at myself than you and …him, so you have nothing to be sorry for". A faux laugh fell on her like a tonne of bricks, "Is that your excuse for last night". Last night? Callie had said she hadn't done anything embarrassing or bad last night. God what had she done?

"Excuse me?" Arizona asked. Another less enthusiastic fake laugh fell from Callie's lips, "Joanne". Joanne? What had Joanne done, apart from her dreadful singing on their way home? She was sure she remembered Callie sitting down with Mark when they'd left, so she couldn't have heard them. Her confusion must have shown on her face because the Latina sat forward with so much force, it looked as if it took a lot of strength to stop her falling forward off the bed, face first. "Don't. Just don't. Playing coy doesn't work with me. I know you slept with her", Callie warned. Before she could allow the words to sink in, even consider their meaning she said, "Okay, what?" A shadow of doubt fell across Callie's features, the blonde saw as it crept across her face. "You slept with Joanne", Callie's tone suggested it was mix between question and statement.

Arizona couldn't believe her ears, and knew she was stood open mouthed about a stride away from the woman who had dumbfounded her. Once again the annoyance was starting to crawl through her veins. "No Callie I didn't sleep with Joanne. I can't… I can't believe you. I…How dare you! I don't think I can solve my problems at the bottom of a bottle, or in someone else's bed!" Arizona shouted and saw emotions such as relief; disbelief and guilt show themselves on the Latina's face. "I…just can't! I am not Mark Sloan, and think I can screw the nearest thing and my problems will be solved. I'm not y…" the blonde stopped as she realised what she was about to say.

She saw the furry and disbelief on Callie's face instantly. "Go on. If have the guts to start you might as well finish", Callie spat. The blonde swallowed, actually slightly scared of the look in Callie's eye. "You aren't _me_!" Callie finished for her, glowering at her from her position on the bed. Her heart was hammering in her chest; all she could hear was the blood pounding in her ears. "Callie I didn't…." Arizona made to apologise, but Callie cut her off. "Yes you did. Don't insult either of us by pretending you didn't mean it, because you did. You're right to believe it, it's what I do, isn't it", Callie all but whimpered, a shocking change to her previous out burst. "Get my heart broken, so I climb in bed with Mark Sloan", she spat, causing a shiver to run the length of Arizona's spine.

"He's always been there for me. After George, Erica … you. He's always been there", Callie reasoned, this time unable to look her in the eye. She could understand that, she always did. Perhaps Joanne really was her "Mark". Callie let out a long sigh, "It was a mistake. One I regretted immediately. I slept on his couch, afterwards and cried myself to sleep". Despite the details, she felt her chest tighten and sympathise with Callie. "Oh god", Callie whispered, wiping the rouge tears that had splashed down her face. The Latina leaned back against the wall, her head made a slight noise as it hit. "I thought I was better. You. You fixed me. I was set. I'd started to trust myself again, like and know who I'd become. What I realised was I knew who I was with you. I'd forgotten who I was without you. That was the worst thing, because I didn't want to know who I was, I thought I would never have to know again who I was without you. It seems like I never changed", Callie said, as further more tears fell in rolls down her face.

Arizona's heart broke, shattered even. "Callie…" she soothed, begging her not to continue. "I'm sorry…for everything", Callie exhaled. Arizona took the stride between them, and knelt in front of the Latina, taking hold of both knees of the long legs that were cross on the bed. "I'm sorry for the night you came home", Callie whispered so quietly had she not been so close she wouldn't have heard it. Arizona gripped the knees beneath her hands, tighter. "I didn't want…I" Callie whimpered slightly, as another tear slid down her face. Arizona raised a hand to wipe it away, only to have Callie tilt her face into it. The blonde's heart stopped just for a moment, only to beat harder. "Thank you for saving me" the Ortho surgeon whispered looking straight at her. They were so close Arizona could see the tears clinging onto Callie's long eyelashes. Lifting the hand which was resting on Callie's cheek to, tuck the short curl that was hanging in front its owner face, whispering back, "I'll always save you Calliope".

Low male voices coming from the corridor outside interrupted them, causing both women to jump. Arizona was sure one of them was Alex, though both voices sounded agitated, and raising by the second. The blonde shot the other woman in room a quizzical look, and received an eye brow raise in turn. Without words both agreed they'd investigate. Standing slowly, she put a hand up to Callie signalling for her to stay still. Callie's eye widened, as she shook her head. Arizona rolled her eyes, as Callie stood and made to move towards the door. The blonde grabbed Callie's arm yet again, though this time was considerably gentler than when she'd dragged her in this room. Arizona pushed herself in front of Callie. Peering around the blue door, all Arizona could see was the bare wall across from them. She tried to alter the way she was looking, to see down the hall, towards where the voices were nearly shouting at each other. It then hit what they were eavesdropping on, when she heard Alex trying to explain to the other man a patient's condition. Taking the plunge, Arizona swung the door open. She could feel Callie practically pushing herself against her, trying to listen and see as well.

The blonde walked forward allowing both men to come into her line of vision. It was Alex, as she had suspected and a young man who must have been about sixteen or seventeen. The unknown man, wasn't all that unknown to her, she recognised him, but couldn't place where she knew him from. The younger of the two men was getting more and more frantic, as Alex it seemed wasn't giving him the information, the answers he needed. Arizona moved forward, the sole of her shoe as rubbed against the shiny floor, and it let out a little squeak which seemed to echo around the small corridor they were in. Both hearing the noise turned, the younger faster than lightening, in Arizona and Callie direction. As both men turned, Arizona could look the younger of the two in the eye, she felt Callie's body colliding with hers, and a pain ran through her left arm, from shoulder to hand, as two gun shots rang out.


	23. Chapter 18 part 1

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2: **The question you have to ask is …would I shoot one of them?

**Author's Note 3:** Rather than making you wait, I am posting this chapter into two bits, so this part and the next are both chapter 18! The two main questions you will have will be answered in the second part.

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_I have lost my mind_, _I wish you could, feel as bad as I do. __- It's all your fault by P!nk_.

**Arizona****'s POV**

Moments. Seconds, minutes. Time stands still in those moments. The moments you realise everything you have, everything that could have been, could end. Pain shot up her arm, but no crimson came to sight, only the nearest wall. When Callie's body had collided with hers she had been propelled side wards into light yellow wall beside them. Turning her head swiftly, she came face to face with the Latina. So close she could smell the sweetness of her breath, feel it dance across her face. Callie was half laid on top of her. It was then it hit her, Callie had seen what she had not, the gun. The Latina had pushed her out of the way. Arizona went to ask, god even check, if Callie was okay, but their nonverbal conversation was cut short, were footfalls coming towards them.

Looking up all Arizona could see was the young man walking with deliberate slowness, aiming the gun straight at them. What caught her eye next though it seemed to take her brain an age to register it, was Alex. He was laid on the floor his whole right arm was one blood red stain. "Oh god", Callie whispered, at the sight of him. His skin was deathly white against the deep red that was spreading, his eyes wide in disbelief looking straight at the two women. But how had Karev been shot?

"Up" the teenager commanded, signalling upwards with the handgun held in his hands. Both women scrambled slightly to do as they were ordered. Flexing her injured hand that had collided with the wall, she believed nothing was broken, despite it hurting like hell. Hopefully it was only a sprain or pulled ligament. Chancing a glance, it seemed that Callie was uninjured too. "Which of you is helping my sister", the boy asked, his voice slightly quivering. Her heart was beating like an African drum, so fast and loud she was surprised the three other people couldn't hear it. Or maybe they could, only over the din that was their own heart beats. "What's her name", Callie managed to say. Hands still shaking slightly, seeing the young man up-close Arizona could see he'd been crying. "Samantha Wright", he said with deliberate slowness. Oh no, no, no, no! Not Rob. She hadn't wanted the boy to be dead, but she didn't want this. He had been the shooter. "I...I am", Arizona croaked, stepping forward slightly, her brain and heart screaming at her to remain silent. She felt Callie's fingertip graze her hand, as if to grab it, she pulled it away so Robert wouldn't see, and she stood her ground.

"He said", Robert nodded his head in the direction of the bleeding man, without taking his eyes off either women or lowering the gun. "That she needs an operation", he continued, his jaw tight and his teeth clenched. Arizona could feel her own panic building inside of her, while adrenaline pumped its way through her veins, but it was nothing to the fear she could feel radiating from the woman behind her. Taking a deep breathe Arizona tried as hard as she could to remain calm, her good hand balled into a tight fist in her coat pocket. She could feel her own shortened fingernails biting into her fleshy palm, concentrating on that feeling and not the gun pointing straight them or Alex who was laid bleeding on the floor. "She does. She had a bullet…" Arizona was explaining and at the mention of bullets Rob's hands shook slightly, and the blonde heard Callie's small almost inaudible whimper, causing her own chest to tighten. She had to remain calm. "In her upper arm and upper leg. A surgeon was on their way to take her down to operate, just before the lock down", Arizona continued.

"You could do it", the young shooter said, sounding both threatening and pleading at the same time. Her heart seemed slow, but its beat vibrated throughout her whole chest, she hadn't wanted to do it. God please don't make me do it. "I was going to assist. It can't be done here", the blonde hesitated. "You do it", the boy pleaded. Just for a moment she saw a scared little boy pleading with her to save his sister. That image was erased quickly as the barrel of the gun came painfully back into vision. "You have to fix her; you have to make her better. I never meant to hurt her!" Rob shouted at her, pleading to her understand. She wished she could feel sorry for him, maybe somewhere deep down she did, but fear was so much stronger motivator for her response, "Of course you didn't. One of the ORs should be set up, I could take her there". She felt Callie move forward, Arizona couldn't help the mental plea for her to keep quiet, but Rob saw the move. "Who are you?" the teenage boy hissed at Callie, aiming the small gun right at her.

"Doctor Torres", the Latina said, stepping out from behind Arizona, before she could be blocked. "Are you a surgeon?" the teenager asked. Before Callie had time to breathe, never mind respond Arizona said, "No. She just works on this floor with the children". She felt the unease, confusion and uncertain radiate off the taller woman next to her. "So she can't help Sam", the boy asked his deadpan tone flooded the blonde's body with anxiety. "No", she said in barely a whisper. The finger on the trigger twitched slightly before Arizona could blurt out, "She can help the children though on this floor. They need a doctor, especially those that were at school today". His feet were unmoving, planted to the ground, but his torso span towards Arizona, turning the gun on her once again, "I didn't meant to shoot those kids. He wouldn't listen!" Arizona gulped down the constant fear and terror that seemed to be infested her body like a cancer. "I never said you did, but they need a doctor. They need Doctor Torres to help them. I will help Sam, while she helps them, okay?" Arizona reasoned in what she hoped was a convincing voice, pleading with any higher beings to pull though for her. Robert seemed to stand with the metal weapon aimed on her for several seconds, though it seemed like minutes before he gave a small nod. Taking a shaking breath before continuing Arizona said, "I need to get Sam ready for surgery. Only two people can be in the room to get her ready, with her equipment. You…" Taking a slightly shaky breath before she continued, "Have your hands full. Could Doctor Torres help me get her ready? Shouldn't take more than a few minutes, and then she could go and see the other kids?" She knew this was a load of lies, and hoped Robert had never been in a hospital before for an operation, because if had he would know she was lying. "Be as quick as you can", the boy said, slightly raising the weapon in his hand.

Both women moved instantly towards the room that held Samantha Wright. The anxiety and fear seemed to roll off the pair of them in waves, though she could sense that the woman rushing next to her was angry too. Callie got to the room first, quickly followed by Arizona, who was thankful she'd lowered the blinds to give the young girl privacy. Sam was asleep, though ghostly white, more red spotting appeared since she'd last been in this room. The only indicator of life was the heat monitor mapping out the irregular heat beats. "What the hell are you doing?" Callie hissed a whisper the second the door closed. Arizona walked the small distance to the left side of Sam's bed, while Callie mirrored her action on the right, never releasing her from eye contact. The blonde was struggling to breathe never mind thinking, her hands came to rest in balls on the bed's surface. A motion that Callie also mimicked. "There are only children here, Callie I need to get him away from them. This is the only way", Arizona whispered back. The Ortho surgeon's eyes widened, "You said yourself you could only do some of it. Arizona he could kill you!"

"I know. Teddy might still be there" was all the blonde could reply. She saw the tears the moment they formed in Callie eyes, and wanted so badly to wipe them away. "I want to help", was the Latina's firm reply. "No!" Arizona said a little too loudly, causing both women to turn their heads and stare at the door. But no one walked through it. "I can't do what I need to, if I'm worrying about you getting hurt", Arizona started before looking back into the dark brown eyes. "And you think I can", was the sad and broken reply that made her heart fall. Once again the dark soulful eyes penetrated her and she wished they were anywhere but here.

"Please. You stay here", Arizona whispered, wanting Callie, no needing Callie to understand. She saw the woman's face fall, along with a few tears, and realised she'd just repeated what she'd said in the airport a little less than three months ago. "I'll come back", the blonde breathed back. Callie sniffed, and rubbed the back of her sleeve across her tear strained face, before placing it back on its resting place on the white linen. "You can't make that promise. You don't know", Callie's voice was laced with emotions, but threatening to get loud enough that the teenage boy with a gun stood just in the hallway would hear. "Yes I can", Arizona said with more determination that she felt, knowing that if she didn't Callie would never let her leave. It really was déjà all over again.

Callie gave her a sceptical look, but before she could speak she said, "We aren't over. I still have so many things I want to say to you, do with you. We aren't over Calliope, so yes I can make that promise". She saw the slightly shake that threatened the Latina's body, as she tried to keep her emotions at bay. "I promise, I'll come back for you", Arizona said one more time. There was a noise that could only be described as a whimper sound from Callie's side. The sleeve came back up and wiped away the tears that had fallen from their prison. "I love you", Callie whispered. Looking straight into the face of the woman she loved, she knew the Latina was telling to the truth. There had been moments, seconds, minutes, hours even over these last three weeks where Arizona doubted she'd ever hear those words again. Hearing them did nothing for the resolve she was trying to keep, trying to keep Callie here. Keep her save. "I love you", Arizona breathed back, wanting Callie to know she was saying it because she meant it, not because she'd said it first.

A small, almost undetectable smile played with the corners of the raven haired woman's mouth, but her eyes were full of sorrow, lose and fear. It didn't matter what Arizona said, both knew how this could end. The blonde unclipped the bed's brakes on her side, once again an action mirrored by Callie. "Keep an eye on Alex", Arizona asked, receiving a nod. Sam's door opened with a bang as it hit off the wall behind it. All three women jumped slightly, as the noise it seemed had wakened Samantha to her surroundings.

Rob was stood, gun aimed, clearly wondering what was takeing them so long. Then his eyes fell on his sister, who was so ghostly white and broken looking, it was hard to believe how she was still breathing. "Oh shit", the teenage boy whispered. Taking advantage of the boy's distraction Arizona pushed the bed forward, momentarily feeling the resistance of Callie's side being unable to move. Once Callie had come to her senses and realised what Arizona was doing however, the bed moved more smoothly.

Once clear of the room, and back into the hallway, Arizona's eyes came to rest on Alex. He was still lying in the same position as he had been minutes before, though now his eyes were closed. Panic flooded her once again, looking for any signs of his chest raising and falling with breath. She saw none, but felt Rob come closer to her from behind. "Let's go" he said, sounding more like a lost child, than a potential murder. She moved forward and felt the bed resist her once again, turning she saw Callie was still holding on to her side. Giving her a small smile, she hoped she could reassure the Latina, and maybe calm the bat size butterflies in her own stomach. Callie gave her a small nod, and let go of the side of the bed, and stepped backwards. Thankful Callie hadn't put up more of a fight, she dragged the bed along side herself, making sure she could see where she was going and keep an eye on Rob. As they reached the double doors she turned to look over her shoulder and saw Callie's sad sparkling eyes looking back at her. She saw the Latina shift her weight as if to come toward her, and gave her a stern look in return, telling her to stay. "I love you" Callie mouthed. As Rob gave her a small push forwards, she smiled back. As they left her ward behind she made a vow to herself that she would do everything in her power to make sure that wasn't the last time she saw the woman she loved.


	24. Chapter 18 part 2

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2: **I actually don't like this chapter.

**Author's Note 3:** I have a limited medical background, so I apologise if I say or do something wrong.

**Author's Note 4: **Blame/thank the last two paragraphs on funkyshaz57, they were going to be the first two paragraphs of chapter 19!

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_I have lost my mind_, _I wish you could, feel as bad as I do. __- It's all your fault by P!nk_.

**Callie****'s POV**

As the door clicked shut, the noise echoed around the empty halls, sounding so much like the gunshots that could have ended it all. The smile that was fixed onto the Latina's face fell the moment the blonde went out of sight. There was nothing she could do but let the adrenaline, fear, shock and desperation just flow through her system. She'd known had she stopped Arizona from going with Robert, he could have shot one of them or one of the children. She knew it was the right thing to do, and yet her brain was screaming at her that she was a traitor, and heartless. Had Arizona not flashed her a warning look, she would have followed, she would have made Robert take her too, but what good would that have done?

Still stood staring at the double doors in disbelief she heard a low groan. Laid forgotten just for a moment was Alex Karev, only now he was awake. His skin was ghastly white, but marbled with flecks of red blood, his eyes were wide now, pain etched into ever feature. Thankful for the switch in her brain, she clicked straight into doctor mode, as if it was second nature.

Bending down to his level, she was thankful the wound it seemed wasn't bad enough that his blood was spreading to the floor; but was being stemmed by his white coat. Kneeling next to the half lying, half sitting man, she helped him forward, and as gently as she could, rid him of his bloody clothing. When Karev's injured arm was released from its sleeve, she lifted his now dark purple, but formally blue scrub top's sleeve, not wanting to make the man sit in the hallway, half naked. A low groan of pain fell from Alex's lips, as a slightly one of shock and relief fell from Callie's. Not only was the wound a through and through, it looked only to be a graze, well as much as a bullet wound could be a graze!

The wound was still bleeding and quite badly, through was significantly less than it had been previously. "Stay here", Callie said stood as quickly as she could. Alex's eyes widened considerably, and she saw pure, undiluted fear, the emotion she herself was trying to keep as bay, but was only lurking beneath the surface. "I'll be back, I just need bandages", she tried to reassure the bleeding man. She supposed this type of situation brought out different sides of people; Arizona was protective, more so than usual anyway, while Alex half laid on the ground looking like a scared little child.

Turning her head back down the corridor she saw a trolley of supplies, the one she was meant to be moving to the play room before she was pulled into the on-call by Arizona. "I'll be right back, I promise", she said before sprinting down the hall. Every few steps she turned to look back at the broken resident, noting that his eyes never left her, watching her every step.

Coming to stand beside the assortment of supplies, she grabbed the ones that would be definitely needed, and probably some that weren't, but she didn't want to make the journey again. Something caught her eye, something just daring to appear in her peripheral line of vision. Turning her head she saw what it was. The small hole in the wall, it looked almost like a dusty spider because of the cracks in the paint and disturbances in the plaster. The bullet had come to rest in the wall behind which Arizona's head had been before Callie had pushed her out of the way. Like many things when it came to the blonde woman, Callie acted on instinct. A shiver ran the length of her spine as she allowed just for a moment the thought followed by the image of what would have happened had she not pushed Arizona out of the way. A wave of nausea fell across Callie, knocking her back slightly.

A vague groan that sounded like an odd version of her name reached her ears, bringing her back to her senses. Turning her whole body round she realised she'd just been standing on the spot, all the while being watched by Alex Karev. Taking a breath that was as deep as her lungs would allow, trying to calm her nerves, this tactic failed. She felt like every nerve in her body was on fire.

Fearful dark brown eyes, a little lighter than her own, watched her journey back. Kneeling back beside the injured surgeon she tried to give a small smile, but she couldn't even force herself to do that. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Her hands shaking she lifted up Alex's sleeve further so it would be out of the way of the bandage. "Can you hold that?" the Latina indicated the bloody fabric which kept falling back down, making it impossible for her to cover his wound. With a groan, the injured man did as he was told. "You pushed him out of the way", Callie said, there was no room for question. Alex looked momentarily awkward before saying, "Couldn't let him shoot either of you". There was a moment before Karev, shrugged his shoulders, clearly trying to pass off the action as anything but caring but ended up hissing in pain instead.

"Just don't you dare tell anyone", Alex hissed through gritted teeth. Callie couldn't help the eyebrow rise, "You know women like heroes". She was trying and hopeful succeeding in dressing Karev's arm with him distracted. She knew the distraction technique worked well when fixing dislocated bones, but she knew its practice was successful in other fields too. "Really?" the injured resident said through still grimacing in pain, it was less so as Callie continued the make shift bandage. It was something he's need stitching a redressing as soon as possible. The blood was already seeping through the while bandage.

"Oh yeah, damsel in distress and all that", Callie said with more bravo than she was feeling right now. She just wanted to know what was going on. What were people doing to stop this? What was happening with Arizona? Had Robert Wright been caught yet? Alex smiled quite considerably, though with his current sallow skin tone, it made him look slightly evil. "Okay you can tell people, and that I was bleeding really bad", Karev said in a tone which made her realise he thought she'd have to lie for him. What he hadn't seemed to realise was the amount of blood it looked like he'd lost. She could see it had dripped down onto the ground beneath him in the short time it had taken her to retrieve the bandages. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to kick reality right into her face. "Sure", she said with a faux laugh not wanting to alarm the man, who despite his talkative nature hadn't moved in about half an hour, and didn't look capable of doing so by himself anytime soon.

A slight noise a little away from them made both Alex and Callie jump, and then Alex wince in pain. Around the corner to her left shuffled one of the nurses on this floor, she looked scared but confident. Seeing Callie the woman smiled, and then looked rather shocked to see Alex half laid on the floor. Alex deciding to milk his injury all it was worth gave a small whimper, though it was possible she wasn't giving him enough credit, she guessed being shot really did hurt.

"Alyson managed to get Dr Altman on her cell, because the Chief wasn't answering", the young girl rushed, her voice clearly carrying signs of fear. Cell phones, why hadn't either Arizona or Callie thought of that? Wait. If Teddy could answer her phone she was no longer in surgery. Which only meant one thing… "Alyson told her what happened. Dr Altman said she'd fetch people up with her, to get the children out", the nurse finished. It was clear she seemed unaware of the fact that Rob was near enough holding Arizona hostage.

"Err…tell her thank you. Are the kids okay?" Callie asked, feeling as if she was having an out of body experience. Arizona was alone. If she was even still alive, that is. "Yes. A few a scared, we heard the gunshots. Where's Dr Robbins?" the woman asked, noticing for the first time that Arizona wasn't with them. "She's working on Samantha Wright, she took a turn for the worse", Callie replied; only slightly fabricating the truth. The new woman seemed to believe this without question, before walking back the way she'd come.

The Latina couldn't get to grips with what was happening. Within in the last three hours she'd gone from staring at the blonde across a waiting room, to avoiding her like the plague, to screaming at her, saving her life and telling her she loved her and now she was left waiting to know if the woman she loved was still alive. Looking across at the wall opposite where she was stood, she saw a similar whole in the wall to the dusty spider at the other end. The bullet which had narrowly missed or hit, she guessed she'd have to say, Karev. The only flicker of hope she had was that those he aimed at he seemed to miss, like Arizona and Alex, and then they were those who got hit by mistake, like Samantha.

A very loud and resounding crash made both surgeons jump; though once again Alex's reaction went one step further, and Callie could hear from the blood curdling scream that fell from his lips the pain was completely real. Several members of the hospital security, men in total black clothing with guns and Teddy amongst them filed into the small corridor. A few of the men in black went away from the play room and reception. It looked to Callie as if they were checking the coast was clear, while the rest went to the play room.

Teddy stood in shock as she took in Karev's appearance. It appeared he was in too much pain to flirt or over dramatise his injury, so he settled with his teeth grinding together, his face in a grimace. "Wha…what happened?" Teddy stammered slightly, causing Callie's level of fear to rise to a whole new level. Teddy Altman, a surgeon who had literally been in the middle of a war, sounded scared…things were bad.

Running her hand through her short curls, trying so hard to take a steadying breath she said, "The shooter here. His sister got shot at school and he wanted to save her. She was the patient Arizona wanted you to see." Her voice was shaking as she tried to keep herself under control, "He shot at us. Alex pushed him out of the way so he couldn't shoot at us again. Rob made Arizona say she'd do the operation. She didn't want to, told him she was only meant to be assisting you. But he made her say she'd do it. She was scared, Teddy. Like really scared". Biting her bottom lip, she felt the tears fall, but bit down hard to stop the sob from breaking free.

"She took him to the OR you were in, because she thought you might be there still", she continued, seeing Teddy's face fall. She watched as the other female surgeon took a shaky breath, "Greg Thompson died about an hour ago". Her heart plummeted. Rob Wright had just been ungraded to murderer. He'd killed his teacher. As that shocking revelation hit her, as did the second, Arizona could be next. "Oh god", Callie voice shook, knowing her eyes were wide, as she felt more useless and helpless than she'd ever felt in her life.

She had to do something. She NEEDED to do something. Teddy came into sharp focus, and she felt the cardio surgeon's hands take hold of her shoulders. It was at this point she realised she'd been practical bouncing on the balls of her feet, looking petrified. "I was in OR 2. Go sit and observe, try and stay out of sight. I will stay here, and come as soon as I can" the dirty blonde said, in what she would have to admit was a calming fashion. Only she was passed the stage at which a voice tone would calm her down, she needed to see Arizona. She needed to see her now! The second she felt Teddy's grip loosen she made to move, only for Teddy to grab her arm when she was a few steps away. "I mean it Callie. Observe. Don't even think about going into that OR. The likelihood of it being Rob who gets hurt is small, very small. So please don't risk your, that girl's or Arizona's life, got it?" It was almost like Teddy could read the Latina's mind, or her heart. Her heart was telling her to do what she had to keep Arizona save, while her head was agreeing with the woman before, trying to tell her heart this was how she could help. All Callie could do was nod. She could barely keep eye contact with the woman, who was holding fast to her arm. The thought that something she did or didn't do could get Arizona hurt, or worse, was beyond soul destroying. The grip was released, and off she ran, without looking back.

The journey to the observation area of OR 2 would have gone both quicker and smother if Callie hadn't been walking on egg shells. If she hadn't been looking around every corner, and flinching with every sound and movement. How one seventeen year old boy could inflict so much pain, suffering and fear into one building, she didn't know. All she knew, and she wasn't ashamed to admit it, she was terrified, though she didn't know at this point what she was most scared of.

There was complete silence in the observation area, not even the door creaked as it opened. No sounds, no vibrations, nothing. But the silence was thick and ominous, it might as well have been screaming. With the door slid back into its frame, the Latina shuffled forward trying to see in, without being seen. There were four people in the OR below, certainly not enough for the operation at hand, despite the fact that there Samantha lay with her chest open. Robert was standing to his back to the observation area, gun still aimed at Arizona who was across the table from him. Against hospital regulations, though she suspected at times like this the people in charge would understand, Arizona wasn't wearing a scrub cap, but her hair was fastened in a bun. Callie couldn't help but imagine the scene in which Arizona had been able to put on a mask and gloves but unable to put on her scrub cap. It looked odd, seeing Arizona working without one of her caps on.

Then there was a man and woman, though from the angle she was at, Callie couldn't identify either. The man however based on his position at the table was an anaesthesiologist, and she had to assume the woman was a scrub nurse. The nurse looked even more terrified than Callie felt, and considering how she felt that was saying something. She couldn't help but move forward, placing a hand on the window. She should be okay, Robert couldn't see her unless he turned completely, but to be on the safe side she wouldn't sit down, so she could move back out of sight if it was needed.

The nurse moved closer to Arizona, apparently looking down into the girl's chest, though she seemed to be standing a little too close to the blonde. Arizona looked up to speak to Robert. How the blonde surgeon could just look up and talk to the teenager with that weapon pointed straight at her, act as if everything was normal, she didn't know. She didn't think she would be brave enough to do it.

The armed man gave a swift nod, causing the nurse to leave the table to the other side of the room. All of a sudden Arizona's voice filled the small room, causing the Latina to jump, but thankfully she didn't move the hand which was resting on the glass, so no noise came out of her. "Air conditioning is the _one way_ to keep these ORs cool enough to work in", the blonde said emphasizing one way. It didn't make sense. One way? "It doesn't matter what you do, it's just the _one way_" the blonde did it again. Then it hit her. The intercom was set up so she could hear those in the OR, but so they couldn't hear her. Wait did that mean …

The sapphire blue eyes flicked upwards in her direction, causing her to jump slightly yet again. She saw the small creases around Arizona's eyes that told her, there was an accompanying smile beneath her mask as she continued working. How? How had she seen her come in? She was careful and quiet, and she hadn't seen Arizona notice her.

The usual OR noises filled the room, while no one within the sterile room spoke. The additional noises did very little to ease the Latina's nerves, she wanted to get Arizona out of there, just get her out. She didn't care how; she just needed to get her out of there. She hated that her conscious couldn't get the faces of the two other people and Sam out of her head.

"Rob?" Arizona asked not looking up. The boy didn't answer but the blonde continued anyway, "If something goes wrong, can you please lower your gun?" Despite Arizona not looking up from her task, Callie could hear the slight shake in her voice. This time however Rob responded as he stepped even further towards the table, "Nothing will go wrong". The blonde's shoulder lowered slightly, even though the noise didn't reach the intercom, Callie knew she had sighed.

"She is very sick, Rob. Very sick, but I will do everything I can. Believe me I want to help her almost as much as you do. If something goes wrong, which it will because of how sick she is, I need to work as quickly as I can to save her. I may do something wrong because I'm panicking. So please if it happens lower the gun, and we can deal with what happens afterwards", Arizona explained, trying to sound confident. Callie could see the panic and fear set in the blue eyes as they finally rose to meet Rob's gaze. "I need you to help me save her", the blonde half pleaded.

Time seemed to drag as four medical practitioners hung on Robert's every breath. After what seemed an age the young man just nodded, but didn't lower the gun. Taking a deep breath, the blonde said in a low whisper, "Thank you" before lifting her gaze to Callie once again. The Latina could see the fear, no the terror staring back at her. A single tear fell down Callie's cheek, they'd been so stupid. She could see the tears flickering in the blonde's eyes, as she lowered her head and went back to the task at hand.

The blonde's voice was now almost consist, a mixture of conversation and ramble. Callie suspected it was to keep her mind off what could happen if she couldn't save Samantha. A sob which seemed to echo around the small space she was trapped in fell from Callie's mouth. Why had she lost her temper? No she knew why, and knew she was just, in her temper, just as Arizona had been in her own. She couldn't shake the feeling of dread, knowing that it could turn out that one of the last things she did to the blonde was shout at her. Arizona had to keep fighting, save that girl's life, because Callie didn't know if she could cope knowing the last real words the women had shared were those of anger.

A small noise behind her made her jump, and it took all her willpower not to let out some type of voice. As she turned, Teddy walked into the room, hands in the air, slightly showing the Latina that she wasn't dangerous. Callie shot the woman an angry glare. Arizona's voice travelled to them yet again, though this time she was asking for equipment. Teddy looked momentarily worried, seemingly having the same thought as she had done when the intercom was turned on. "It's only one way, they can't hear us", Callie whispered, though she was unsure why, because they couldn't be heard. Better to be safe than sorry.

The dirty blonde woman moved further into the room, followed by Owen. To say she was surprised to see the man would be an understatement. The two new additions to the small room took a seat next to where Callie was standing, almost pressed against the glass. A warm hand wrapped itself around her wrist. Looking down she saw it belonged to Teddy. "You can see just as well from here, you know", the blonde said softly, while Owen was giving her, his best kicked puppy eyes. Callie just let herself be pulled down into a seat, and while she could see just as well, she felt even more useless and helpless, because she was just sitting down while the woman of her heart was effectively fighting for her life.

"Do you have a girlfriend Rob?" Arizona asked, airily. What? Why was she asking that? It seemed the boy was put off by this question too, "err…yes she's called Katie". The blonde nodded collecting more equipment which at this distance Callie wouldn't identify. "She pretty?" Arizona continued. "Breath taking", the teen said sounding slightly dreamingly. "You got a boyfriend?" Robert asked, causing a slight laugh from Arizona herself as well the three other surgeons in the observation area. "No, I don't have a boyfriend", came the amused blonde's reply as her eyes once again flicked upwards to meet Callie's, only to look momentarily bemused at Teddy and Owen's appearance.

"Good girl", Teddy's voice sounded from beside her. Callie made a non-committal noise in confusion. The cardio surgeon's hand came into view just in front of the Latina's face, and pointed at Rob. It was then Callie realised the boy's grip on the gun has slackened greatly, and he had lowered the gun. It was still at an angle so if he wanted to do damage he could, but it looked less menacing. She couldn't help the smile and slight sigh that passed her lips. It was a small improvement, but an improvement none the less.

The door behind Callie, Teddy and Owen opened, causing them all to jerk around, and came face to face to a scared looking Mark and Lexie. Momentarily Callie allowed herself to enjoy the rush of relief she felt at seeing the two people she'd become accustomed to seeing everyday for these last three weeks, alive and safe. Both Mark and Lexie sat behind Owen and Teddy without saying a word.

The three interrupted surgeon's turned back to the scene that was playing out below them, though very little had changed. Callie wished she knew what the blonde was doing, so she could keep up, and maybe even gage how much longer they all had to endure this torture. Though it seemed Teddy did, which she supposed was a good thing considering this was meant to be a procedure she was to carrying out. Every so often Teddy would say things like, "Pericardium", "maybe Gore-Tex membrane" and "Gluteraldehyde". She didn't blame the blonde, she had watched other people within her own department operating, and couldn't help but follow their every move. Just right now, it was doing nothing for her nerves.

"Do you have a job, Robert?" Arizona asked, once again not looking up from the girl's chest. The teen chuckled slightly, "Yeah. Just deliver pizzas". Arizona didn't seem amused, well from the inch of so of Arizona's head Callie could see, so Callie guessed she wasn't. "Money is money" was Arizona's only response. "True. My uncle owns the place, so I've been working for him about … three and half years", Rob continued, though seemed to realise he had slackened on the metal weapon in his hand, because it was lifted slightly. "What's your uncle's place called?" Arizona continued, only slightly flinching when the gun was lifted upwards. "Zeeks" was the boy's reply.

Callie's heart plummeted, and saw the dawning of relation hit the blonde too. Zeeks was "their" place. A further realisation hit her square in the gut; Rob had delivered their pizza before, quite a few times in fact. She knew she recognised him, but assumed she must have seen him earlier in the pit, and not from the fact he'd come to their home on multiple occasions. Thankful for small mercies though, as it seemed that Robert hadn't recognised either Arizona or Callie, but then why would he? He must have delivered thousands of pizzas in the time they had been ordering from there.

"I've been there once or twice", the blonde admitted, looking even more nervous. She was worried that Rob might suddenly remember them. The fear and shock on Arizona's face became tenfold as the machines went crazy. Almost on instinct Rob lifted the gun back to eye level, while all surgeons in the observation gallery stood. Standing made Callie feel like she was doing something, like she wasn't just waiting round for something to happen.

"Do something!" Rob shouted. Callie could see Arizona was starting to freak out. "Put the gun down", Arizona shouted back just as frantically. When he didn't Arizona continued, "Rob, you promised me. I can't think straight. I can't save her with you waving that thing in my face. PLEASE lower it". The teenage boy hesitated for a moment before the weapon was lowered, signally to Arizona she could continue. It took a good few minutes to get whatever the problem was under control, yet again Callie wished she was in the OR with Arizona.

"I need … god I need Doctor Teddy Altman and Owen Hunt", the blonde rushed, and she felt Teddy tense beside her. "You have to save her! You promised", Rob said back, his own fear dripped off every word. "I can't do it alone. I need Doctor Altman and Doctor Hunt. They are the ones that can save Sam. Please let me get them", Arizona begged. She was effectively begging for own life. Callie had to resist the urge to run, to try anything to stop the young man who was aiming his gun which had injured so many and even killed one man at the person she loved more than any other. The only thing that was stopping her, was the knowledge that she might get Arizona shot in trying to stop that very thing happening.

"Okay" Rob gave in, and ordered the nameless scrub nurse to call the reception. "Stacy tell them what we need and where we are please", Arizona added slightly more politely. Stacy nodded, though eyed the gun clasped in Robert's hands as she stumbled backwards. The young nurse's conversation couldn't be picked up by intercom, but everyone in the gallery was silent hoping to pick something up. They all watched as the scrub nurse returned to her place around the table, hanging on every word, "They're on their way".

Callie shot Teddy a confused and received on similar back. Both women looked back down, to see Arizona's eyes rise to their level. The blonde head moved maybe half an inch, in what looked to be a nod. It was almost unnoticeable had they not been looking for it. "I don't get it" said Lexie from behind Owen. Teddy lifted a hand, and pointed at Owen and then herself, and Arizona once again gave her small nod, which was unnoticed by Rob as he was talking to his injured sister's body, pleading with her to pull through.

Both surgeons took off, in a blur of navy blue. Mark and Lexie moved to take the seats previously occupied by the two other surgeons, when Meredith and Cristina walked in, taking theirs. It was like a sick, version of musical chairs, only someone had forgotten the music, and the prizes were their own lives. It took several minutes for Teddy and Owen to enter the OR, the minutes passed in complete silence in the small room above the hectic operating room. No one spoke, though Callie jumped slightly when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning she saw the hand belonged to Cristina. She was unsure if the gesture was to allow her closer to the scene below or a genuine gesture of kindness and understanding that both of the people they loved were in danger right in front of them. She'd rather the latter.

When the OR door opened, all nine adults jumped with a start, Rob turning the gun on the intruders. "Teddy, I can't stop this bleeding", Arizona was the first to break the silence, her voice sounding more than a scared child then a world renounced surgeon in her field. The tone made Callie's eyes instantly tear up, and she couldn't help but feel the tug of the headache that was going to appear later, from all the day's crying. "Let me have a look" the dirty blonde said, apparently ignoring the mad man with a gun aimed at her, and walked the distance to the table, Owen at her side.

The PEDs surgeon moved out of the way, allowing Teddy access. When Arizona had moved, she'd moved just passed the table, enabling Callie to take in all of her. She had numerous bloody patches on her scrubs; Callie hoped they were Samantha's. Teddy seemed to dart all over, and be everywhere at once. At various times she had Owen, Arizona and Stacy holding bit of equipment, allowing suction and holding gauze where she commanded. No one in the observation area was speaking, god they were barely breathing. Cristina's hand was digging its way into Callie's shoulder, almost painfully so. It was a welcome distraction from their reality. "Damn it!" Teddy cursed.

The machines went wild once again, but this time Robert didn't lower his gun. "Fix her, fix her now!" the young boy shouted. Both blonde women stood looking at him, there was sadness in their eyes. Callie felt her heart sink, as the realisation of what their look meant hit her. "I'm sorry", Teddy's whisper just carried to intercom. No! No, no, no, no, no! They couldn't give up, they couldn't! Callie stood, hands resting on the glass, tears now pouring down her face, as if those few inches between her sitting and standing could bring her closer to the blonde. "I said FIX HER NOW" Robert screamed, his voice echoed around the small observational room. All the people in the small room were waiting on bated breath, waiting for the bullets to fly. "Robert…" Arizona's eyes soothed, causing the boy to turn the fraction on an inch, aiming the gun right into Arizona's face. "You promised. You promised me!" Rob screamed again, though this time everyone could hear the emotion slipping in.

So many things happened at once that Callie's brain couldn't register them all. The man she knew to be Owen turned and ran the small distance between himself and dark haired boy, colliding with him, sending both to the floor. While Teddy, leant forward to shield the young girl open on the table, as the OR doors swung over, and in filed several armed people dressed in black. From an undeterminable origin, she heard several gun shots, as the young boy was falling to the ground. Whether it had been from his gun or the four or five dark dressed people's guns, she didn't know. What held her full attention was Arizona slow motion descend, from the standing position and out of sight onto the floor.

She ran. Knocking into the people who had crowded in the small room. Friends, colleagues, god people she hadn't even had a conversation with, were all the same, as she ran passed them. Ignoring the lift, she ran almost skidding straight passed the stair well opening, only managing to stop by catching the doorframe. Her muscles burnt in protest of being used so vigorously, her breath laboured from the effort to keep running and keep breathing as her heart pounded and sobs took her over. She willed herself forward, willed herself keep going. Down four flights of stairs, nearly tripping over her own feet as her mind was trying to work faster than her legs would go. She managed to just jump the final five steps, and just continued running, ignoring the twinge of pain shooting up from the arch of her foot upwards. Her lungs felt like they were on fire, with each breath she took, as if they were trying their hardest to stop her from carrying on. Once she got to the OR room, she flung the doors open, not caring to scrub in. Slightly surprised as she pushed passed the armed people donned in black that they didn't turn in her direction, but suspected they have been warned that the crazy Latina might do, exactly what she was doing. She ignored the struggling teenage boy who was now being against the floor; face down by Owen and one of the now disarmed men. She resisted the urge to kick him, straight in the head, to inflict pain on him like he'd done so many others in this one day alone.

Arizona came into sight, sitting on the floor, her mask was flipped down, but hanging loosely from her neck. There was no blood, or none of her own that Callie could see, only Samantha's. Teddy was on her hunches next to the smaller blonde, as she struggled to breathe. Arizona's breathing was fast, shallow and panicked, her eyes were wide and Callie could see she was crying. Arizona was having a fully blown anxiety attack. The Ortho surgeon, rushed to the woman's side, noting Teddy shift slightly to accommodate her. "Hey", Callie said, trying to calm the woman down. It did nothing but enable Arizona to look up and focus on her, if anything her breathing became faster and more frantic. "Hey, hey, hey", the raven haired woman said moving closer still to Arizona's side. As Teddy moved completely away, Callie felt Arizona bodily move into her, and grabbing the collar of her coat pulled the Latina impossibly closer. Wrapping her arms around the smaller frame she could feel the blonde shaking as each breath raked through her small body. "I'm here Arizona, I've got you, I've got you", the Latina said repeatedly, placing an odd kiss into the blonde hair, hoping to sooth the panicking woman. Callie heard the heartbreaking sobs, only slightly muffled by her own lab coat, as Arizona held onto her as if her life depended on it.


	25. Chapter 19

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2:** Wow! Thank you so much for the reviews and feedback from the last chapter you have no idea what it means to me!

**Author's Note 3:** Yes this chapter is in two parts – as far as I know this will be the last one which is split.

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_I've seen you cry, way too many times, when you deserved to be alive._ – Emergency by Paramore

**Arizona****'s POV**

She couldn't breathe. Her lungs weren't working probably. They felt tight, heavy and aching. They felt on fire. Her heart was racing at a gallop. The muscle felt as if it was going to explode. She couldn't, she couldn't breathe. Teddy's face kept coming in and out of focus, her mouth moving but no sound reached the panicking blonde. Maybe her body was just giving up. It had sustained too much shock and trauma and was giving up on her, refusing to work as it should.

Her mask was removed, and her breathing became a fraction easier. Her throat was hurting her. It felt raw. She was going to throw up. She had to decide whether she needed throw up or breathe. She couldn't. Her lungs wouldn't take in the oxygen they needed. The tears that fell were burning her eyes like acid. She was convinced in that second that she could drown in her own tears as they poured down her face. She could feel the darkness creeping in at the edge of her vision. She was going to pass out. She was hyperventilating. She had to calm down, stop panicking.

As if through fog she heard it. She heard the voice of a siren. She was trying so hard to reach it, to make the voice clearer. She just needed to remember to breathe properly. Why wouldn't her body just do it properly? She'd had no problem breathing her whole life why was it just giving in now? Getting her eyes to listen to the commands of her brain, she looked up into the siren's eyes.

Callie's dark tear-filled eyes, beautiful face and full lips were inches away from her own. Unlike Teddy, Callie didn't seem to fish in and out of her focus. She was content, stable and grounded. Callie's natural pull seemed to drag her in, like so many things at this moment, she had no control. As she made contact with the longer woman kneeling beside her, she managed to breathe in the scent that was Callie. It was warm and comforting. It was the essence of all that was Callie, and she clung to it as the sobs and raging breath battled her body and lungs. She clung to the calming and soothing tone of Callie's voice, and savoured the gently kisses placed on her scalp and the warm breathe that dancing in long hair. She bathed herself in the warm, need and love that poured from the Latina, and as her heavy, fast breathing started to waver she knew there was nowhere in the world, she'd rather be.

**Callie's POV**

The small body in her arms was trembling, and all she could do was hold on to it as tight as she could. Revel in the hum of her heart beat beneath the warm blonde's skin. She was still alive. She was still breathing. Her breath was calming down, as were the teary sobs, though the hold she had on the Latina had not lessened.

Bailey appeared beside them, though where the small woman had come from Callie wasn't sure. "Here", Bailey said passing Callie a gas mask. The look the older woman gave the two women was one a mother would give their scared child, and it melted the Ortho surgeon's heart. Taking the mask, she managed to weave it near the blonde's face, passed both women's hair and bits of clothing. "Arizona, here", Callie whispered, trying not to be too harsh on the blonde. Arizona's bloodshot eyes came into view, while a bloody gloved hand extended grabbing the small mask before pressing it to her own face. Noticing Arizona's bloody gloves she looked down at her white coat which where Arizona had previously gripping, to see a blood hand print.

"Arizona, when you're ready we'll get you checked over and you can go home okay?" Bailey's soothing, motherly voice said. The curls that had broke free of the bun she'd tied it in, bounced as she viciously nodded, still sucking in oxygen from the tank with had been set beside the two women sitting on the floor. Arizona turned head back into the crook of Callie's neck, though unlike normal the mask that was pressed so firmly to blonde's face, was also pressed into her soft skin. It didn't hurt Callie, just felt odd and unusual.

The gurney beside them started to move, and it was then Callie realised that Arizona had been operating on the bed Samantha had been laid on. Stupidity flooded her body. Of course that was what she'd have to operate on because there was no way three people could have moved her. Especially not with a gun turned on them. Arizona seemed to bodily shrink away from the moving gurney, now almost half lying on the brunette. Actually the only reason it couldn't be said that Arizona was lying on her, was that their legs had become entwined.

"No! Sam! Sam I'm sorry!" the formally armed boy screamed. Looking up Callie say Robert was now standing, being held in position by several of the dressed all in black men. Blood was travelling down his left leg, soaking through his jeans. The gunshots she had heard, believing it was Arizona who was shot, had actually been Robert. Resulting in the teenage needing to be held up. Arizona managed to grip Callie even tighter, and she heard the slight whimper fall from the blonde's lips.

Not long after Samantha's body was removed from the OR, Robert soon followed. Though he didn't so much follow, more he was half dragged, half carried. Once alone Callie managed to release the grip Arizona had on her, she was able to strip the blonde's hands of the bloody gloves, noting the difference between the dark crimson and the white porcelain of the blonde's skin. It was around this time that Arizona's breathing was back to normal, and so she had discarded the mask onto the hard ground beside them.

Callie managed to half stand before it seemed Arizona had even noticed, despite the fact the blonde was still largely attached the taller woman. Getting the smaller woman to stand was not an easy task, not that Arizona was trying to be awkward, but it just seemed that in the terror of the situation her body had frozen up. As the PEDs surgeon did stand, Callie heard various joint crack at their use. Arizona was part leaning into Callie's frame and she couldn't help but picture a similar scene two Christmases previous on their walk from the carolling, though things had been happier then.

Taking baby steps the OR seemed to span eternity. Callie was trying to walk at a pace that suited the seemingly traumatised woman, but all she wanted was to run from this building and never look back. She knew she couldn't and never would, this place had become a second home, but at least for tonight she needed to be rid of this place. The warmth radiating from the smaller body pressed against hers, reminded her, they were both alive, and she was thankful.

Just passed the doors, the two women came face to face with Bailey, who it seemed was coming to check Arizona over. "Can I just get her showered and out of these clothes", Callie asked, quite literally pleading with her eyes at the smaller woman. Bailey gave a small sympathetic nod, "Of course. When you're done go to room fifteen on that floor, and I'll see there, when I'm done". Callie gave what she hoped was a thankful nod, but was slightly surprised by the small voice that sounded from Arizona, "Thank you Miranda". The smaller surgeon looked only surprised for a moment, before giving a smile. It also looked for a second as if she was going to offer a hug to the PEDs surgeon, but thought better off it, before walking off in the opposite direction.

"Come on", Callie said the blonde who now had her head resting on her shoulder and was now walking unaided, although this wasn't stopping the Latina from having her arm wrapped around the blonde's waist. Gently leading Arizona along the corridor she felt the body next to hers freeze slightly, just for moment before the voice spoke, "Can we take the stairs?" Callie felt herself swallow the tears that instantly threatened to show themselves, as she realised that the lift was how Arizona, Samantha and Robert had gotten to this floor. "Sure. It's only one floor anyway", Callie said trying to sound nonchalant. Redirecting both women, they had a beeline for the stairs, though Callie was slightly surprised that no one else seemed to be on this floor.

Arizona had dislodged herself from the Latina when they reached the stairwell, however Callie soon felt the blonde's warm hand entwine itself tightly with her own as they made their descend to the floor below. Neither woman spoke as they took each step, all that could be heard were their shoes tapping out a rhythm which seemed to drill its way into their minds, and keep them calm. Or perhaps that was the hand, grasped to tightly in their hand.

Much like the floor above, this one was near empty. An almost graveyard like, lull hung in the air. Callie did not like it. She didn't like the hospital being so quiet. Even in the days in which she lived in the basement, the hospital above was always so noisy… and alive. The Latina managed to pull herself out of her thoughts as she pushed open the door of the changing rooms. To her relief no one else was in here. She managed to get Arizona over to the shower cubical, "Get undressed and get in and I'll get your stuff okay?" The blonde nodded, slightly lazily.

Not wanting Arizona to be alone too long, she rushed back into the locker area. Once again forgetting the blonde's locker wasn't on the front side when she opened the locker and saw things that did not belong to the small blonde. Letting out an annoyed and frustrated sigh, which was not warranted in the situation she stalked around the corner and opened the correct locker with a little more force than was needed. What her eyes fell on first made her heart skip within her chest. There standing at the front of the blonde's locker were the exact type and brand of shampoo and body wash as she herself used. Arizona very rarely used Callie's stuff, unless the shower products Arizona had brought over herself ran out, and yet here they were. Concreting in Callie's mind that Arizona had been the thief of her own little bottles. Grabbing the bottles, the towel, Arizona's street clothes, and spare bra and underwear, she closed the metal door, jogged the small distance between Arizona's locker and the showers. Though she knew before she entered the small area something wasn't right.

Arizona was still stood in her dark blue, blood splattered scrubs, just staring. She seemed to be in a trance. Walking deliberated, and touching Arizona's arm was an attempt to not startle the blonde. An attempt that failed, as Arizona span around, eyes as wide as a rabbit's in headlights. "Hey, it's only me", the brunette soothed, noting the moment Arizona realised she wasn't anyone who'd hurt her, followed by a look of slight embarrassment. "Sorry", the blonde mumbled. Callie's heart sank. Arizona was apologising for being scared. "You have nothing to be sorry her, got it?" Callie said, trying to sound nice, but also determined to get this idea into that blonde head of hers. The blonde head in question gave a small nod. "Good! I've got you, your shampoo and clothes, if you want to get in", Callie said trying to sound slightly chipper.

Arizona turned back around facing the small shower cubicle, but didn't move much further. "Arizona?" Callie asked, only getting a slight shoulder raise in response. "Do you want some help?" Callie continued. Once again the fly away curls, bounced slightly as Arizona nodded.

"Okay", Callie said, dumping the items she'd collected near the door, and stepped around the small woman and pressed on one of the showers before retreating, allowing the water to run warm. As she pulled her arm back her sleeve got caught in the spray, instantly wetting her left sleeve. "Damn it", Callie cursed, ripping up her damp sleeve, and revealing the bandage beneath it was also now damp, and it had half pealed it off in the motion. Shrugging off her coat onto the floor she allowed it to fall to the floor in a heap to deal with later. Callie heard Arizona slight gasp, as the Latina ripped the remaining bandage off. She felt all the little hairs being ripped out too, as the small pink line came into sight. It wasn't that Callie still needed the bandage; it was to keep the wound clean while she was at work, and stopped other people from seeing it. Walking around the small blonde who was now staring at her, she dropped the discarded bandage into the trash, before returning to her previous position in front of the blonde.

Taking hold of the bottom of Arizona scrub top she went to lift the material as she said, "lift" indicating the blonde to lift her arms. While the blonde carried out her task, even Callie could see the slowness in which she did it, as if her arms were made of lead. Once the soiled top was discarded, Callie bent slightly to Arizona waist bend and slipped the pants down her long legs. At any other moment, if this had meant anything else, she could have felt the stir of arousal in the pit of her stomach. The helplessness and heaviness, in which the blonde moved to remove her feet from the restricting fabric, put a halt to all of those thoughts and feelings. At the same time as the scrub pants were removed, as were the standard black shoes and socks, the sock were then rolled and stuffed into the shoes and moved out of the way.

"Step in", Callie said with a slight point to the cubicle, in which she hoped now ran warm water. The blonde did as she was told with no word of confirmation, but her movements were once again sluggish. Once in, the baby blue bra and red underwear the blonde had been wearing darkened instantly. What shocked Callie more was the instant the water hit the blonde's front, the water than ran off her, onto the tiled floor was tinted red with the blood. It only lasted for a few seconds, but it still shocked her none the less. Callie grabbed the bottle of shampoo and body wash she'd dropped by the door, and stepped in behind the small blonde. The shampoo bottle was discarded on the small shelf inside the cubicle, while she held on tight to the body wash. For a moment she contemplated whether or not she should remove the remaining of Arizona's clothing, but decided against it. They were already wet, and it was unfair on the blonde while she was in this state. She also didn't know if the resolve she had come to would hold if Arizona stood in front of her, completely naked.

Callie's hand came to rest on Arizona's shoulder, and ran the length of her arm, before turning the small hand over. Flicking the cap up on the body wash she squirted some into the blonde's hand, before saying, "You wash your front, and I'll do your back okay?" Considering in the motion she had just performed to get the wash into Arizona's hand, her front was now completely pressed into Arizona's back, meaning that when she blonde nodded she felt it, as well as saw it. As Callie moved away, she was finally gotten by the spray of water. It wasn't important, she was in scrubs and like Arizona had spare of everything in her locker.

Pouring a generous amount of the wash onto her hands, she made a small lather, before applying it to the blonde's shoulders and back. The tense muscles beneath the skin were slightly more defined than she remembered, but they flexed as always in the same way, as Callie's hands roamed over them. When Callie finished Arizona's back, she went lowers and ran her hands down the long legs, again paying more attention to the taut calf muscles. She couldn't help the slightly smile, when both legs in turn, bent at the knee, presenting her with the calf to massage. Again once she had given equal attention to both legs, she stood back up, and bodily turned the blonde to rinse her back.

When the blonde was turned and facing the Latina, she could see every drop of water travelling down her face. Wrapping her arms around the blonde's neck, she managed to pull the small scrunchie free from the long hair, and pushed it onto her own wrist. Weaving her fingers into the blonde hair, Callie was able to move the blonde's head beneath the faucet, wetting her hair completely. Once Callie was sure Arizona's hair was wet right through, she released her grip, enabling the blonde to lift her head up. With her fingers still entangled within the long, now dark blonde hair, being this close, she could almost believe things were completely normal. As she stared into the deep blue eyes before her, she realised if she moved maybe two or three inches forward she could kiss the soft lips, and rid them of the small water droplet that was hanging on the bottom one.

Arizona's head moved forward, as did her body. The blonde head came to rest lightly on Callie's shoulder, causing Callie to let out a small gasp. Arizona was literally soaking wet and pressed up against her when the blonde was in just her bra and underwear. She was human, and the action was instinct. "I'm just so tired", Arizona's voice murmured into her shoulder, practically saturated with fatigue. Placing a gently kiss just behind the ear that was inches away from her lips, Callie said, "I'll wash your hair, then get changed and get you seen by Bailey. Then home?" A small hum of agreement just reached her ears over the noise of the shower, but the blonde stood once again, and turned around.

Capping the body wash bottle it took the place of the shampoo bottle, that like the first was uncapped and its contents poured onto the Latina's hand. Once again she created a small lather between her own hands, before applying it to the long blonde hair. Once again she could believe nothing had changed as she gently ran her fingernails over the blonde's scalp, and felt Arizona familiar shiver at the act. She could believe that they hadn't broken up, that Callie hadn't slept with Mark or attempted suicide, she could believe the last three months had never happened. As Arizona leaned slightly into her, as if to get Callie to reach just the right spot, she hoped they could, rather than forgot the last three months, but accept them, and move on…together.

She manoeuvred the blonde side wards, turning her slightly, and took her place beside her. "Put your head forward, please", Callie asked, to which Arizona once again did as she was asked. Firmly but as gently as she could she ran her fingers through the soapy hair, while the water lashed down, trying to rid the blonde hair of the suds. It didn't take long.

Turning off the shower, Callie grabbed the two bottles in one hand and took Arizona by the hand waling her step down from the slightly raised shower stall. Letting go of the delicate hand in her hers she walked over the pile of assorted clothing items and picked up the fluffy towel she'd collected from Arizona's locker. The towel was nearly as long as Arizona was tall she noticed as she wrapped the item around Arizona's shoulders, giving both arms a gently rub in what she hoped as a comforting fashion. "Do you need help getting wash and dressed?" Callie asked not wanting to crowd the woman, but also offer just in case. Arizona shook her head before smiling a small smile, and saying in a small voice, "No I'm okay". Callie shot her a smile back. Neither woman's was their usual bright, sparkling smile, but it was enough. "I'm just going to get dry and changed myself okay", Callie said indicating to herself. Arizona just nodded in response. "Give me a shout if you need help, right?" the Latina said, with a clear warning in her tone. Once again, Arizona just nodded.

She picked up the dirty scrubs she taken off the blonde, and her own white coat from the floor, before turning back, just to check. "I'm good Calliope, just go", Arizona said with a slightly smile, which was a little bigger than the previous one. A smile Callie returned just as easily. Rushing from the small shower area, she noted no one else had come into the locker room since her last entry. As she walked she stripped herself of her own scrubs, dumping the dirty things into a laundry bag she had pulled from her locker. Pulling out the change in clothes she needed and a towel, she wrapped herself in the towel, while removing her own bra and underwear. Once these were removed she hurriedly and viciously dried herself, before putting on the clean underwear and bra. Despite her attempts to not over crowd the blonde, she wanted this procedure to go on for the shortest time possible. The rest of the clothes were thrown on with little care, and like the dirty items, the towel and discarded bra and underwear was dumped into the laundry bag, which was then left on the bench, for her to grab on the way out.

As she walked back to the shower room, she brushed her hair, slightly clearing her throat just before she reached the door. "You okay?" she called in. Arizona seemed to pop out of nowhere, now dressed in the clothes she's retrieved for her, but with the towel now wrapped across her shoulders, and with her own wet clothing in one hand and her shoes in the other. "Yeah. Can you do my hair for me?" the blonde asked. "Sure", the brunette said, finished flicking the brush through her own short hair.

The blonde walked barefoot over to the bench with was currently housing their wet and dirty clothes. "Just stuff anything you want washing in there", Callie said indicting the bag, which Arizona did. The blonde then slipped on her socks, and shoes without a word, but on realising that Callie was watching her said, "I didn't want my socks to get wet". The blonde's hand reached up to remove the towel from her shoulders, and just before it was pulled away, Callie said "Wait!" The change in tone, made Arizona jump slightly, a movement, no matter how small was not lost on the brunette.

Callie moved forward, and sat on the bench behind the blonde, taking the edges of the towel. As gently as she could, Callie rubbed the darkened hair with the towel, trying to ensure that Arizona's top didn't get wet. She noticed the blue top was already slightly damp on the back where the water and seeped through the towel. Once she was satisfied it was dry enough, she ran the brush through it. There were only a few knots that had built their way into her hair, and on the whole they had been easy to get rid of.

Once Arizona's hair had been completely brushed, Callie gathered it, and put it into a simple ponytail, tying it with the scrunchie from her own wrist. The hairbrush was thrown into the locker, without a care where it landed. The Latina picked up Arizona's shampoo and body wash, and walked around the corner placing them at the forefront of her blonde's locker. When she came back, she was met by Arizona's piercing gaze, which without fail always made her breathe catch in her throat. "You ready to see Bailey?" Callie managed to say, and received a nod.

Callie picked up the laundry bag and stood next to Arizona, feeling slightly nervous and unsure. Her unsettled nerves were soon forgotten as the blonde's fingers once again entwined with her own. Both women left the room for the direction of room fifteen as they had been told to do. Once again the eerily silence hung in the air, and despite knowing they were going to be okay, Callie couldn't help but remember the thick quiet that had hung in the operational gallery. She was pulled out of her thoughts by the tight grip of the hand in her own. Turning her head she saw the look of concern shining back at her. She gave a smile back, trying to reassure the other woman.

Once they slipped into room fifteen, Arizona without care climbed onto the bed. Callie as was protocol made to sit on the lone chair behind the bed, but before her backside could touch the seat, Arizona said "I don't think so Callie". Looking up slightly bemused, still in the half sitting position, she saw Arizona moved slightly to the other side, and give the space she'd just vacated a gently pat.

She couldn't help the smile that took over her face, and for the first time in three months, it was a real one. A smile she meant with all her heart. She couldn't have stood quick enough if she tried. Sitting on the side of the bed, she flicked her shoes off, lifting her legs to lie along side Arizona. It took no time at all for her shimmy into position, and Arizona in turn took hers. With her head resting on Callie's shoulder. The bed in reality was too small to hold them both, but considering how close they were, neither cared.

Callie heard, Arizona deep sigh, and couldn't help but follow suit. The Latina placed a gently kiss on the blonde hair inches away from her face, drinking in Arizona, rejoicing in the fact that she was laying in her arms again. She had honestly believed this would never happen again. Callie knew their problems were far from over, and today had none little to relieve them, add to them infact, but out of the horror and sadness of this day, she had the blonde back in her arms, and she wasn't going anywhere.


	26. Chapter 20

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2: **As things stand there is another 3/4 chapters after this part!

**Author's Note 3****: **The main praise and criticism I get is the amount of detail I put into my stories – it's just something I do. So thank you to those who realised everything Callie did for Arizona, Arizona did in chapter 2 for Callie.

**Author's Note 4:** Something Arizona says in this chapter is a cop out, but only for so long – she will explain in her own time.

**Author's Note 5:** Changed my mind, the last chapter and this one are separate.

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_I've seen you cry, way too many times, when you deserved to be alive._ – Emergency by Paramore

**Callie's POV**

"Four years ago today, I was told my brother had been killed in action", Arizona's voice broke the silence. Callie could feel the beat of blonde's heart beating as Arizona was tucked against her side. The small woman's breathing had levelled, and for a moment just before Arizona had spoken, she had wondered if the fatigue had finally overcome her. Arizona's voice had held a flicker of vulnerability, but very little of any other emotion, the only indictor to the Latina of her emotions was the speed in which it was said. The words seemed to spill out of the blonde's mouth, tripping over the one before in a rush to be said, and understood. Wrapping her other arm around the blonde's waist, Callie pulled the PEDs surgeon even closer to her. As they had become accustom, Arizona's arm came to rest across Callie's middle, though the hold was tighter…stronger…more desperate than usual. With a gently kiss to the blonde hair which tickled the side of her face, Callie said, "I don't…I don't know what say to that". She genuinely had no clue, what to say that was comforting and consoling. She didn't know what to say that would make it better. With Arizona's head now resting on Callie's shoulder, the blonde's breath and hair dancing its way across the bare skin that was being exposed by the Latina's V neck top. "You don't have to say anything. This is enough", Arizona said sounding honestly appreciative.

It was something she hadn't realised she didn't know. She had picked up bits and pieces from the blonde's tales of her childhood and young adult life. She had learnt that when he was five he slipped on the wet kitchen floor and hit his mouth on the edge of the dinning table leg, making him lose his first tooth. She had been told about the time when Arizona was seven, and he told her the monsters under the bed would eat her, if she tried to go into his room when he went out with his friends. She knew Tim had been the first person Arizona had trusted the most to come out to. She had found out that Arizona and Tim would have hour long snow ball fights, a tradition that carried on, along into their adult lives. She had known he had been engaged to his long term girlfriend when he died. Arizona had told her about the brother and sister conversations and star gazing that lasted for hours in every backyard their parents ever owned. Callie knew so much about the Robbins brother, and yet hadn't known the date that's he'd died.

"The day after your birthday" Callie said slightly taken aback as the relation hit her. The head of blonde hair nodded into her chest. The Latina sat for a few moments mouth open slightly in shock, it certainly explained some things. Then to make things even worse Robert Wright had to come into the hospital and make this day even harder for the blonde to live through, year after year. Confusion settled in her brain with that thought.

"Four years?" Callie asked, once again receiving a nod to the chest. "Four years…we…Arizona?" the brunette was trying her hardest to understand, and be kind at the same time, which was proving to be a difficult feat. The blonde in question rose slightly, only lifting her head from Callie's shoulder, but left her body entangled with the longer one next to hers. The PEDs surgeon refused to make eye contact with the brown eyes who was trying to catch a glimpse of something, or even just try to reassure her. "I moved to Seattle a few months after, and just tried to pretend it didn't happen. For along time after I pretended things hadn't changed. I was so used to Tim going away, that I could pretend that, that time it was no different. That I could if I wanted to, just pick up the phone and he'd be on the other end. I just choose not to", the blonde said, absence-mindedly playing with the edge of Callie's top's neckline.

As hard as she tried, Callie couldn't get Arizona to make eye contact with her. She wasn't angry or annoyed by any of this, simply saddened. "The first anniversary", Arizona started again, with a slight quiver to her voice. "Was the day after we said I love you for the first time. We spent the day in bed, watching films in our pyjamas, and eating way too much junk food. It was a good memory, one that I hoped could erase even just a little bit the heartache", the blonde continued, her breath catching ever so often. Callie when she'd woken hadn't forgotten what today held for her, three years ago.

"And it did. Not as much as I wanted. But as time passed, the longer I left it, the harder it became to tell you. The second year I thought I could just remember the year before, and when it became hard you always seemed to know, because you'd hold me. It…" Arizona's breathe shook and Callie held her that little tighter, trying to assure the woman who wouldn't look at her. Callie couldn't believe she hadn't realised. She knew the blonde's birthday was always a tough time of year, and assumed it was because she missed her big brother, but never had she thought of this, and if she was honest, it made her feel guilty.

The blonde let out noise that was a half sob, and laugh at the tighter hold the Latina had on her. Arizona turned her head slightly in Callie's direction, but didn't give her full eye contact. It looked like perhaps she was staring just passed the Ortho surgeon's face. "It felt like you were holding me together". Callie felt her heart swell as the words were said, and Arizona finally lifted her gaze to her own. For the first time all day, the Latina could feel her heart pound in her chest, beating a solid rhyme on the inside of her ribs, and knew rather than beating in fear, it was excitement and love that made it quicken.

"Then the third we'd just gotten back together, and were in a pink, shiny bubble, and I didn't want it to pop. So I just held you a little bit tighter and hoped the pain would go away", Arizona finished looking Callie dead in the eye. The brunette could see the slight plea in the way Arizona was looking at her, as if begging her to understand. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It's not that I didn't want to, it just got later and later", the blonde was now begging her.

"I understand", Callie whispered, realising once again that Arizona's face was inches away from her own. She wasn't angry or upset with the blonde for not telling her, though she was frustrated and disappointed in herself. "Wish you'd told me sooner, though. You didn't have to go through that alone", the Latina continued, now feeling Arizona's heartbeat quicken along side her own. "I wasn't alone I had you", the blonde said with small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "You did. But I wish I'd known so I could have been there for you, knowingly" Callie said trying to sound as poignant as she could while still sounding caring. "That's why you were crying yesterday", it was a statement not a question.

Arizona's gaze dropped again, as did a single tear, "Sorry" the blonde said again. Her heart clenched painful in her chest, as she released the hold on the small waist. She heard the small sigh at the action and realised Arizona thought she was letting go of her, because she was angry with her. With one finger, she lifted the blonde's face, and eye line to her own, and the look of defeat broke her heart. "Stop saying sorry. I understand, I just wish I could have taken that pain away, or make it easier for you. I'm not mad with you. Please stop saying sorry", Callie said noting the emotion creeping in to her tone, as she moved the loose curl that had broken free of Arizona's ponytail, behind her ear.

"Sorry", the blonde said, followed by a slightly smile at the realisation that she'd just said it again. Callie couldn't help the small faux glare she sent back, which in turn caused a small chuckle. Putting her arm back into its rightful place, Callie pulled Arizona towards her again, and as if her body had a mind of its own, Arizona's head came to rest back on Callie's shoulder. Also as if she had no control, Callie's fingers danced their way across the small patch of bare skin of Arizona's lower back that was being exposed by the slight rise of her top, and fall of her jeans. It was a technique she realised early on in their relationship could soothe the blonde out of any negative mood, and now out of habit she was doing it again.

"So what's about this year? Why is this one different?", Callie asked softly, she wasn't going to lie, it did sting, the fact Arizona had finally told her and they were no longer together, though given their current position maybe they were. "Honestly", Arizona inhaled, her breath sending a slightly shiver up Callie's spine, as it danced across her exposed flesh. "Joanne and Nikki. Actually Joanne, Nikki just stood and looked pretty. She made me realise…no she made me remember when things are worth fighting for, it's stupid to let them go just because doing something about it might be painful. Nothing is more painful than doing nothing at all, knowing, wondering what could have happened", the blonde spoke, evenly, almost equally spaced as if deliberately remembering where to breath. For a moment Callie couldn't decide if Arizona had been talking about her relationship with her brother, or theirs.

"Them coming here was a shock. One I had been avoiding so long. I would go to my parents' at Christmas, as you know, but I always made sure I knew they weren't going to be there. I could never get away from Josh though, he was always there, and as time I went on, I realised I didn't want to. Them coming here, made me realise I couldn't stop running away", Arizona finished, considerably less controlled than she'd begun, though from her breathing Callie didn't think she was crying.

Callie couldn't believe she hadn't realised the struggle Arizona went through every year when she went home for the holidays. Sure she knew it was hard, and knew it was because of her brother, or lack of her brother's presence that made it so difficult. She just hadn't realised how deeply that struggle had gone, and wished she had tried harder to go with her. Every time she offered, she gave in too soon, too easily when the blonde declined. Callie placed another sloppy kiss on the blonde hair inches away from her face as she said in barely a whisper she knew the only person who was meant to hear it, would, "Thank you for telling me".

It was then she felt Arizona's tears fall, though why they fell she was unsure, because the small frame did not shake with grief or sadness. The only indicator to their presence was the fact she could feel them collecting on the bare piece of flesh just above her top's neckline. Callie held the small woman ever so tightly, and felt the pressure from the woman in her arms tenfold. The Latina realised the weight of the words that had been spoken, and knew how difficult they had been for Arizona to speak them. In realising that, she knew the fight worth the battling Arizona had mentioned, was in fact them. The blonde was prepared to fight for them, and so was she. "We're having a party thing tonight at the apartment, it's mainly for Nikki and Josh, but could you come too? I would mean a lot to me, if you did. You don't have to though", Arizona said sounded so nervous it broke the Latina's heart. "I'd love to" was her instant, and honest reply.

They lay in silence for a few moments; both taking in everything that had been said. Callie was also allowing Arizona the time to grief, grief her brother, and the loss of the information she had clung to for so long, the story that had finally let her go. Every so often Arizona's breathing would catch, but her hold on the Latina's waist would not falter. "Why was Josh at your parents'?" Callie asked, though couldn't remember even having the thought to ask.

Arizona sighed faintly, before speaking, "Nikki thought it would be a good idea for him to spend some time alone with his grandparents". To say that Callie was momentarily surprised would have been an understatement. She allowed her thoughts to travel to her earlier assumption, just briefly, before coming to land on the only other option. "And it was, he loves it, they love it. I've become to love it too, like today when I took him out. It was so much fun, and he reminded me so much of his father. I knew he would, he looks the double of Tim when he was that age. What I came to realise was it was okay that he reminded me of him, because even if it was just for today, I got to spend it with Tim as well. I don't believe in God, as you know, but I felt Tim today as I was pushing Josh on the swings, and it was like he was there too", Arizona finished sounding slightly dreaming.

With a slightly nervous laugh the blonde said, "Does that make sense?" Callie nodded before realising that without Arizona looking at her she wouldn't know her answer, so gave a small heart felt, "yes". She felt the PEDs surgeon's slight sigh in relief that she was understood. Callie couldn't help the slight almost equally nervous laugh as she said, "I thought Josh might be Joanne's". Arizona's head lifted and looked her dead in the eye, before chuckling, "No. Jo wouldn't know her way around a changing station, never mind be able to look after a child. She just sticks with aunt and godmother, it suits her better."

Callie couldn't help but feel slightly sheepish, but smiled at the easy grin Arizona was giving her. "I suppose I get what I mean, he does look more like Joanne, but then he would Joanne is his mother's sister", the blonde said as if to ease Callie's feeling of stupidity. It did a little. Callie couldn't help but cast her mind back to their argument in the on call room at the mention of Joanne, and wondered if she should say something. This though was forgotten at the smile on Arizona face, and she didn't want to make it go away. Though the smile did falter slightly as she remembered something Arizona had said in their argument, "You said Cristina".

"What?" the blonde looked instantly confused. She'd started, she guessed she had to finish. Swallowing the lump that seemed to have formed in the seconds she hadn't been speaking, she said, "Earlier, you said Cristina said you couldn't be mad because we weren't together when I slept Mark". She felt Arizona go to move, and held on tight, not telling her move an inch. She wasn't going to let Arizona keep running, she wasn't going to let herself run either. The smile that had graced the blonde's face, even for a moment, was all but lost, and was now replaced with a sad, almost broken look, and it hurt Callie. It hurt knowing she'd put it there.

"Callie…" Arizona warned slightly, though defeat had already laced its way in. "No. I'm not running away anymore, and neither are you. Please what did you mean? I haven't spoken to Cristina in almost a month." Callie asked, long passed the shame to beg. No one had really talked to her these last three weeks; she'd even taken to eating in an on call room, so people wouldn't have to keep avoiding her. Even Mark, though they had talked about things, hadn't really "talked" about anything important. She saw the look of almost shamed defiance in the ice blue eyes, so asked again, "Arizona, please talk to me".

The tip of Arizona's pink tongue snaked its way out, and traced the blonde's bottom lip, as she thought of how to continue. "Cristina and…Mark", there was slight something in her voice at his name that Callie couldn't identify, but knew it wasn't good. "Have been telling people to give you space. Cristina even shouted at Teddy, because she spoke to you about me. Earned her time in the pit for it", Arizona let out a faint laugh. The only time even on a professional level Teddy and Callie had spoken, before today, was on her first day back when Teddy had asked her to wait to talk to the blonde who was currently laid in her arms. "Mark threatened to hit Alex once", Arizona said once again not meeting Callie's eye. That explained the hesitant look she'd been getting from the resident every time she walked in to do a consult.

"I…I didn't know. Teddy didn't even say anything bad to me! Wait why did he threaten Alex, he _never_ said anything to me!" Callie said in a raising tone, as annoyance flooded her. She had thought for the last three weeks that people were simply ignoring her, and it seemed her "friends" had been sending people way. "They were on my side. I think they were worried they might say something. Instead they ended up asking Lexie", Arizona finished with a slight disbelieving chuckle. "So she was the spy for everyone? Great", Callie said disapprovingly. "She didn't tell anyone anything, important. They were just worried about you, you know as friends do. They worry", Arizona's tone had turned to one you might use while explaining something difficult to a small child.

"Cristina and Meredith used to sit across from your call room, while you ate and shoo people away", the blonde said. Wait Arizona knew about that! Callie guessed the shock must have shown on her face, because Arizona smiled slightly, "Our on call room? Wasn't the smartest of places to go hide in. Also I went there for the two weeks before you came back to work". The sheepish smile that graced the blonde's mouth, she assumed must mirror her own. It wasn't a conscious decision she made, to go to "their" on call room, her feet simply took her there. It also warmed her inside, knowing that Arizona had taken refuse in the same room, perhaps for the same reason.

"What about you? Did they send you away?" the question Callie asked she knew was double sided. She wanted to know if the reason Arizona hadn't come to speak to her was because she'd been turned away, and also wanted to know if she needed to kick Cristina's and Mark's asses. The drop in smile told her the answer before the blonde spoke, "Only once. I…came to see you several times, went to ring you even more, but I'd get to that floor or get just before pressing "call" and I couldn't. I couldn't do it." Callie felt her heart sink yet again, though was happy to feel the blonde was no longer trying to move away from her. "Much like everything else, as more time passed the harder it became. To begin with I was progressing, and then I was angry, and that was when Cristina caught me coming to see you. She told me I had no right to be angry. I knew it, I knew it anyway. Doesn't stop it though. After that I just became scared, and as time passed it only got worse."

She was amazed. No one had told her any of this. In fact the only time Callie had interacted with Cristina all week was in the observation gallery, and neither had spoken. She was slightly freaked out by the fact that both Cristina and Meredith had managed to do it, without her knowing. Had she just become friends with ninjas or something? She supposed Meredith and Lexie were sisters so perhaps Cristina had picked it up through them.

A slight cough from the woman inches away from her face stopped her in thoughts. A failed imitation of Callie's infamous eye brow raise greeted her. "Sorry, just thinking", Callie whispered, and received a nod. "I just wished you'd come to see me sooner", the Latina continued. "I just worried you wouldn't want to talk to me. I wouldn't have talked to me if I was you", Arizona answered simply and it seemed without meaning to, sounded so self pitying, a tone she wasn't used to hearing. "Come here", Callie said gesturing with her chin, to her shoulder. The blonde sighed slightly, but took her place, no questions asked.

Callie allowed her mind wander to today, the anger and fear that had filled it, and couldn't help but be in two minds. Part of her, a very big part of her, wished they hadn't allowed Sam to be taken up to the PEDs ward that they had been able to send someone who was less injured in her place. If that had happened Robert would never have gone to Arizona's ward, and she would never have been in danger. But likewise and to save Arizona she would have done it, had he remained in the pit, those nurses and surgeons would have been in danger too.

A relation hit the brunette. They'd been in here for long enough; Bailey should have come to see them by now. Looking over at the door, she couldn't help but wonder if the older woman was tricking them, into talking. However looking over at the small glass panel on the door, no deep brown eyes were looking back at them. Despite what they had been through today, Arizona more than herself, she couldn't help but feel sorry for those who had clean up the mess.

The small body wrapped against her own, began to shake ever so slightly. Callie tried to move her head to a position in which she could see the blonde's face, but with Arizona half laid on her, it just wasn't possible. "Hey", Callie said soothingly. The blonde head just tucked itself further into the crook of the Latina's neck. Callie couldn't stop the tears that spilled out of her own eyes, as she felt the trembling breathe mix with the tears that had already fallen from the blonde's eyes on her own tanned skin.

"Arizona?" Callie asked her own breath catching slightly. Several loud sniffs, followed by small sobs sounded from beside her ear, making them sound even louder. Though had Arizona not been so close, she may not have heard the breathed words, "You could have died". Her heart beat quickened, to an almost worrying rate, a rate at which she was surprised Teddy didn't come in running. "You saved me. Which you are an idiot for. If you ever do that to me again, I'll…" the Latina said soothingly with a touch of humour, just thankful the blonde was unharmed. "No! Not today Calliope. You nearly died. You just… You tried to kill yourself", Arizona said almost screaming, followed by a gut wrenching sob, as she bodily moved from Callie's grasp.

Callie sat half laid, mouth opened for a few moments, just trying to take in what had just been screamed at her. Despite Arizona's shift away from the tall woman, when she moved to hold the sobbing woman's arm, it wasn't pulled away. At some point the gentle tears that had been spilling down the Latina's face, turned into a full stream of tears, both women's breathing hitched every so often. "Did you even _think_ about me?" Arizona asked with sadness and a tint of venom. Her brain wouldn't connect the question to a meaning, causing her to say "What?" without thinking.

A deep disbelieving sigh fell from the blonde's lips, and this time she did pull her arm free from Callie's grasp. "You…you…Was that really what you wanted me to come back to? Because you know had you succeeded Teddy or Mark or somebody would have told me, and I would have come back. Was that what you wanted me to come back for, your funeral?" Arizona shouted, though the tears that were forcing themselves on her, weakened the strength of the words, and even then they knocked the Latina backwards.

She wished she could lie, wish she could say she had been thinking of the blonde, or at least that she'd been thinking of how she would feel, because Arizona had plagued her every thought for the last three months. But she hadn't. Callie tried to answer as honestly as she could "Arizona, I never…I'm sorry. I thought you wouldn't…" The blonde's eyes widened in shock, as whispered in a tone that was laced with danger, "What? Care?" Callie felt the panic set in, a feeling that had she felt it at any other time in these last three weeks she would have ran from the room. Taking a deep breathe she reminded herself she had made Arizona stay, so she would too.

"Well yes", the Ortho surgeon admitted quietly, and saw the shock and disbelief reflect back at her. An apprehensive laugh sounded from the blonde as she draw her legs up, lowering her head into her hands as said, "Oh god". The blonde head shot back up, just shaking from side to side in disbelief, and just stared at her open mouthed, "I can't…I just…Do you really think _that_ little of me? That I'd want…Callie, did you honest think that?" The Latina gulped slightly as she felt the tears fall anew, but was able to nod, keeping her head down, unable to look in the ice blue eyes that were glaring at her in such a accusing manner. Arizona took a deep but shaken breath as she shuffled towards her, but Callie refused to look up. She couldn't see that look. The look of disappointment.

"Callie", Arizona's voice sounded determined. "Callie look up. Look up _now_!" the blonde ordered. The Latina allowed her head and eyes rise upwards, and saw to her surprise, the woman looking back at her didn't look angry or annoyed, she saw sadness and love. "Callie…" the blonde said full of sorrow, causing the raven to burst out crying. The next thing Callie was aware of the PEDs surgeon's arms had wrapped themselves around her neck, and the blonde herself positioned herself in between the Latina's legs. Arizona pulled Callie's upper half into her as she hugged as tight as she could, several kisses were placed on the raven's hairline. "Don't you _ever_ think that! Please Calliope, don't ever think that. I love you so much", Arizona whispered gently, which only cause Callie to cry harder.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't…I'm sorry, I love you too…so much", the Latina sobbed, clinging even tighter to the body being pushed into her own. "I know Callie. I know", the blonde soothed as her lips connected with Callie's. The kiss wasn't strong or passionate but the effect was instant and as just as powerful as a thousand kisses. Her lips, god her whole face tingled where the lips she'd spent the last three months dreaming of touched her skin. She tried as hard as she could to stop the tears falling, but they seemed determined to fall, though this time it was for what they lost and what they were gaining. As Arizona's hand entangled itself in Callie's short curls, she felt the blonde's tears fall.

As the pair broke away, the Latina rested her forehead on Arizona's. Both were breathing unevenly, though Callie couldn't deny her tears had more control over her than Arizona's. "I love you, I never, ever stopped", the blonde whispered, her breath dancing across Callie's face. Pulling away slightly, the PEDs surgeon wiped the raven's tears away, as Callie gently sucked on her own bottom lip. It still tingled, and she still could feel the ghost of the blonde's lips on her own. "Me too", Callie laughed slightly. "Even if you are an idiot and try and take on an armed man", despite the slightly smile on her lips, she saw Arizona take in the seriousness of her words. "I made a woman a promise", the blonde answered honestly. Callie guessed her confusion much have shown, because Arizona moved and place a single, gentle kiss on her lips before simply repeating, "I'll always save you".

"Thank you. For saving me and loving me…and for coming back for me", Callie said sincerely. "Always", was the blonde's reply, as she took a hold of the Latina's hand. Callie couldn't help the burst of laughter than fell from her mouth, and the "slept with a coat hanger in" smile. "Always", the Latina whispered back. As their breathing returned back to normal, no words were spoken, perhaps they should have been, but what she didn't know.

The door behind Arizona opened, and to her surprise the blonde didn't jump at the noise. There in the doorway stood an awkward looking Mark Sloan. "Hmmm sorry, I just wanted to know if you two wanted a lift home." Mark said, weirdly addressing Arizona. The blonde's mouth opened but no words came out. Trying to save the mute woman, Callie said, "We're waiting to see Bailey, so we'll probably just get a cab. I'm going to be at Arizona's tonight though". Saying she was going to Arizona's, made her heart soar, and dance in her chest. She going to be spending the night, in one place she considered home. Mark nodded, and made to leave. Obviously deciding he was brave enough to say whatever was on his mind, he said once again to Arizona, "You were here. Well done for today." She saw Arizona nod slightly, as she looked Mark straight in the eye and replied simply, "Thank you Mark".

Bailey shuffled passed Mark who was half blocking the doorway. At receiving a classic "Bailey stare down", Mark shambled sheepishly from the room with a slight wave. To say Callie was confused would be an understatement. At the look from small dark haired woman, the Latina went to move from the bed. "Don't worry about it Torres, save to say policies are out of the window today" Bailey said with a sad smile. It was then Callie realised Bailey was carrying Arizona's jacket and purse. Seeing what the Latina eyes had fallen on, the woman holding the items placed them on the foot of the bed before saying "thought I could help you get out sooner if I got them for you". The smile told Callie the truth behind the worse, which should have been "So you don't have to go back to that floor, I brought you your things".

Arizona turned completely away from Callie, coming to face Bailey, with her legs swinging off the edge of the bed. "Save time? We've been waiting for a while Miranda", Arizona said with a grace of ease. "Hmm yeah. I would have gotten here sooner, but things kept happening. As for interruptions", the standing woman said, reaching for something on the table next to Callie. It was then the Latina realised the other dark haired woman, smiled at her. She couldn't help the smile that formed, as she realised, she'd been correct, when she had looked up thinking Bailey had been watching them, she had been. For someone who claimed not to want to get involved in personal matters, Bailey did like to meddle, but only for the better.


	27. Chapter 21 part 1

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2:** I applauded all those who have tried to guess what which remark or remarks was Arizona's "cop out" – so far only ONE person has got it right – means there's more surprises for the rest of you!

**Author's Note 3**: Yeah I'm splitting it up again. But you won't have to wait long! – Though if I do it right, you might cry … in a sad but good way.

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_I hold my breath, because you were perfect, I'm running out of air it's not fair_ _- _It's all your fault by P!nk.

**Callie's POV**

Bailey's examination of Arizona was more of a precaution, than something that was needed. The only advice the small woman had given the blonde was to try, despite how difficult it could be, to remain as calm as possible. She then carried on explaining that the hospital was being closed for a few days, so patients and staff like Alex were being transferred to Seattle Presbyterian. Bailey then quickly reassured Arizona that Alex would be okay, instantly making Callie feel guilty for not explaining their friend's condition.

Neither of the women had spoken much since leaving the hospital, and even less in the cab. Something which surprised the Latina was the lack of awkwardness between them, though Arizona seemed lost in thought, while Callie could feel the nerves setting in. She was heading towards their apartment, okay it was now Arizona's apartment but that didn't make it any easier to stomach. She was going to spend the night in the company of Arizona, Arizona's brother's fiancée, nephew and ex girlfriend. The bat sized butterflies in her stomach weren't getting smaller, and seemed to be getting more agitated the closer they got to the apartment block.

Callie couldn't help herself; her hand came to rest naturally on top of the blonde's which had been laid on the seat between them. Both women turned to look at their hands and Callie couldn't help with grin as Arizona's fingers intertwined themselves with hers. Allowing her eyes to raise she saw the same smiling, blue eyed face grinning back at her. At the smile, Callie felt the butterflies slow, and calm, just as they pulled up along side the building they were heading towards.

"Oh crap!" the blonde beside her exclaimed. The Latina couldn't help but laugh gently at Arizona who'd hit herself on her forehead with the palm of her hand. "What?" Callie asked incredulously. "Do you have any money?" Arizona asked, and she felt the dread creep up on her as she shook her head. All Callie had on her was her cell and the laundry bag she'd collected from her locker. The driver gave them a warning look; that said he's better be getting paid!

"Oh wait", the PEDs surgeon said with a slight laugh, letting go of Callie's hand and using both started to rummage through the purse resting on her lap. "I…still…have…Joanne's…money" The blonde said punctured by her moving around whatever was in her bag, and the Latina couldn't help the image of Marry Poppins that came to the forefront her mind. "Ah ha!" the blonde said if a true "Eureka" moment voice. Pulling out of the small wallet the correct change and grinning at the young man who'd driven here, the blonde jumped out of the cab, allowing Callie to do the same.

"You do know we could have just asked Nikki or Mark for the money", Callie said amusingly. The faux glare she got back made her smile, she'd missed this. She missed them. She knew it couldn't last, that they'd have to talk eventually, but she knew her goal at the end of it, would be to get "them" back. They'd move from this, all of this, and together, because there was no way on this great Earth that the Latina was letting Arizona go again.

As the two climbed out of the car, the January freeze caught Callie, instantly making the tall woman shiver. Noting the tall woman's shiver, Arizona took hold of her hand, leading the short distance to the lobby, and in a cheesy romantic movie fashion the second their hands connected, Callie felt a little less cold. "Arizona! Wait up!" a woman's voice called from behind them.

As both women turned, Arizona's small spiky haired blonde friend came into sight. Though her hair today was flat, and she carrying several boxes branded with "World Pizza". The new comer jogged the last few steps before throwing one arm around Arizona, nearly knocking the pizza boxes she was carrying onto the floor. Allowing the pair to hug without hindrance, Callie slipped her hand from the PEDs surgeon's, to which instantly Arizona other arm went to rest against the blonde's back. It hug lasted maybe fifteen seconds if that, before the formerly spiky haired blonde, pulled away saying, "You idiot!"

Arizona sighed slightly, pulling a face that Callie couldn't quite distinguish what it was purpose to mean. "She's going to kill me isn't she", the long haired blonde said, receiving a laugh from the other blonde. "Yep. The only reason I'm getting the pizzas is Josh was playing up, and she was running up the walls, cursing your name. Almost literally", Arizona's friend explained. Callie couldn't help it, she was freezing, and the two blonde was stood outside the warm building that was calling Callie's name, so stood forward a little, sheltering herself slightly against the warmth of Arizona's back.

"Oh god sorry Callie, come on", Arizona said once again taking her hand, seemingly remembering the Latina's presence. Arizona lead the way into the apartment complex, and Callie couldn't help the sigh that fell from her lips as the warmth hit them squarely in the face. It felt like bliss. "How did you know?" Arizona asked the other blonde. "The shooting was all over the local news; it's properly gone further than that now. That and the cops rang your apartment", the woman carrying the pizzas explained, though Callie felt Arizona tense at the mention of police. "They called the hospital but you'd already gone. They just said they'd come by and see you on Tuesday. They rang your apartment too Callie, Mark said", Arizona's friend explained as they entered the elevator.

A shaking hand that belonged to Arizona pressed their floor's button, and the elevator moved. Tuesday…that gave them one day…and night she guessed considering tonight was Sunday night. She assumed they would just want statements, since the young boy was probably already in their custody by now. She was thankful they had tomorrow, because there was no way she could relive those hours just yet. "Erm…Callie is coming over for tonight, is that okay?" Arizona asked the other woman, to which the woman being asked looked slightly surprised. "Yeah, course she can. You don't need our permission. Besides there is plenty of pizza to go around", the woman said raising the boxes slightly.

As the elevator's bell signalled their arrival on their floor, the woman took it in turn to file out of the small space. "Oh!" Arizona said before once again, returning to the depths of her purse. This trip into the cavernous bag didn't last as long as the one in the cab, though the wallet that was within did make an appearance, as did the small cell phone, Callie had seen Arizona used that morning. "These are yours", Arizona said going to put the two items into the other woman's coat pockets. "Hey! That's my coat", the PED's surgeon said, at the same time that Callie herself had realised who the owner of the coat was.

At the same time as this realisation hit, as did the second. That wallet and the money within belonged to Joanne, Arizona's ex. Arizona had just given back to their rightful owner, which meant by extension, the woman with very short blonde hair standing in front of them, clasping pizza boxes, was in fact, Joanne. She'd been wrong, though she couldn't see the two blondes ever working; they just seemed so…different. It was hard enough considering them as friends, let alone that they'd once been girlfriends.

A hand was being waved in front of her face, shaking her thoughts loose from her brain the brunette allowed herself to refocus on the situation. The hand had belonged to Arizona, and it seemed the two blondes had finished squabbling over the PED's jacket, and now were both staring at her slightly apprehensively. "Sorry, just …" Callie couldn't think of a good enough lie, so just waved her hand vaguely around her own head, indicating she'd been lost in thought. She was never going to admit to Mark Sloan that she'd been wrong, and hoped he'd never found out.

Joanne just laughed, and opened the blue door to 502. There was a squeal of children laughed that created them, though Callie couldn't shake the look of concern that was aimed at her from Arizona. All she could do was smile back, with a slight shake of her head, indicating, nothing was wrong. Once they crossed over the threshold, on the other hand there was no reassurance the Latina could give the small woman, as Nikki came stalking over to her as door closed behind them.

"Are you insane? Are you actually just…nuts? You FUCKING idiot!" the new brunette all but screamed. Instantly all the grown up, looked for the small three year old boy to check if he'd heard his mother's swearing. Joanne shook her head from over on the couch where she'd landed. From the direction in which Arizona's ex girlfriend was looking, Callie assumed the young boy was in Cristina's old room. Nikki's face was bright red, and even from their distance away from each other, Callie could see she'd been crying.

"Do you just have a death wish? Is it a Robbins thing? That you all feel the need to be heroic to a level of stupidity? Is that it?" Nikki hissed. Arizona's head came down in what looked like shame, but the words that just travelled to the Latina's ears was strong and powerful "No, but I had to do something". Time and people within the room seemed to freeze, both Callie and Joanne looking on at the two who now were doing what only could be described as staring each other out, as if daring the other to move or even blink.

"I can't…can't lose you too Ari. The news and then the police", Nikki said her voice for the first time reflecting the tear filled eyes. Arizona didn't even bother speaking, but took the several strides between them, and wrapped her arms around her brother's fiancée. Neither seemed to cry, though Callie was sure both were on the edge, and one false move or breath would set them off. As the two emotional women pulled away from each other, Arizona said in a tone which was given with such care, "I know, I couldn't just stand around and wait. I had to do something".

"I know" sounded the brunette's reply. Callie could see the pain and anguish she'd been feeling the whole time Arizona was in that operating room, etched into every line on Nikki's face. "What did you tell him?" Arizona asked, indicating with a nod in Josh's general direction. Nikki shook her head before responded, "Nothing". "Good", Arizona said, and Callie knew that the look on her own face must mirror the look on Joanne's. "I'm just…I'm just not…I want tonight to be about Tim, not today at the hospital" the PEDs surgeon explained. Her heart seemed to seize in her chest, and she couldn't fathom why she wasn't laid on the floor in agony as she realised that Arizona was in fact scared. Scared of reliving today's events. She knew she would be, god any sane person would be! However Callie had expected a bigger show, a better mask, and that eventually Arizona would break like she always did. But she could see by the looks on both Nikki's and Joanne's face, they understood what the words the blonde was unable to say.

"Airzonaaaa!" Josh screamed as he came running head long into the room, and tackled the woman's legs. Grabbing hold of Nikki to stop herself from being knocked over by the little blonde boy, she let out a real laugh that melted Callie's heart. Carefully not to disrupt the scene, Callie finally took a seat on the other couch to Joanne, as Arizona picked the three year old up. Josh let out a small squeal as his aunt lifted him up, but wrapped his tiny body around Arizona's upper half. The giant smile that had taken over the blonde's woman's lips, vanished somewhat as the little boy laid his head on her shoulder. Callie watched as the PEDs surgeon's eyes closed tightly, and her blonde head turned almost trying to inhale the little boy. The Latina felt the tears pricking at her eyes, and saw the other brunette's eyes fill to. It was like Arizona was clinging onto the young boy, worried he'd get away from her; much like Arizona had nearly gotten away from them today.

"Airzona! You're squishing me!" Josh protested in a high kiddie voice, and saw the smile was back on Arizona's face. "I just want to get all my cuddles, while you're still small enough to let me", the boy's aunt joked with him, swinging him round to rest on her hip. "I'm never too big for you cuddles" the boy beamed. "Hmmm trying saying that when you're sixteen", Joanne's voice came from behind the Latina. All the adults chuckled slightly, all that turned into a full blown laugh as Josh squealed again, as Arizona's fingers danced across his front, tickling him.

Josh was trying his hardest to escape from his aunt's tickling fingers, and at one point had managed to lean back over. "Calliiipee, save me!" the boy screamed once he's seen her. Callie couldn't help the right-out belly laugh that came out of her, and could hear the other women laughing just as hard to the point where Arizona had to put the small boy down in fear of dropping him. Josh ran to the Latina and seemed to levitate onto her knee, wrapping his small arms around her neck. Josh then just peered round Callie at his aunt and mom who were trying their hardest not to fall down as they laughed. Callie soon realised there was more in their laughs than humour, maybe desperation. The need to laugh, because the only alterative would tears.

Once the laughter died down, Josh shuffled forward slightly so he could see Arizona and Nikki in the kitchen area. "Did you save any tiny hoomans today Airzona?" Josh asked in his cute broken child speak. The look on Arizona's face was one you'd expect to see on a rabbit in headlights. Realising the blonde wasn't going to answer her nephew's question, Callie said oozing pride, "She did. She saved lots, even some grown up too". The little boy's eyes widened, but he smiled all the same. "Airzona, I thought you were a tiny ups doctor", the boy asked in confusion, though the term "tiny ups" made Callie go gooey. The PEDs surgeon just nodded wordlessly. Clearly words were not being to be her forte. "She is, just she managed to save the children and grown ups", Callie explained. The boy's smile only doubled as he said, "Like Batman?" The Ortho surgeon watched a blush flushed Arizona cheeks as she said, "Yes, she was a hero just like Batman".

Someone's cell went off, and on instinct all women went to check their pockets, though it was Nikki who said, "It's me…its David again". "Uncle David" squealed the little boy, right in Callie's ear, causing a stab of pain to go right to her brain. Joanne moved round to where Callie could see her, but didn't move much further than her side of the kitchen island. "What's he ringing for?" Arizona said, as Nikki picked up the phone. Both blonde's glared at the other Parker sister, as Joanne said, "He's been ringing all afternoon. If only he paid this much attention to me when we were married instead of his secretary, we'd still be together".

Joanne…married…to a man. Now she really was confused, an emotion which must have shown on her face, because Arizona gave her a quizzical look. The look she dismissed with a shake of her head, as Nikki's voice reached her ears, "Sure here she is". Joanne went to move forward, though seemed surprised that her sister was passing the small phone to Arizona, and not herself. The look of surprise on Joanne's face was nothing to the one on Arizona's.

"Err…Hi David", Arizona started sounded slightly confused. All women's eyes were on her, while Josh looked slightly bored as he slid down from the Latina's lap. "Yes it is….Thank you that means a lot…Yeah I had Jo's cell in my purse…of course…ahuh…I…Thank you…No we haven't, just…yes, exactly." The blonde said, clearly pausing to allow the man on the other end time to speak. "Yes…just pizza…I don't know…oh right", she said with a laugh that didn't sound too authentic. "Yes I will…I will…thank you David, I mean that…Yeah me too so I'll talk to you later…alright goodbye", the blonde finished, sliding the cell shut.

There was a silent, though it was in which Joanne, made her way around the two women in the kitchen, fishing out four tequila glasses and a bottle of clear tequila she hadn't seen before. "You okay?" Joanne asked, without looking away from the lemons she was now cutting up. Arizona pulled the scrunchie from her hair, letting the partly dried, naturally wavy hair fall, before she spoke, with a sigh, "Yeah. He saw the news, wanted to check things were okay, and he remembered about today". Callie could tell Arizona was trying to speak slightly cryptically so the young boy who was now sitting on the floor colouring in wouldn't understand what had happened.

Joanne weaved her way to the coffee table with the four shot glasses in one hand, wedged lemons in a bowl in the other, while the bottle was tucked beneath her arm. "Come on, grab the salt. Help yourself to pizza", the short haired blonde said, receiving a groan from one of the women, though Callie hadn't seen who as she followed Joanne's movements back into the sitting area with her eyes. "The assumption being that Callie wants tequila?" Nikki said as she took the seat on the other end of the other couch to Callie, and Arizona dropped herself down next to the Latina, putting the small salt cellar onto the table. As soon as the PEDs surgeon's backside touched the couch, her legs curled up onto the couch and away from Callie, causing the blonde to lean into her, causing yet again the warming sensation wherever Arizona touched her.

"Oh trust me I want, tequila" Callie chuckled, causing the other women to laugh. "Right!" Joanne exclaimed, moving to fill each of the glasses with the clear liquid and give one to each of the women. The bowl of chopped lemons were passed around next, then Joanne gave the command to lick the back of their hand, doing so herself. Then the salt was poured onto the back of each of their hands, and Callie couldn't help but smile at Josh's curiosity as he peered over the edge of the table at them. "Ready? One, two, three, go!" Joanne shouted, making all the grown ups lick the salt from the back of their hand, knock back the tequila which instantly burned its way down, and quickly bite the lemon wedge. Callie's tongue and lips tingled at the sourness of the lemon, while her throat felt the pleasant burn of the alcohol.

"Wow, that really burns", Arizona said blowing out air as if this would stop the flame. "Another?" the short haired blonde asked, getting a confirmation all round the process was repeated once again. After the second round of shots was gone, both Arizona and Nikki were gasping slightly, hoping it would aid in the burning sensation. "Can I have some?" Josh asked, just his ice blue eyes looking over the top of the table. "Sure bud. Go and get your Pjs on, and I'll get you one of these special glasses", Joanne said wiggling her own glass. Much to her own confusion, and she guessed Arizona's too as she felt the blonde shift slightly, the boy went running into the spare room.

Was Joanne really going to give her three year old nephew tequila? Grabbing the fifth and final tequila shot glass from the cupboard; the blonde filled it with water before coming back and resting the glass on the table about an inch from where the young boy had been sitting. Their glasses were soon filled too. Arizona chuckled slightly beside her, and rested her head on Callie's shoulder. They could all hear Josh's rushed attempts to get his pyjamas on, and Callie noticed the smile that Nikki gave her and Arizona, and couldn't help but return it. She hadn't expected her first night in the arms of Arizona to end up like this, but learning about Arizona's past, being here for the blonde as she was grieving for her brother, she knew she was where she was meant to be.

The little boy came dashing back out in Thomas the Tank Engine pyjamas, coming to a halt in front of his glass. "Right, lick the back of your hand", they all did including the young boy, though Callie suspected the tilt of the cellar may not have given Josh any salt, or maybe just a grain or two. "Pick up your lemons", all but Josh did. "Don't like lemons" the boy said. His short haired aunt, nodded and put the salt back on the table, and gave the usual count down. The burn of the third shot wasn't as strong as the first two, guessing she was already acclimatising the tang, though what made it funny of all was Josh's face. The little blonde boy's face was screwed up, tongue hanging out. Callie had to bite her lip as hard as she could, she could almost taste the metallic taste of blood as Josh said "Wow, that really burns", repeating word for word his eldest aunt.

It seems Callie managed to keep in the laughter, while his mother and two aunts couldn't. None of them right out laughed, more a giggle, which it seemed the three year old didn't seem to understand why the women were laughing, so just grinned at them. "It did" the boy tried to reason with the women so openly chuckling at him. "It did", Callie agreed, and saw the instant dimples frame his gorgeous smile. Joshua plodded over to Callie and pulled himself up; settling on Callie's lap once again, though he grinned at Arizona who was occupying Callie's other shoulder. Looking down at the two blonde heads on either side of her, shouldn't help but smile as she remembered her dream family. "More please" the little Robbins boy said, causing a rumble of laughter from Arizona, which tickled Callie's neck.

"No more Josh. That one was only because it's a special occasion", his mother said sternly, though Callie could hear the slight humour beneath the tone. "It's a party for Daddy" Josh said so proudly he beamed. "I know" the Latina said simply. Joanne moved from her sitting place on the coffee table, gesturing the bottle, wordlessly asking if Callie wanted more, so she nodded. As Joanne leant over she tipped the bottle, and almost in slow motion she saw the small hand grab at it, but before she knew what to do she was covered in tequila.

"I'm sorry Callipee! I'm sorry, I was trying to help" the little boy shouted, scrambling over Arizona and sitting on the blonde's feet at the other end of the sofa. Perhaps half the bottle was now covering Callie's clean top and jeans she'd put on a few hours previously. She was in shock, though an image of her sucking on her own sleeve came and went from her mind. She was no longer eighteen, and that type of behaviour was not acceptable anymore. "Joshua!" Nikki shouted, jumping up from her couch, while Joanne, still clutching the bottle sat with her face in her hands.

"Its fine", Callie laughed jumping up and was thankful when she didn't see any of the liquid soaking into the cushions beneath her. Looking over at Arizona she saw the same slight dazed expression she'd just had, on the blonde's face, though it seemed none of the tequila had gone on her either. "I just trying to help" the boy shouted again, and she felt so bad for the little boy. "It's okay, it was an accident JD" Callie said soothingly to which Josh laughed. "Uncle David called me that", the little Robbins said, and it took her a few moments to realise what she'd said. Arizona stood, just rolling her eyes as she took in Callie's appearance, the Latina could feel the tequila sinking in and sticking to her skin. "Come on", the PEDs surgeon said, taking her hand, which was also sticky, and pulled her in the direction of the bedroom they'd once shared.

Entering the room was like walking into a void back in time. The room looked the same, the only difference was there was a number of boxes littering the room, which she then realised must have been the ones from this morning. Slightly amazed she hadn't noticed the lack of boxes in the other room. The second thing that was different she realised was the bedding. It was the weird green bedding that they never used, and neither of them even remembered where it had come from as neither would ever own up to ever owning it. "Just have a shower, the stuff is already in there" blonde said breaking Callie free of her thoughts. Callie then realised that Arizona had let go of her hand, and was now almost shoving a towel in her face. "Err...okay. Can someone go across to Mark's and get me some clothes?" she asked apprehensively.

"Oh!" Arizona said with a grin, before turning to what looked like her suitcase. After a few moments and the odd piece of clothing being thrown around, the PEDs surgeon pulled out one of Callie's tops and a pair of jog pants and passed them to her. "These are mine", Callie stated, completely confused. The blonde nodded, as the Latina said, "They were in my hotel room, but you just got them from your suitcase". She was sure these were the ones she'd had in the hotel, it looked like them. "Yeah I just remembered I packed them by mistake. Came across them with I was unpacking, just never got them back to you", Arizona explained. She could see the blonde trying so hard to make herself look convincing. "Alright, thanks" Callie said as Arizona moved passed her to leave the small room.

No she couldn't, she couldn't let her do it. "Liar" the brunette whispered. Looking over to the small blonde she felt her heart skip at the small sad smile that greeted her. Taking the few steps between them, she couldn't help but take the beautiful blonde in, and saw under her watchful eye; the dimples she loved so much appear slowly. She couldn't help the need to trace every feature of Arizona's face, and they were inches away from each other before she realised. "No more lies Arizona, no more holding back", Callie whispered. The Latina felt the breathed "No more" rather than she saw the lips that spoke it move. The kiss was electric. Which of the women started it Callie didn't know, but she drank the blonde in. It was more heated, fierier and just what could only be described as more animalistic than the ones they'd shared in the hospital. Arizona's fingers raked through Callie's short hair, and it felt like heaven as the small tugs awakened her whole nervous system. She couldn't get enough, and pulling herself against the blonde's body, both women moaned. Though Arizona's moaned subsided into a giggle, as Callie pulled her face away to give the blonde a quizzical look, the PEDs surgeon just laughed.

"Way to ruin the moment, Arizona", Callie said a little more harshly than she'd intended. There was a flick of uncertainty in Arizona's features before as smile took over her face. "Sorry Calliope, but you stink of tequila" the blonde chuckled lightly. Arizona looked down at her own top, lifting the bottom to her nose; she simply glared at the Latina, who couldn't help the sheepish grin back. The smaller woman turned without saying anything and grabbed one of her own pyjama tops, ripping the current one off in one motion. Callie just stood open mouthed at the exposed back of Arizona Robbins. Sure she'd seen her in a less state of dress just hours before, but that was different. Now she was stood several strides away, and her body was very much awake and hadn't felt the touch of topless blonde in almost three and half months. When the blonde turned back around, just as the top fell into place there was a slight flush to her cheeks as if she'd realised that she'd done. Arizona walked back to where she'd left the brunette, and with one finger pick up Callie's dropped jaw. Placing a single kiss on the Latina's lips, the blonde whispered, "Soon Calliope, soon", and left the bedroom.

The shower had been refreshing. She had stood completely still as the water washed over her, draining the tension from her muscles, it felt delicious. She wished she hadn't been surprised when she'd stepped into the shower to find her brand of shampoo sitting on the little stand attached to the wall. She wished it didn't make her melt and once again flood her with guilt and sadness for the last three months. She just wanted them back. Was that too much to ask? Once everywhere washed and dried she slipped on the top and jog pants Arizona had given her, and felt bliss. The scent hit her instantly. It was Arizona. There was no way the blonde had just packed these by mistake, they felt worn, and they smelt of the blonde's perfume, they smelt of her. Taking a deep breath all she could smell was Arizona, as she closed her eyes she could have sworn the small woman was standing in front of her.

Opening the bathroom door she saw Arizona half laid on the bed, flattening out creases in the duvet which was now dressed in a different set of bedding. "What you doing?" Callie asked, mainly to alert the blonde to her presence, the small woman did jump, though tried to mask it, by jumping off the bed. "It would seem Josh has been on a roll today. He spilt lemonade on the bed earlier, and Jo didn't clean it up, so I just changed the bedding. It's been decided that we aren't to wash our scrubs, in case the police want them", the PEDs surgeon explained, and for the first time since they left the hospital it didn't seem shaded or hidden. Arizona was trying to be open, and it was evident by the slight sadness and nerves in her voice and features.

"Okay, we could just put the bag into Cristina's old bathroom if you want, so we don't need to deal with them", Callie suggests and her breath stopped just for a moment at the astounding smile Arizona gave her with a nod. "Give me those" Arizona said taking Callie's tequila soiled clothes, and carried them through into the kitchen and put them in the washing machine with the dirty bedding, and setting it away.

It seemed in the time Callie had been in the shower the trio had moved on in their drinking, and now were drinking various spirits and coke considering the several bottles on the small table. The two sisters were talking, while Josh had gone back to his colouring in, now in the company of Danny the giraffe. "Would you like a drink?" Nikki asked on Callie's arrival. "Just a rum and coke if that's okay", the Latina replied. Perhaps she would be safer if Nikki was in charge of the drinks for a while. Josh's head on hearing Callie's voice shot up, "Callipee, I'm sorry for wetting you". And bless his little face, he truly did look sorry. "It's okay little man, it was an accident", Callie explained which seemed to relief him of some of his nerves. "We fwiends again?" the little boy asked, and she had to resist the urge just to scoop him up and give him a big hug. "Yes we've friends again, promise", the brunette said, holding her little finger up to him. His eyes widened and his smiled that perfect Robbins smile, and wrapped his little finger around hers. "Pinkie promise" the little boy said.

Still with his little finger around Callie considerably longer one, Josh said, "Airzona can we do it now?" The blonde in questioned sighed, and flopped down beside the Latina. "Fine you can give her, her present", the PEDs surgeon said sounding jokingly annoyed. "Oh present", Nikki said, sounding much more excited than it warranted. The little Robbins boy dropped his hand down, and looked guilty, "Sorry Mommy I didn't get you anyfing". "Oh. Okay Josh", Nikki said actually looking upset. Joshua walked his way across on slightly unsteady feet, and wrapped his arms around his mom's neck, "I am sorry mommy". It was then once the little boy's face was out of view she saw that Nikki was laughing silently. She managed to stop as she pulled the little boy away from her, "Its okay. Maybe next time. What is it?" The blonde boy shook his head, "It's a surprise!" Sighing slightly, Nikki just nodded. Joanne who was sitting behind the mother and son, grinned down at them, "Is it for me?" "No" Josh said simply, causing the smile on his younger aunt's face to fall, and Nikki to laugh at her son's no nonsense attitude. If it was a surprise, but wasn't for Nikki or Joanne, that only left her.

Arizona reappeared with a small bag, which had a small "Magic Mouse Toys" logo on the front. "Did you have fun at the park?" Nikki asked. "Yeah! We feeded the ducks and we had ice cream. I had choclet with choclet sauce and sprinkles! Airzona had coffee ice cream" Joshua explained. "Coffee is my favourite", Callie said, momentarily surprised that it had been the blonde's choice. "That's what Airzona said" the boy piped up. Both the Parker sisters laughed, while Nikki placed a kiss on the top of the boy's head, she said, "Out of the words of babes".

Glancing across at the blonde who once again had been tucked up along side her; she saw Arizona was sitting rubbing her eyes, now sporting a very red complication. Callie couldn't help the chuckle, and place a gently kiss on the side of Arizona's face, and received a glare in return. "Right come on then", Arizona said to the little boy, clearly embarrassed she'd been caught. What the present could be kind of threw her, though guessed given the logo on the bag, it was a toy of some stuff. What threw her more was the fact that Arizona and Josh had bought whatever it was, when the two women weren't talking. This suggested she had always been planning on talking to Callie, even if it was just for the little one to give her, her gift.

Arizona pulled Josh up, so he was sitting on the blonde's knee. Danny was placed on the arm of the couch near Callie, so he could "see" Callie getting the gift. The PEDs surgeon handed Josh the bag, who half threw it at the Latina as if he was presenting her with a bomb. Very aware that everyone's eyes were on her; the ortho surgeon opened the small white bag and looked inside. What greeted her was something yellow and fluffy. Reaching her hand in, the item was indeed fluffy and soft. Pulling the toy out she couldn't help but feel her heart dance just for a moment. It was a giraffe. It was a little fluffier, smaller, lighter and a lot less loved looking than Danny but it was a small giraffe.

"You looked sad this morning and Danny makes me happy when I'm sad. You liked Danny, right?" the little blue eyed boy asked, looking momentarily worried at his present in Callie's hand. The Latina could only nod as the tears swim into her vision, briefly making the young boy appeared blurred. "No crying Callipee" Josh said, altering his position onto Callie's knee. "Happy tears", Callie tried to explain, though the look on the boy's face clearly told her, he had no idea what happy tears were. "Thank you Joshua", the Latina said, receiving a smile in return.

"What should I call him though? Danny?" Callie asked, only slightly joking. At this suggestion, Josh looked shocked, and his little high pitched voice just melted her when he said, "No, they will be confused!" The Latina sat clutching the new giraffe slightly amazed by the two blonde Robbins. "Oh yeah that's a good point. What should I call him then?" Callie said. The youngest member of the room looked deep in thought, though they all saw the moment when he picked, what he thought was a perfect name. "Well, this party is for Daddy, right? What about Timmy?" he asked simply. The brunette surgeon felt the air thicken slightly, and the woman next to her moved slightly. Glancing over at the blonde, she saw the small nod Arizona gave, one which was mirrored by Nikki when she looked in her direction. "That's a wonderful idea. Timmy it is", Callie said, wiggling the small animal in Josh's face causing him to giggle. "Can me and Danny play with him?" Joshua asked shyly. "Of course you can", Callie replied passing the young boy both toys, and helping him to the floor.

Joanne who was still sitting behind Nikki on the couch made an odd noise before standing up. "Speaking of presents. I have one for you", the short haired blonde said, pointed at the other blonde woman. "What? I said no presents", Arizona said sounding annoyed. "I know you did. This one isn't from me though, I'm just the messenger", Joanne explained. Callie was confused and she could tell by the look on Arizona face, she was too. Joanne just stood and picked up what looked like a DVD from beside the television. Flicking on the screen, without a word, she opened the DVD draw and inserted the DVD. At first there was just a dark screen and then a weird scratching noise. Next the whole screen went an off white, but what she was aware of before she could even comprehend what she was watching, was Arizona's hand grabbing her own so tight she was worried she might do some serious damage. Next the thing that made her heart sink was the breathless way Arizona said, "Oh my god".


	28. Chapter 21 part 2

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2:** I know I am mean for leaving you on a cliff-hanger, and while no one guessed exactly what the DVD was, a lot guessed (and correctly) to a degree what it was so well done. *Though awesome shout out to calzonatopia, who suggested it was a sex tape haha*

**Author's Note 3:** I am also sorry for misleading you all with Nikki and Joanne, a lot of you like Callie assumed that Nikki was Joanne, and that was my intention because I was playing on Callie's insecurities! Though if you look over the past chapters with the knowledge you now have, you'd see I didn't mislead you much.

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_I hold my breath, because you were perfect, I'm running out of air it's not fair_ _- _It's all your fault by P!nk.

**Callie's POV**

"Daddy!" screamed by Josh or the bone crushing hold Arizona had her hand in, was not needed to tell Callie that the man standing looking out of the television was Timothy Robbins. He was simply the male version of his sister, maybe his short hair was a shade darker, maybe, but his eyes were same dazzling blue, and his mouth was framed by the same dimples. The only difference apart from his hair length to the woman who was attempting to break her hand and who certainly wasn't "remaining calm" as Bailey had suggest was his eye and mouth shape. Then it hit her, like Arizona had said earlier at the hospital, Josh was the perfect replica of his father.

Tim stepped back from the camera and Callie could see the young man was wearing a white shirt, black tie and black suit trousers. He also had a guitar strap across his chest, and she could see the guitar's neck sticking out from the man's hip. _"Is it working?"_ the blonde man said, and the brunette felt her hand being crushed even harder. "_The lights on, so I guess so"_ sounded the reply of a man Callie didn't recognise the voice of. The answer to the unknown man's identity was soon answered by Josh shouting "Airzona, its Uncle David". Callie saw out of the corner of her eye as Nikki scooped the little boy into her, holding him tight, while Joanne took a seat on the floor next to where the mother, son duo were sat.

"_She's going to kill me" _the Robbins brother laughed, and it could be heard that David too laughed at whatever they were about to do. The Latina felt her hand being released, and took advance of her free arm and wrapped it around the small blonde who was already leaning against her. The second her arm came to rest over the top of Arizona, both of the blonde's hands gripped at it, as if holding her in place, scared she'd move. Callie could feel her arm being crushed into the PEDs surgeon's chest, and was thankful her arm was on track for its recovery.

Bending down out of sight just few a second, Timothy reappeared holding a white box in one hand, which looked like the type of box you'd get in a deli to hold cakes. _"Ready"_ David's voice said, and received a nod from the blonde man. The wooden door which was just behind Tim was opened and an older blonde woman came out, and grinned at the two boys and their camcorder. _"I'm about to put the Turkey on"_, the blonde woman said, receiving a groan from Tim. _"But mom I'm about to give Arizona her present. Should take five minutes tops"_, the blonde said, and Callie for a moment was shocked to see that it was in fact, Barbara. The brunette had only seen the older woman once on a video chat on their second thanksgiving together, and she certainly didn't look like this. She guessed the impact of losing her son had changed her considerable. _"Oh alright then!"_ Barbara said sounding amused, and she went back in through the door, but held it open for the two men to follow her through.

The first thing that Callie's eyes fell upon was a slightly younger looking Arizona. Her hair was much shorter than it was these days, in fact the video Arizona's hair may have been even shorter than when they'd met. However she was very much blonde, the same dazzling blonde colour from when they'd first started dating. She looked simply beautiful. The blonde was also wearing blue, which was always a plus in the ortho surgeon's books. It was only then she realised that sat on either side of Arizona were Nikki and Joanne and they were in an animated discussion, unaware of the camera. Nikki's hair was in a long bob with a side fridge, while Joanne's blonde hair was curled and even then it cascaded down passed her shoulders.

"_What are you two doing with that camera?"_ an older man's voice said, off screen. The man soon came into sight as David the camera man turned, and there sitting in an armchair was Arizona's father. Callie knew who he was as she'd seen several photographs, and even through the images and the TV screen, Colonel Daniel Robbins was intimidating. Women's squeals could be heard, and the camera was span back round to its original position to see the younger Arizona trying to shield herself behind the long haired Joanne.

"_Oh come __on Ari. Or if you don't want your present…"_ Timmy said to the retreating blonde, while Nikki was trying to pull Joanne free. The sisters' attempt to get the younger PEDs surgeon from behind Joanne was unnecessary as the blonde's head shot up at the mention of getting a present. Callie couldn't help the slight smile that graced her lips, some things never do change.

The blonde boy handed over the small white box to sister who looked momentarily confused, but opened the box clearly as if some thing might be alive inside. Once the top of the box was opened, Callie could see that it was in fact a box from a deli, and Arizona's eyebrows were knotted in confusion. _"Doughnuts? My thanksgiving present is doughnuts? Went all out this year didn't ya Tim", _the film Arizona said laced in sarcasm, only the smile on her face gave the suggestion that she was kidding. _"I am only on leave for three days Arizona", _the blonde man scolded._ "Yeah Arizona! But if you don't want them…"_ Joanne said, moving to take the small box from her. Arizona flipped the lid shut, with far too much skill, suggesting this was not the first time that her doughnuts had ever been under threatened. All woman in the living room chuckled slightly at the protective glare Arizona was giving the blonde Parker sister.

"_Besides, there's more"_, the Robbins brother said with a grin. All the women on the television couch sat a little straighter as, Tim span this guitar the correct way up, and received a small scream from Nikki, which got a chuckle from Arizona and Joanne. _"What? I am being his adoring fan…s"_ the brunette finished with a funny face. Tim just chuckled as he started to play. The tune sounded like most acoustic songs as Timmy plucked at the strings, but she felt Arizona's grip tighten as her brother started to sing.

"_I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow, and each road leads you where you want to go, and if you're faced with a __choice, and you have to choose, I hope you choose the one that means the most to you."_ The young man seemed to almost purr the words. He had talent. The television Arizona was already tearing up, as were the two sisters beside her. She felt some thing wet travel down her arm, and knew that the real life Arizona was crying along side her younger self. The Latina pulled the blonde even tighter to her, as she felt her own tears fall.

"_And if one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walking till you find the window, If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile_," continued the man playing the guitar and his sister smiled through her tears at him, and Callie couldn't help the small sob that fell from lips, and felt Arizona's hand tighten even further. "_But more than anything, more than anything_", Tim literally purred smiling at his sister who was now wiping her own eyes, clearing the slight make up that had started to run. It was then Callie realised this was the song that Arizona and who she now realised was Nikki had danced to at Joe's the night before.

The real time Arizona get out a sob, in perfect timing to the young man on the television who sing more loudly the rest of the chorus. "_My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small. You never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too. Yeah, this is my wish_". As the blonde man pluck at his strings counting in the next verse, Callie could hear all the women in the room herself included sniffled breathing. It felt odd, because it felt as if he was there, singing to Arizona all over again, and it felt as if he was singing to them both. The Latina was thankful to David for filming, because without it, she'd never have gotten to share this with the woman in her arms.

"_I hope you never look back, but ya never forget, all the ones who love you, in the place you left. I hope you always forgive, and you never regret, and you help somebody every chance you get. Oh, you find__ God's grace, in every mistake, and you always give more than you take_", the young man continued, seemingly immune to the three women who were crying on the sofa across from him. God even the last line seemed to describe Arizona and Callie's currently situation, they had both made mistakes and if it killed her, they were going to make them right.

"_But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything, my wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small. You never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you're out there getting where you're getting to. I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too. Yeah, this is my wish_" Tim sung beautiful. Despite the fact he seemed unaffected by the crying trio; Callie could see the care and love in every inch of the young man's face. It was clear, he loved his sister. Arizona was now shaking in her arms as she cried openly. Chancing a glance over to Nikki, Joanne and Josh, she saw the two sisters much like Arizona and herself were crying, while Josh was sat open mouthed staring at the screen, completely unaware of the emotional carnage that was happening around him.

"_My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small. You never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you're out there getting where you're getting to. I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too. Yeah, this is my wish_" Timothy sung, laughing slightly at the television Arizona who's just dropped the white box she had been shielding from the doughnut vulture as she wiped her tear stained face. "_This is my wish; I hope you know somebody loves you. Arizona may all your dreams stay big_" Tim finished plunking the few notes from his guitar with a grin.

Tim's audience clapped and cheered, and assumedly David the cameraman clapped too because the picture shook. The real time Arizona had been alternating her grasp on Callie's arm throughout the whole song, though her arm was gripped tighter than ever before, as her television twin wrapped her arms around her brother. The desperateness behind the hug felt as if the blonde was reliving that embrace, and in reality she probably was. The young man chuckled as his crying sister hugged him, and he said softly, "_Happy Thanksgiving little sis_".

The Joanne on the television laughed loudly before saying, _"So Timothy do we have presents too?"_ Tim laughed just as heartily back before saying in a deadpan tone, "_No_". The look of annoyance and disappointment on the younger Joanne made Callie smile, as it had been the same expression when Josh, Tim's mini me had given the same response to his aunt. "_Awww what about my present Timmy_", the younger Nikki whined, though it did sound in good humour. With his arms still wrapped around his sister, though their embrace had slackened considerable the solider said, "_You'll get your present later"_. A low groan resounded from the trio's direction in the apartment living room, as TV Joanne made an "_oooooooh_" noise, before elbowing her sister repeated. _"What? … Oh not like that! David control your wife"_ said the annoyed sounding man.

"The night he proposed" said the Nikki who was sitting on the floor across from the Latina. "That was his present. My Ring", the brunette said barely whispering. There were some muffling noises before the scene on the screen went black. Several moments passed before anyone said anything, but the first to break the silence was Joanne, "Cheap ass, using a present twice". There was a slight, nervous mummer of chuckle in the apartment, before the muffled noise sounded again from the television screen.

When a picture appeared on the screen it was a shorter haired Timothy Robbins, in his uniform. The young man didn't look any older than the last video, but he did look more worn in the face. It seemed as if he was the only in the room and there was what looked like maps on the wall behind him. The worn look on his face subsided somewhat, as he broken into a grin, completed by a pair of dimples. "_Hi Arizona! Happy Birthday"_, Callie felt rather than heard the blonde in arms, sobbed breath.

"_In theory you are getting this on your birthday, if Joanne has done everything I asked. I just know Nikki is going to kill me if Jo has given this to you sooner, because of what I'm about to say. As of last week as long as she had done as I asked, Nicole Ruth Parker, my beautiful fiancée is three months pregnant with our first child"_, the uniformed man said beaming with pride, his smile was breathtaking. It was then, that both Arizona and Nikki verbalised their sobs. Callie managed to move slightly, pulling Arizona bodily to her, wrapping both arms around her so tightly she was amazed the blonde could still breathe.

By the look on Joanne's face, she hadn't known what was on the DVD when she'd received it. Little Joshua, seeing his mom's distress wrapped his little arms around the woman's neck and placed a big kiss on her cheek. _"Nikki wanted to wait until she was three months to tell people, but I wanted to be the first to tell you! I'm going to be a dad. How awesome is that! Even better my tour finishes around the time she's due, so I am leaving you in charge, make sure Nikki and my kid are save until I get home. I don't want to miss mini Robbins being born", _Tim said his smile getting bigger by the minute, almost threatening to take over his whole face, as he just beamed.

"God…" was all Arizona could say, or perhaps all she'd said that the Ortho surgeon could hear. It had hit Callie, right in the chest as if a herd of elephants had trampled over her. Josh had told her that morning his father had gone away before he was born, meaning the young man beaming with such pride, the one that was making plans for his little unborn child never got to carry them out or even meet the little boy clinging to his mother. This message had been made for Arizona to get, the day before her brother died. The day before the love of her life's, whole existence had been shattered and altered forever.

"_This is going to be my last tour for while, I want to see as my kid grows up. Man! I'm going to be a dad, Nikki told me about two weeks ago, that's three for you now, and I've wanted to tell you. You're going to be an aunt! __Auntie Arizona got a nice ring doesn't it", _the solider continued laughing, and Callie felt her heart drop. Tim never got to see his son being born, and had already missed three years of his life. He never would get to see his "kid" grow up.

"_Oh no! She's going to kill me! I asked her not to tell anyone before I got to tell you, and I bet Jo gave you this in front of everyone, didn't she"_, his head came to rest on his hands. After about thirty seconds he moved his hands from in front of his face, but they stopped to rest under his chin. _"I've just told everyone haven't I. Crap. Nikki I'm sorry, I love you", _the man half begged, before sighing.

The thing that broke Callie's heart more than anything was that the elder Robbins sibling's anguish was for nothing. Nikki had had to tell everyone anyway. Perhaps she'd done it after they'd gotten the news of Timothy's death. _"I suppose you got to tell Jo. You won't be seeing me for about six months, so hopefully you'll just be happy to see me"_, the solider laughed, though did still sound slightly scared. A slightly shaking sigh came from the blonde in her arms, and Callie couldn't help but place a kiss on the top of the other woman's head. She felt the squeeze on her arm in return.

Sighing Tim said, "_Because Nikki said Jo knew, I knew I could trust her with this. Along side this DVD, which I'm sorry I left the Thanksgiving video on my computer, which is why you've just watched it. Yes I am that cheap! Not a lot of DVDs out here. Anyway, as well as this DVD, I managed to get something which I think you'll like, and no it's not for you, so hands off_". Callie couldn't help but chuckle as the man's attitude tone, and also felt a small shake of a ghost chuckle from the PEDs surgeon. Tim's hand went out of sight, before presenting the camera with what had come with Arizona's DVD. It was a much less loved looking, clean and very fluffy, Danny the giraffe, and Timmy wiggled it at them from inside the television.

"Danny!_"_ shouted little Josh, as he had one of his arms wrapped around his mother's neck, and waving the now much grubbier looking toy at the screen, as if his father could see it. Josh was drinking in every word his father was saying, with a whole toothed smile on his face, the perfect mirror image of his dad's. Arizona's turned her head at her nephew's shout, before saying in a slightly shaking breathe, "Yeah its Danny". The boy beamed in their direction, and felt Arizona shrink slightly away from the look from the mini Timmy Robbins. Callie knew it wasn't the boy's fault he looked so much like his father, and she knew Arizona wouldn't dare hurt the little boy. Thankfully Josh didn't seem to notice his aunt's recoil, and turned back to his father.

"_Jo in theory gave Nikki this last Tuesday, when she was exactly three months. Sorry Jo, that sounds like I don't have faith in you, I do whole heartedly", _Tim said with a smile, still wiggling the toy in his hand. He looked so un-macho in his army uniform as he played with a stuffed giraffe toy. "_I won't tell you how I managed to get it, but_ _I have_ _named him Danny after father. It reminds me of him, not because dad has a big neck"_, Tim explained, causing a slight rumble of laugher in the apartment. "_Giraffes don't say anything to other giraffes unless it's important, and they are highly intelligent"_, the Robbins brother said, with a slight air of pride and obedience. "_Just like father. Though this giraffe is also soft…"_ Tim let the sentence hang, implying knowingly that his father had a soft spot.

"_Oh damn it. You're watching this with everyone, so he's there. Hi Sir!" _the young blonde man said, clearly embarrassed. This time, Arizona included laughed at the soldier's embarrassment. The young man sighed, before dropping the giraffe out of sight. "_Right I'm just going to get this over with, before any of you complain … Hi Arizona, mom, dad, Nikki, Joanne and Baby Robbins_", Tim said, waving out of their TV screen.

"Hi Timmy", Arizona croaked, breaking Callie's heart into a million pieces. "He's talking to you little man", Joanne said to the boy who was staring at his father's face. "Really?" the boy asked his eyes as wide as plates. His mother nodded, and the boy grinned, waving back Josh shouted "Hi Daddy!" The Ortho surgeon had to bite down on her bottom lip, so hard to stop the sob within her from breaking free. Arizona's resolve was weaker than her own, as the tears that fell from the blonde's eyes, dripped onto Callie's skin. Timmy never got to say hello to his son.

"_Right. I got your last letter Ari, and with this…__news, I wanted to tell you in person, this is the next best thing. I couldn't tell you in a letter, so I will reply this way", _the man grinned the Robbins' signature smile._ "If you want to move away from Canada to Seattle you should. Maybe you should secure a job there before you go, but either way they'd be lucky to have you!"_ Tim said his words dripping in pride for this little sister. _"You finished first in top of your class,_ _just throw those kinder things at them, they'll accept you instantly", _Tim chuckled. _"Seriously though, if you want to go you should. You never know you might meet some hot chick out there", _Tim said with a full blown laugh, which echoed by the women watching the DVD. Callie held Arizona little tighter. Josh looked confused at the grown ups, which ended with his mom placing a kiss on his cheek before he returned this attention back at the TV.

"_Sorry sis I've got to go"_, Tim said apologetically, causing Arizona to seat up ruler straight, effectively pulling the Latina up with her. _"You coming Robbins? Oh what you filming"_, an unknown male's voice sounded. _"Just a birthday message to my sister", _the blonde solider explained.A dark haired man, who was in a full uniform, popped his head around the corner. "_Karl!"_ Tim shouted. Karl backed up and waved out of the screen before saying, "_Happy Birthday Robbins' sister!_" Tim rolled his eyes behind the other man's back before saying a tone which clearly indicated his annoyance, "_Her name is Arizona, and stop flirting, believe me you aren't her type_". There was a small rumble of amusement in the apartment's living room. The man looked momentarily annoyed, but held his hands up in mock surrender before disappearing off screen. "_Karl. Could you get me, like five minutes tops to finish...Thank you_", Tim said talking over the top of the camera, it seemed Karl had agreed to it. "_Sorry Arizona, I don't know how to edit that. Look I just want to say one last time is Happy Birthday, and stuff your face of all those doughnuts you like. Move or don't move to Seattle, just be happy! That was, is, and always will be my wish for you. See you in six months_", Tim finished with a smile, a wave before the screen went black.

There was a moment, just a moment in which the five people, young and old were completely silent. For the moment all of them were waiting to see if another message from beyond the cave would present itself to them. But none came. She felt it. She felt the sob rake through the blonde's chest before the noise hit the air. Then the blonde was almost clawing at Callie's arms to get herself free and to stop herself or Arizona being hurt she let her go. Arizona was now panicking and her breathing was heavy. Exactly what Bailey had said should not to happen. She didn't blame Joanne, she didn't know, but she did want to hit the other blonde for this, and yet it was an amazing gift, hopefully one Arizona would appreciate once she calmed down.

The blonde just walked away from her, and started to bend towards the bedroom as her tears started over taking her. "Arizona…" Callie said jumping up and rushing after the blonde. The bedroom door collided with the Latina as Arizona made to shut it. The blonde did look momentarily worried when the door hit the other woman, it was clear she hadn't noticed she had been followed. "Arizona, please don't shut me out", Callie begged, ignoring the trio who were sat in the same position they had been throughout the DVD, though now they looked concerned. "Callie please. I need to please, just let me for now. I can't… I just can't, please" Arizona begged, practically breathing her last plea. The desperate look in the blonde's face broke her heart, and all she wanted to do was take away all her pain, but she'd always known this day would come in one form or another. Arizona had been running for far too long. "Okay sweetheart. We'll wait out here okay. Just come out when you're ready", Callie soothed and got a small, almost timid nod in return. Stepping away from the door she'd propped open, she allowed the woman on the other side to slide it shut.

**Arizona's POV**

She was going to pass out. The blonde slid down the wooden door to end up on a pile on the floor, as the tears fell. She had thought she'd never see his face or hear his voice again, she'd come to terms with it, and now this. He had been full of dreams and hopes. He had plans. He'd made plans, and hadn't carried out a single one. He had a little boy who looked and acted just like he'd done, and yet he would never see him. Would never get to see him grow up, teach him to read, throw a ball or shave. He would never see the day his little boy for married or get to hold his own grandchild. He had missed out on his whole future. In frustration she slapped the ground next to her, and felt pain shoot up her left arm, the same kind of pain she'd felt when she collided with the wall when Callie pushed her out of the way. Bailey had said it was just tendon bruising and would mend on its own.

Somehow Arizona had ended up laid on her back, edge in between the dresser and the wall. Her breathing was still much faster than it was meant to be, but it had lessened in its severity. Tim would have been a great dad. He had the principles and discipline to be a firm father, but the humour and silliness to be a fun dad. He could have taught Josh how to make the best snowmen, and how to get the best wishes when star gazing. He could have taught the little boy, everything he'd taught her when they were growing up.

Arizona felt so mean, and guilty. She had so many memories of her brother as a child and then as an adult, and his own little boy had none. He only had what he was told, both the good and bad. Nikki had been doing a good job with him, and she knew children didn't need a mother and father to turn out okay, but she did wish Timmy had seen his little boy. His little mini-me. His tiny human, who despite the fact he'd never met his father was so like him, he had the same mannerisms, same smile and little chuckle. How Nikki had managed these last three years with a constant reminder of the man she loved, she didn't know. Arizona tried so much not to let her discomfort towards the smallest Robbins show, and most of the time she didn't even feel it. She couldn't help herself when the boy had smiled the exact smile his father was, she couldn't look at him, and it killed her.

The door she was laid beside shook as there was a knock placed upon it. Wiping her eyes forceful she managed to get to her feet and opened the door slightly to see Callie holding Josh in her arms. Callie gave her a small apologetic smile. "Airzona, Callipee said I could give you Timmy, because I have to sleep with Danny", the little blonde boy said, thrusting the small giraffe they had bought for the Latina into her hand. "I'm going to bed and Callipee going to read to me", Josh said with a smile. "Can I have a kiss goodnight, Auntie Airzona?" the boy asked apprehensively, instantly melting away any negative thoughts she had towards her nephew.

The blonde opened the door more fully, taking the small infant from Callie and gave him a big cuddle and kiss, to which the boy giggled. "Remember to cuddle Timmy when you're sad. He will keep all your secrats" Josh whispered clearly thinking that the inches between them and Callie was enough that shouldn't hear him speak. The smile that graced the Latina's lips made Arizona smile back. "I promise I will", Arizona reassured the little boy, who gave her one last cuddle, before wiggling downwards.

Once the door was closed again, and Callie and her nephew were out of sight, Arizona allowed herself to sigh. Looking down she smiled slightly at the stuffed giraffe. Callie had held her so tightly as they had watched Tim's video, and Arizona couldn't help herself, she had held on just as tightly. Callie had once again, held her together. She was glad she'd gotten over her reserves about asking the other surgeon to come over; because there was no way she would have been able to sit and watch that without her. Tim had been right, she had found a "hot chick" in Seattle after all and she had been an idiot to let her go. If nothing else came from that video it was, life was short. You shouldn't make plans that you will eventually complete, because that time might not come. If you keep waiting for life to happen, you'll lose all those moments, not realising your life is already happening. Arizona lifted the small toy to her face, and whispered, "I'm getting her back".

Placing the giraffe on the bedside table, she walked into the bathroom and couldn't help but laugh at the towel that was just left on the floor. Callie never learnt to put the wet towels on the rail, leaving it on the floor for Arizona to do it. With a flick, she did just that. Running the cold water, she waited for it to go really cold before submerging her hands and lifting the cold liquid to her face. As her head rose, she caught a look at herself in the mirror, as the water dripped down her face, and for the first time in three months knew, she had to do something to change her life, because this wasn't living. This wasn't what she had wanted out of her life, and rather than chasing her dream, she was going to seize it, and never let it go.

**Callie's POV**

Josh had gone to bed without a problem. His mother had been slightly embarrassed when he had requested it had to be the Latina that tucked him and not her or Joanne. Callie on the other hand didn't mind one bit. It made her smile so hard, and heart skip so many times it should have hurt, to see Arizona and Josh saying tonight to each other. She could see that Arizona had in fact been crying, but was thankful to see the tears had subsided. The little boy had asked Callie to read a book he'd brought with him about Gerald the giraffe, called "Giraffes can't dance", man did this kid like giraffes!However by about six pages in the little boy was asleep in the double bed, which looked far too big for him.

As she closed Cristina's old door to, she saw the Parker sisters were going through a box, which had Arizona's handwriting on the side saying "Photos". She wasn't massively sure they should be going through it, but at Joanne words, "Oh year book", she had to sit down and at least give it a chance. There she was, Arizona Robbins, about fourteen years old with big hair. She still looked beautiful, of course she did, but the laughter that bubbled just beneath the surface had to come out. Next were brought out some photo albums of a very little Arizona and Tim. Arizona looked about four or five, and as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She was adorable, and once again the children she'd dreamed about, came back into focus.

About half an hour after Josh had gone to bed, Callie heard the other bedroom door being opened, and saw as Nikki and Joanne looked up and followed the blonde's journey back to the couch. Without speaking Callie leant forward and picked up the glass of white wine she'd poured once Arizona had taken refuge in their old bedroom, and placed it in the blonde's hand, who was now sitting beside her. Wordlessly the blonde took the glass, and settled down at her side. After a few awkward moments, Joanne carried on her story about Arizona and Tim getting locked in their neighbour's garden, and Arizona getting stuck in the blackberry bush.

It took time for Arizona to come out of herself, and the mindset she'd allowed herself to get into, and Callie knew by the look on the two sisters' faces they knew not to push, just as well as she did. When Arizona finally did get involved in the stories, they all ended up looking through the box of photos finding old year books, Christmas cards, Valentine's day cards and photographs from pretty much Arizona's life before Seattle. It didn't take long to learn that being a child of someone in the military, meant that Arizona, Nikki and Joanne, had gone to a lot of school for short periods of time. She already knew this, but just sitting with the trio watching them trying to remember names of children they had know for maybe a year, months even, made her realise why Arizona was so close to these women, and her older brother.

It had taken Nikki no time at all in revealing a photograph of Arizona and her first and only male date after they had gotten ready for a Sadie Hawkins dance when she was about fifteen. The two sisters had then supplied the story that Adam, the young man in the photograph, had asked Arizona if she wanted to ask him to the dance, and as the school rule was for people to go they had to go in a boy, girl couple she'd said yes. Once they got to the dance however both had gone their separate ways, Arizona with her friends, and Adam with his. It turned out that Adam came out about four years after high school anyway. From the unspoken part of the story, at the time of the dance Arizona and Joanne had been seeing each other, but hadn't gone public.

More and more stories were told, and Callie was learning more and more about the woman tucked at her side. Every so often Arizona would lean more into her, or would hold her hand or stroke arm as she spoke, and it almost seemed out of habit, as if the last three months had never happened. Every so often she would catch the eye of one of the other women as Arizona touched in her in some way, and saw as whoever it was kept talking with a slight smile at Arizona absent mindedness. It was almost if Arizona needed to touch her. It made the Latina very happy.

About midnight Joanne had fallen asleep on the couch next to Nikki, and Callie had managed to persuade Nikki and Arizona, not to draw a moustache on her in black marker. Shortly after this Callie learnt that while Joanne was the PEDs surgeon's first girlfriend, she wasn't her first kiss, this was an honour had been allowed to a Kiera Blackwell, when the blonde was fourteen. Callie couldn't help the chuckle that occurred at the thought of Arizona's big hair. Many stories both ones she'd heard before but with more detail or ones she never had, were told, surprisingly by both Nikki and Arizona. All women seemingly forgetting the alcohol on the table at some point had made their way over to the island in the middle of the kitchen, nursing glasses of water.

At about two o'clock Nikki said she was off to bed, as they had a midday flight home the next morning. The hug that occurred between Nikki and Arizona, said so much more than goodnight. Neither had spoken about what they had seen on the DVD, but the hug they shared expressed the loss that they had in common. Callie was pleasantly surprised when Nikki wrapped her arms around her as well, but also returned the hug in kind. There was a moment when it was clear Nikki was contemplating waking her sleeping sister, but with a wave of her hand, and blown kiss the brunette disappeared into the other bedroom.

There was an awkward moment when she realised they were alone, but it melted away slightly when Arizona smiled at her. "I probably should be getting back", Callie said pointing vaguely over her shoulder. The blonde's face dropped, as did the Latina's heart. Arizona stood down from her stool next to Callie's, and came to rest standing in the space between the ortho surgeon's legs, with her hands on Callie's hips. "Stay" the blonde whispered, pretty much begging her with her eyes. The ice blue eyes burnt into her, making her heart skip, and breathing falter. Of course she wanted to stay; she'd wanted to come home from the moment she'd talked to Bailey the day after Arizona had come back. She wanted them back. She wanted them. She needed Arizona, but didn't want to push, and that was what had gotten them where they were now. She hadn't pushed, and neither had Arizona. Here the blonde was pushing, and she had to yield.

"If I stay, I'm not leaving. I'm here for good. I'm not going anywhere", Callie whispered back, hoping and praying Arizona wouldn't take back her plea. That she would be allowed back home. She knew they weren't fixed, she knew they still had so much to work through, but as long as they did it together, she didn't care. A grin graced the blonde's lips, one Callie wouldn't help but mirror. "Callie I'm asking you to stay here", Arizona said, sounding soft, vulnerable but determined all the same. Arizona wanted her to stay, but what did she expect? Was it a one night thing, or a forever thing? There was a gentle kiss left on Callie's lips, as Arizona said, "I'm not letting you go again, Callie. So please I'm asking you to stay". Callie couldn't help but grin, as her eyes traced the blonde's face, searching for any flicker of doubt or fear, but found none. "Okay", Callie whispered, and allowed herself to be lead into their bedroom.

As they entered the bedroom, Callie went to brush her teeth, while Arizona finished getting read for bed. There was only Arizona's toothbrush standing in the cup on the sink, and considering they had shared more than a toothbrush, she used it quickly. Once she'd finished in the bathroom, she clicked off the light before opening the door, just in case the blonde was trying to sleep. As expected the light was off, and Callie could see Arizona was facing away from the bathroom door. There was something about her posture that said she wasn't asleep, but it was almost as if a wall had gone up in the five minutes she'd been using the bathroom. She slipped under the sheet, instantly craving the warm the blonde had managed to radiate beneath the blanket. She was nervous. It felt almost like the first time they'd shared a bed, and she felt as if she was almost hanging off the bed.

After about a minute or two, Arizona shuffled backwards towards her, grabbed one of Callie's arms and draped it over her own stomach, pinning it in place. The blonde wiggled a little bit more to get comfortable, before sighing slightly, but no words were said. It felt as if nothing had changed, but if that was true why did Callie feel on edge. "Arizona…I'm not going to make you talk. But I'm not going to let you run away either. You need to talk, not just about us or today, but everything. Not talking got us on different sides of the globe amongst other things, so please when you're ready, talk to me okay?" Callie said feeling her heart beat a million to a dozen.

A deadly silence fell on the room. It seemed to almost push down on them, and in that moment, Callie thought she wasn't going to get an answer. So when the blonde spoke she was most surprised, "For years I battled with myself about signing up like father and Timothy. God even until 2.30 this afternoon, I still wondered. What they did was honourable, and to be respected. I have always been a good leader, and a good follower, I had to ask myself if I could do what would be needed of me. I would be a surgeon, not a fighter, but I could help people. For years I wondered, and today I learnt what it felt like to be my father and Timmy. I learnt what it was like to have a gun held on me, as I fought to save someone's life. And I realised I couldn't do it. Any of armed forces were not for me". Callie listened with bated breathe, clinging to every word she was saying.

Arizona turned to lie on her back, and stared at the ceiling, while Callie lifted her head up, so she could look down on the blonde. "I did what I had to do to save people. I know that's what people in wars do, but I couldn't… I wouldn't do it again" Arizona's voice shook dangerously near breaking point. "Callie we could have died. The only thing that kept me going in the OR was the fact you'd said you loved me. It wasn't the arguments or nasty things that we'd said, it was that you loved me", Arizona explained, to Callie's amazement. "We could have died, and what's worse is if we had, I couldn't have seen you as it happened. I want to look into her eyes as I die, okay? I want the last thing I hear is you telling me you love me, got it" the blonde warned, finally looking at the brunette. It was all Callie could do is nod, as she saw a lone tear fall side ways from Arizona's eye to fall into her mane of hair. "I love you", Callie said and saw a slight smile appear on Arizona face. "I love you too", the blonde returned as if it was so natural, it was like breathing.

The Latina bent her head the short distance between them and kissed the lightly smiling lips. It started soft, gently and loving, but somewhere as the kisses grew stronger and more powerful, the scale was tipped. The hand wrapped around the blonde's middle tightened on her hip, and drew her in, before she'd even thought of the motion. The kiss was growing hotter, needier and more powerful by the second, and if she didn't stop it soon all rational thought would go out of the window. Pulling back both women's breathing was laboured; she went to ask something, anything which would make what they were doing okay. Even to just reassure herself that this was what Arizona wanted, that she was ready, and saw the deep sapphire eyes looking back at her. All traces of tears seemed to be forgotten, as Arizona's breathe tickled the Latina's face. Callie gave up the battle, when the woman inches away from her face, breathed that one word. That one word which made her heart skip and all thought of anything grown up went out of the window. And that word was "Calliope".


	29. Chapter 22

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies. (For this chapter however, I'd say NC-17)

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2:** Sorry to the people I made cry – if it helps at all, I filled up writing it!

**Author's Note 3:** I have been asked this question by several different people, so I will tackle it here. The song Tim sung was "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts, it was mentioned in chapter 14, 15 and 16 (and was named in 15 and 16!).

**Author's Note 4:** My least favourite chapter to write … (kinder think I did crappily!)

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_Scars, they will not fade away. _– Emergency by Paramore

**Arizona's POV**

Callie's lips were on hers, and she was sure she was going to pass out. The woman that was laid half on top of her seemed determined to stop her breathing, to suck every ounce of oxygen out of her lungs. She would go happily, feasting on the full lips that were been given to her so readily. Callie pulled away enough time for both women to heave in as much oxygen as they could, before slamming her mouth back onto Arizona's. The Latina's hand was keeping her in place with pressure to her left hip, stopping her from rolling and topping the long woman. The kisses were hard and desperate, dripping in passion, soaked in lust but coated in love.

Callie kissed her way down the PEDs surgeon's jaw line, capturing Arizona's earlobe, gently caressing it with her tongue. Arizona gasped, as Callie hand roamed across her body, releasing her grip from Arizona's hip, gently ran over her stomach up to her breast. Callie cupping her breast through her top, caused Arizona to groan, and slightly arch her back, the feel of the material, Callie's hand against her burning flesh. She was lost to woman above her, yet she felt so complete found.

Callie's hand snaked up, removing Arizona's top strap from her shoulder, exposing one of her breast. Thankful she hadn't worn a bra to bed, Arizona shivered as the cold air hit her breast, and she felt her nipple tauten. She shivered once again, as she felt Callie's mouth claim her nipple. She arched her back upwards, trying to place as much of her breast as possible into the brunette's mouth. She could feel Callie hand gently stroke her inner thigh, her hips bucked slightly, but Callie's hand had moved on, causing Arizona to groan in disappointment. Callie's hand made the same travel up her body, and removed the other strap, causing the cold air to once again assault her breast; the top was quickly pulled up and off the panting blonde.

Arizona felt Callie freeze slightly; she looked down slightly looking into the brunette's eyes…the blonde gently nodded, as much as her body and their position would allow. Arizona could see Callie inches away from her chest. Her chest which was rising and falling fast, she hadn't realised how shallows her breathes were. Callie continued her way down the blonde's body with one hand trailing very inch she could. Arizona's skin tingled as her hand roamed. Callie's hand lowed to her centre, simply moving her pyjamas shorts' waistband. Arizona shook her hips slightly from side to side, grinding herself into the brunette, just ever so slightly. She was driving herself insane. She needed to know if this was really happening. Callie hand remained resting on her mound, and she slid back up taking hold of the blonde's lips again with her own.

"I've missed you" Callie whispered almost directly onto her lips. Arizona took control of her lover's lips, and slid her hand down in-between their bodies, ensuring to touch the brunette as much as possible. She undid her own short's cord, raising her lower half slightly, enabling Callie to slip off the unwanted item along with her underwear. "Missed you too", the blonde breathed back. Arizona carefully wrapped her legs around Callie's hips, grinding her centre into the jog pants Callie was wearing, grinding herself into Callie's pubic bone. Arizona groaned loudly into the brunette's mouth, before removing her lips from Callie's. She ground her hips again, letting out a moan, arching her back upwards.

Arizona could see the determination in the brunette's face, a determination which she couldn't help but smile at. Callie's eyes were almost black with pure desire, yet within her eyes Arizona could see love, genuine love. Arizona gulped, she could lose herself in the eyes before, and she always could. Callie lifted herself away from Arizona's core, causing a disappointed groan; Callie removed her top, pants and underwear in record time, before reaching down and captured her lips. Arizona gasped at the skin on skin contact, as their breasts, stomachs; legs all clung together with the small amount of sweat which had developed on each of the women's bodies.

Arizona's hands snaked up resting on the brunette's shoulders; she could feel the strong well development bone breaking, muscle flex beneath the skin. Callie moved working down the blonde's small body. Her mouth kissing, sucking, biting, she seemed to touch the blonde everywhere at once, Arizona felt as if she was floating, no one or anything matter except the woman above her. Arizona moved, and struggled to maintain contact with Callie's mouth. Callie's hand slid down between their bodies, although Arizona didn't feel it over the caress the brunette's mouth was inflicting on her. Arizona gasped, rising her body from the bed, resting on her shoulder blades, trying not to break contact with the hand which had grazed her most sensitive areas.

"So beautiful." Callie moaned so low it could have been mistaken for a growl. Callie gently brushed against Arizona clit, a jolt of pure pleasure ran from the small bundle of nerve through her body. Callie looked hesitant, Arizona raised her hips to meet the hand, and see could see relief etched in the brunette's face. Callie's finger plunged into Arizona's core, Arizona's mouth opened in a silent cry. Callie ceased the blonde's mouth with her mouth, teasing with her tongue, lips, every part of her mouth. Arizona raised her back slightly, trying to put more of her offering into her lover's mouth. Callie knee moved slightly causing pressure on Arizona already swollen clit, the movement of the brunette's knee pushed the fingers she was plunging in and out even further.

While Arizona was bucking her hip more and more vigorously, she could feel her hips moving from side to side ever so slightly, trying to get the invading finger to brush the spot her body pleaded for. Arizona felt the hand being withdrawn, her eyes opened in shock, looking down she watched Callie travel the last few inches, resting between her legs, she heard a break in her erratic breathing pattern with a slightly sigh, she felt slightly nervous, as if it was their first time all over again. Arizona felt Callie's breath brush itself through her curls, causing her to shiver; Callie took her clit in her mouth, causing Arizona to cry out loud, her tongue drove its way into her tunnel. Arizona whimpered at the new sensation, her hips found a brand new dance, as she ground herself into the brunette's mouth. Her own hand glided down her own chest, gently teasing the valley between her breasts, down her stomach, across the brunette's head, gently, but firmly egging her brunette on.

Her eyes shot open as a sensation, like electricity ran through her body. Her hand continued down, grasping the brunette shoulder blade, pulling her up slightly, with the small amount of strength her body seemed to have. Arizona watched as the raven head raised, with a look on her face, a look she couldn't quite decide what it meant. Maybe fear? Shock? Disappointment? She didn't know, Arizona smiled slightly. "Can we just take it slow, as first anyway", her tongue snaked out, trying to lick her dry lips. She wanted it to be just them, no hands, no mouths, just core against core. Slow and raw. "I need you here", she raised one hand to her shoulder. She waited for Callie's reaction, as sh remembered their last reunion and so many times before.

Arizona saw Callie smile, her eyes sparkled, she understood. Callie lowered her head again, gently tracing the blonde's inner thigh. Arizona gasped, her legs relaxing, she watched Callie intensely. Callie trailed her lips against her body, making her way up, making Arizona wild, causing her body to writhe beneath her, not allowing a break in contact. Callie mouth and hand found her blonde's breast, making lights dance before her eyes. Arizona's mouth opened, breathlessly gasping. Callie's knee slid in between Arizona's legs, causing her body to raise, almost in the sitting position, Callie set the rhythm, Arizona gracelessly followed, grinding and buckling herself into Callie's thigh, allowing her own thigh to grind against Callie's centre.

Callie's teeth sunk into Arizona's flesh, gently nipping. Callie appeared inches away from her face, she saw Callie's eyes flickering looking down at her lips, she could feel Callie's breath tickling her lips which tingled. In slow motion Callie's mouth claimed her own; Callie didn't need permission to enter the blonde's mouth, so was open and willing. Their tongues danced within the blonde's mouth, neither trying to gain possession. Callie's hand ran down Arizona's arms forcing them above their heads. Callie laid her whole body upon the blonde's, it felt amazing to feel her brunette above her, and it wasn't a dream. Arizona openly ground herself into Callie core, feeling both her own heat, and Callie's.

Moisture seemed to cling everywhere on their bodies. Callie moved her head to the side of the blonde's, her breath brushing against her ear. Her breath was laboured as was the blonde's. Their breaths were quick and gasped, causing their chests to rise and fall, creating their breast to touch with every movement. "I love you Arizona", Arizona's eyes widened her heart fluttered. Arizona pulled one hand free, gasping the back of Callie's head, moving it up to her face, and whispered through tearing eyes," I love you Callie" claiming Callie's mouth with her own, thrusting once again into the taller brunette. Her head slammed backwards, her mouth opened wide as the flame at her core raged; jolts of pure electricity ran through her body. She tried so hard not to be loud, so shouldn't be heard outside of the room, but the groan that could be heard was still a very distinct "Callie". Her hips bucked frantically.

Arizona pressed herself against the woman above her, feeling Callie's composer weakening as their pending release was approaching strong. Callie clung onto the smaller woman, her hips working in fast, sharp movement, the brunette cried out in pleasure, wrapping the blonde even closer to her, no air could have been found between then, and they were one. Arizona's body tingled, her breath laboured, her body heavy. Arizona was slightly lifted into a sitting position as both women rocked against the other's core, trying to gain every last shudder of their shared release.

Callie flipped them…well rolled them, seemingly to have more energy than then blonde. Arizona's head came rest on her chest, while Callie's tenderly stroking the blonde's head. Arizona could feel the strong fingers running through her hair, it felt nice, it felt real. Arizona could feel the sweat as it clung to the women, her body hummed both from their love making, and from the contact. The raven's quickened breathe tickled the top of the blonde hair, and from beneath Arizona's ear she could hear Callie's radical heartbeats. Raising her head slightly, the blonde placed a small kiss to the Latina's neck, enjoying the rapid pulse beneath the skin, and the slight murmur from the woman she was now laid on top of.

The brunette's hand traced a mindless trail across Arizona's back, it felt…nice. It felt like them again. They lay in each other's embrace for a few minutes neither saying anything, and yet their breathing filled the room. The blonde felt the rumble in Callie's chest and heard as the Ortho surgeon said her name. There was something, fear? Doubt? Sorrow? She wasn't completely sure, but she moved to rest on her forearm, the dark eyes looking back at her, looked apprehensive.

"P-Promise me, promise you wont leave me…I don't think I could do it again", the raven whispered, lingering on the edge of emotion. Lifting her hand to Callie's face, she watched as the brunette tilted into her palm, releasing a shaking breath. Arizona shuffled slightly; bringing her lips softly to the other woman's and placed probably the gentlest kiss they'd ever shared. Still a hair width away from Callie's lips, the blonde whispered, "I'm never leaving you again, Calliope. Not ever".

The brunette claimed her lips once again, with a mixture of softness and gratitude, that shouldn't have hurt her as much as it did. She could feel Callie once again trying to tip over onto her back and wasn't having any of it, and pushed back just as easily; revelling in the delicious friction the wordless battle was creating. Whether Callie let her win, or she genuinely overpowered the longer woman, Arizona didn't know, but the Latina was soon on her back. The second the blonde's left hand connected with the mattress it felt like she'd been shot by a bolt of lightening, right up her arm.

"Argh, fuck!" the blonde hissed, pulled away completely and coming into a sitting position. Callie looked momentarily puzzled, which then turned into a slightly smile, "Not a reaction I'm used to". Arizona scowled at the other woman while gingerly rubbing her wrist. Seemingly to notice the blonde's action, the very naked Callie Torres' face looked worried, before sitting up and shuffling towards coming to rest beside the injured woman. Gently the brunette took a hold of the injured hand causing Arizona to instinctive wincing. As Callie gently rubbed Arizona's wrist, the blonde saw the perfect mix of Dr Torres, orthopedic surgeon and Calliope, perfect girlfriend.

"Sorry you hurt your wrist", Callie said as her amazingly talented fingers soothed her muscles. Arizona couldn't help the sad chuckle, "I think considering the alternative, a sore wrist I can handle". She heard the same half chuckle, from the other woman, as they both shared a knowing look. "We're twins I guess", Callie said softly causing confusion in the blonde, but not looking up from the appendage she was expertly kneading. "Huh?" Arizona sounded, stupidly and saw Callie's shoulders shake slightly in a sigh, before she flipped over her own left arm. The five inch pink line came into sight instantly against the Latina's tanned flesh, and Arizona felt her heart flutter. Rising her eyes back to Callie's face, she saw the nervous look that was being returned, one that clearly showed how unsure she was that Arizona would react to seeing the healing wound.

It felt surreal and not in a good way, to think of when she'd seen this injury this close before, as she'd made a make shift bandage from a towel. Lifting Callie's arm to her own lips, she placed a gently kiss on the top which held the forming scar. She knew the pink, raised streak would in fact scar. She had realised that when she had first seen it, but again like her own wrist, considering the alternative, a scar would not be the end of world. Pulling away Arizona saw Callie's face now held a breath taking smile, THE famous Callie Torres smile, and it stole her heart all over again. Not sure why, but she needed to kiss the woman massaging her wrist, so did. She heard the slightly "umph" noise as Callie fell backwards, but thankfully moved the blonde's hand out of the way, so the blonde herself wouldn't land on it.

Arizona was trying to fight dominance, and Callie gave it freely, but did manage to pull away slightly. "Your arm…" the raven said before Arizona was able to reclaim her lips again. "One handed", the blonde murmured, and received a low groan in response. Heaven could only taste like this. The taste of Callie's sweet lips. The Latina's longer fingers entwined themselves with Arizona's, keeping her left arm in place. The PEDs surgeon pulled away to give Callie what she hoped was a similar eye brow raise to which the Latina herself gave so frequently, and Callie just chuckled, reclaiming Arizona's lips. "One handed, ey?" Callie said in a tone of obvious humour. "Hmmmm" was all Arizona could respond as the brunette's lips worked their usual magic on her. The Latina's fingers clasped her own a little tighter, and Arizona couldn't help but grin into their millionth kiss of the night, as she replied, "Challenge accepted".


	30. Chapter 23 part 1

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies. (For this chapter however, I'd say NC-17)

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2: **Birthday present for NncyL72!

**Author's Note 3: **I've started back in my third and final year at university, so posting this bit (there more to this chapter!) while I know I'll have time to do so!

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_No one cares to talk about it, can we talk about it?_ – Emergency by Paramore

**Arizona's POV**

She had woken with a start. She'd been thankful. The dream which she had been awoken from was not a nice one. Her dreams had been filled with Robert Wright, running and gunshots. Unwillingly Arizona had extracting herself from the warmth generated by the two naked women throughout the night. She'd slipped on her night clothes from the evening before, and walked into the living area to see Joanne and Josh fussing over pieces of a blue stoneware bowl. It seemed the bang that had woken her was the bowl smashing, not Robert Wright firing at her. Josh had been so worried his aunt would shout at him for breaking it, exclaiming he was only putting his breakfast bowl in the sink like he did at home. Joanne had then explained when Josh had gone running into the spare room for Danny, that Nikki's sink was lower than the surgeon's, clearly forgetting that Arizona worked with children everyday, as was well aware accidents happened. It was okay, she didn't really like that bowl.

Nikki had been out getting money, while Joanne and Josh were trying to waste the last half an hour they had in Seattle. Arizona had been annoyed no one had woken her, and told the other blonde that she was going to get dressed, and she would take the trio to the airport to see them off. She had told the sleeping Latina the plan and had received a low sleepy grumble, which had told the blonde; Callie was still deep in the land of dreams. It had taken her twenty minutes to get washed, dressed and hair brushed, and as she went back into the bedroom she was greeted by the sight of a very naked sleeping Callie Torres. She had rolled onto her back, one arm raised over her head and the duvet had pooled around her waist.

The blonde couldn't help the disbelieving giggle that fell from her lips; she had almost lost this, all of this. Not just seeing the Latina naked, but the excitement of waking beside her, Callie being the first person she saw when she woke up, and the last person at night. She had nearly lost all chance to see Callie at most vulnerable; her features soft and relaxed with sleep. Though the giggle woke the sleeping woman, and Arizona couldn't have helped herself, she had stared at the stretching body, and took in every freckle.

"You're dressed", Callie had asked, with a slight disappointed scowl, causing Arizona to chuckle. "As I said earlier, I'm driving Nikki, Joanne and Josh to the airport", she explained seeing transparent confusion on the surgeon's face before she leapt out of the bed. Callie had hurriedly scrambled to put on her discarded clothes, nearly falling over in the process. Arizona had said in what she hoped was a concerning manner that Callie could just go back to sleep. What had melted the blonde's heart had been Callie's reply, "I want to say goodbye to Josh!" The ortho surgeon grabbed the little giraffe that had fallen onto the floor at some point without the night, and had showered the small blonde child with lot of cuddles and tickles. Seeing Callie with the little boy had only confirmed that she had made the right decision in having children with her. Also confirming that she was an idiot to actually believe that either of the women could be happy without the other.

The drive was eventless, just the usual banter while Josh who had been sitting on Joanne's knee played with Danny and Timmy. It only hit Arizona as she had given her last round of hugs where they had been standing. She had been stood pretty much on the same spot she had left Callie standing just under three months ago. Except the difference between herself and Callie, as she had known the trio were leaving without her, so she got the chance to say goodbye properly. The tears hadn't fallen until she was back in the car. Little Timmy had been sitting on the passenger seat, obviously left there by Josh. Arizona had nearly lost everything she held dear, through her own pride and sense of responsibility and Callie's vulnerability and hard headedness. They nearly lost each other because of their inability to communicate.

Arizona pulled along side the apartment, where Callie stood dressed in a big warm coat. Once the tears had subsided Arizona had called the Latina, asking her to get their picnic blanket and meet her outside the building. The brunette clicked the door open, moving the small toy from her seat and putting it and the blanket onto the backseat. This drive was quiet. Arizona would occasionally look across at the woman next to her and every time Callie was just staring out of the front window, seemingly lost in thought. The only response or any type of communication the other woman shared with the driver was a grip to her knee, when instead of taking a turning towards the hospital, Arizona went straight ahead. She should have taken the turning, but she couldn't. It would take them right passed the hospital and she wasn't ready for that. The detour was only a few minutes longer.

Parking up in the familiar car park, both women climbed out wordlessly. Once again Callie seemed dazed, and lost in her own thoughts, and then it hit Arizona. Perhaps Callie had realised, much like herself, where she'd just been, and what it had meant. Hooking her purse onto her shoulder, she walked around to Callie's side, taking the blanket; it was laid across her arm. Placing a gentle kiss on the absentminded woman, she saw the vacant look replaced by a breathing taking grin. "Come on", the blonde encouraged before leading the way. It took about two minutes before Callie's arms wrapped themselves around Arizona as they walked. It was a manoeuvre the brunette had perfected and pulled on the PEDs surgeon often, but it always reminded her of the first time they had walked like this. It was their first Christmas together as an "official" couple, and they had walked back from the carol service. The embrace never failed to make the smaller woman feel cherished, loved and protected, though did slightly ruin Callie's badass hardcore persona.

Their haven came into view. Their bench. With a flick she had perfected over the years, Callie's blanket was laid on the ground, and was instantly hopped onto by both women. Looking out at the needle and the Seattle landscape, there was a slight mist hovering across the ground below, clinging to the earth like a mystical land. "So they got away okay?" Callie asked breaking the silence. Turning her head she saw the other woman had been looking at her instead of the scenery. She felt her stomach do a small flip at the thought of that airport before answering, "Yes. Pretty eventless, except it seemed you have gained a nephew". Arizona couldn't help but smile at the confused knotted eyebrows, before answering, "Well apparently, you are just like "Uncle David" and being my girlfriend it means you are now in Josh's words, "Auntie Callipee"". She had said girlfriend on purpose, to gage the Latina's reaction and she saw the glint in the dark eyes, which then developed into a grin at her new title.

"He's a sweet kid, and if he wants to call me that he can. That is if it's okay with his mom…and you", Callie added sounding a looking slightly apprehensive. A smile and nod from Arizona seemed to calm her nerves. "What is it with Robbins calling me Calliope?" Callie asked in a faux tone, through the smile ruined the effect. Flipping on her front, Arizona now had to look up to answer, and with a grin she did so, "Calliope is a beautiful name, and it suits you perfectly". She saw the gradual blush extend from the Latina's neck upwards. She loved making her blush. Once again silence fell over them, enabling Arizona to shred blades of grass up. "I have a question to ask, and I don't know what will be said once I ask it, okay?" Callie asked, her voice sounding quite uncertain. "Okay", Arizona said unable to look up into the Ortho surgeon's eyes, so continued ripping up blades of grass. There was slight pause before Callie spoke again, and when she did she asked, "You and Joanne. You're so…different." Arizona couldn't help the chuckle, as she glanced upwards, "That's not a question". The Latina exhaled deeply before she said, "I just struggle to see how you two can be friends, never mind girlfriends. What happened?"

Not the question she'd been expecting. Couldn't she have asked a smaller, less detailed, less complicated question? She couldn't help the exaggerated sigh, or the slight pop noise she made with her lips as she thought of even how to start that story. It was a complicated story, one which almost span her entire life and it was coven so tightly into her past, she supposed, the beginning was the best and only place to start.


	31. Chapter 23 part 2

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author's Note 2: **Still abirthday present for NncyL72 (just late now!)

Author's Note 3: The author's note was taken down after personal attacks about my personal life by a certain individual.

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_No one cares to talk about it, can we talk about it?_ – Emergency by Paramore

**Callie****'s POV**

"Having fathers in the military meant we were moved around a lot. We were lucky if we went to the same school for a year. Making friends wasn't easy when you move around so much, so us military kids had to stick together", Arizona explained slowly, as if deliberating what to say next. Callie gave a small nod of encouragement and so she continued, "I became friends with Joanne when I was about five; Tim went through a phrase where he was too cool to play with his sister at school. Nikki was much the same to Joanne, so we became best friends. We were those friends that if you wanted to find one you looked for the other, always together. She is only a few months younger than me, so pretty much throughout school we were together. We took the same classes just to stay together", the blonde continued as the blades of glass within her hands were shredded into pieces.

It was odd to think of a friendship that had lasted almost her whole life. Sure Callie had had good friends, even best friends at school but they didn't talk once they left, or at Med school that once they carried out to their internship, they just moved on. Joanne had been a constant presence within the blonde's life for so long. "As we got older Tim and Joanne realised it was okay to hang round with their younger sisters and we created our own little gang. It was usually just us four, and Nikki's boyfriends or Tim's girlfriends over the years would join us for a little while. As I said we became reliant on each other, all we needed was each other and no one else", Arizona explained with a clear determined tone which Callie could tell the she had adapted in her teens.

"I don't remember the situation or moment when I realised I was a lesbian, I just remember knowing and eventually it was Jo that I fell for. At first I just thought it was a friendship or admiration I dunno. When we were about fifteen the girlfriend of Tim's at the time, whose name I can't even remember now, had a parentless Halloween party. Too much alcohol and a game of spin the bottle ended with Joanne and me kissing", the PEDs surgeon explained, almost in a tone of a rehearsed verse. Part of Callie wished she'd never asked, or maybe it was best she had, it seemed Joanne's presences was so tightly wound within the fabric of her blonde's life, she needed to know, their story. "We fooled around for a while, only us five knew then. Overtime we just became accustomed to saying we were each other's girlfriend. Joanne wasn't ready to come out yet, so we kept it to ourselves really, even if we were a bit touchy or whatever in public, no one noticed because we always had been like that. Her mom didn't suspect anything because we were friends so we spent most of our time together anyway", Arizona explained as she shifted upwards so she was now sitting with her back to the Seattle skyline. It then hit the Latina why Arizona had been so accepting of Cristina's idea of Callie hiding their relationship from the brunette's parents…she'd already done it with Joanne's.

"About five months into our relationship…yeah about five… I managed to get the guts to tell my mom and dad I was gay. As I told them I let slip that I was seeing Jo. My parents promised they wouldn't tell Sue and Martin…Jo and Nikki's parents" the blonde amended assumingly seeing the slight confusion Callie had expressed at the mention of unknown names. "As you know neither of them were surprised, but my mom did keep a closer eye on me after that", Arizona laughed lightly, to which Callie couldn't help but add to. Her parents had been the same with any and all boyfriends Callie had, had when she still lived at home. "Our relationship didn't change that much if I'm honest, because we were so close anyway. We had always had sleepovers, did homework together, had movie nights, went for walks around the latest neighbourhood, the one difference was Nikki and Tim weren't always with us anymore, and yeah we kissed and stuff", Arizona continued, and Callie was slightly surprised at the lack of jealousy she felt, but then again it was a fifteen year old Arizona and Joanne they were discussing.

Every so often Callie would make to interrupt the blonde, and was given a look that said don't interrupt me or the other woman's voice would rise slightly drowning out the words, which had the same effect. "Despite the fact we didn't really have friends out of our group, Jo was still concerned what others thought of her. I didn't really care, people already disliked me because I was called Arizona, so them knowing I was gay wouldn't have changed much, but I kept quiet for her. A few weeks later a new kid joined our classes. His dad was in the services too, not the same unit as our fathers, but for a while if nothing else he was going to our school. Joanne and I were in the top math class, and our teacher assigned Jo as his tutor to help him catch up", Arizona said in a slight masked tone, which didn't give too much away. "They met up a few times a week, and they started becoming close. Not like we had been, but in doing so stopped us from meeting up like we had been", Arizona answered with a slight eye roll and sigh. "Did she cheat on you?" Callie asked timidly, and received a slight laugh.

"Man it would have been so much easier to deal with if she did. About two months after David…yeah", the blonde said seeing the expressed shock Callie had felt at hearing the man's name, the man who the Latina knew later in the story married the younger Parker sister. "About two months after David joined the school, Jo was honest. Painfully and undoubtedly honest. She said she thought she was falling for David. I knew she had been having problems with the idea of being gay and her mom was on her back about getting a boyfriend, I don't think even to this day Sue ever knew about us. I knew people could like boys and girls and Jo pretty much throughout her whole life had said she loved me. Okay it wasn't the same type of love, but I knew I loved her. I can safely say looking back what I felt for her was probably just friendship, or maybe she was my first love I don't know. I just wanted her to be happy so I said we'd still be friends whatever she chose, and she decided to stayed with me", the blonde explained turning a saddened face towards the Latina. Clearly this choice hadn't been a good one.

"Jo kept tutoring David for about a month after that, but it was always at school in the library or when we were all around. It was like she didn't trust herself with him or something, and it was painfully obviously he liked her. After the month she cut all ties off with him, and he wasn't really mentioned again, maybe the odd mention by Sue who was unsubtly trying to set her and David up. But Jo never mentioned him, and I believed she had finally chosen. I had given her the space to pick, and she had. She would buy me presents, and let me pick what movies we watched and would give me cuddles around her mom, I believed she would tell her about us. Looking back she became clingier in the last two months of our relationship as if she was trying to forget him by using me. The day after we slept together for the first time…and yes before you ask it took us a year, she told me she had fallen in love with him", the blonde gave her a sad smile.

Even if they were fifteen, even if it seemed Arizona had forgiven the other blonde, Callie was a still mad at Joanne. She'd strung her along, and what waited until they'd slept together before deciding the gay "lifestyle" wasn't for her? Callie felt a gentle hand on her own, and looking up she saw a slight smile tugging on the blonde's lips at her obvious anger towards her once best friend. "Breath, thank you for being annoyed, but decades later I've forgiven her. Actually I forgave her back then", Arizona said with a smile, and tighter grip to the hand in her own. "She was the reason you made the no newborn rule", it was a statement rather than a question, and one which encouraged the blonde to blush slightly. She hadn't meant to be a dig, and hoped it wasn't taken as so. "Yes she was. I know I was one at the time, but at fifteen I decided I wasn't going to put myself through that again" Arizona said with a slight grimace. Callie had put her in that position again; okay they hadn't been together when she'd slept with Mark but that knowledge didn't make her feel any better. Things were falling into place, making up a puzzle that she was unsure she wanted to complete, because then Arizona would be completely exposed to her, something the blonde had tried so hard not to be.

"I broke it off with her, and pretty much avoided her for a while. I knew if I spoke to her, it would be the burnt ex who would talk to her, and not the best friend I'd been for ten years, so rather than losing my best friend I just asked her to leave me alone for a while. I knew she didn't chose to fall in love with David, and I wanted her to be happy, I was still mad at her, even though I knew I shouldn't be. Weirdly I still hung around with the gang, and Joanne was there. David hadn't integrated into the group by that point, so at least I didn't need to deal with him. I made sure Timmy didn't do or say anything; I knew he wanted to, but as I said I knew it wasn't her fault. We still had the same classes I just picked different people to work with or sit next to when I could. I still went to the Parker's I just hung out with Nikki more, which consisted of her drooling over Tim and moaning that he would never notice her like that", the blonde explained with a drawn out laugh.

Callie wasn't sure who had instigated it, but Arizona injured hand was now resting in her own and the ortho surgeon was massaging the injured hand and wrist as gently but firmly as she could. "As we were all friends we always slept at each other's houses, and our moms got used to waking us up with a friend sleeping next to us who hadn't been there the night before. So when, about three months after we had broken up, there was banging on my bedroom window, I wasn't really surprised. What I was surprised by was who was standing on the roof, crying and soaked through to the skin as the rain belted down around her. It was Joanne", the blonde said, her voice almost instantly becoming soft and calm, though a slight hum also exited her mouth as Callie's fingers danced across the small hand.

"Did she want you back?" the Latina asked softly, not wanting to break the spell that had seemed to fall around them. A further hum of agreement fell from the blonde's lips before saying, "Yes, but only as a friend. She needed her best friend back". Anger instantly coursed through her brunette's blood system, but all she allowed out a slight huff of air, which given the look on Arizona's face, she knew the emotion behind the noise. Arizona took a deep breath before delivering the next part of her story, "That morning she had found out she was about two months pregnant with David's baby".

Callie felt her mouth drop. Arizona on the other hand looked slightly amused at the Latina's reaction. In fairness it had been almost twenty years since the sixteen year olds had lived this part of the story, so Arizona had time to adjust and forgive – if there was something to forgive. "Two months? How long had you been broken up…?" Callie trailed off, realizing that perhaps the younger sister had been unfaith to Arizona. "Just over three months" was the only response she got. Three months, and she had been two months pregnant, give or take. It had taken her about a month, or actually it may have been less, and she just had gotten pregnant after a month. Callie wished she could be angry, but she had been little better with Mark, though she hadn't ended up pregnant and married to him. Screw it, she was going to be angry and annoyed for the blonde, even if the woman herself had gotten over it decades ago.

"What did you do?" was all the Latina could ask. Looking down briefly at their jointed hands, Arizona said, "I was her friend, she needed me. It was awkward as hell at first, but it got better. She told David a few days after me, which was a…interesting experience". Callie shot her a raise eyebrow. "Oh yeah I was there when she told him…moral support", she laughed nervously. A sigh of disbelief was the only indicator of the annoyed and frustrated thoughts flying around the Latina's mind. "Soon after Nikki and Tim found out. Nikki was the supportive big sister, while Timmy took a lot longer to warm up to Jo again, but I guess he was just being the supportive big brother too. Mom pretty much did what I asked, I think like Tim she did what I wanted, but it took a lot longer for her to like her again." Arizona said in a tone of ease. Callie just couldn't get how Arizona could be so blah-say about Joanne, and certainly couldn't get how they'd remained friends.

"We teased Joanne because the day she decided she was going to build up the courage to tell her mom was Halloween, why Halloween I have no idea, and still to this day I have no idea why! She guessed she'd be about three months gone by that point, or at least it was a month after she had found out", the blonde just continued on, but Callie soon realised that Arizona wasn't keeping eye contact anymore. She hadn't expected the tale of Arizona and Joanne to go on this long when she'd asked, and realised it was something the blonde had been keeping to herself, but why she didn't totally understand. It all made so much more sense with the background knowledge to go hand in hand with everything that had happened in the years they'd been together. "Knowing that it was probable that Sue would ground Jo the second the words were out of her mouth, we decided to celebrate Halloween early. It was just a scary movie night in, which for some reason Mom joined us for and I can remember it was if it was yesterday. We were watching Friday the 13th, the original, I think Mom thought if she was there it was somehow okay for Joanne and I to watch it. It got to about half way through and Joanne just started screaming. Everyone had been making fun of her all night because she'd been screaming and jumping at everything. Turning the lights on we saw she was bleeding" Arizona spoke now in barely a whisper, before allowing her eyes to flicker upwards, looking Callie straight on.

Before Callie could ask the question that refused to dislodge itself from her throat the blonde nodded, "She had a miscarriage. Sue was phoned immediately and we rushed her to hospital. Jo had finally made the decision to keep the baby. It wasn't something you did when you were a teenager, part of a serving family, you didn't get pregnant, but she and David decided they'd have the baby. I don't think Sue ever would have, but they were prepared to move out and live together by themselves. Jo even looked into getting emancipation, just in case. I think Sue was just thankful Jo was alive, and she very nearly wasn't". Callie allowed the new information to wash over her, and instantly felt guilt at her earlier thoughts. While she didn't agree or approve of her actions towards the blonde, no one deserved that.

"They tried for children again when they were older, but the damaged was done. Due to complications during her surgery when she sixteen, she was told it was possible she would never have children, but it didn't stop them from trying. Years of trying, the heartache and I think sadly blame towards Joanne, on David's part ended up with them just growing apart. Over the years they split up several times for a while, before getting back together. But the last time, she caught him … in the throws with his receptionist", Arizona finished making a slight face, one mirrored by Callie. Being cheated on was one thing, actually catching your other half at it was something Callie never had, and never wanted to experience.

"It was during one of their splits that Timmy was killed" the blonde said her eyes sliding closed for a few seconds, looking as if she needed a few moments to consider that statement. Callie gently squeezed the hand being held loosely in her own, and received one back before the blue eyes slid back open with a small apologetic smile. Shaking her head, Callie hoped the blonde would realise she would never need to apologise for missing her brother. After a few minutes in which Arizona had looked as if she was fighting a battle with her own tears, begun to speak though her voice was slightly quivering, "Joanne was there when I got the phone call. I had been on call and called in on my birthday, so rather than half celebrate it, we decided to postpone to the next day. When I got to my parents', mom and dad went out to get something, which turned out to my birthday cake they had pre ordered. They called Joanne to come over and make sure I didn't try and find my presents", Arizona continued with a slight, almost non existent laugh.

"In my family you call people up on their birthday, but as I wasn't celebrating it till the day after mom told people to call then. Various family members did, and at about eleven in the morning, the phone rang again…" the blonde said moving to sit slightly hunched. Callie shifted and wordlessly questioned, with a gesture, if Arizona wanted to be held. The blonde didn't respond but did lean in, her breathing was laboured, but no tears seemed to fall. Once again after a few minutes in which Callie simply rubbed small circles with the tips of fingers at the base of the blonde's spine. It seemed Arizona was determined to tell Callie about that day, and it broke her heart. "I just thought they said Miss Robbins, like people who do on the phone and don't know you're a doctor…they said Mrs, I didn't hear it. So I said "yes". Joanne caught me before I hit the floor…" the blonde said finally breaking, and Callie could feel the shudders as the woman cried. "She stayed with me…while I had to tell mom, dad and…Nikki. Thankfully I only needed… once, because Nikki came with…them. My cake was dropped on the floor…" Arizona was now talking intermittently, between small burst of tears.

Dozens if not more kisses were places on Arizona's hairline as the blonde buried her face into the Latina's neck, and Callie did all she could, hold on to the small frame. "I'm so sorry Arizona", the brunette whispered. To go through that, all of that … to have to tell her own parents their son was dead, to tell her brother's pregnant fiancée that her husband to be had been killed…how Arizona had managed to keep going, amazed her. She felt Arizona shift slightly, but not move away, but the whispered voice was just as loud as if the blonde was shouting "On the phone they apologised that due to protocol and time differences they were only calling then. They said he'd been killed about…twelve hours before they'd rang". Arizona's voice had shaken considerably, and it took a few moments to realise why. "Your birthday" was all Callie could say because the confusion had hit her square in the chest. That didn't make sense. "But at the hospital you said it was yesterday", said trying to catch the blonde's eye. It wasn't going to happen at that moment in time, because there was a shake to the blonde head as she murmured, "I said it had been four years since I was told. On his death certificate and all documents, my brother died on the fourteen of January 2008".

If Callie was honest with herself, she couldn't remember what Arizona had said as they lay in the bed, she just made the assumption. Now she felt worse for the blonde laid in her arms. How could her big brother have been killed on her birthday? Of all the days within the year, why did he have to be killed on that day? Arizona made to move, so Callie let her no questions asked. Sitting cross legged, head bowed the Latina couldn't take her eyes of the other woman. Tears it seemed had stopped, but the emotion within rested within her whole being. "Joanne was there for me. She was just there. She tried her hardest to understand, she didn't. I don't think you can until you lose your brother or sister. Yes… we had a… I can't even say relationship…a fling or meaningless something, for about four months after", Arizona said without looking the other woman's way.

"You slept with her", Callie said softly. A small nod was given, causing her blonde curls to bounce slightly. Taking a moment or two to digest that information, she couldn't believe that the woman before her was someone to just have meaningless sex with someone else. Not that she blamed Arizona, not in the slightest, it just showed how bad things had been four years ago. "That's why you said you couldn't blame me for Mark" Callie stated, and yet again got a small nod. "I know it's not the same, but I understand. Doesn't mean that I wasn't hurt or upset, or so angry though", the blonde spoke so softly, it was almost eerie. The brunette nodded slowly, before realising Arizona couldn't have seen it. Shuffling forward Callie took hold of Arizona's hand once again, but it took a while for the other woman to turn towards her. Callie gave her a small smile, which was returned almost in slow motion. "She was there for me, like I was for her when she found out she was pregnant, and then when her child died. We were there for each other when we needed each other the most, that's why we're friends. We are now so different, except we have those memories and experiences", Arizona explained softly, but inhaling as far as her lungs would allow.

She finally understood. All the little things said and done over the last three years, it all made sense and came back to that day back in 2008. Shuffling even closer to the blonde, Callie just engulfed the other woman in her arms. Arizona didn't complain or pull away like she thought she would. The blonde was naked and exposed and if she was honest, it was unsettling. After so long of not knowing however, Callie would never go back. "I'm so sorry Arizona", whispered the brunette, and saw slight smile on the blonde's lips. "I love you" Callie breathed, and felt the intake of a deep breath before the PEDs surgeon said, "Me too". They sat staring out at the foggy landscape, the coldness just gently nipping at them. How far had they come. How far did they still have to go? Callie hoped and would fight for, forever.

Still tucked in Callie's arms, Arizona moved with her head tilted so she could look upwards. All the brunette saw were the blonde's beautiful deep blue eyes looking back at her. "That was your only question? Of all the things, you wanted to talk about my first ever girlfriend, who was once my best friend and now I see, it seems every three years or so? The only connection I have with her now is that she is the sister of my brother's son's mother", Arizona said sounding calm but her voice carried an ominous tone she didn't care too much for. Fear and dread flooded Callie's system, and could feel herself breaking under Arizona's reassuring looks. She was trying to be reassuring, kind and … Arizona-ish. "There's nothing else to talk about" Callie said thickly, instantly feeling her heart beat increase under the surprised expression on the other woman's face. "Please don't say that. You don't mean that!" Arizona's voice rose slightly, instantly sounding panicked. "I came home. I came back and found you in a hotel bathtub in blistering hot water because you knew it would stop your blood from clotting", the blonde all but hissed through her already filling eyes at the memory of that night. Callie felt her own eyes filling at the arms clasping her own waist, so tightly, momentarily ignoring the pain she knew the blonde must be feeling. "We both nearly died Callie, and all you can say is there is nothing else to talk about but Joanne and Timmy!" Arizona finished, now only a few pitches down from those only heard by dogs.

Callie just sat looking at the woman who was now inches from breaking. She could feel the blonde's breath lightly playing across her features, and saw the odd tear fall. After everything, after the screaming match in the on call room and the crying fest yesterday, she didn't want to talk anymore. She knew it was wrong after all she had tried to make the blonde talk to her, and she had, she had finally opened up. Only now things it seemed were getting more serious, Arizona wanted to talk, not about lost first loves or pitying, self loathing sex with their exes or courageous brothers. She wanted to talk about important things. Things they couldn't keep running from, any longer.


	32. Chapter 24

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing:**Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author****'****s****Note****1:**In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author****'****s****Note****2:**I just want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has supported me this last year as I have struggled at times to write this fanfic. One more chapter after this.

**Author****'****s****Note****3:** Sorry lack of internet and life has stopped me from posting this

.

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_No__one__cares__to__talk__about__it,__can__we__talk__about__it?_ – Emergency by Paramore

**Arizona's POV**

Running. Arizona and Callie had always been good at running. When things were good they would run head first colliding into whatever obstacles were in their way. They skipped steps, and jumped hurdles. But they were just as good at running when things got bad. Both of them knew how to avoid with a simple band aid, usually smiles, alcohol or sex, or they would just run completely in the opposite direction, leaving the other to stand in dust, rubble and carnage that was their tattered relationship.

The fight and break up about kids had followed a period in which both women tried their hardest to use all the techniques before they went their separate ways. Both Callie and Arizona fought their hardest to get the other back. Then less than a year later Callie had smiled her way through the idea of the move, while Arizona avoided the knowledge that her love hated the concept. The brunette finally revealed her emotions, and Arizona had walked in the opposite direction. For the forty odd days they were separated by sea and land, Callie tried to get in touch with the blonde, who had ignored her, avoiding her. The Latina had slept with Mark simply trying and run from her love and misery, when this hadn't worked she had attempted to take her own life. On her return Arizona had fled the brunette's life out of fear, shame and guilt. They had always been good at running, and now they had to stop. Or at least learn how to run, hand in hand.

As Arizona's last sentence hung on the air, both women just looked at each other. The blonde pleaded with her eyes for Callie to say something, while the brunette looked like a rabbit in headlights. Arizona could see the emotion and thoughts flicker across the other woman's face, and wished she could stop the pain, wished she could just ignore everything that had happened, but that was what had gotten them where they were now. Even Callie had said that the night before. Communication was and always had been their greatest weakness. "I'm so sorry" the brunette breathed so low, so quietly that had she not been so close she wouldn't have heard it. Arizona already knew how sorry Callie was, but it wasn't just about being sorry to Arizona or Mark. It was meant to be to herself too. "I know what I did was...stupid" Callie continued, and just for a moment Arizona allowed herself to feel the angry she had been holding onto for almost a month.

"Stupid. That's what you're calling it. Stupid?" Arizona said exhaling deeply, pulling herself away from their embrace. The terrified look on Callie's face only deepened, as she managed to stutter, "I didn't…I didn't mean it like that. I just… I said I was sorry!" she had to fight the urge to stand, to walk away at that moment. Did Callie really not get it? No, she did, the look on the brunette's face told all she needed to know. Callie did understand, she was just as terrified as Arizona at the outcome of this conversation. Curling herself up slightly, her fingers weaving their way tightly into her hair, Arizona couldn't help but stare in disbelieve at the other woman.

"I know you're sorry but you really don't get it, do you? Do you know what the worst part of that night was?" Arizona tried to curve her mix of angry and desperation. She watched as lone tear fell in slow motion down the tanned cheek. Arizona wished she could just wipe it away, forget; just pretend these last few months hadn't happened. Just go back to their apartment and be happy, no more questions asked. But they had happened. Callie shook her head slightly indicating she didn't know. It was something she hadn't told anyone, the thing which had caused her to be unable to sleep properly for the last three weeks.

"I mean don't get me wrong, finding you was …" Arizona heard her angry tone crack, her eyes slipping close. No word or expression was good enough to explain the pain, panic and how agonising those minutes in that bathroom were. Or even the hours waiting for the brunette to wake. With her eyes closed unable to look directly at the Latina she could feel the other woman positioning herself closer to the blonde, to offer comfort if it was needed. "When the paramedics came… when they gave to get you. You told me to leave you alone. Just to… leave you to…die" Arizona whispered, and gone were any pretences of willpower as the tears leapt from her tightly closed eyes. She felt Callie's arms fold themselves around her, and for that moment she allowed herself the comfort they offered, but only a moment.

"I didn't…I don't remember that", Callie whispered from beside Arizona's ear. Hot tears fell from the Latina's tears, dying on Arizona's shoulder. She could feel them as they soaked their way through the small patch of top exposed by her jacket. The rational part of her knew it was unfair to feel the surge of annoyance, anger and pain at those words. Callie had lost a considerable amount of blood and was on the verge of unconsciousness, so couldn't remember, the doctor in her new the reason, not the excuse. However it had been one of main factors in Arizona's nightmares since that night, the thing which had kept her awake as she lay on the cold, hard couch having given up the fight to sleep in the over large bed, without the warmth from the woman she loved. And Callie couldn't remember it.

Standing in what felt like slow motion, she felt Callie's hands slide down her side, as if trying to hold on that little longer. Literally stepping out of the Latina's embrace, the blonde stepped over the brunette's form, sitting on the cold wooden bench behind them. Wrapping the jacket she was wearing around her a little tighter, momentarily regretting removing herself from her and Callie's cocoon of heat. Looking out at the horizon all she could see was a slight mist dancing amongst the familiar skyline. Callie scrambled around on to her front before literally crawling the small space between them, her hands coming to rest on the blonde's knees.

"I'm sorry, okay! I don't know what else to say. Nothing I CAN say will make it better", the brunette said with a grip to her knees. Lowering her eyes to the chocolate ones looking up at her, she felt the knot form in her stomach. "Anything Calliope. Say anything, everything, I don't care, just say something!" Arizona pleaded back at her, and she saw the dark eyes shine with emotions. The blonde wasn't trying to be cruel, she wasn't. Callie needed to open up to her. She wasn't asking for every last detail, just something. Something she could hold on to, could try and figure out and understand. The woman kneeling on the floor raised herself slightly higher, but still on her hunches. Arizona tried to throw her a reassuring smile, though by the look on the brunette's face she was unsure if she had succeeded.

She watched as the brunette's mouth opened slightly, but no sound came out. Though the eyes, it was always the dark eyes that spoke mass verses of speech, while the mouth remained mute. Callie's bottom lip shook slightly, and before it even happened Arizona prepared herself for impact. The brunette's head lowered itself on to the PEDs surgeon's lap, and Callie sobbed. Dark hair sprawled itself out in all directions, as the woman's arms clung tightly around Arizona's legs. The air seemed to disappear instantly from Arizona's lungs, and it felt as if the ground had vanished from beneath her, causing her to feel as if she'd missed a step going downstairs.

Placing her hands on Callie's shoulders, Arizona attempted to pull her woman's top half upwards, but the brunette just clung harder as the tears fell faster. Shuffling forward, she managed to dislodge herself from the bench, though this meant she could only go one way. Down. Now half sitting on Callie, she felt the brunette's arm wrap around her neck, pulling her impossibly close, and she could feel and hear Callie's sharp breathes against her ear. There was something different in this cry. It wasn't angry like it had been in the on call room or sympathetic like the hospital room, or god even desperate like ones that had fallen minutes before. It was charged and it was broken. Clearly tears she had banned herself from crying. Snaking her finger amongst Callie's shortened hair; Arizona pushed the dark head even further into the crook of her own neck, holding on just as tightly. "I've got you", the blonde whispered, feeling her small frame being gripped tighter. It was clear Callie wasn't in a state to form words yet, so she'd hold on just a little longer.

"When I was in that OR how did you feel?" Arizona asked the mass of dark hair resting on her right shoulder, once the tear's hold had weakened. She felt rather than heard the confused, non-committable noise from beneath the dark mane. "When I was operating on Samantha, how did you feel?" the blonde reworded slightly, trying to remain as calm possible. Despite the fact Arizona was still half sitting on the brunette, Callie only turned her head slightly, which allowing her face to be seen by the blonde. "Terrified" was the breathed response. Swallowing passed the approaching lump trying to form in her throat, Arizona continued, "What did you do just after Robert was caught?"

Looking down completely, she felt Callie's fingers gently playing her silver heart hanging from her neck, the necklace she had refused stubbornly to remove during her time in Africa. The brunette wasn't looking at her, and it seemed deliberate; however it didn't stop her from answering, "I needed to know if you were okay". Arizona allowed herself to slip off Callie's knee, which had presented itself to her as she slide off the bench, pushing the brunette's top half backwards. The brunette's head still rested on her shoulder, while the cold wooden seat allowed her something to rest on. It amazed the blonde that it was already getting darker. How long had they been sitting out here, surely not that long?

"How did you do that?" Arizona asked softly, feeling Callie move away slightly to look up at her with confusion. The tears still lingered on the tanned skin, the blonde could see them reflecting slightly. "I held you", the brunette said with even more clear confusion lingering on her words. "Why?" Arizona breathed, as Callie now moved off her completely. "I needed to know you okay. I needed to know. Know you were ali…" the blonde watched as dawning crept over the Latina's features. "Arizona" Callie said softly, understanding it seemed what the blonde had been getting at.

"I held you in that bathroom Callie. I dressed you best I could, so they wouldn't see you. I held you as your life was draining away", the blonde said, very aware of the approaching emotion. Trying to ensure these emotions didn't hinder her ability to speak, Arizona continued, "I wasn't allowed to help. I had to sit on a chair in our waiting room, with Mark". She felt the familiar grip on her heart as if something was trying to stop it beating. "You needed to know that I was alive, that I was okay. That I was going to be okay, right?" Arizona said her voice rose slightly with so many emotions, but she could name only a few. "Yeah" was the brunette's response. Looking up she saw the dark haired woman's head was tilted slightly to the side, trying to catch her eye.

"I needed that. I needed to know you'd be okay and you just…screamed at me to get out, and threw my attempts back in my face", Arizona explained best she could. She had wanted, no, needed that reassurance, and that was why she had never fought Stark on his demands she go to Callie's floor for consultations the week she'd remained in the hospital. There was a look. A saddened, almost broken look in Callie's eyes and Arizona knew the counter argument before it even broke free of the brunette's lips. "You said you would come back, that you loved me and would tell me everyday, but you just walked away. Three weeks and I didn't hear anything from you. Nothing. I was alone all over again. Why? Why didn't you want to see me?" Callie asked, her voice so soft but thick with emotion, Arizona was surprised it even reached her ears. Arizona felt her chest tighten, and her tear ducts seemed to tingle, threatening to bring on the tears yet again. It was now or never.

With a second that spanned an eternity, the blonde took a deep but shaky breath and spoke just as softly, "I wasn't good enough, I didn't do my job well enough". With her brow knitted Callie shot her a confused look, before she could continue Arizona rolled her eyes closed, with a slight chew to her bottom lip, trying to keep the tears at bay. Slowly opening her eyes, Arizona saw Callie was still looking at her with the same expectant look on face, mixed with genuine concern. "As your girlfriend I didn't do my job right", the blonde managed to get out, though it was evident even to her own ears that her emotions were getting the better of her. She didn't want the look of comprehension which had been created on the woman's face in front of her. She didn't want that understanding, or pity. She didn't want it, and wouldn't accept it.

"You were meant to be happy and you weren't. I was meant to make you happy. That's what I was meant to do, and all I did was hurt you", the blonde said, as if pleading with the other woman to agree with her. The look on Callie's face changed considerable with the next words out of Arizona's mouth, "You were meant to stay alive, want to be alive! You were meant to be happy and alive here. You were meant to know that. Why didn't you know you were meant to be alive Callie?" The Latina's mouth hung open slightly, clearly shocked by Arizona words. Shaking her head, starting slow and deliberate and building to a crescendo, Callie said, "Arizona, no".

"What do you mean "no"? Why didn't you know? I already know why Callie, because of me! You just gave up, because of me. You do not just give up. Why didn't you love me enough to want to stay alive? I love you so much Callie, so damn much. I didn't work hard enough to tell you that. I needed you here. I need you here; please don't ever do that to me again. Please tell me you won't! I'm terrified, okay?" Arizona all but sobbed. Callie moved with what seemed lightening reflexes, engulfing the small woman in her arms. "I won't…I won't", Callie repeated the mantle in the blonde's hair, as she held her so tightly, any other time Arizona would have been worried about her ability to breathe. The Latina was holding her together, as her tears fell.

"Don't you dare blame yourself, you got that!" Callie said her voice determined and demanding. "Don't you dare think it was your fault. None of it was your fault! I did it, not you", the Latina continued, gripping onto the smaller woman. It was her fault. It was all her fault! Arizona already knew that. "You said it yourself!" Arizona almost hissed through her emotions. Callie grip loosened, only for hands to come and rest on her forearms, keeping her at an arm's length. "What? I never said that, Arizona", the brunette said sounding genuinely upset and horrified by the suggestion. "Yes you did. You said you thought I wouldn't care. Why? How could you think I wouldn't care? Of course I care; you mean more to me than anything on the planet!" Arizona reasoned, and saw Callie look shocked as she saw the memory of saying it hit the brunette square in the chest.

"I didn't mean…Arizona I was seriously fucked up. I didn't think I'd ever see you again. Don't get me wrong I know people feel depressed, god even consider, even if it's for a moment… suicide", Arizona heard the pause and felt the hesitation. It was the first time Callie had acknowledged the event for what it was a suicide attempt. "I don't blame you for that. Please don't blame yourself. I'm sorry, I know I've said it god knows how many times, but I am. And I'm so sorry you think it's your fault. I did it Arizona, not you", the Latina finished, her eyes pleading with Arizona to believe what she was saying. The familiar tug of guilt still tugged at her heart. She could still feel it crushing her, and knew Callie could sense she wasn't believed.

"Arizona, please! I love you; I love you so much, okay. I don't blame you. I did that to myself, and I am so sorry. I'm sorry I even considered it. I'm sorry you think it's your fault. I didn't plan it. God I don't even know why I did it. It just took me over, and then it was done. I don't even remember it happening", the brunette just spoke, her hands now loosely holding the blonde in place. Not that it was needed, she wasn't moving.

"I thought…I thought you'd think I wasn't worth it. I stayed away because I knew it was my fault, and please don't say it wasn't. For now I believe it, okay. I'll stop, I'm sure, but for now I do okay. I saved you, but I was terrified you realise I wasn't worth it", the self pitying tone in her own voice, made the blonde want to be sick.

Callie went to speak, and the irony wasn't lost on the blonde, she had wanted the brunette to talk, and here she was about to interrupt again. "I left. I know I left, and I know that I left you in that airport with nothing. I know that, and I am truly sorry", Arizona whispered and despite knowing it was true, it still hurt slightly that this Callie wasn't denying. Just perhaps, Callie was telling the truth, she didn't blame the blonde for her suicide attempt. "I nearly stayed until the day we'd planned to come back for Christmas. My plan was get things set up before I left, but I couldn't wait any longer. I couldn't wait any longer to see you", the PEDs surgeon said with ease, though the meaning behind the words hurt more than any she'd said so far. The woman before her raised an eyebrow; her face no longer set in quick relieve as the sun was slowly disappearing behind the needle. It seemed she hadn't understood the gesture behind her words.

"Callie, we were due back on Christmas Eve. I found you on two days before I was meant to come back. What if I'd stayed just those two days longer? Or god what if I had been on a delayed plane? Callie you could have actually died", the blonde said feeling the ton of bricks that were, the very realistic realisation of how close the woman who now was gliding her hands up and down the blonde's arms, had come to dying. If her plane had been hit by turbulence or she'd stayed a day or two, she couldn't have found Callie in time. A shiver ran the length of Arizona's spine. "I wanted to surprise you. I didn't want to _talk_ to you over the phone. I wanted to do it face to face. That's why I didn't ring back that night. If I had…" the blonde said but was cut off by the lone, slender finger placed on her lips. "You _did_ find me, though Arizona. Stop with the "what ifs", or you'll drive yourself insane. You saved me", Callie said with such deliberate softness it made her heart simply melt on the spot.

"You are NOT to blame, and I will _not_ stop telling you that! You were always worth coming back for Arizona. I love you. I love us! I want us back. I need us back. Us but…better", Callie reasoned with a slight head tilt and gentle smile. Arizona couldn't return it; she couldn't even maintain eye contact. "Hey. Look at me", the Latina said, her voice just hinting at a demand. "I love you", Callie breathed, causing the blonde's heart to contract almost painfully. "Me too" was all she could say. The tears had all but fallen; leaving in their wake what she knew would be a serious headache. When Arizona's eyes finally rose to meet those she could feel burning into her, she couldn't help the small smile that tugged on her lips. "I love you, okay?" Callie repeated with her signature smile. Arizona gave a small nod, followed by a smile. A smile she meant with every fibre of her being.

Callie gently brushed away the hair from the blonde's face, which had stuck itself to her drying tears. The brunette's eyes seemed to rake over every inch of the blonde's face before her hand came to rest in Arizona's. The PEDs surgeon shot her a confused look when she realised Callie was trying to stand. "Come and lie down with me", the brunette urged. Thoughts were not needed as she was half pulled to her feet, and lead the maybe, three steps back to Callie's old blanket. With so much grace it was almost annoying, Callie lay down on what been Arizona's side of the blanket. Looking up, Callie gestured vaguely to her own shoulder, to which Arizona dropped herself down onto her knees before shuffling into place.

Arizona's head was resting on Callie's shoulder, while her arm was locked around the brunette's middle, ensuring she was going nowhere. It was pretty much dark now, maybe a hint of purple still stained the sky. Glancing just for a moment at her watch she read that it was ten to five. She hated winter for stealing so much of her days. The blonde could feel Callie's chest rise and fall with each breath just enjoying the motion. She had fought and saved her life, it was because of her, Callie was breathing. Callie didn't blame her, and while she knew it would take awhile for that guilt and blame to go, she knew she could try and make it up to the Latina every chance she got.

"It will happen", the blonde said breaking their silence, which only continued after her words. Eventually Callie let out a small hum, though Arizona didn't really understand what it meant. "Us. We'll get there, we have to. I'm not letting you go, so we have to. Not ever. You're stuck with me", Arizona said with a small and slightly nervous laugh. A gentle kiss was placed on her head, followed by words spoken directly into her hair, "Good. I wouldn't have it any other way". Arizona smiled, but couldn't help the feeling. The feeling of waiting for the other foot to drop. Though the fighting, the screaming they'd done, it meant they still cared right?

"We'll get there in the end, I promise. And I know you don't blame me, but I want to make it up to you. I meant what I said, if its what you need to hear, I will tell you, I love you every day for the rest of our lives", the blonde said speaking directly to Callie's throat, which was inches away from her own lips. Silence seemed to hang over them, pushing down, almost crushingly so. Shuffling across and up, Arizona raised herself upwards to see the look on Callie's face, and couldn't help but laugh. "Breathe will you. I'm not proposing or anything. We are most certainly not there, yet" the PEDs surgeon said softly, though was slightly disheartened by the look of relief on the brunette's face.

Clearly seeing Arizona's frame of mind and emotion reflect on the face, Callie went on to explain, "Just good to know that maybe one day, I could ask you". The ortho surgeon grinned that beautiful smile, that had Arizona been standing, her legs would have given way and she'd be a heap on the floor. It incredible to know that Callie still felt that them getting married was okay, that it was still on the cards for them, one day. "No", Arizona said with a tone which carried a lot more authority than she'd thought it would. The breath taking smile disappeared just as easy as it had come, causing the familiar tug on the blonde's heart.

Taking Callie's nearest hand the blonde said, "Don't do that. Don't make assumptions. I want to, and I hope one day we will". Callie's mouth curved slightly, finally making up Arizona's mind. "About a month before I got my acceptance letter from The Carter Madison, I phoned your dad", the blonde said, watching as Callie had flinched ever so slightly at the mention of the grant and then her eyes close slightly in polite confusion at the mention of Mr Torres. "I wanted, and got your dad's permission", she said with a smile, one that grew at the surprised but delighted look on her love's face. "You asked my dad…that's almost traditional", Callie said with a slight chuckle, though the surprise was still evident on her face. "Yeah" was the small reply.

The Latina's lips were on hers before she had time to breath. The kiss was slow, almost teasing, but still had that kick. Smiling into the blonde's lips, Callie said, "I can't believe you asked my dad". Arizona couldn't help but smile back, before saying, "It was scary and extremely intimidating". Callie chuckled, before placing few more gently kisses on the blonde's lips. "My big brave girl", the brunette soothed. Despite the slight joke in her voice, Arizona couldn't help but smile at the words. Arizona was hers, and always would be. "So no, I have a ring, when we're there, when we're ready, I'm doing the asking, got it?" Arizona said with a faux command to her voice. The brunette just grinned and nodded, before pulling the blonde down on the orange blanket beneath them once more.

"Do I get to see the ring?" Callie asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as it seemed as she could be. Arizona couldn't help the chuckle, as she simply replied "no". The Latina let out a low and clearly fake sigh as she said, "Guess that means I've got to stick around then, if I want to see it". Turning her head upwards, so she could look at the tanned woman's face, she merely said "Yes". She saw the smile fall away, replaced by a serious, but no less loving look, and Callie whispered, "I'll be waiting". After a few moments of them staring at each other, the younger woman turned head so she was looking into the now completely dark sky, while Arizona just watched her.

"I'm taking you out for dinner", the ortho surgeon, stated clearly. "You are?" Arizona asked sceptically. The dark haired woman nodded to no one in particular, before saying, "We have a Christmas and a birthday to celebrate, so I am taking you out tonight". Arizona loved how confident the Latina could be, she'd missed it. Sure she'd missed everything about the woman whose arms she was now laid in, but since she'd been back she'd missed seeing this side. The side who was demanding, bad ass and insanely hot while doing both. "Okay", Arizona replied and received a grin in return. It was clear she had no choice in the matter, and she didn't care.

Callie was just staring upwards, an arm planting Arizona to her side as if ensuring she stayed in place. As if she'd ever want to move away. "What do we do about your apartment?" Callie said softly. "Are we moving in together? Are just girlfriends? What?" Taking a deep and satisfying breath, Arizona replied with ease, "It's our apartment. What that means yet I don't know, but you live there too now. The rest we can deal with later". She saw Callie nod, as the chocolate eyes traced the night time sky. Turning on to her back, she felt Callie's hand come to rest on her stomach, and couldn't help but smile at their old position. She'd missed this. She'd missed them. Arizona knew it would take a lot more than a few hours of talking, screaming and crying to get them back to normal, but it was a start. A very good start.

Seeing the few stars which had made their presence known in the vast dark sky, Arizona couldn't help but think back to yesterday. Had Arizona been looking up at these stars then, she'd have wished for what she had today…Callie. What did she want now? She wanted them, she wanted them to work. She wanted Callie, forever. She wanted Callie, to be her forever. Arizona could feel Callie's dark eyes burning into her, and she couldn't help but smile and think of Timothy. Turning her head slightly, the blonde whispered, "What would you wish for, Calliope?"


	33. Chapter 25

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.

**Pairing:**Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author****'****s****Note****1:**In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author****'****s****Note****2:** So yeah I lied…one more chapter after this haha

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_Cause__I've__seen__love__die,__way__too__many__times,__when__it__deserved__to__be__alive_ – Emergency by Paramore

**Callie's POV**

Exactly a month to the day after Arizona's birthday, found Callie Torres standing in the middle of Sea-Tac airport, dressed in a long black trench coat. To be frank, she had hoped to avoid this place for as long as possible, a little hard when your girlfriend has to take a flight from and to this airport every two months for the next three years. So here she was, standing waiting for Arizona's plane to land, her hands planted firmly in her pockets. If she was honest with herself she was nervous. Stupidly, ridiculously nervous, and it had only been a week since she'd last seen the blonde.

The last four weeks for them had been a whirlwind of emotions, both good and bad, but she wouldn't have changed it for the world. They were doing what they'd planned. Moving on, together. Sure it was hard and there had been tears, arguments and make ups. They'd agreed to live as roommates, potentially taking it slow. However Callie had realised a few days into their new regime, the notion that Arizona staying in their old room and her in Cristina's old room wasn't always possible. Callie had awoken with a light shinning beneath her door, and on investigation she realised the light was coming from the TV in the other room. She'd walked as quietly as she could into the living room to see the screen was full of Timothy Robbins. Just paused on his face, while Arizona was laid sleeping on the couch, Callie's blanket tucked beneath her chin.

That night she had guided the blonde to the Latina's bed, and she'd held the smaller woman as she cried over her nightmares, the nightmares of Callie's suicide and Robert Wrights' control over the hospital and their lives with just the power of small gun. During the rest of that first week, in the middle of the night, Callie would either feel small arms wrap themselves around her while she slept or the Latina heard the blonde crying in her sleep. Without fail when this happened, Callie made the small journey to the blonde's arms, and held her. Officially they were just roommates who were girlfriends, taking it slow, though until this last week they had spent almost every night in each others' beds. There had been one night, Arizona had returned home to find Callie asleep in her bed. Callie hadn't necessarily meant to fall asleep in the blonde's bed without her there, she just needed comfort.

After a week of Arizona's nightly outburst and bad dreams, Callie had suggested she get help. It was a testament to how bad things were, that Arizona accepted the suggestion, no questions asked and made an appointment the next day. It felt odd for Callie, until yesterday she would have suggested she no longer needed to see Rebecca Jones, the counsellor she'd been given by the hospital. Rebecca just made her talk, and while it was useful to have someone to talk to, she now had Arizona. They were talking, and opening up more than ever, okay it wasn't always to the best process, but the outcome was worth it. The two main arguments they had had were about Africa and Joanne.

At one point, one of them, Callie could no longer remember which, had mentioned long distant relationships. It soon had spiralled out of control with both of them shouting at the other for neglecting the possibility of them having a long distance relationship when Arizona had gone to Malawi. It was odd to think that word, "Malawi" no longer held the same power over her, the power to make her cringe, mainly because it was used so often in their conversations together, it didn't faze her as much anymore. The blonde hadn't understood why Callie hadn't suggested it when she'd been so set against moving, not even when Callie reminded her of their talk when it was possible that Callie could move to Portland and the fact the blonde had put her foot down, with her disbelief at that type of relationship. The Latina in turn couldn't understand how it was different, and Arizona had just stood open mouthed, staring at her, followed by a genuine discussion about how they'd fought for them, and how different things had been from a few months into their relationship, to now. Callie felt honestly stupid and disheartened at the knowledge and thought that Arizona would have, if she'd asked, considered a long distance relationship. The notion wasn't an ideal one, but it would have been better than what happened.

The second, it seemed Callie's new ability to now open up, needed to be monitored, because the topic of "newborns" and Joanne had arisen, and yet again it had gotten out of hand. It just was lost on the Latina how Arizona could have made the decision at sixteen to never be in a relationship with someone who'd been with men or who's just discovered their "gayness", and as such the blonde had nearly cast a side the chance at their relationship. Thankfully this argument hadn't gone on long; it hadn't even gotten very heated. Callie knew it was more about her self-esteem and her own issues than anything to do with Arizona; however the blonde in her amazing own way had spoken in a soft calming tone and had explained. She'd made the decision as everyone does at the end of a relationship, not to date someone who was similar to her last partner. It hadn't been a rule she'd enforced really, until after their brief affair after her brother had died, because days before she had ended whatever was going on between them, Joanne had taken David back, once again. It had been as if history was repeating itself, so she had made, and kept (if only for a few months) the newborn rule.

They had issues, issues they were working through and together. They were if anything stronger than ever, that didn't mean they didn't still need to work through things. Callie had been fine, until yesterday. Six days away from the blonde had been upsetting, but manageable, even if she would have to admit she'd slept every night in the older woman's bed. She hadn't given it much thought, until she'd had her appointment with Rebecca yesterday. Half way through the session, the Latina had, what she could only describe as a panic attack at the notion that the blonde might not return from Malawi. Up until that point she had been so certain, so completely and utterly certain of the blonde's promise to return late on Valentine's Day, she had forgotten to be worried. So here she was standing, teeth gritted together, trying to fight the upcoming storm. Stop the thoughts of what she'd do if the blonde didn't come back.

The duo had only had sex twice, or over two nights since that day in the park. The first had been that night once they'd returned from the restaurant, from which Callie had taken one of balloons usually given to children, and crossing out the restaurant's logo had written "Happy Birthday" in a black sharpie, and given it to Arizona. The said balloon was now deflated on the blonde's bedroom floor, waiting to know its fate. Callie didn't want to throw it out while she was away. That night had been about connection and slowness, love and affection. If Callie could be honest, she knew it was the best night of her life so far.

On the pretence of taking things slowly however they hadn't slept together again until the night before Arizona's return to Malawi. That night had been about desperation, she'd known that. Neither acknowledged that out loud, but she was sure Arizona had felt it too. Both had been much needier than ever before. Kisses were more lingering, more frantic than anything other time they'd been together. It reminded her of the night before they'd broken up, though neither had known it then. They had clung on a little tighter and little longer than was needed. It was that, that had Callie awake unable to sleep the night before, and she wished she could say it was imagining the blonde writhing beneath her, but it had been the look on the blonde's face as they'd made love, which in her panicked state, she had managed to convince herself it was Arizona's way of telling her, she wasn't coming back.

Arizona's appointment had been a few days before she'd left on her trip. It was just a formality, an assessment just to see who on the counselling team would be able to help the blonde with her problems and which form of therapy would help her best. The only possibility that had been mentioned to the blonde had been something called "Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing", also known as EMDR. According to Arizona, it produced similar eye moments to REM sleep in which you dream. The idea was the eye movements (as the name would suggest) desensitized an event or trauma which had occurred so you could feel as if you were dreaming or watching a film of the event, instead of feeling all those emotions. Also if things got to heated or distressing in a session the patient could go to their "happy place" which would be discussed and set into motion, during the blonde's first session. On principle it sounded great, and if it worked for Arizona she'd be pleased, though she was a little sceptical about the therapy, even though this part of information she'd kept to herself.

The two women had only spoken a handful of times over the last week, mainly just before one of them was going to bed – being six hours behind Arizona sucked. Though the phone call she hadn't been expecting had come on the third day after Arizona had left. Seeing the blonde's name flash on her cell as she was walking to the hospital that morning had been a nice surprise which soon turned bad, as she heard the woman crying down the phone. From what she'd understood Arizona had had to do an operation on a four year old boy, who had he been in the United States he may not have even needed a surgery, and if he had, it would have survived it. That night she'd rang the PEDs surgeon about six o'clock as she'd promised, and they'd talked. Nothing major or important, just little things which had changed randomly from Callie describing the old woman climbing in and out of a bath in a bathing suit on a shopping channel to them discussing needing a trail of Pringles to run a marathon. It had been fun, and Callie had listened as Arizona's breathing had become heavier before evening out, as she'd fallen asleep.

There she was. Callie couldn't help the rush of relief or her heart pounding, and then the slither of guilt for her moment of weakness and doubt. Arizona's darkened blonde hair was scraped back into a perfect ponytail, her deep ice blue searching the crowd for the Latina. Callie couldn't help but smile at the slight panicked expression on the blonde's face, if only she look straight ahead, Arizona would realise her eyes had already scanned across her several times in her haste to find her. And there it was. The moment the blonde's eyes had met her own, and it was marked by a grin from Arizona so big and bright, it might have blocked out the sun.

She watched in slight surprised as the blonde literally jogged the distance between them, her poor case being dragged, haphazardly along behind her. In the seconds before it happened, Callie realised what she was about to do. With a whip of the blonde's ponytail, Arizona's body had slammed into the Latina's; and the blonde's lips crushed themselves against Callie's with an almost bruising force. The brunette was vaguely aware of the blonde's case falling with a clatter, as the owner of said case, wrapped her fingers in her dark mane of hair, pulling Callie in, painfully close. Her warm lips tasted of freshly applied strawberry lip balm, and that distinctive kick that was only Arizona. Drinking the woman in, all she could hear was their kisses and both women's slight moans. Remembering briefly where they were now standing, before things got any higher that a PG rating, Callie pulled away slightly, hearing a definite popping noise from their lips separating, this was then followed by a groan from the blonde.

"Hey" Callie said in slightly flirtiest manner, and couldn't help but smile at the bright grin on the blonde's face. "Hey" the PEDs surgeon replied back with ease, her arms wrapped around the Latina's enabling her to tilt into her larger frame. The brunette felt the slight increase of her own heart beat. "Missed me, huh?" Callie asked with a slight joking undertone and lift of an eyebrow. There was flick of seriousness in the blonde's face, before she replied, "Oh yes". The Latina swallowed slightly, before whispering slightly, "me too". There was a beat in which the two women shared a significant look before a gentle smile took hold on Arizona's face, "Happy Valentine's Day Calliope". Callie couldn't help return the smile, before mirroring the blonde with a soft "Happy Valentine's Day".

Arizona dropped her arms down from the taller woman's shoulder, allowing her hand to lay to rest in Callie's. With a slight, but faux eye roll, the brunette bent down to collect the fallen suitcase, before they turned and left the one place it seemed for almost the next three years would be bringing them back together. The place which had at one time, ripped them apart, so forcefully, there were moments when both women believed they would never be walking hand in hand, about to celebrate Valentine's Day.

The dark journey back to their apartment was filled of mainly Arizona talking about her time away, and while Callie tried her hardest to listen. She was just basing in happy glow she felt at having the blonde in the same car as her, breathing the same air as her, and at the hand which was gently placed on her knee as they drove. It seemed as usual Arizona was unaware of the hand resting on her knee, but needed and took comfort in their easy connection. Occasionally Arizona would look across at her, it seemed she had expected a response, to which Callie gave depending on the tone of voice or look on the PEDs surgeon face. The Latina would hear all these stories again over the following week, probably multiple times so she would, for now at least enjoy the blonde's return.

Upon reaching their door, the hand which wasn't pulling Arizona's case, quickly felt in her pockets for the small key would allow them, into their home. Coming up short and giving an apologetic smile to the other woman, she watched as Arizona took out her own key and putting in the lock. She watched in slow motion as Arizona opened the door and her whole body was bathed in a golden, slightly flickering light. Callie couldn't help the grin which took over her whole face, at the look of shock on the blonde's face, which moments later mirrored her smile. Giving a small nod to the older woman, she followed her in.

The room was softly flickering in a non-existent breeze, as the flames on top of exactly 55 candles danced. She knew that number because she'd bought the nine stands which held six tea light candles each and the single much larger candle on the middle on the dinning table. She had lit them before leaving, though had asked Mark to keep an eye on the naked flames to ensure she didn't burn down the entire apartment block. Callie watched as Arizona did a small twirl in the middle of the living room, and couldn't help but smile as she clicked the door closed.


	34. Chapter 26

**Title:** It's All Your Fault

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** M – suicide and suicidal tendencies. (NC-17 for this chapter)

**Pairing:**Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".

**Author****'****s****Note****1:**In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.

**Author****'****s****Note****:**I just want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has supported me this last year and a half as I have struggled at times to write my fanfics – without you there would have only been one, one shot.

**Author****'****s****Note****3:** Just so you know, there is already a sequel planned (only going to be 2-3 chapters long).

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**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

_Cause__I've__seen__love__die,__way__too__many__times,__when__it__deserved__to__be__alive_ – Emergency by Paramore

**Callie's POV**

"I want to give you your present now, because you'll only see it if I don't", the Latina said leaving the blonde's case near the door and walking the few strides between them. The other woman was giving her an uneasy and slightly apprehensive smile, watching her movements. With inches between them, Arizona's hands came to rest on Callie's forearms and there was look on her face. One that the brunette couldn't quite name. The blonde opened her mouth several times before the words finally came out, and they were soft, comforting with a tone that said it was a statement, not a question, "You were afraid I wouldn't came back. I saw it in your eyes at the airport". Before Africa, actually before they'd gotten back together, Callie would have denied it. She would have out flat denied it. Now she wouldn't. Now she'd be honest.

"For a moment I was, and for that I'm sorry. But I knew you'd come back for me", Callie said with considerably more ease than she would have done just a month ago. The blonde nodded slightly in understanding before replying, "I am not leaving you again. I'm not stupid enough to make that mistake _again_. You have to know that". Once again the brunette believed her. It was the way she looked straight into her eyes, her hands holding on tightly to her, as if she was worried Callie would move away, and she needed Callie to be close to her. She believed her. A smile that came naturally Callie said, "I know. I know, I know that. It is just a feeling, and I got scared, but then I saw you…" The brunette couldn't help the grin which took over her face as that memory of less an hour ago, of the parting crowd and the beautiful blonde. "It's going to take me sometime, not to doubt myself; I've had over thirty years of practice. But I know you'll always come back for me, which is why I got what I did. It's safe to say you might hate it at first, but I hope you'll grow to love it", Callie said with a slight squeak to her voice. This was something she had been genuinely terrified about. The idea of Arizona hating what she was about to show her.

With a slight shrug of her shoulders, once the belt had been untied, the long trench coat Callie had been wearing slipped to the ground and was flung onto the couch beside the blonde. Arizona gasped slightly as the jacket fell; displaying Callie's red, off the shoulder loose short sleeved, just above the knee length dress. Sitting just above her dress' neckline was her heart pendant. It wasn't that she had been refusing to wear the necklace, whose twin had yet to leave the blonde's throat. Just whenever she'd tried to put it back in its rightful place she had flashbacks to night she'd finally realised the blonde wasn't coming back, and she had removed it. There had been something about tonight, despite her fears of the blonde's return, she knew tonight had been the right night to wear it once again. She knew the blonde would return to her. The brunette could feel her skin tingle, knowing Arizona was watching her every move. She could also feel the almost core deep itch, she'd been trying to ignore all day, and with a simple flick of her left arm, she displayed her left wrist and waiting for the PEDs surgeon's response.

Arizona's hands were raised and half cradled the offered limb, though words did not fall from her lips, not even when her fingers ghosted over it. Callie tensed trying not to wince at the remaining pain in her arm, and not attempt to scratch her wrist raw. The brunette watched as Arizona finger gently slid across the "Siempre" she'd had tattooed across her healed but developing scar, the day Arizona had left for Africa. Blues eyes rose to her own, while the owners' mouth dropped slightly. Callie answered the unspoken question, "It means always in Spanish". The swift nod from the blonde head told Callie that she understood. "I knew you'd come back to me, Arizona", the brunette whispered as she saw a lone tear fall down the blonde's face, but presented with a smile, knew it was a happy tear.

"Was it not too soon?" Arizona asked, her fingers still handling her wrist steady. Callie couldn't help the tingle of nerves at that sentence. Too early? "Always" as Arizona had promised her, could never be too early. The blonde gave her a smile, and gently shook her head before saying, "I just thought you'd have to wait for it to heal, better". The wave of relief hit her, mixed with the slight feeling of guilt at the knowing look from the blonde. "I asked Mark", Callie was glad that the hands holding her own showed no flinch at the man's name. They had come so far. "Being friends with a plastic surgeon has its advantages. He said you're meant to wait a year before getting a tattoo, but you can get it before that. I might have to get it topped up, and it hurts like fuck! But I wanted to done for when you came back, the first time", the brunette explained, and couldn't help but smile at the effect of the last three words had the listening woman. The first time, not the last.

The blonde gently bite her bottom lip, while her eyes shone slightly with tears that wouldn't fall. "You okay?" Callie asked gently. With a nod the blonde said, "Yeah. Just give me a minute". The ortho surgeon smiled with slight nod, just giving the other woman a moment to recover. The blonde sighed with a shaken breath before she removed her hands from the brunette's wrist, causing Callie's arm to drop slightly. She watched as Arizona took off her jacket, which was then thrown on top of Callie's. "You really got a tattoo?" the blonde facing away from her asked. The dark haired woman walked forward, stopping only to wrap her arms around the blonde's middle, enjoying the feeling of the other woman leaning back into her. The taller woman couldn't help but place a gentle kiss on the nape of Arizona's neck, and felt her shiver. "Yeah", Callie whispered. "That's kinder a forever, thing", Arizona said turning to face her, within Callie's arms.

The Latina allowed her gaze across the blonde's features before saying, "It is". Arizona nodded gently, before breathing, "Good". Very gently she pushed the blonde's chin upwards, and lost herself in the deep blue eyes looking up at her just for a second. Arizona eyes could always say a million things. The blonde was good at speeches; no one could deny that, but her eyes. Her eyes spoke volumes, her mouth couldn't even compare. The look promised her forever. It told her she was the only one that mattered to Arizona, and made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Lowering her head she whispered, "I'll always love you" before placing a kiss on Arizona's lips.

"One", Callie whispered directly into the lips being offered to her. The kiss was soft, gentle and easy. Both women's hands were resting on the other's hips, as they tilted into each other. Their lips met repeatedly, fitting together so perfectly. This was where she was meant to be. They broke away slightly, both catching the necessary air before latching on again. "Two", the brunette mumbled. She felt Arizona move to pull away, probably to ask, why she was counting, so she held on tighter. Opening her mouth slightly she felt Arizona's tongue slid easily against her own, and felt the blonde relax and hum slightly against her mouth. Callie could feel Arizona's lips tight against her own, as their tongues moved with the sensual dance they'd perfected. She wasn't going anywhere. Their breaths were laboured. The brunette could feel the blonde's breathing dance across her own moist lips. Before Arizona had time to get in a more than a few deep breaths Callie kissed her again.

"Three" she voiced mentally, as she took the blonde's top lip in between her own, she gently sucked on it, feeling the other woman shiver in her arms. She couldn't help running a tongue along the piece of flesh in her mouth, and very so gently giving it a soft nip with her teeth. Without pulling away, she gave Arizona's bottom lip the same treatment, though was very aware that the woman in her arms was becoming a lot heavier, as her knees were fighting to keep her up. Callie stepped forward, making it necessary for the blonde to step backwards. Guiding her downwards, her mouth never letting go of the one attached to her lips, both landed on the couch. Callie steadied herself on the couch, leaning over the smaller frame; she managed to release the now much fuller lips of Arizona. The woman in question shot her a disbelieving but happy smile as she spoke shakily, "I should come back come back from Africa more often".

She didn't even think about it, it was move she made without thought. She seized the blonde's lips again. The thought of Arizona saying about coming back more. Neither of them was going anywhere. They were here, they were set. Always. Forever. "Four" the brunette groaned, though she doubted it was even audible to the other woman. With a gentle tug of Arizona's bottom lip, Callie gave a small trail of kisses downward to her jaw line. The other woman tilted her head slightly away from the brunette's lips, giving her better access with a slight groan. The brunette couldn't help the small chuckle that rumbled against the pale skin beneath her lips, as she placed a firm kiss just below her earlobe, where Arizona's jaw met her neck and heard the gasp fall from the other woman's lips.

"Five" Callie told her self, as she placed a kiss on top of Arizona's jugular, gently sucking on the pulse beneath her lips, but not hard enough to cause a bruise. Her lips and tongue traced the pulsing vein, and danced across the fairer flesh, and felt Arizona's hand grasp at her dark hair, pulling her tight against her throat. The brunette woman smiled into the blonde's neck as her teeth, tongue and lips nipped, sucked and kissed the soft flesh. She heard the groan from Arizona as she pulled away, sitting a little straight, her own hands joining behind the blonde's head, ensuring not to put too much weight on the woman beneath her. Just as Callie went to place another kiss on Arizona's lips, she whispered, "And finally, six".

The blonde dodged the kiss, giving the brunette a glare before saying, "What are you counting?" Callie wouldn't help chuckling at the adorable look on the other woman's face, which only got more adorable rather than annoyed, when the older woman realised Callie was laughing at her. Flashing what she knew was a slightly self conscious smile, Callie whispered, "A kiss for everyday I've missed". Arizona's look of annoyance changed in a heartbeat to a look of pure and undiluted love, and made the brunette's heart dance. The blonde blur and the tug from the fingers deep within her hair were nothing to gentleness of the lips upon hers. Arizona was the one in charge of this kiss, as she sucked in the brunette's bottom lip. The finger held tight in her hair weren't letting her go, as both women's breathing was heavy. The blonde wasn't going to be out done as she readily gave wet messy kisses, and then ones which were almost painfully gently, before pulling away slightly.

"I want to give you your presents now", Arizona said, dropping her arms down, her breath still shaking with the effort of drawing oxygen into her lungs. Presents? That sounded like more than one. With a little nod Callie made to move from the blonde lap, but before she'd made the transition to the couch, Arizona placed a small kiss on her lips saying, "Stay here". Without another word the blonde leap from the couch and jogged the small distance to her bedroom and the ortho surgeon couldn't help but laugh. "You kept my presents in your bedroom?" the younger surgeon said, and heard the blonde return the laughter. "Of course, despite your awesome bed making skills and me knowing you'd sleep in here, I know you'd never go in my wardrobe", Arizona's voice travelled through, while it could be heard that the woman was rummaging around in her cupboard. Sometimes she hated how well Arizona knew her, but this wasn't one of those times. She had known she would sleep in the blonde's bed, and of course she would never go through her stuff.

Arizona reappeared in the doorway, though it looked as if she had nothing in her hands. The blonde was looking over Callie head, at something she couldn't see, with a slight frown. "Looks like I have competition", the fair woman said, gesturing at something behind her. Turning she saw what the blonde had been referring to. It was the Valentine's Day card she'd opened this morning. She saw the blonde walk passed her, and pick the hand made card up, and read the inside. Arizona gave her a fake look of annoyance before saying, "I'm Josh's aunt, why do you get a Valentine's Day card from him?" Callie just laughed, and stood, walking the distance between them. Taking the small card, she once again looked inside the badly folded piece of card and saw the childish writing inside saying "happy valentines day calliope. Love from Joshua ?" Callie couldn't help but smile at the different sized letters, and the several which were the wrong way around. "He just likes me better obviously" the brunette said with a grin, to which Arizona simply glared.

"Fine. Fine, if you don't want my presents", the blonde said with an air of obvious humour. Placing the card back down, Callie grasped the arm of the blonde who was turning away from her, and whispered gently, "Okay, I'm sorry. Please can I have my presents?" She even threw in a slight pet lip, which was kissed by Arizona. Grinning she gave little resistance. Putting her hands in each of her jean pockets, she pulled something it seemed out of each, although Callie couldn't see what. "Pick a hand", the older woman said with a smile, presenting her both hands. With a slight amused sigh and a raised eyebrow, the brunette gestured to the PEDs surgeon's right hand.

A genuine grin, blonde flipped the chosen hand over, and opened her balled fist, showing Callie her own key to the apartment, which had been in her jeans pocket. Confusion was the one feeling she could name, and presented a much higher eye brow raise; though this time the raise got a chuckle in return. "I didn't have time to do it properly or get another one cut, and you probably would have killed me if I picked the wrong paint for it", Arizona explained, sounding slightly nervous. Eyes slightly narrowed, she still didn't quite understand, what was going on, so the younger surgeon continued. "We agreed to take it slow, and I still want to do that. But I want this apartment to be ours", the blonde said, with a small wave of the grey camouflage painted key. "It already is ours", Callie said confusion laced in her tone.

"No. It's yours and mine. I want it to be ours. I want to know every night I'll come home and you'll be sleeping in the bed next to me. I don't want one of us to have to get out of bed when we have a bad dream or want a kiss and a cuddle. I want you there next to me. I need you next to me. So please, say you'll live with me", Arizona said brandishing the small key at her. Gulping slightly, she couldn't help but think Arizona's moving in speech had been so much better than her own when she'd originally asked the woman before her to move in. It amazed her, how beautiful Arizona was, this woman really wanted her, loved her just as she was. "Okay, I will", was all Callie could say, as she felt her throat constrict with happiness, which only got worse at Arizona's grin as she placed the key in the Latina's hand.

The blonde smiled her magic smile, and moved forward placing a kiss on the emotional woman's lips. Arizona's empty hand, came to rest in her own, and with a gentle tug, Callie realise the other woman was trying to guide her away from their current stop. "Hmmm, candles need blowing out", the brunette mumbled into the lips attached to her own. She couldn't help but laugh at the disgruntled, and slightly muffled version of "Calliope Torres" huffed directly into her own mouth. The glare the blonde gave her when she pulled her away was only equal to ones given to her by her own mother. "Fine! But you have to help me", the blonde shot her, to which the Latina only shook her head. The look of shock and annoyance made it so hard not to laugh, but she managed to resist as Arizona stalked away around the room, blowing out the six stands of candles.

With a small sigh the blonde turned to walk towards the table, and the lone candle sitting upon it. "How many candles", the PEDs surgeon sighed the comment rather than a question, though her tone was one of humour. The brunette couldn't help but smile, when the blonde swept her ponytail aside blowing on the dancing flame. The flame that after four attempts would not go out. The smaller woman sent her a glare over the top of the flickering flame as she said, "This is one of those trick candles you got had on my cake last year, isn't it". The brunette just nodded slightly, taking the journey over to the small table. The older woman just gave her a look of confusion, as Callie said, "There is fifty five candles. It's been fifty-five days since you came back to Seattle and saved me. Fifty five day since you came back to me".

The ice blue eyes were looking at her in amazement, and the owner's mouth was a little ajar, and so the brunette continued, "This candle represents today. The day you came back to me again. The day that candles goes out of its own accord, is the day I stop waiting". She saw the blonde swallow gently, and knew the blonde understood. The candle, being as big as it was, would never go out by itself. Callie would never stop waiting. The brunette walked around the small table, coming to stand beside the other woman, offered her the snuffer, with which the flame was extinguished. Never breaking eye contact, in the dimly lit room, Callie guided the smaller woman into their bedroom. It felt amazing to even think that again. Their bedroom.

Once they were clear of the bedroom door Callie turned to face the blonde, and felt a hand on her shoulder, pushing her back gently. Taking the hint she sat on the bed, and watched as Arizona sat next to her, and hand her a small box. It was obviously a ring box, maybe a jewellery box, as a push, but she was positive it was a ring box. Taking the small box carefully, she raised her eyes to the blue ones looking straight at her. "Before you freak out, it's not what you think it is", Arizona said with small smile. If she was honest with herself, she wasn't sure if she was disappointed or relieved at that news. "How do you know what I thought it was", Callie shot back in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone. The other woman placed her hand on the brunette's knee, with a gentle squeeze. "Because you looked like a rabbit in headlights", the blonde chuckled. Just as the ortho surgeon shot the blonde a glare, Arizona said a slightly rushed tone, "Just open it!"

With a shaking hand she opened the small black box, revealing a small silver ring in the shape of a heart. The delicate heart was being held in place by what looked like two hands instead of the usual ring band, and sitting on top of the heart was a small crown. "It's beautiful", Callie whispered, as she dislodging it from the small fold in the cushion it was resting in. Arizona's pale hand took the small ring out from in between her fingers, as she said, "It's a Claddagh Ring, and a promise ring". Claddagh Ring? It stirred something inside of her; she knew that name from somewhere. But a promise ring, she knew that. Promise rings were pre-engagement rings. They were a promise for a future. Callie knew she was sat simply open mouthed, because of the smile being aimed at her from the blonde. Sure they'd made commitments, and promises of an engagement, and while she'd feel ready for it whenever the blonde did ask, she hadn't thought the other woman was there yet. "That's why it's a promise ring and not an engagement ring. But it's as good as", Callie thought.

"The crown means loyalty", Arizona said with a smile, that made her heart skip a beat. "The hands mean friendship and the heart…well it means love", the blonde finished with a slight content sigh. Callie couldn't help the chuckle and the goofy smile on the PEDs surgeon's face. "You can wear it in different ways, on your right hand with the heart pointing away means friends, usually worn that way if the person is single or it's given to the person wearing it by a friend", the older woman explained slipping it on Callie's ring finger on her right hand, though the heart point was facing her. "Wearing it on your right hand with the crown pointing away from you means you're in a relationship and your heart has been captured", the blonde said, as Callie grasped the hand putting the ring on her finger.

"What are the other ones?" Callie whispered. The smile from the blonde was sweet, and relaxed as she said, "I'm still giving you my ring when I ask you to marry me". Butterflies swarmed, and fluttered uncomfortably in the brunette's stomach at that thought. Taking a slight gulp the younger woman said, "I never said that, any ring you give me will be perfect". She could feel the heat developing in the wake of the blonde's stare, as it raked over her. "The third is on the left hand, if the hand in pointing away, it means the person is engaged, the heart pointing towards them, means they're married. Claddagh Rings are sometimes used by the Irish as wedding rings", Arizona explained as Callie simply allowed her voice to wash over her as she looked down at their joined hands. A promise ring, meant commitment. The other woman's hand lifted, causing Callie's which was trapped in her grasp to lift too. The blonde place a gentle is on back of Callie's tanned hand, then on the new silver ring, and once more with a spin on her arm, placed a gentle, almost feather like kiss on her new tattoo. The ice blue eyes rose to her own, as the blonde whispered, "I promise you, forever".

The oxygen seemed to disappear from the room, at the intensity of the look from those sapphire eyes, as the blonde lifted herself upwards coming face to face with the brunette. "I promise", the smaller woman whispered, taking hold of the brunette's lip between her own. The moan that vibrated onto her own lips from the older surgeon, made Callie shiver. "Siempre" the woman who was now straddling Callie murmured, and any other time she would have chuckled at Arizona mispronunciation of the word, but the sentiment of the word meant so much more. "Love you", the Latina hummed against the lips, tongue and teeth which were clashing against her own. The woman astride her only grunted in response as she pushed Callie's longer frame backwards.

Arizona's fingers pulled at the fabric at the top of Callie's strapless dress, as their mouths fought for dominance. The brunette pushed the blonde's stomach upwards, and felt the other woman lift slightly. Without breaking away, the Latina guided the fair woman's fingers to the zip at her side just below her armpit. The Latina had to sit up a little to enable the nimble fingers to unzip the dress, whose zip ran the whole length of the dress. Callie couldn't help the smile she gave, at the tiny noise from the zip as its teeth were freed. Arizona's released her lips; long enough to move just passed where the dress finished, and flicked the front of the dress aside revealing Callie's red strapless bra and underwear. The Latina just grinned at the blonde, as she watched the usually light blue eyes, darken and felt her desire pool at the bottom of her stomach at the sight.

"Shuffle backwards" said the broken, deeper than usual voice from Arizona's lips which made Callie tremble. Doing as she was told, the Latina dashed backwards, never taking her eyes off the dazzling blonde who, in one movement removed her navy blue top. With a flick of her pants' button her jeans soon joined the discarded clothes on the floor. Neither women looked away, remaining steady eye contact, as the standing woman knelt on the bed, and tossing the red dress on the floor with her own clothes. Once the literally crawling woman reached the long woman's legs, she took a hold of one leg, just below the knee, and ran her firm fingers down its length, causing her skin to tingle and send shivers through her whole body. Once the talented fingers reached the black heel still on Callie's foot, they flicked the unwanted footwear off. The same treatment was given to the brunette's other leg, and foot, though the second knee was presented with a small kiss, causing a groan to sound from Callie's throat.

With a wicked grin Arizona continued her journey up the Latina, being extremely careful it seemed not to touch the long body beneath her. However Arizona failed, or maybe it was intentional, to keep their bra-clad breasts apart, but instead the blonde's trailed across the brunette's, causing both women to let out particularly low groans. Fed up of being an inactive participant, Callie tugged the blonde head downwards to claim the once strawberry lip balm coated lips, while her other hand snaked around the blonde's middle, coming to rest on her lower back, pinning her in place. The move effectively jammed every part of their bodies together, causing disembodied moans from both women. Callie could feel her skin turning flush; as it tingled everywhere she was in contact with the pale skinned woman. She'd been wrong all those weeks ago in her hospital bed. This was heaven.

The brunette could feel the blonde's finger trailing up and down her sides, always teasing the side of her still bra covered breast, causing her to shake slightly, though the twitches increased each time. The kisses weren't soft or slow, but firm and fast, and not that Callie didn't feel the blonde loved her usually, but there was something about this, in this moment, where she feel her passion and love radiate from her, and it was driving her wild. The firm tug at her panties told her to rise a little, which made the sensations of rubbing together, feel amazing. The brunette's lips were released as Arizona pretty much ripped the underwear off the younger woman's body and sent it flying. Callie shot the blonde a grin, as the woman's eyes rose to hers, showing the brunette that the blue eyes had gone rather than darken, but were now black.

Arizona moved her way back up the brunette's body, taking hold of both her hands, thankfully not putting too weight on the newly tattooed wrist, though there was still a present ache. Inches away from Callie lips, Arizona lowered herself down as if she was going to take them again, and as the brunette lifted her head slightly to meet them, the blonde head lifted slightly too. This happened three times, before Callie let out a frustrated growl, to which the blonde only laughed at, before taking pity on her and placing her lips on hers once again. The blonde took a hold of Callie's bottom lip, gently sucking on it, in time with the pulse in her bundle of nerves, down below; and the other woman hadn't even touched yet. The brunette could feel her own hip, swaying slightly to gain friction from the older woman. As the other woman's tongue, lightly ran across her bottom lip, one of the hands pressed in her own started to move. The nimble fingers slide their way down her arm, across her shoulder, softly teasing the side of her breast, as she slipped beneath her. Wrapping the neglected arm around the smaller woman, Callie was able to lift herself enough for the clasp on her bra to be unfastened, all the while not removing her lips from the swollen ones being offered to her so freely.

The red bra, soon like all the other items of clothing Callie had donned, landed on the floor. With the hand resting on the mattress beside the brunette body, Arizona pushed herself down onto the new exposed form, causing the ortho surgeon to let out a shaking gasp as Arizona's breasts still wearing her silk bra were pushed into her unclothed ones. The silk slid against her skin, sent shivers, tingles and plenty of other sensations through every nerve ending in her body, which only intensified when the blonde's hip rolled into her bare core. "Argh…god", Callie exclaimed, managing to unhook her arm from around the smaller frame, but tugged on the blonde's bra clasp. Clearly taking mercy on the momentarily disabled woman, Arizona moved forward slightly, only to straddle the brunette's hips, enabling the woman on the bed to feel the heating radiating through the blonde's underwear. With a smaller, gentler kiss, the PEDs surgeon sat up right, tearing her lips away with a disappointed groan from Callie's swollen ones.

Looking up, all Callie could see was the older woman's breast, heaving quite considerably with the effort to breathe. As Arizona sat forward a little, it enabled her to see into Callie face, her arms weaved their way behind her own back, and assumedly undid the clasp, because the pale woman's breast dropped a little into view. Slowing untangling herself the support, which too landed on the floor, the blonde reached up and pulled on the scrunchie in her hair, allowing it to flow and cascade down her shoulders and front. Right there, when the blonde hair was pulled out of its confines in what felt like slow motion, only rival to a shampoo commercial, was the moment of Callie's undoing. With one finger hooked into the waist band on the other's underwear, she pulled. Taking the hint with a chuckle Arizona lowered herself back down, taking hold of the Callie's mouth once again.

The hand entangled in her hair, was pulling her in, but was nothing to the hand resting on Callie's hip, tugging her toward, enabling her to grind directly into the blonde's pubic bone. Arizona dropped her attempts to kiss the ortho surgeon's mouth, when it had fallen open at the sensation, thrusting her head back, and Arizona had attached herself to the spot just below the brunette's ear. If Callie closed her eyes, she could have sworn Arizona was sucking on her clit, rather than her neck, as her hips ground into the smaller woman of their own accord. Their breasts all but rubbed against each other, creating delicious friction, which was only spurring the full naked woman on.

Before she could gain any satisfaction from grinding her hips into the smaller woman, the woman in question had shifted to one side, though was still attached to Callie's throat. The Latina could feel every roll and flick of Arizona's tongue, pucker of lips, scrape and nibble of teeth against her pulse point, and god it felt amazing. The blonde's fingertips danced their way down in between the valley of Callie's breasts, simply ghosting over her soft flesh, and regardless of how much the brunette twitched and turned trying to seek the wandering hand, it simply wouldn't happen. "Arizona…" the submissive woman half growled, half pleaded, just begging the woman to take mercy on her. When Arizona didn't release her, and continued her pattern free journey with her fingertips, Callie seized the back of the blonde head, and tugged the woman's mouth off her throat.

The older woman looked momentarily annoyed, before taking hold of Callie's hands again, and placing them on the underside of the headboard. With a glare that said, "Keep them there", the half naked woman sat back up, her breasts giving a gentle bounce as she moved. The woman in charge was straddling the brunette's hips, meaning Callie could feel Arizona's heated core resting more or less on her own. Lifting her lower half slightly, so it made more of a connection with Arizona's centre, caused both to moan loudly, though when Callie had reopened her eyes, not remembering closing them, she saw another glare was being aimed right as her. The brunette couldn't help but grin, and much to her liking, the PEDs surgeon smiled back, her beautiful dimpled smile.

Arizona's slender fingers, worked their way ever so gently and slowly across Callie's collarbone, and once again down the exposed cleavage of the prone woman. The brunette was amazed at how erratic her breathing was, and close she was from exploding, and the PEDs surgeon had barely touched her. The skilled fingers were gliding ever so softly in circles around one nipple, before placing a little kiss just beneath the small bud. Heat was pulsing from the skin the blonde touched, and as the younger woman tried to alter her top half so the invading lips would at least graze the abandoned nipple, Arizona switched to the other breast. A low desperate cry rang from Callie's lips as the second breast received the same treatment as the first, only there was a flick of tongue right across the hardened nub. Arching her back at such little contact was out of her control; her body was on auto-pilot now. Gripping tight a hold of the base of the headboard, she could feel cramp starting to set in, in her own digits, and had to fight the urge to grab the blonde head hovering over her chest.

Callie's hands both slipped, only keeping hold at the last second, when Arizona's took hold of her nipple completely into her mouth. Pursed lips kept the flesh in place as her tongue aided in sucking, flicking and teased her as it was ran completely flat over the engorged nerves. The blonde allowed her back to arch as her on slaughter continued, though when Arizona switched back, there was a hand laid flat on her stomach, palm down, keeping Callie in place. No matter how much the brunette squirmed, the hand remained in place, as Arizona tongue worked in small, circles around the nipple in the centre. Through her skin like it was on fire, the moist tongue felt extremely and satisfyingly cold. A flick of the every end of Arizona tongue to Callie swollen bud caused the horizontal woman to let out a strangled cry, and jerk, which helped her in her quest for contact with the assaulting muscle. It seemed, believing Callie had suffered enough, the second nipple was latched onto, and was given the same torturous attention as the first, and thankfully once again the constricting hand was removed. The brunette could feel her hands slipping, as was her self control. She just wanted to seize the woman's head, and control her movements, put her exactly where she needed her to be. But she wouldn't. Also if she did, Arizona might stop.

Oh god those fingers were on the move again. The woman just seemed to be everywhere, as her loose hair fell onto the brunette's chest, while her tongue teased Callie's nipple, and those fingers were teasing the flushed flesh, spanning from breasts to pubic bond, stopping momentarily in her belly button. Releasing the swollen bud, Arizona's lips, tongue and teeth made the journey her fingers just had. Callie's hips were moving of there own according, just hoping to gain some contact, and yet the blonde was deliberating refusing to give it. A tiny swirl from Arizona's tongue in her belly button makes her inside turn to goo. The blonde placed a gentle nip with her teeth to the brunette's hip bone, followed by a swish of her tongue to sooth any away pain. The younger woman's breathing was almost burning her throat as she struggled to get air into her lungs, and her centre struggled to be touched.

The blonde blew ever so slightly against Callie heated core, sending shivers, and electricity through her, making her cry out, back arched so just for a moment she was resting on her shoulder blades. "Arizona!" the brunette begged more loudly than any noise she'd made so far. The evil grin from that angelic face, did not suggest her scratch was going to be itched anytime soon. Another wiggle of her hips was punished by a firm hand being placed on Callie's hip. The ortho surgeon let out a frustrated noise. Why did she let her do this to her? She just wanted…Oh god. Arizona had placed a small kiss on the brunette's mound, and Callie was helpless. The tongue was pointed and tracing the younger surgeon's lips, totally neglecting her nub of nerves or her opening, and the brunette could do nothing to make it happen. No she could, she could remove her hands from the headboard, though she was pretty sure from her grip she had on it, the wood was seconds away from splintering. That had been the brunette's last thought before the invading mouth, had flicked its tongue across her clit.

She let go. Both hands entangled themselves in the bed sheets, as her mouth fell open and back raised, her hips trying to seek more contact and gain a new rhythm to dance to. Her hips in fact were grinding so forcefully, they were moving, the grip being held upon them was not strong enough. The lips which had now latched onto the bundle of nerves hum softly causing the brunette to actually scream. It felt as if someone had just poured hot water over her midriff, as the tongue travelled across the engorged nub in every direction imaginable. A week. It had been week since they'd last had sex and she felt like she was on fire. Callie was simply twitching, her hips rolling; her nerves were just shot, because it felt as if the blonde was everywhere. Though the Latina did distinguish very well the muscle which had teasing her, move to her entrance. If only she could grind her hips better, if the hand, which she was sure was biting its nails into her hip, would free her, if she could just…roll the right way.

The blonde's tongue was just dipping into her core. As if testing her, and she was sure her fingers were turning white as the gripped the sheets beneath her. She was going to pass out, she was sure of it. Callie's back arched again, though now it was radical, her hips deciding to take control. It worked, or Arizona had enough teasing, because the tongue flicked her clit again, as the older woman released the prisoner hip, and ever so gently place it at her opening. The tip of one of Arizona fingers traced her lips and slid over her bundle of nerves, causing its owner to gasp, and then groan, extremely low.

Abandoning Callie's clit, Arizona pushed two finger passed the ortho surgeon's core, but only half way. The brunette went to shoot a glare at the other woman, but it was lost as she looked down as saw blonde hair spread across her own thighs. The other woman started slow, increasing her speed as she moved in and out of Callie's folds. The brunette could feel her legs starting to cramp, and she was sure her lungs were going too soon as well as her breaths raked through her. Her hips were pounding, as the invading fingers were only reaching in so far, as her walls tried to grip them. The younger woman was not passed begging, if only her brain would form the thought to do it. Instead she whimpered, and twisted just trying to get the blonde to enter her fully.

Her feet lift of their own accord, and came to rest on Arizona's lower back, just at the moment, the blonde woman seized Callie's clit once again, before pushing her digits all the way in. The brunette just laid, mouth open in a silent cry as the assaulting fingers remained still, no longer teasing, just allowing her to become adjusted to the new sensation. With a thrust of her hips, Arizona lost all gentleness or teasing, and pummelling in and out of Callie's heated center. Both women soon fell into a rhythm, which was fast and shallow, though the brunette's hips seemed to want to find a new beat. Callie's panting had even lost its pattern, as she tried to pull oxygen in, feeling the burn in her muscles. Scream and cries were frequent, and the brunette had no control over frequency or volume, as that tongue danced, flicked and played with her sensitive nub.

She could feel it. Arizona's movements were becoming more difficult, the heated sensation and the feelings of explosion were intensifying. She was going to pop any second she could feel it. Her body quivered and shook beyond control as Arizona's mouth explored every inch of her heated core. Her lower half tilted and turned, hoping to gain just the right amount of pressure and contact. Just enough to be able to let go. Callie let out an animalistic scream. It was pure and unadulterated pleasure. The brunette's hand moved instinctively, to the back of the blonde head, keeping her in place as Arizona's hand pounded in and out, and her tongue snaked its way around and under the raised hood. Callie's hips were thrusting upwards, still milking the last of her orgasm, as Arizona slowly stopped her hand movements, gently swirling a senseless pattern with her tongue, allowing Callie to come down slowly.

The Latina's legs trembled at the gentle kiss placed on her inner thigh. Her eyes had slammed shut at one point, and she didn't need to open them to feel the trail of small kisses on her skin. A swirl of the older woman's tongue to her nipple made her shudder. Arizona's lips placed a kiss on her collarbone, as the fair surgeon's knee was pushed into Callie's core, while pushing Arizona's still underwear clad center into the own thigh, sending small tingles throughout her body. A protective arm grabbed itself around her middle, while Arizona's place her head on the tall woman's shoulder. "You okay?" the PEDs surgeon asked, and without looking at her, Callie knew she had a smug expression on her face. The Latina managed an "hmmm", before lazily moving her arm to rest on the nearest part of Arizona she could. Her lower back. Another kiss, much sweeter than all the others was placed on Callie's jugular, causing the younger woman to smile. Both women lay in this embrace for several minutes, regaining the power of cognition and the ability to breathe more calmly.

A very loud growl sounded from the petite woman's stomach causing the woman with her head on Callie's shoulder, groan and hide in the nook of her neck. The brunette just laughed out loud, "When did you last eat?" she asked, knowing it was probably on the plane. She felt the blonde chuckling into her flesh, and couldn't help but roll her eyes, with a deep sigh. "Arizona", the ortho surgeon warned, which only caused the blonde in her arms to giggle even louder. As hard as she tried, the Latina just chuckled back, as Arizona dislodged herself from their tangle of arms and legs, and crawl of the bed and walk into the other room.

"What are you doing?" Callie called into the other room, as she could hear the blonde moving around. "Getting the take-out menus", the smaller woman called back, though the end of the sentence was much louder, as a half naked Arizona Robbins appeared at their door way. There the blonde stood in just baby blue underwear. As the Latina's eyes racked over her form, she grabbed the several menus which the other woman had thrown at her. Looking down she saw the "Zeeks" menu wasn't among them. She wouldn't push it, and understood Arizona's feelings towards that place, but she did miss getting take out from there. "Hmmm pizza", the brunette said, noting that all the menus were in fact pizza places. "Yeah there's beer in the fridge too" the woman who had disappeared out of sight at the bottom on the bed said. That was very true, there was beer in the fridge, Callie had bought it earlier, but how had Arizona known?

"Oh no", the PEDs surgeon said, still out of sight, sounding slightly worried. "What?" the brunette asked apprehensively. A few "hmms" and "ahhs" later, the blonde head appeared several inches above the bottom of the bed, now looking worried. "What?" Callie asked again, more forcefully this time. "Please don't shout at me", Arizona said a hint of pleading in her voice. What the hell had she done to make her that worried? "Okay…" the ortho surgeon supplied hesitantly. Coming up into a standing position, once again, displaying the top half of her partially nude form, Arizona pulled from the floor, Callie's red dress. Confused, the brunette narrowed her eyes, which caused the fair surgeon to alter the dress in her hands. The older woman was holding the dress in one hand, and a half disconnected short sleeve in the other, and looking rather terrified. Fighting back the urge to laugh or show any sign of amusement, Callie just stared back open mouthed. "You broke my dress", the Latina said in what she hoped was a sincere and honest shocked voice.

"I'm so sorry Calliope" the older surgeon slightly whined, but sounded completely heartfelt. The woman, who owned the dress, shifted onto her knees and moved forward slightly, and felt the other woman flinch slightly. Taking hold of the half attached sleeve while, Arizona clung to the dress as if it was her lifeline, Callie undid the very small clasp just below the armpit, but to one side of the zip. The Latina watched in slow motion as the dress clasped in the blonde's hands, fell slightly and the look of dawning appeared on that beautiful face. "The sleeves are detachable", Callie said finally allowed to show her amusement at the situation and the look of disbelief on the other woman's face. "You…you made me believe I'd broke it", Arizona said, throwing the now one armed dress straight at her.

The Latina tried to gage by the look on the other woman's face if she was being serious or not by the scowl that was being aimed right at her. She laughed she couldn't help it, and the scowl only deepened. Leaning forward as she fought back her grin, the brunette took the fair skinned hands in her own, pulling the woman towards her. "Sorry, but you looked so cute", Callie reasoned to the woman who was now displaying a five year old like pet lip. "You made me think I'd ripped your dress", Arizona whispered down at her, as Callie's hands came to rest on her slender waist. "Yeah because you pretty much ripped it from me", the Latina had highly amused. The blonde woman's mouth fell open in a humoured laugh, "You can't blame me, when you are the one who looked so hot". Callie knew instantly, a blush had risen to her cheeks. Even after all these years, Arizona could still make her blush. The Latina just laughed, taking a firmer grip of the slender hips, which belonged to the woman who was wrapping her arms around Callie's neck fetching her, dangerously close again. Callie smiled a huge grin as saw the small silver ring, glistening at her, she said, "You're the one couldn't wait a few seconds for me to help you, and just ripped it off me. I'm not to blame here; it's all your fault".


End file.
